getting crushed by rubble but one of the avengers makes a joke about mondays
the cadets 🫡🦅
9:09 am
Eren:
YALL
which one of you pulled the fire alarm in the boys’ dorms as a prank
i know it was one of you little troublemakers
Eren:
also does anybody smell smoke? unrelated i’m sure
armin:
HUH
Eren:
you know i think the dorm might be on fire now that i’ve taken the time to put these things together
armin:
LEAVE THE BUILDING EVERYBODY @everyone IF YOU LIVE IN THE BOYS’ DORMS EVACUATE
Eren: except @jean you can stay there baby 🙏
jean:
what i just woke up
eren wtf
hang on
WHY IS THE KITCHENETTE ON FUCKING FIRE
ernie:
yo what’s up everyone
ernie sent a link: Let’s Play 8 Ball!
bert:
reiner
ernie:
hm? 😐
bert:
backread.
ernie:
uno momento
SHIT
bert where are you i’m going to come save you
bert:
outside your door dumbass i’m saving YOU
ernie:
my hero!
jean:
okay am i the only one like properly freaking out about this i feel like i’m the only one freaking out about the literal FIRE
armin:
right there with you dw
Eren:
okay guys meet up by the big statue in the half courtyard that’s where we are w/ the building fire marshal (marco)
we’re doing headcounts in 5 min so none of you chuckleheads better die
jean:
oh good marco is with you
Eren:
yeah and armin as well but so far no connie, reiner, or bertholt
jeanbo get your ass out here
Eren:
actually i’m just gonna
@everyone GROUP GRASS TOUCHING EXCURSION RN or you will die!
jean:
jesus okay
Annie Leonhart:
stop @/everyone-ing. some of us don’t care that you’re being burned alive and were actually trying to sleep
historia:
yeah how inconsiderate eren some of us are sleeping with our hot girlfriends we don’t have time for your smore ass shenanigans
ymir freckled lemonade:
she’s talking about meeeeee
Eren:
‘smore ass shenanigans’ i’m literally being the savior of humanity rn and this is the thanks i get
historia:
yeah okay get it ig
Eren:
@conman everybody’s pulled up wya??
conman:
MB
I WENT TO THE GIRLS DORMS WITH SASHA WHEN THE FIRE STARTED
Eren:
do i even want to know why
conman:
…
ymir freckled lemonade:
speak, wench
conman:
… okay so i happen to be a very big fan of toaster pastries
pop tarts and the like
i’m a bit of a slut for them, you might say
i really love heating them up in the toaster (because i’m not yk a psycho who eats them straight out the foil)
armin:
how is that relevant- Oh. armin has made a connection.
Eren:
enlighten us babes
armin:
well
conman:
ARMIN SHUT UP. MY DIGNITY IS AT STAKE.
so im an enjoyer of the finer things right? (chocolate smores limited run pop tarts) a connoisseur, one might say
and my dear friend sasha happens to be a fellow purveyor of fine goods
but!
alas!
the girls dorm doesn’t have a working toaster. because someone toasted a flip flop in it and it hasn’t been replaced
so when sasha texted me at around nine am saying she had obtained a box of such chocolatey goodness and needed a toaster to prepare them in, i agreed posthaste
ernie:
am i the only one surprised connie even knows words like posthaste and connoisseur
Annie Leonhart:
nah i’m shook
conman:
mean to me
anyway
my point being, the boy’s dorms have a functioning toaster and i (being a paragon of good friendship) agreed to sneak her in so we could enjoy the bounty together
ymir freckled lemonade:
dude if you don’t stop talking like this i am going to circumcise you
conman:
but this way it softens the blow
armin:
@everyone connie set the dorm fire
conman:
ARMIN!
Eren:
BRO
mikasa (goat):
LMAOOOO
jean:
okay to be honest after that build up who didn’t expect this
or expected it from the start
conman:
:(
jean:
whenever something rambunctious happens it’s you two
conman:
okay yeah we may have caused the toaster to catch on fire with our pop tarts but in our defense that thing was about to go anyway
it’s been belching smoke and shaking when i try to use it for weeks now
Eren:
the fire department just pulled up
they’re asking if it was one of us that started it
connie i think you’re through
armin:
i can’t even be mad you burned our dorm down tbh
i’m just shocked it wasn’t on purpose
ernie:
i had some really precious collectors items in there so you’d better hope you didn’t burn the dorm down
Annie Leonhart:
Awww like what
bert:
his My Melody plushies
ernie:
yeah 🥺
Annie Leonhart:
👍
Sasha:
Hi everybody!!
conman:
the jig is up
Annie Leonhart:
the news is out
conman:
they’ve finally found me 🎵
Annie Leonhart:
eyyy
conman:
no, but seriously sasha the jig is UP. they know it was us
Sasha:
Welp. Time to run away to Singapore and burn off all my fingyprints Men in Black-style!
mikasa (goat):
Fingyprints? I might be in love with you.
