Another two
They had been fighting. Or well- not fighting exactly. There was no arguments, there was no harsh words being thrown at each other, and no one was sleeping on the couch. But they were fighting.
James had become distant, and of course that had Regulus suspicious. But then that distantness turned into not coming home some nights, and having no excuse when he returned, just that he “needed to get away for a night.”
James knew there were better excuses. Maybe that there was a thing at work he needed to finish so he stayed overnight, or anything else. James knew. But he didn’t care.
Because wasn’t that his goal? To get Regulus mad at him? To make it that the thought of leaving James or James dying didn’t sound so bad?
To James, Regulus was an angel. To James, God was real, and he took his time sculpting Regulus and making him perfect, flaws and all. Some might call James crazy, but to him it was the truth.
And an angel like Regulus did not deserve anymore pain than he has already faced. So yeah, James was intentionally doing things to irritate Regulus, sue him.
One morning, James had came home after yet another night away, that’s when it happened. After almost a month of James doing these things, Regulus snapped.
“Where have you been?!??!”
James just stares silently. His mind is loud though.
HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP-
Shut up.
James continues to stare at his boyfriend. Maybe this is it. Maybe it’s time. Maybe he’ll finally run and save himself.
“Are you going to answer or just stand there like a total dumbass?”
He stares. Then he thinks he shrugs, the movement so small that the only reason he thinks it might’ve been visible is Regulus’ scoff.
“Unbelievable. You are unbelievable, James. Days out of weeks you just don’t come home. I don’t understand James. Are you cheating on me?”
“No.” James answers. Because no matter how mad he needs Regulus to be for his plan to work, he will never willingly allow Regulus to believe he’s been unfaithful. He refuses to make Regulus think that he wasn’t enough for James. He wants to die knowing that Regulus left because he wanted to. He wants to die knowing that Regulus knows that James loved him. That’s the only way he’d go out happy.
“Then answer me, damnit!” His voice is getting closer to a yell. The hurt is visible on his face, and it could make James cave so quickly. Make James tell him everything. The only thing that holds him back is the rage that creeps onto Regulus’ face the longer James stays silent, and his pride of course.
Seconds, what feels like an eternity, passes as they each stare at each other in silence, the anger on Regulus’ face growing.
And James knows. Regulus is about to snap. He’s either going to scream at James, or just leave. James is ok with either.
The debate between the two is quickly settled as Regulus looks away, jaw clenched. He turns and walks into their shared bedroom.
James stands there for a moment before following him. Regulus is packing a bag.
Yes, half his mind celebrates.
Please don’t leave me, the other half begs.
He doesn’t verbalize either thought and instead quietly watches Regulus pack. The room is filled with such thick tension that James could cut it with a knife.
Just like he does his body.
The silence continues until Regulus breaks it without turning around.
“I’m going to stay with Sirius and Remus for a bit. I can’t do this right now,”
He finishes packing his bag and finally turns to locks eyes with James.
“Let me know when you’re ready to talk. Honestly.” He says, then walks past James and towards their house’s door before he stops.
As if he’s waiting for James to stop him. As if he’s begging for James to say something. Anything.
PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME I LOVE YOU PLEASE STAY DONT LEAVE ME ALONE I NEED YOU.
He stays silent, and Regulus sighs lightly and opens the door, walks out, then shuts it behind him.
James stands there. He hears the sound of Regulus’ car turning on. He hears the sound of Regulus’ car backing out. He hears the sound of Regulus’ car driving away.
He hears the sound of his shaky breath. He hears the sound of the ringing in his ears. He hears the sound of the loud silence that might kill him. He hears the sound of his heart pounding loudly. He thinks he hears the sound of his heart breaking even more than it already is. He hears his phone ringing.
Wait what?
He pulls his phone out of his pocket and the first thing he sees is the time. It’s now 11:27?
But Regulus must’ve left at around 10:30?
Which would mean that James has been standing frozen in space for almost a whole hour now.
Which would mean he’s wasted time. Lots of it.
His phone rings again. Sirius.
Shit.
He lets the phone ring for a second before declining the call and shutting his phone completely off. He rushes to his room. In his closet, hidden behind a pile of his shoes, is a bottles of medicine from who knows where. He grabs it and puts it into a bag.
Time?
11:30. He needs to go. If Sirius was calling, that only meant one thing. Regulus had told him, and Sirius knew.
Sirius knew and James needed to hurry before he came and stopped him.
He opened one of the bottles and quickly shoved two of the pills in his mouth. He rushed to the door, grabbing his keys and stepping into his car. He starts the engine, and pulls out, taking another two.
The world is becoming slightly dizzy to James. He looks at his hands on the wheel, scars line his arms, ones from deep cuts on his wrists. He has no idea how Regulus hasn’t noticed. The more he thinks about it , the more he is stating to think that maybe Regulus did notice, but hadn’t said anything.
Instead of dwelling on the thought longer, he keeps driving. One more pill and splashes of color appear in his vision.
Holy shit I’m going to do it.
And he might not be wrong. He’s so close. He’s almost reached his destination. So so so close. He takes one more.
The car serves, another honks, then another. James can feel it creeping up on him. He sees dots of color pop more vibrantly in his vision as he turns onto the bridge. He doesn’t even know where he’s going anymore.
Another. Then two more. That’s 10
He feels he’s forgetting something. Someone. Important. Something worthwhile. But he can’t seem to remember, so he keeps driving.
He tries to ignore it, really he does, but it keeps nagging at him. Its distracting him, he can’t-
It happens so fast. The car swerves again. The drugs taking control of his mind and he can’t escape it. He crashes in to another car hard and it’s then that he hits his head and the shattered glass cuts him. The car flips and is on the edge of the bridge.
He can’t move. He knows he needs to but he can’t, he’s frozen. He’s scared, but isn’t this what he wanted? He’s not so sure anymore.
He can’t think. He can’t move. He can barely even breathe. And in his final moments in consciousness, one thing crosses his mind. And he then remembers what he had forgotten that was so important. One word, seven letters. One word, one name.
Regulus.