spill bile (and words of vile)
{special}
you didn't like thinking about complicated things.
[they spout words such as stupid, empty headed, spaze. a part of you thinks theyre right.
a part of you thinks what it would be like to bash their faces in the table tell theyre nothing but mush
you try to stop thinking at all after that.
it doesn't work.]
you would much rather try to solve things with actions, not words.
(because even if you said anything it wouldn't matter.)
besides, it was easier that way.
you didn't need to worry about the future, you were talented in gymnastics.
[not at anything else, though.]
{"look its the retard! I heard shes failing her classes!"
"really?"
"yeah! hey! come on! lets ask the idiot herself!"
"stupid! what do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm not stupid! I'm just--"}
[special, your parents hiss, like its a curse that leaves a bitter taste in their mouth. you wish to never hear that word again. You do, anyways though, because its never been about what you want.]
you didn't like training. maybe it was because of your simple mindedness.
(maybe it was because your parents were the coach's)
so you focused on much simpler things, like food.
food was nice. comforting.
something you could indulge in, something you could control.
but you weren't suppose to eat this, that, or anything really.
(youre a gymnast now. you cant eat whatever.
at least, that's what youre parents said when they restricted your diet.
now you were always hungry.)
your parents caught you eating the food you had hidden under your bed, once.
they forced you to puke it up.
the only thing that lingers is the bitter, stinging taste of stomach acid.
you feel oddly hollow
you had siblings, all of which relied on you.
(mom and dad never cared about them. they spend all their time training you.
honestly your jealous, you would rather be ignored too)
you would cook and clean for them, help them with their studies.
you felt happiness when the would call you big sis! big sis!
you swore you wouldn't let them be tainted.
(you didn't realize that vow would turn to a lie later on)
and the gold medal goes to Oowari Akane!
they say your amazing, sing praises to you as if you haven't been a total screw up all your life
(useless! do you want to embarass this family akane?! is that it?! your such a disappointment!)
you don't know how to react.
[so you make a fool of yourself]
maybe that's why your curious when you hear hope peak might want you.
(you couldn't take such false kindness. they only loved the money, the fame, not you)
and, low and behold, you get a scouting letter in the mail one day.
inside are words strung together, words such as talent and hope and future, but your eyes fixed on one
{special}