To build a wall
By the time Harry awoke again, Sirius had already prepared a selection of pancakes with an assortment of different fruits; a rainbow array lined up in the middle of the tables. Harry stared back in awe, rubbing sleep out of his eyes but also in a manner that he was trying to check whether all this was real or he was just dreaming.
"C'mon! Here-" Sirius grinned, grabbing a plate, "I'll get you a serving, what d'you want?"
"Erm... I dunno. There's just so much to choose from!" Harry said sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head.
"D'you like strawberries?" the boy nodded in response. "Good lad. How about blueberries? Banana?" more nods. Sirius continued to load things onto the plate then set it down on the table in front of where his godson sat, beaming down at the ceramic with a look of astonishment gracing his face.
Remus grabbed for the whipped cream and a handful of chocolate chips. He began to spray half the can over the stack of pancakes then poured the chocolate over the top, smiling to himself as he did so. "Chocolates my favourite, y'know. Padfoot's always nagging on at me about it- 'Remus you need to eat more veg.' 'More fruit!'" he said in a mock tone to imitate his boyfriend, earning a laugh from the younger.
"Hey-! I do not sound like that!" said Sirius, playfully hitting the brunette on the arm.
"Sure you don't, hon."He replied, smirking, before turning back to the boy, "Eat up, Harry! We can go collect your things later if you still want to?"
"Mhm!" Harry mumbled, mouth full of pancakes, whipped cream and all things delightful. He'd never had anything so delicious.
For the next 10 minutes he continued to shovel the sweet breakfast into his mouth, memorising every flavour. "I fink dis is my favourwit!" said Harry, mouth still stuffed to its maximum capacity.
"Well, we'll have to remember that for next time! Take you shopping with us and you can look for some other things you might like as toppings?" Sirius smiled contently, seeing Harry so at ease.
"Yes please!" he returned with a gulp.
"Get you loads of chocolate, yeah?" Remus chimed in and winked at the younger due to his subtle teasing of Sirius. "Right," he continued, with a clap of his hands, "finish eating up then you can get dressed and we can nip round to your Aunt and Uncle's. Sounds like a plan?" Harry reluctantly nodded.
He felt silly, though he'd been the one to recommend going to his Uncle and Aunt's house to collect his (very few) belongings, Harry couldn't help but feel nauseous as the time for them to leave approached closer and closer. A familiar feeling of dread settled in his stomach. As he changed into his new clothes, that Remus had laid neatly in the vintage mahogany cupboards, he couldn't help but hold his breath when he slid off the pyjama shirt over his head. The ravenette stared at his ugly, ugly self. The bruises (not as evident now but nevertheless still haunting his skin) stared back at him from the mirror. Bile beginning to rise up his throat, forcing him to take a harsh gulp. Scars aligned his chest; he didn't dare turn around to see what his back looked like. Remus had done a good job healing up most of his wounds, but 'the old scars would never be able to removed by magic' he'd said- much to Harry's dismay. He took a shaky breath in as the abuse, torture, rushed back to him. Every daunting memory stitched and woven into each lobe of his brain; all he could ever see. He would never amount to anything, at this rate all he'd ever be was some unfortunate, abused boy. But for once, the boy managed to ground himself. Reminding himself that he was safe and there was no way in hell Sirius or Remus would ever let the Dursleys take him back. He pulled his new T-shirt over his head then threw a jumper, that depicted a Dalek from Doctor Who on the front, over the top. As he unconsciously pulled the fabric of the sleeves over his hand, to prevent the sleeves riding up and showing his damaged, burnt hand or scarred and cigarette burnt wrists (the overwhelming sense of shame residing just beneath his surface, not wanting to make an appearance).
Harry quickly shook his head, trying to get out his self deprecating state to prevent the thoughts from gnawing him from the inside-out.
"Harry! C'mon love, we're about to go." Remus shouted. They'd decided to walk to the Dursleys, they weren't too far anyway, Remus and Sirius had agreed it'd be best to get Harry familiar with his new neighbourhood.
"Coming, Moony!" he called back, instantly wiping away the tears that had began to settle in his eyes without his awareness.
