Chapter 14
Remus had been gone for a few hours now, and whilst before he'd left, Sirius and Harry made plans that made it sound like they had a lot to do, they were now at the conclusion that they were absolutely and utterly bored out their minds. Harry had been staying with the pair for about 2 weeks and somehow they'd already managed to watch every vhs tape sirius had collected (watching the last one that morning). So then they went on to their idea of baking something. Which, regrettably, did not go so well.
---
"SIRIUS!" Harry called from the kitchen when Sirius had stepped outside the flat for a quick smoke (after the boy had assured he wouldn't mind).
Sirius instantly stubbed his cigarette out and sprinted inside, heart beating in his chest, mind filling with endless possibilities; was Harry having another flashback? Did he break something and was beginning to panic?
But as Sirius finally got into the kitchen, all he could do was let out a sigh and laugh as he saw Harry sheepishly standing dead centre of the kitchen, tears in his eyes; not anguished ones but laughter.
"Sorry! I- I heard the beeper go off and i didn't know what to- to do." he said between chesty laughs. "I grabbed your wand to see if I could do that thingy that you and Remus do. Y'know? The floaty thingy!" Sirius could already predict where this was going. "So I flicked it, but- but-" he burst out into another fit of giggles,"Well... I s'pose you can see what happened." he flash a cheeky grin.
"Yes I can positively see what happened. And, well Harry, I do think this is worthy of a punishment...." he instantly realised this was a poor choice of words upon seeing the boy's eyes widen with fear. He internally cursed himself then corrected himself, "In the form of tickles!" Harry visibly de-tensed.
Sirius quickly made way toward the boy, tickling under his arms and his stomach, the kitchen was full of delighted giggles that echoed off the walls. The light shone through the windows, leaks of sun dazzling off the vintage mosaic tiles, rays hitting Harry's eyes. The emerald greens were illuminated, Sirius smiled softly to himself, being reminded of his old friends.
(flashback)
"Remus come on! Hurry up you tosser, Lily's expecting us! James already called to say she's in the labour room." Sirius called before lighting up a cigarette with his signature silver lighter from James.
"Coming, coming!" Remus said with an annoyed tone, slightly muffled as he continued pulling his jumper over his head. "And for the last time! No smoking in the flat! We just got this place, and I'm not going to having you singeing the carpet like the last one!" he scowled, plucking the cigarette out of his partner's mouth.
"Yeah, yeah whatever." Sirius rolled his eyes, grabbing the cigarette back as he sauntered out the flat. "Thanks to you and your slow arse Peters gonna be there before us. D'you think Lily will wait for us?"
"Yes, Sirius, I'm sure Lily is just going to shove her baby back up there for our sake."
"Hope so." he smirked.
Remus playfully hit the other on his arm, as the hastened their pace towards Sirius' motorbike; a 1959 Triumph Bonneville.
The ravenette picked up a helmet and threw it to Remus, then picked up his own helmet as the both of them climbed onto his bike, the brunette wrapping his arms tightly around Sirius' waist.
---
When they arrived at the hospital Lily was still in the labour room, James was pacing back and forth outside the room.
"Did we miss it?!" Remus panted as he and Sirius ran towards James.
"Nah, she's still in there," he said, biting the skin around his nails that had already been chewed off and were now jagged, "Kicked me out," he huffed, gesturing towards the room Lily resided in, "She said I was 'stressing her out'."
"Understandable, you are rather stressful," Sirius smirked, earning a glare from the other.
"Don't cheek me, Sirius Orion Black."
"Oh I am so very sorry, James Fleamont Potter."
"CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP!" Lily screeched from inside the room. James and Sirius let out an astonished chuckle before Sirius frowned and looked towards Remus, giving him a knowing look.
"Where's Peter, by the way?" Remus said in a low voice, he'd expected Peter would've been there already considering the amount of time he and Sirius had taken. However, with the way the blonde had been acting as of late, it hadn't been too much of a surprise. Though they'd expected him to at least have the decency to show his face and be there for Lily.
"Dunno..." James frowned, eyebrows drawing close together, "I dunno what's up with him these days... He didn't even answer my calls, which seems to be a common theme. He keeps on going off the grid and it's pissing me off!" he said through gritted teeth.
