When the world comes in
Sirius thought after the day of disarray they'd had, helping Harry and all, he would have a completely peaceful night of sleep.
That was proven to be wrong rather quickly.
Despite the fact that he felt immense comfort, knowing his godson was finally safe, living with him at last, the reminder of all the abuse the boy had been through began to reveal some not-so-nice memories of his own. Sirius didn't bother telling Remus, he knew it was selfish to make this about himself and right now, Harry needed them both more now than ever. He woke up that night with a start; memories of the day he escaped Grimmauld Place flooding his memory.
A sheet of cold sweat licked Sirius' forehead and traced down the back of his neck causing black curly locs to fuse with his skin. Cautiously, he peeled himself away from Remus' embrace, careful not to wake him. The ravenette padded his way to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water making sure to wash his face as it grew sticky from the sheath of sweat. He trudged his way back out the kitchen and into the living room, glass clutched in his slender fingers. Just as he was about to slump down onto the sofa, he heard soft cries echoing down the hall. Sirius followed the noise, his suspicion correct, Harry was crying.
He knocked softly on the door, "Bambi? It's Padfoot, can I come in?"
The boy sniffed and rustling sounds could be heard through the door, probably him wiping the tears from his eyes.
"Yeah.."
When Sirius entered, Harry was sitting with his back firming pressed against the headboard of his bed, knees drawn to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around his legs.
"You alright?" The older man spoke softly, Remus would say the tone was completely out of character, but he felt the obligation to speak tenderly to his godson, he'd already gone through so much. He didn't need Sirius' overpowering voice crashing down on him when he was already distraught.
Harry nodded in response.
"C'mon now. I know that's not true... What's got you up so late." he sat down on the bed, sinking into the mattress as he shuffled back against the headboard. The older didn't want to pry, but he (selfishly) needed a distraction from his own memories right now, too.
"It's dark.." the boy whispered.
"Ah- so it is. Hang on.." Sirius groped around his pocket, pulling out his wand, "Lumos." a beam of light emerged from the tip of the wand, illuminating the room. Harry's emerald green eyes coming into view; wide and anxious. The blue eyed man spoke again, "Better?"
"Mhm... Thanks Padfoot."
"No problem, Bambi." he smiled.
"I don't like the dark.."
"No?"
Harry shook his head vigorously, a childish motion to prove that he was being truthful. "No... It- It reminds me of.." he started to trail off.
"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to." Sirius established, slowly reaching a comforting hand up to his godson's shoulder, pulling him in for a hug. The younger ravenette gladly accepted the contact, leaning his head on the older's boney shoulder.
"No, I want to..." Harry took a deep breath before proceeding, "It makes me think of being locked up in my cupboard... I never liked it in there. It was small and- and I couldn't- the door was locked." he buried his face in Sirius' neck, crying softly. The other stroked the messy black hair, cradling him gently. He'd wondered whether his Uncle or Aunt had ever held him and rocked him when he'd been just a baby; an orphan with no control to where he'd lived. A sharp pain struck his heart. Harry began to push away, wiping his eyes again. "Sorry.. Uncle Vernon said it's bad to cry."
"Lucky for you I'm not Uncle Vernon then." he teased lightly, earning a small smile from the boy. "Cry as much as you like, Bambi. I'll be here."
So he did. Harry grasped to Sirius' dressing gown as he leaned into the crook of the latter's neck, tears soaking into the fabric as the sobs broke out. The older rubbed circles on his godson's back, a comforting motion he'd learnt from Euphemia Potter when he'd struggled with his own nightmares; the weeks that followed him running away, abandoning the house of Black forever.
Eventually, when the small boy stopped his crying, the man gently scooped him up and tucked him back under the thick duvet covers. Just as the tall ravenette was about to go, Harry reached out a small hand and grappled Sirius' sleeve.
"...Don't go." he whispered timidly. Big green eyes staring into sapphire blues. "I- Well I don't have my teddy bear.. It's still at ho- My Uncle's house. I can't sleep without him.."
"Don't worry, Bambi. In the morning we can go to your Uncle and Aunt's to get the rest of your things. But.. I can stay here with you, if you'd like?" Harry nodded gratefully, the man smiled in response. "Okay, budge up then."
The boy shuffled over, making room for his godfather eagerly. The two tucked themselves under the covers and cuddled close together, Harry tightly gripping to the other. Sirius smoothed the ravenette's hair down to soothe the both of them to drift to sleep.