The boy scurried to the front door and put on his crimson converse that Sirius had bought him the previous day.
"Can- Uh... Can one of you please tie my laces? Sorry... I never learnt." he whispered slightly, head hung low in embarrassment.
"Course! C'mere, Bambi." Sirius called, patting his leg for Harry to put his foot up on. He could've easily flicked his wand to tie them up but opted for the Muggle way instead.
The three left the flat as midday began to roll by. The sun was held high in the sky, the autumnal late September air lingering around them. It was peaceful, Harry had thought. The light shon down on the amber hues making them radiate back up at them, beams of orange, red and brown warming the atmosphere, even though it was teetering <10°C. Sirius and Remus held one of the boy's hands each, swinging him back and forth gently, feet levitating slightly off the ground, as they absorbed the soothing surroundings. The three kicked the crisp leaves along the concrete, revelling in the moment. As they approached Privet Drive, Harry felt the sense of impending doom arrive in his stomach, causing his palms to grow clammy. Upon realising his nerves, he tightened his grip on his guardians' hands, earning a comforting squeeze back from the pair. Sirius had looked down at the boy, frowning, as they stopped in front of the driveway of Number 4 Privet Drive. The perfectly ordinary house stood and jeered at him, looming over him like a shadow or like a beast ready to pounce on its prey; swallow him whole.
"Are you sure you want to go Harry? It's really not too late to go home.." Remus said, seeing the concern on the older ravenette's face, taking it as a hint to speak up.
"It's fine... I want my teddy bear." he gave an airy, dry laugh.
"Okay..." the brunette sighed, giving a soft smile with furrowed brows, "Okay then, if you're certain."
Harry gave a firm nod, "I am."
Remus let go of the boy's hand and led the way to the front door, the other two followed close behind. Harry was stood, huddled up behind Sirius, his small hands tightly clasped onto the fabric of the latter's trouser leg as he hid behind him. The brunette knocked on the door three times, clattering could be heard inside the house making the boy flinch as Vernon Dursley's familiar footsteps rattled (so harsh and loud the trio could've sworn the house shook) throughout the house towards the door, creating internal chaos for the boy with each step. His heart skipped a beat, causing a tight, asphyxiating, feeling to rise in his chest.
The door swung open.
"What is it?" Vernon grunted, not having noticed the younger yet, "We're not interested in whatever you're selling. So-" he stopped mid sentence as his eyes finally wandered over to Sirius and Harry, then narrowing his eyes."You. What do you want? And what are you doing with my nephew?" he said, glaring down at the boy. Harry sounded a slight whimper and retreated back, further behind Sirius who had now taken ahold of one of his hands protectively.
"We've just come to collect his things." Remus started, a stern look on his face, one that Harry nor Sirius, for that matter, had ever seen. "Harry will be staying with us from now on." he said, grabbing the boy's other hand which was now shaking violently.
"Don't be ridiculous!" Vernon spluttered, reaching out a pudgy hand in attempt to latch himself onto the green eyed boy's jumper collar. He sharply jerked away from his Uncle's grasp, terror clear in his irises along with his quivering lips, that threatened to let out a sob when fat tears began to trickle down his cheeks. The fact that Vernon Dursley, of all people, was protesting Harry's new living arrangements only made him feel more sick, because in what world did Uncle Vernon ever care where his nephew was? Heck, he'd been gone all day and night and yet he chose not to do anything.
He's just upset that he might lose his punching bag. A voice in the back of his head sneered causing his stomach to clench, awfully painful sensations stabbing him repeatedly.
Vernon glared down at Harry, intense hate burning in his beady eyes forcing him to cower back further. He squeezed onto his guardians' hands trying to stop his trembling.
"Please just let us collect Harry's things. Then you'll never have to see us again." his face grew hot with rage.
"This is preposterous! You expect me to just hand over my nephew and all the possessions, we generously gave him, and just let you piss off with him? Well, you've got another thing coming! Petunia-" he called, "Call the police! Tell them two men are trying to kidnap our nephew that we have custody over." he gave an evil, smug smirk as he said this, never breaking eye contact with Sirius.
