The Power of Love
"Professor, why are we selling illegal substances in Knockturn Alley?" Harry asked Dumbledore, who was arguing price with an old hag "Well Harry, I recently learned I have to pay support for my many illegitimate children, most from magical creatures." Dumbledore said
"Wait... aren't you gay?" Harry asked
"I only pretend to be so the courts don't usually take these cases seriously Harry. But the Wood Nymphs demanded reparations for banging teir queen and her sisters." Dumbledore said stroking his beard "Don't look at me like that, you'll never know the sexual thrill a Wood Nymph brings out."
"That's fine by me."
"The Wood Nymphs are freaks Harry, I used wandless magic to throw them into the ground, trees or even off cliffs like I couldn't even control myself."
"Sir I- I think that's just murder." Harry said, wide eyed
"It's foreplay Harry." Dumbledore said calmly
"The Queen was different though, I knew I had to be gentle with her."
"Ahhh that's sweet."
"So I slept with her sisters while she was in that coma."
"... Nevermind."
"Don't even get me started on that tribe of Giantesses I visit during the summer for 'Negotiations!"
Harry stared at Dumbledore, his mouth slightly agape, as the old wizard continued haggling with the hag over a jar of what appeared to be powdered dragon claw. The air in Knockturn Alley was thick with the scent of mildew and questionable decisions, and Harry couldn't help but feel like he'd stumbled into a conversation he was never meant to hear.
"Sir," Harry began cautiously, "you mentioned… Giantesses? Negotiations? What exactly does that entail?"
Dumbledore paused mid-negotiation, turning to Harry with a twinkle in his eye that was equal parts mischievous and unsettling. "Ah, Harry, my boy, the Giantesses are a fascinating people. Strong, proud, and remarkably… accommodating when it comes to diplomatic relations."
Harry blinked. "Diplomatic relations?"
"Indeed," Dumbledore said, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "You see, the Giantess tribes have long been misunderstood by the wizarding world. They value strength, cunning, and… stamina. It's only natural that I, as Headmaster of Hogwarts and a respected figure in the magical community, would take it upon myself to foster goodwill between our kind."
"By… visiting them during the summer?" Harry asked, his voice rising an octave.
"Precisely," Dumbledore replied, as if this were the most logical thing in the world. "It's a delicate process, Harry. One must approach them with respect, humility, and a willingness to engage in their… traditional customs."
Harry's mind raced. "Traditional customs? Like what?"
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled even brighter. "Well, for starters, they have a ritual known as the 'Trial of the Mountain.' It involves scaling their tallest peak while carrying a boulder the size of a small house. If you succeed, you're granted an audience with their chieftain."
"That sounds… intense," Harry said, trying to picture Dumbledore, with his flowing robes and long silver beard, hauling a boulder up a mountain.
"Oh, it is," Dumbledore said with a chuckle. "But that's just the beginning. Once you've proven your physical prowess, you must then demonstrate your… endurance."
Harry's eyes widened. "Endurance?"
"Yes," Dumbledore said, his tone suddenly serious. "The Giantesses are a passionate people, Harry. They believe that true strength lies not just in the body, but in the spirit. And they have a rather… unique way of testing one's spirit."
Harry felt his face flush. "Sir, are you saying what I think you're saying?"
Dumbledore leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Let's just say that by the end of my visits, I'm usually too exhausted to apparate back to Hogwarts."
Harry stared at him, utterly speechless. The image of Dumbledore engaging in… whatever it was he was describing with a tribe of Giantesses was something he knew he would never be able to unsee.
"But Harry," Dumbledore continued, placing a hand on the young wizard's shoulder, "it's all for the greater good. The Giantesses are a powerful ally, and if a few summer visits are what it takes to maintain peace, then so be it."
Harry opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. He simply nodded, deciding that some questions were better left unanswered.
Dumbledore turned back to the hag, who was now holding up a vial of something that glowed an eerie green. "Ah, excellent! Now, my dear, how much for this delightful concoction?"
As the hag named her price, Harry couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever be able to look at Dumbledore the same way again. The man was a legend, a hero, and, apparently, a… diplomat in ways Harry had never imagined.
As they left Knockturn Alley, Dumbledore humming a cheerful tune, Harry couldn't shake the feeling that his understanding of the wizarding world had just been irrevocably altered. And as they passed a group of hooded figures whispering in the shadows, he couldn't help but wonder what other secrets Dumbledore was keeping.
"Oh, and Harry," Dumbledore said suddenly, breaking the silence, "if you ever find yourself in need of advice on… matters of the heart, don't hesitate to ask. I've learned a thing or two over the years."
Harry groaned inwardly, knowing full well that he would never take Dumbledore up on that offer. Some things, he decided, were better left to the imagination.
And with that, the two wizards disappeared into the night, leaving behind the dark, twisted alley and the even darker, more twisted secrets it held.