The Elephant Graveyard
Monday morning finds him sneaking glances at Malfoy any chance he gets, trying to make sense of his emotions.
He doesn’t like Malfoy. The guy’s an absolute tool. Harry’s emotions are just muddling the feel good chemicals that come from having a sexual relationship and confusing it for the feel good chemicals one gets at a crush.
Because as he watches Malfoy he remembers why he hates him so much. He watches him laughing with his friends, that arrogant smirk on his face that lets them know he thinks he’s better than them. He’s tossing food over at one of the Hufflepuff’s, just to annoy him. And as they leave the great hall he overhears him saying something about mudbloods and a fire rises inside reminding him very clearly why he hates him so much.
He really ought to break this whole thing off with him. Guilt tugs inside as he realizes he’s doing things with the same guy who once made his best friend cry from that very slur, the other left puking slugs out for hours in attempt to avenge her.
As he has that thought he can’t help but glance over at Hermione who is actually looking at him for once. Her eyes turn into saucers as she’s caught and she looks away hurriedly, her face turning pink.
A rush of hope comes over him and he stomps it down reminding himself that just because she’d looked at him doesn’t mean she wants to be friends again. Even if she did, she’d probably find out about Malfoy and they’d be back at square one in an instant. He wonders vaguely if she already knows. She’s good at figuring things out.
“You know, we should all play a game tonight.” Seamus says looking to Harry and the rest of the Gryffindors in their year.
“I’ve got a lot of homework.” Hermione says stiffly.
“Come off it,” Dean challenges, “Just because you guys aren’t besties anymore doesn’t mean we can’t all still have fun together.”
Harry’s not sure if he agrees and it looks like Hermione doesn’t either. There’s no way he’d ever be able to act like Ron and Hermione are Seamus and Dean. It’s just not the same. He feels bad that he can be so nonchalant about Dean and Seamus, but… he could never be that way towards his best friends. Even if they aren’t actually his friends anymore…
“I’d be okay with that.” Ron says, but he heaves a great big sigh at Hermione’s glare and says no more on the matter.
“Yeah, maybe…” Harry says uncertainly and picks at his breakfast, refusing to look or talk to any of them after that.
Yeah, it was very clear that Harry shouldn’t get his hopes up anytime soon. Not with Hermione anyway.
Harry’s heading down to care of magical creatures early, when Malfoy decides it’s time for them to have a chat.
“That wasn’t very cool, just leaving me like that the other day.”
“Seriously!?” Harry asks, amazed at his gull, “As if you haven’t done that to me plenty of times by now.”
Malfoy’s jaw stiffens and he juts his chin out in a way that Harry’s always read as arrogance before, but now he’s starting to think maybe it’s how he holds himself to overcompensate when he’s not feeling confident, because the next words out of his mouth are shocking.
“I pushed it too far… I shouldn’t have made it so you couldn’t even say no if you wanted.”
As far as Harry’s concerned, the only thing that was too far was when he called him a faggot.
“That’s not why I left.”
Malfoy looks at him incredulously.
“I’m serious! I… I kind of liked that.”
“So why’d you leave then?”
“Why do you?” Harry throws back at him.
“You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met!” Malfoy says, “Ugh… was it because it wasn’t good, you know, at the end?”
Harry snorts, “You mean the blowjob?”
Malfoy winces and looks around wildly. “Quiet!” He hisses.
Harry rolls his eyes, “No… it was really good actually.”
The two walk in awkward silence towards Hagrid’s for a moment and Harry thinks that it’s sort of surprising that Malfoy has any sort of insecurities.
“Yeah, okay.” Malfoy finally says once they reach the spot they meet for class, “Good… Tonight then. 10pm.”
Apparently Malfoy doesn’t think to give him a location. He just goes to stand far away from Harry, but it’s fine because he’ll just find him on the map if he decides to go.
Harry ends up helping Hagrid set up a few things for class and talking amiably with him for an while and then joins Neville once he arrives.
“Alright!” Hagrid says, clapping loudly to get everyone’s attention. “We’re gonna be goin’ on a wee adventure durin’ class today.”
He explains that we’re going on a scavenger hunt to spot and identify various animals in the forbidden forest and that has a range of reactions among the students. Some people shout in excitement, others groan in frustration at physical activity, a few claim that it’s too dangerous. Hagrid doesn’t really seem to care much about the nay sayers opinion though and maintains his own excitement for the days activities.