It was no news to Remus nor Sirius that Peter's recent behaviour had been getting on James' nerves.
Lily's screaming and crying had died out, and now a new crying could be heard: a baby's.
James, Sirius and Remus all looked towards each other, grinning before they burst into the room. The midwife had wrapped up the baby in a pale blue blanket. Lily's face was red as a tomato and stained with tears as she smiled at James who nodded curtly at his wife, tears now spilling out his own eyes.
"Remus, Sirius," she said breathlessly, "This is Harry."
(flashback end)
Harry stared up at his Godfather with a curious look on his face. Sirius was unaware of how long he'd been out of it for, but nevertheless the younger looked unfazed by his sudden unresponsive yet conscious state.
"Er- Padfoot? D'you want me to clean up?" he paused before smiling mischievously, "I can use your wand again! I know that spell- scourgify, is it?" he went to reach out for the wand before Sirius stopped him, grabbing it first.
"Ah, ah, ah.. Not so fast, you! Scourgify." he cast the spell and the kitchen instantly sparkled, the cake batter that was oozing out the sides of the oven and then dripping onto the floor, disappeared. Harry watched with the same child-like amazement that he had the first time he'd seen them perform magic.
"I love magic." he said softly, his body language completely relaxed.
***
Sirius and Harry had to (obviously) restart the cakes, this time the older made sure to supervise the whole process, and keep his wand in his pocket so a certain seven year old couldn't reek mayhem with it.
The pair were now lounging on the chestnut coloured leather sofa, music softly playing on Sirius' old record player; the record "Abbey Road" by the Beatles humming in the background. Harry's head was leaning on Sirius' lap as he stared at the ceiling. The 2 mugs and crumb filled plates cluttering the coffee table around Sirius' feet that were propped up on top of it.
Suddenly, the boy took a deep breath in and then sniffed harshly, pulling a face as he did so.
"What's up?" Sirius questioned.
"You smell icky.." Harry offered a small smile.
"Oh gee, thanks kid. You flatter me."
The pair laughed slightly before the younger continued, "I don't like cigarettes," he frowned, eyebrows pinching together as he unconsciously peered towards his arms. Sirius brought a hand towards the scars, brushing a thumb over the indents. This earned a flinch from the other before he relaxed into his Godfather's touch. "I trust you though, Padfoot." he whispered.
A subtle smile stretched across Sirius' face, hearing these words meant more to him than Harry could know.
"I would never ever hurt you, Moony too, for that matter."
"I know, you wouldn't." Harry's eyes met back with Sirius', blue meeting green. His eyes creased slightly in the corner as his smile expanded, his tooth gap making a clearer appearance.
For a while, comfortable silence lulled the pair, music still reverberated around the living room.
Until: "Mmmm... Padfoot?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I .. Er- Can I ask you something?"
"Course you can, pup." Sirius said simply.
Harry fell backwards on the sofa and stared absentmindedly at the ceiling before he brought a hand up to trace the scar that reached from the top right of his forehead, across his eyes, then right down to the very top of his right cheek bone. It was an ugly, bright red and raised thing. One that Harry with his entire being.
"How'd I get this scar?" he covered it with his palm. Sirius' eyes snapped towards Harry instantly, "I know it wasn't Uncle Vernon, I'd've remembered..." Harry frowned, tensing slightly as he began to speak about his Uncle, "Plus he didn't really start punching or-" he hesitated before continuing, "Or- Er- Belting me," he mumbled this part, trying to be as discrete as possible, "Until I was four. Before that it was just backhanders and shoves into the wall or onto the ground."
Sirius was surprised, but pleased nonetheless, that Harry was opening up even a small portion of how Vernon had treated him when he still resided at the Dursleys. He was not, however, pleased that Harry had asked about the origin of his scar. He had known it was bound to come up eventually, he just wished it wouldn't. And Sirius understood that they owed Harry the explanation of how he'd gotten it. It was just difficult beyond belief. The scar he saw so often, was just a haunting reminder that his best friends had died.