Sasha:
Oh em gee 🥵
Guys i’m so sorry i swear we didn’t mean to set your dorm on fire ☹️is there any way we can make it up to y’all
ernie:
pay me back for my My Melody plushies
>:(
Marco:
Okay, good news guys, the fire is out and only minimal damage was done to the dorms themselves
mainly charred doors, smoke damage, etc
and those things are covered by the university’s insurance policy
reiner your My Melody plushies should be safe
ernie:
oh THANK god
(takes the shotgun out of my mouth)
Marco:
ignoring that reiner
we’ll be cleared to go back inside in a few hours
anybody got any plans today?
Eren:
to not die of smoke inhalation
group bonding activity?
armin:
group bonding activity!
suggestions?
Annie Leonhart:
AXE THROWING!!
Eren:
haha uhh nope nuh uh not with you!
Annie Leonhart:
not a suggestion, a warning.
conman:
mini golf?
Eren:
are you a divorced father trying to emotionally connect to his teenaged children?
no
armin:
aquarium!!
mikasa (goat):
I’m still soft banned for fighting that horseshoe crab for at least the next month.😔
ernie:
storytime ?
bert:
yeah you can’t just say that and not tell us
mikasa (goat):
Become a Level 4 friend and you unlock my lore.
bert:
wait what level am i
mikasa (goat):
2.75
jean:
what about shopping?? there’s a new mall downtown
Eren:
no moneys ☹️
wait i got my paycheck the other day
moneys!
mikasa (goat):
A shopping trip sounds nice. I need new boots.
Annie Leonhart:
and i could kill for a soft pretzel right about now
Sasha:
Ooh real mall shopping? In the city?? Sign me up!!
I want to go to Spencer’s!
conman:
….
we are NOT going to spencer’s
Sasha:
Aww why not
I’ve never been
ernie:
every friend group has had the Spencer’s Experience (TM) in middle school
Trust Me
canon event
Eren:
wait quite literally me too
it really is a canon event
historia:
crying cuz ME TOO
ymir freckled lemonade:
omg samesies yall ever had their boob candy?
Eren:
i don’t like tatas that much but the boob candy 🤤🤤
Annie Leonhart:
am i the only one who doesn’t know what tf you 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓼 are talking about
armin:
𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓼 with the font and everything dawg
mikasa (goat):
Okay is everyone down for the mall? Meet in front of the big statue in half an hour.
11 people reacted with 👍
Eren:
wait we can react to stuff?
11 people reacted with 👹
-
the traitors
11:23 am
pocky:
for what purpose have you summoned us
pieck:
@reiner @beetroot @annie betrayal from within 👿👿👿
you left us
reiner:
my bad i guess i wanted to further my education or something
pieck:
booo education 👎👎why don’t you just take an edible and jack off like the rest of us
beetroot:
are you seriously pissed we transferred to shiganshina university still
pieck:
YES
you split our warrior’s bond and now you should be killed
pocky:
seconded
zeke:
Thirded
annie:
grown ass man
‘thirded’ ermmm that’s not a word. aren’t you a PROFESSOR
zeke:
…Ermmmm Ph.D ackshually that’s Dr. grown ass man to you 🤓🤓
Also Pieck bad news
pieck:
?
zeke:
I’m a traitor too i’m afraid
colt:
omg you got the job!?
pieck:
omg!!!
i want to kill you out of pain at your betrayal but also good for you!
zeke:
Thank you(i think)!
That’s right, i’m going to be teaching at Shiganshina U in Paradis
Where i am right now visiting my bro eren 🤜🤛
pocky:
did you just fist bump yourself over text
zeke:
No more questions
pieck:
okay okay people, people
back to the task at hand
reiner bertholt annie EXPECT OUR SADISTIC REVENGE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT
beetroot:
wait how can we expect it if we won’t expect it
pieck:
through my wizard magic
it will be both painful and utterly ravishing, simultaneously tortuous and erotic, sensuous and unendurable
annie:
i’m both confused and strangely a little turned on
pieck:
as you should be
beetroot:
can we please be reasonable about this like the well adjusted adults we strive to be
pieck changed beetroot’s name to butthole
pieck:
no