"Call the police on us?!" Remus scoffed. "You're lucky we don't call them on you! Tell them how you've been treating him all these years, show them where you made him sleep. Oh- I know! How about we show them the countless scars and bruises?" Harry shrank back at this, still uncomfortable at the mention of his scars. The brunette gave the boy an apologetic look mixed with sympathy.
"Well, I- Uh.." Vernon babbled, Petunia popped her head around the corner of the door frame and looked down at Harry, her face was stern yet soft, harsh but caring, at the same time. The plump man huffed before continuing, "Fine then, go in and get his things, we're lucky to finally be getting rid of him." he mumbled the last bit through gritted teeth, the young ravenette couldn't tell if he did that because he just hated the thought of the three wizards invading his home or whether he was simply annoyed to lose his "punching bag" as that strange voice had cemented in Harry's brain.
The three pursued the cupboard door and Sirius reached for the handle.
The memories all came flooding back at once. The dark claustrophobic atmosphere began to suffocate him, grabbing his throat. The boy lifted his hands to claw away at the ones that he thought were clasped around his neck. Eyes wide and terrified. Remus crawled into the space, having not noticed the younger's distress, and made an attempt to turn the light on but the lightbulb was still removed. He picked up the well-loved teddy bear and smiled to himself.
"Harry is this-" he turned around in the limited space he had, pausing when he could see that Harry was struggling to breathe, tears welling up in his eyes and running down his face like waterfalls. Petunia stood in the corner, staring in sympathy whilst Vernon had already stomped his way back into the living room. Sirius now also caught onto his godson's distraught state. The pair crouched down to be level with him, "Bambi... Breathe with me okay? Like we did in class, remember?" Remus continued, "In 1......2....3.... out 1.....2....3.... Good lad," they continued to repeat the process until his breathing had become less uneven, still ragged but at least he wasn't taking up all the oxygen in the room from his large gulps in desperation for air. Remus passed the boy his teddy bear, taking it gratefully and pulling it into his chest, grip firm as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut.
They're going to leave you here, they're tricking you. The shrill voice whispered to him again, Harry let out a loud sob, hand still shaking he clutched the toy tighter.
Sirius gave his boyfriend a look of concern, frowning deeply as his eyebrows knit together tightly. The boy's eyes were frantic, trying to find the source of the strange voice, letting out a whimper before the older ravenette, cautiously, put a hand on Harry's face to try and comfort him. He flinched but after recognising Sirius' sapphire blue eyes, vision becoming less warped now, he gratefully accepted to contact.
"Bambi, don't worry we're not going to leave you," he smiled softly, catching onto what Harry was thinking, "is there anything else you want to get before we leave?" the boy's nodded and lifted a shaking hand to point towards the picture of him, his parents and their friends (which he'd now identified to be Remus and Sirius, he didn't know about the other man though). The older two followed the direction the boy was pointing in, giving each other a knowing look, smiling slightly, as they saw the moving picture.
Remus unpinned it from the worn-out walls, his grasp lingering upon it, reminiscing upon the summer of 1981. The summer before everything went down hill. His eyes wandered to Peter, who was siting alone. They'd wondered all summer why he was so distant, perhaps even moody, with them. The brunette deeply inhaled before passing the photo over to Harry, who took it in his spare, still quivering hand. He gave a kind smile to Remus.
"What d'you say we go home? We can put another muggle film on!" Sirius said enthusiastically, earning a just as excited nod from Harry as he smiled up to the two as they walked back over the threshold of the Dursley household. He felt a weight lift off his shoulders as they got further away from the house, turning around the corner to leave Privet Drive, hopefully forever.
Who are you kidding? They're going to take you back the moment you mess up. You always mess up. That voice again. Gnawing at the inside of his mind like some sort of parasite. Harry clutched the teddy bear closer to his chest, breath caught in his throat but swallowing his nerves, not wanting to worry Remus and Sirius anymore than he already had. The voice was.. well, it was strange. Harry didn't know who it was speaking to him, it sounded like himself but distorted, poison spat with every venomous word.
Harry didn't know who it was but it made his skin crawl and his heart drop into his stomach. He wanted it all to stop.