"Uhm.. Can you.. do you think you bring the light back? Sorry.." said Harry, biting down, nervously, on his tongue.
"Of course!" Sirius smiled. He reached out to grab his wand again and with a swift flicking motion from the wrist, the ceiling immediately transformed. Glittering stars and galaxies containing fluorescent pinks and cosmic purples radiating down. Harry's emerald eyes, just like Lily's, wide with amazement; mouth forming a distinct "O" shape before it curled into a delighted smile. He'd never seen anything so wonderful in his life, it'd given him insight to the darkness surrounding him. It didn't have to simply be associated with the pitch black of his cupboard where he'd been trapped and consumed in his own isolation. It could be remarkable. Each and every star cheered; reminding Harry he would never be alone again. He laid his head back in the comfort of his godfather's neck.
"G'night, Padfoot..."
"Night, Bambi." pecking him on the forehead before the pair drifted off together.
The rest of night went on without a hitch. The morning, however, was a different story. Sirius' unconscious state was disrupted early in the morning by the sound of bed sheets rusting at the side of him. His eyes only fluttered open as he made a tired groaning noise then rolled back over to his other side. He'd just been so tired, his mind hadn't even registered the fact that the ruckus from beside him was coming from Harry. Despite the peaceful sleep he'd had after staying under the "stars" with his godson, the moments leading up to that had lead him to be more drained than ever.
The rustling of the sheets didn't wake him, no, it was the sound of pots and sosbans clattering against the kitchen tiles and the soft sobs that had lead Remus to come into the bedroom and shake him awake.
"Sirius. Sirius!" Remus said through gritted teeth, the ravenette snapped his eyes open, "Come on, get up."
"Hm- huh?!" he rose up from the mattress, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"It's Harry- Come on!" the brunette grabbed onto Sirius, who was still completely oblivious to what was happening, and dragged him into the living room, stopping outside the kitchen door to quickly explain. "I think- I think he was trying to make breakfast but he was scared he'd wake us when he dropped the pans- I don't.." the early morning, sleep deprived emotions seeping through to the surface.
"Remus, Remus.. calm down. We knew this'd be a challenge, taking him in. But we've just got to remind him that we're not mad." Sirius placed a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and smiled.
"Okay..." he took a deep breath, "Yeah, okay, you're right." Remus lightly knocked on the door letting the boy know that they were about to enter.
The pair slowly opened the door and Harry instantly scrambled to his feet, walking away from the corner of the kitchen where his back was previously pressed against a cupboard door.
"I-I'm sorry, Moony, Padfoot." Eyes darting around frantically; breathing ragged and unsteady. "I didn't mean to wake you, I'm sorry." He was crouched down now, picking up broken shards of glass with his bare hands, the sharp edges pricking his fingers causing blood to slowly seep through the cuts. "Sorry, I'll clean it all up-" loud sniffs echoed through the kitchen along with hiccups from his soft cries.
Sirius cautiously reached down to squeeze his frail shoulder in a congenial manner but immediately retracted upon seeing Harry violently flinch as his arms were thrown his to protect himself, "I'm going to clean it up, I- I promise! Please don't-" he was in hysterics, now. Tears and snot running down his face, emotions clear.
"Harry, dear, please leave it I've got it look-" Remus reached for his wand that was tucked into his belt.
"NO!" The younger ravenette screamed, full body shaking as a look of pure trepidation emerged. He was in a trance; no idea of his true surroundings. Right now he was trapped back with the Dursleys.
"Okay..." Remus clasped Sirius' hands, to calm both their nerves as they took a few steps away from the small boy. "Okay Harry, just please put the glass down for me. Can you do that?"
He gave a meek nod, gently unclenching the glass from his palms, abrasions covering both hands. The shards dropped to cold tiles, letting out a gentle clink! as they made contacts with the floor; blood followed, splashing silently on the ground.
"Good job, Bambi." The black haired man finally added, his eyebrows knit close together. "I'm just going to get my wand, is that okay? So I can do magic, like last night, remember? I'll just clean the class up." Harry responded with a small nod again and Sirius slowly reached into his dressing gown pocket, green eyes tracing each and every movement. "Wingardium leviosa."
Each glass shard picked itself up off the floor and Sirius carefully manoeuvred it into the bin. Then he quickly cast "Scourgify" to make the blood vanish.