(flashback)
"Peter?" Sirius called out as he got to his friend's house, unlocking the front door with the spare key that resided under the plant pot on the porch, "Peter, you home?" he frowned as he wandered through the house, there was no Peter Pettigrew in sight. At first he'd feared that the death eaters had tracked him down. But his stomach sank further. "Something isn't right." he murmured to himself. There was no sign of struggle anywhere, the house was simply as tidy as it always was (which, to be honest, was really not that tidy, but it was no more messy than usual).
A feeling of dread settling uncomfortably in his stomach, if Peter wasn't here then where was he? Sirius felt sick.
He headed back out the door whilst running a hand through his hair. Sirius got on his motorcycle and quickly flew it to the Potter's.
When he arrived his breath got caught in his throat immediately. Tension lingered in the air, suffocating him, a foreign feeling at the Potter's house that was usually so comfortable and warm. It was nothing but cold now, Sirius felt goosebumps line up along his skin; hairs on end. A sliver of light leaked through the slightly cracked open door, it flickered on and off in a taunting manner, one that didn't help ease Sirius' initial trepidation. With a shaky breath in, he slowly but surely pushed open the door now holding his breath; stomach threatening to spill. Something was wrong and he knew it. Peter missing? The door open? It was all too suspicious.
"James?" he whispered, voice wavering as he did so. Sirius flinched, looking back as the door slammed behind him. When he turned back around that's when he saw it. At first he froze, his whole body growing cold making it feel like ice water had been poured over his head. His stomach lurched and tears pricked his eyes. Sirius hated crying, he never did, often preferring to bottle everything up. But with the scene in front of him, he couldn't help it. They began to fall.
"James?! Oh Merlin.. Come on James, it's okay, you're okay." Sirius said as he rushed to his best friend's side. His hands were shaking as they gripped onto James' shoulders, a futile attempt to wake him up. Sirius' breathing was sporadic and crazy, his fingers gripped onto his long curls, "Nonononono, this isn't happening, no you can't die James, you can't."
The cries of a baby echoed down the corridor and Sirius snapped his head up instantaneously in response; heart skipping a beat. "Harry," he whispered, voice raspy as his throat constricted.
He sprinted up the stairs after having one more heart breaking glance towards James. The door had been blown off its hinges and the pale blue walls were illuminated by the fluorescent lights. The dream catcher that Lily had hung up on the wall was now broken and scattered across the floor. And Lily?
Lily's body lay lifeless, pale and unmoving next to Harry who was curled up in a foetal position whimpering and sobbing next to his mum.
Sirius stared down at the scene, frozen once more. He was shaking and his head was pounding.
"Shhh... Harry it's okay, I'm here.." Sirius said as he crouched down to pick the boy up. Stroking the hair on his head Sirius smiled to himself, tears still falling in droplets, upon seeing how similar Harry's hair already was to his father's. "It's okay... It's all going to be okay." he whispered, holding the boy close to his chest, rocking him slightly to calm (them both) the baby down.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm so so sorry."
(flashback end)
"Sirius? Are you okay?" Harry frowned as Sirius blinked back tears.
"Yeah.. sorry," he smiled.
"You keep on doing that..."
"Sorry, just keep on getting lost in thought, s'all."
"Okay," Harry nodded sceptically, "So, Er- Does.. Does this scar, Er- Does it have anything to do with when my mummy and daddy died..."
Sirius' breath hitched as his eyes darted back to Harry.
"I know so, Sirius. Can you-"
"Kid, listen, I- Er- I really don't want to talk about that. Sorry. Maybe ask Moony? He'll probably tell you." Sirius felt horribly selfish, but he just couldn't go there. He couldn't recount what had happened. It might've been 6 years, that might seem like plenty of time to get over it, but it still felt like he never would. Sirius felt pathetic for dwelling on it, a voice in the back of his mind scratching at all times whispering in a sickening tone "You're 27, get over it. He's not coming back. Grow up."
He never bothered listening to that thought. Though it may hurt him, he knew it was wrong. James was his first and best friend, he'd helped him after everything that Walburga and Orion had put him through. He gave him shelter after he'd ran away. That was something he couldn't just simply "get over".