Harry himself feels a bit weary, but he’s not sure why. He’s been in the forbidden forest enough times by now, and he’s not scared of it like Ron is. He’ll forever be haunted by those giant spiders and he glances over at the ginger to see that he is looking rather green at the prospect of entering it again.
Still, Harry trudges along, keeping pace with Neville, and wonders why he feels so put off.
It’s not until he’s deep enough into the woods that he can’t see Hogwarts grounds anymore that it actually hits him and he inhales sharply at the unexpected reminder of that night.
Instead of crickets and locusts and owls, he hears birds chirping and the sound of a woodpecker somewhere near by and many students feet shuffling leaves on the forest’s floor. The difference in sounds he hears now compared to back then doesn’t stop his chest from tightening and he considers skivving off the second Hagrid is out of sight.
“Alright?” Neville asks.
Harry just nods, but he doesn’t really feel alright at all. His skin crawls from being in the woods like this with no visible exist and he really hadn’t expected this reaction. He thinks he might throw up if he doesn’t get out right now, but he can hardly just take off.
He tries to take deep controlled breaths, but each one seems to have the opposite effect. The slower he tries to breathe, the quicker his lungs seem to pump, the heavier the weight in his stomach feels, the more his throat closes up and he feels like running until he’s out of these god awful woods.
“Do you need Madam Pomfrey?” Neville asks.
Oh, and that feels like a great idea. It gives him an excuse to leave, right? The thought of actually getting out from under the looming trees is so relieving that he doesn’t care what he looks like or what sort of trouble he might get in. Ironically enough, the air is probably cleaner here than anywhere else, but the woods that provide oxygen seem to be having the opposite effect for Harry and it feels like he’s suffocating.
Before either of them have a chance to do anything further, a giant hand is landing on his shoulder and suddenly he isn’t at Hogwarts anymore at all.
It starts with Harry on his back.
Unwanted hands have been running all over him for a while now and Harry’s trying to hold back tears, because fuck this guy- he doesn’t deserve his tears.
At this point he thinks he’s touched every inch of him except his private bits. So far it’s all been gentle, but the threat from earlier still remains and Harry knows that eventually they’re going to turn mean.
He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want this guy to take his virginity from him. He doesn’t want to feel goosebumps from what he’s doing to him. He doesn’t want to be here at all.
He can see the man’s face clearly and the light shining down on him feels blinding, the trees surrounding him are high in the sky, but from this position they appear to be just over the guy’s head- black silhouettes that make it all feel more daunting some how.
It reminds him of when he’d been little and Dudley was watching the Lion King and Harry actually got to see part of it while Aunt Petunia wasn’t paying attention. It’s not the same at all, but it reminds him of the elephant grave yard and how scary it looked there. Only this is real life and he’s not a little boy anymore and there’s no hyena’s, but instead a man touching him and trees aren’t the bones of elephants long gone. They aren’t actually scary at all, but this guy is and Harry is terrified.
Soft hands finally start to feel aggressive then and he’s grabbing Harry’s thighs in a bruising grip, pulling them wide and he feels it against his arse and when he pushes it in it hurts so bad that Harry wants to die. It doesn’t work at first and he has to shove harder, a terrible ripping sensation that makes him think he’s actually going to be terribly injured down there… His scream is loud and piercing and there’s no way he could possibly stop himself from crying now, because the pain is awful. He’d always imagined it’d be a slight burn, but this is beyond that. This feels like he’s being torn in two.
The man is laughing at Harry’s suffering and he doesn’t slow down at all. The groans in his ear feel like they’re mocking Harry’s pain as he catches on Harry’s rim over and over and he isn’t sure how he’s ever going to survive this-
“Breathe, ‘arry! Yer have to breathe!”
“What’s wrong with him!?” Someone’s panicked voice asks.
“He’s having some sort of fit.” Another voice says.
“Everyone back up! Give ‘im some space!”
He doesn’t understand what’s happening or how he got here with so many people surrounding him. Hadn’t he just been alone with that creep?
People are touching him and he’s flinching away from the touch, a quiet whimper escaping him.
He feels lightheaded and woozy and he still can’t seem to make his lungs work properly. He can hear Hagrid telling him to breathe, but he can’t. His voice sounds like it’s underwater now and his vision is fading and he’s still in the woods. He looks around wildly to see if the man is here somewhere, but before he really has a chance to figure it out, everything goes black.