"See? No harm done." Sirius smiled kindly.
Harry looked over to him and Remus, finally remembering where he was. Warily, he approached the pair and stared up at them. Tears flowed heavily out his eyes, hiccups occasionally escaping and his whole body shook. "I'm sorry I'm so difficult." Harry whispered, lip quivering violently.
"Oh Bambi... You're not at all.." the brunette said as he crouched down to be eye level with the boy.
"You've been through some terrible things, things some people could never even imagine. It's really not your fault for struggling." Sirius added softly.
In one swift motion, Harry hugged his guardians, gripping onto the fabric of their pyjamas accidentally staining them red from the cuts now covering his hands. Usually, he hated physical contact, especially in times like this, when all he could think about was how horrible Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia had been and what they'd put him through, throughout the years. But he trusted Sirius, he trusted Remus. He found it weird, he hardly knew either of them, but the ravenette found comfort from the connections the two had to his parents, regardless of the fact he'd only been with them for a couple days. Trust was usually a difficult thing for him to build, he wasn't sure if he ever even had trusted anymore. But he was sure this is what it felt like.
Remus and Sirius promptly hugged the boy back, not letting go until they felt Harry tense slightly. Simultaneously kissing the messy black hair, they smiled at the boy, trying to mask the pain they felt at the thought of the Dursleys hurting the innocent child for any harmless mistake he'd make. The young ravenette hung his head low, feeling embarrassed for his outburst, but at least his breath was gradually evening out, though the initial sickening feeling was yet to diminish. He pulled down a pyjama sleeve to rub his tired eyes, letting out a slight yawn.
"How 'bout we get you back to bed?" Sirius let out another kind smile.
Harry shook his head, "Do you think we could.. uhm... maybe just watch a movie or something...I know my Aunt Petunia always would with Dudley if he was ill. Please can we?"
"Of course!" Remus beamed at the idea, "I'll make some hot chocolate."
"I've never had it before..."
"Well, young Prongslet, you've been missing out." he laughed in return.
"Ah- hang on." said Sirius, wand still in hand, "Can you just lay your hands flat, palms up?" Harry did as he was told, the older raised his wand about to cast a healing incantation but Remus interrupted.
"Here, let me. I know what your like, trying to heal when you're nervous." he teased slightly. The younger, still cautiously observing each movement, watched as Remus carefully dragged his wand over
the cuts with ease, watching them close up. Harry began to clutch and unclutch his hands, feeling no pain and staring down at them astounded to see there was no scarring either. He smiled up a the brunette.
"Right then," Remus added, "I'll get on the hot chocolate."
Remus did as he'd promised and eagerly made hot chocolate for each of them, rich in their cocoa flavour and topped with a generous amount of whipped cream and marshmallows. Sirius and Harry had decided to put on "Back to the Future", one of the older ravenette's favourite muggle films.
The three huddled up on the sofa together; Sirius and Remus on either side of Harry, who was safely tucked between the middle a blanket draped over all three of them.
"Padfoot... can we still go to Uncle Vernon's house later? To get my teddy bear?"
"Of course we can Bambi." he laid his head on top of the sea of shiny black tresses.
It didn't take long for Harry to drift back to sleep, as much as he liked the movie, he found it hard to stay awake when he'd never felt so warm, so safe, before.
He revelled in the moment shortly before the realm of dreams forcefully pulled him away from consciousness.
Most nights, Harry would have dreamed that his parents were alive, they'd come rescue him from the Dursleys (or he'd never been sent there in the first place) and they would all be happy, playing in the lake during spring and summer months, just like in the photo.
But right now, he dreamt of his future now his future living with Sirius and Remus, excited for the days ahead.
The pair smiled down at their new family addition, the brunette stroking the chaos of hair on his head. He looked so calm whilst asleep, not reflecting any of the trauma he'd suffered ; he was at peace. They treasured the moments like this, when Harry wasn't distraught or nervous. He hadn't deserved any of the treatment he got, no child did. But Remus couldn't get rid of the feeling of his skin crawling at the thought of Petunia allowing Vernon to treat their nephew in such a way. Her sister's son.. Lily would've never treated Dudley like that.
But it was no surprise, not really, Petunia hated Lily when she was alive. Jealousy got the best of her. When she couldn't be mad at her sister anymore, she took it out on the only thing she had left of her; Harry.