"Okay." Harry said, trying to (but failing) hide his disappointment. The boy abruptly stood up and walked towards his room, "M'tired. Think I'm going to nap for a while."
"Alright... Harry, I'm sor-" but before Sirius could finish his sentence Harry had already closed his door, "I'm sorry... I just can't." he whispered.
***
Vernon latched a firm hand around Harry's ankle, dragging him down the stairs as he tried to sprint away and make an escape. His attempts were futile. As he screamed and kicked and sobbed, he knew no one would save him. Not Aunt Petunia, not Dudley, not a random person ringing the door bell. No one. It hurt. An unbearable amount of pain reverberating through his body as Uncle Vernon hit him over and over. What had he even done wrong? All he asked was if he could have a bit more food, he was hungry and now all of a sudden he was an "ungrateful brat", as Vernon kept screaming. Tears rushed out his eyes. His Uncle's spare hand made way for his hair, tugging roughly at the tresses, earning another sob of pain from Harry. Harry didn't like being hurt. At least he didn't think so. But he thought really he must do, because why else would he keep on doing stupid things that annoyed Uncle Vernon? A fist merged with his stomach. "If you're going to take the food we give you for granted, then you don't deserve that either!" his voice boomed. He stuck two fingers into Harry's mouth, shoving them down his throat. Harry's stomach lurched as he continued to gag. Eventually, his stomach emptied on the floor and he was sure Vernon was going to kill him. He'd never done this before, and he was scared. "M'sorry... Sorry! I'll- I'll clean it up." Harry cried, voice louder than ever. Vernon reached for the cigarette on the hallway table. Harry already knew what was going to happen. He could hear the flesh sizzling already. Uncle Vernon lit then cigarette and-
Harry woke up with a deafening shriek. He was yet to register the stars twinkling above his head, all he could see was darkness and the door closed. None of it was real. There was no Sirius, no Remus, no magic. He was locked in his cupboard, like he always was, like he always would be. Eyes darting frantically around the room, Harry felt like the walls were closing in on him. He couldn't stop crying. He knew that if he didn't shut up soon then Uncle Vernon would come in and his punishment would be amplified by a thousand times. A searing pain coursed its way through his scars. Harry beared his fingernails, drawing them into his skin, a desperate attempt to distract himself from the foot steps he could vaguely hear approaching his cupboard.
"I woke him up.. I woke Uncle Vernon up and- and he's going to... I was too loud! He's gonna hurt... m-me," he sobbed, hysterical as he climbed under his duvet in attempt to hide.
A knock echoed through the door and Harry instantly froze. Another chocked sob broke out; breath caught in his chest.
"Harry?"
Harry sniffed, that didn't sound like Uncle Vernon, he knew that voice.
"Harry, it's Sirius. I'm coming in, okay?"
"M'kay..." he whispered in response.
The door opened and suddenly the duvet cover rustled above him, as it was lifted off his Godfather's concerned face came into view.
"Hey," he smiled, "You alright? What's up?"
"Sirius..." Harry cried, sniffling slightly as he did so, "M'sorry.." The tears continued to fall down his cheeks, nose red and irritated from wiping it.
"Shhhh... It's okay you don't have to be sorry," said Sirius, who was now sitting on the bed next to the boy, stroking his head in a comforting manner.
"I didn't..." he started, "I didn't mean to wake you. I- I had a dream, and- and Er- It wasn't real, this wasn't real. And I was back there and I remembered when Uncle Vernon..." Harry trailed off, his voice was so small.
"It's okay Harry, you didn't wake me. Shhh... It's okay. Don't worry, it's okay." Sirius repeated, offering soft words of comfort.
"Did you not take your potion?"
"No... I.. I didn't want to waste it on a nap, I thought it'd be okay... Will- Will Mr Snape be angry?" Harry frowned.
"No, of course not. And don't worry about wasting it. Snape is already brewing up more for you." Sirius smiled and ruffled his godson's hair. Upon seeing his face still upset and brows still furrowed, Sirius continued, "Honestly, Harry, it's fine. Snape won't be mad and you didn't wake me or anything. And-" he hesitated, "And, I'm sorry for earlier.. For not telling you about your scar. Your parents were my best friends, I can't bring myself to relive what happened all this time later. I was, Er- I was the one who found you all."
"Really?"
"Yeah... You were such a cute baby, y'know? Your parents loved you so, so much. I'd never seen James happier than the day you were born." he smiled, reminding himself of the day he was born. Remembering James cradling Harry, non-stop kissing his newborn son as he slept soundly (a rare occurrence in present day). "Your parents suffered a cruel fate, one that'll haunt me every moment for the rest of my life. But they'll always be here with you, in here." he put a hand on Harry's heart and smiled tenderly.
Harry laid his head on Sirius' shoulder, not knowing how to respond. The older began to hum along to the song still playing in the background, sound floating gently through the air and the open door. Harry felt his eyes grow heavy again as he lulled asleep on Sirius' shoulder. The other also found himself become encapsulated with tiredness, a type of fatigue that hit him and washed over hid entire body causing him to fall asleep almost instantly.
***
The moment Remus got home he collapsed onto the sofa and huffed out a long sigh. He loved his job, truly he did, but his first day back after two weeks off hit him much harder than expected.
"Sirius, Harry? You here?" he called out, eyes still closed.
"In here." Sirius responded in a low voice from Harry's bedroom.
Remus got up and walked into the bedroom and felt his heart melt at the sight of Harry leaning on Sirius' chest as they laid on the bed.
"Comfortable?" the brunette whispered, careful to not wake the boy up.
"Yeah, quite so."
"I've got a banging headache."
"C'mere, plenty of room." Sirius tapped on the empty space on the bed next to him. Taking up the offer, Remus sat down next to his partner and the younger and let out another sigh as he laid his head on the other's shoulder. "Long day?"
"You could say that, yeah."
"Tell me about it," he said, manoeuvring carefully so he wouldn't disturb Harry, who was still sound asleep, and so he was further up against the headboard of the bed than Remus was. Sirius reached up to the brunette's temples, massaging them gently in order to try and relieve his headache.
"Hey, Er- You got any fags?" he whispered.
"Jeans pocket."
Remus reached into Sirius' front pocket and took out the carton and the lighter. He brought one to his mouth and lit it, breathing in and revelling in the smokey taste as it hit his tongue.
"Right, so-" he took another drag and then placed the cigarette in Sirius' mouth so he could have a pull himself, he made sure to exhale to smoke in the opposite direction to Harry. "I just got into work and I was sitting at my desk, sorting my things out for the lesson. Then next minute I know a gang of mums come in and they all stand at the end of my desk. So I say, in my politest tone- mind you. 'May I help you?' Flashed a smile and everything-"
"Wow, a smile?" Sirius smirked sarcastically.
"Yup, revolutionary I know. So then they're all scowling at me and I just think, shit what have I done now. Basically they were just being pricks cos I've not been at work. I tell 'em 'Well, I'm not just a teacher y'know? I do have a personal life with personal matters to attend to.' Well, safe to say they weren't very happy with that answer. So already a great start to the day," he rolled his eyes, "And then this kid started screaming when I was trying to teach maths, and they're in year 3 so how hard is it really?! Definitely not hard enough to start screaming-"
Remus continued to ramble on about his day whilst Sirius just sat and listened.
Eventually, Harry began to stir and he woke up. Immediately, he sniffed and pulled the same face he had earlier, probably due to the lingering scent of cigarettes poisoning the air.
"Sorry kid, Moonys got a real bad smoking habit," he smirked again.
"Pft, as if. You smoke like a pipe," Remus retorted.
"Okay," Harry said simply, smiling at the pair as they bickered. He still wasn't exactly fond of cigarettes. The scent, anyway, didn't cause an internal conflict with each breath in. But he supposed that was because he'd gotten used to it, or rather, he had to. "What's for dinner?" he smiled.
"Whatever you want! We could order some pizza in?" Sirius said, ruffling Harry's hair.
"Yeah! I'd love that..." he grinned.
Harry was still struggling to overcome everything, but he was sure he'd get over it eventually. Only time would tell, but right now? Right now, Harry loved living with Remus and Sirius. They made him feel like everything would be okay.