counting your scars and missing the stars [discontinued]

“I don't like him.”

Rose glances over her mug of tea, a fancy one that Dave never bothered to learn, and the point of drinking the stupid fancy tea was to make her look sophisticated and mature. And it was working. She twirls a dainty spoon in the brown liquid that smells like cat piss from where he is across the counter, “I'm assuming from your tone of voice that you read his mind, and didn't like what you saw?”, she takes a sip to hide her quirky smile.

“You know me too well,” he mocks her with using her tone of all all knowing voice. He hates when she acts all superior, she knows just as much as him, maybe more because she's in the honors classes willingly. Dave wants to go back to normal easy classes, but he got extraordinary grades on all his tests. He doesn't even do his homework. On the other hand, he can read minds. He can go up to the President and read his mind and mind out all of the secret things that the government hides, the illuminati. However, he could go up to the President of the USA and just mind out that the Prez finds him hella cool because he can’t search people’s mind, he could only see what they’re thinking at the time. Hella big drawback.

She sighs, putting the tea down to look at him, “Okay. I'm here to listen, not to judge. Why do you dislike Karkat, he seems very pleasant if not shy.”

He coughs as sarcastic as a cough can get. “He's not shy, Rose. He's loud and insults everyone, literally everyone like damn son calm your tits. And his insults are fucking hilarious, ten out of ten would recommend you to hear. It's all angry hail fire, he gets so fucking pissed at the weirdest things. You know how he's in my science class, by the way I have three classes with not including lunch so I know my shit better than any shit I’ve taken, and Tavros spilled some water near him, the kid is a kluz, not even on him or any of his shit just on the floor near him slightly, and holy fuck the words he yelled in his head. I didn't even know people could yell in their heads, it was so loud that I cried out in legit pain, but not loud because that would ruin my rep. Only Jade heard cause she's my lab partner and she got so worried, like she was, ‘you need to go to the nurse!’. And I was like, ‘babe, coolkids don't go to nurses’. He's actually pretty funny. I see that face, I'm getting to that part. But, he called you a bitch and as the big brother-..okay, fine, as the younger brother I can not allow that.”

“Dave, you can’t like someone simply because he called me a bitch. Lots of people have called me worse than that, John has called me a ‘rude meanie who manipulates and is a bitch’ and you're still best friends with him.”

“Ialsomaybesortofslippedupandhessuspisousnow.”

His twin sister crosses her ankles, posing as if some cameraman was going to take her picture, and remarks, “Could you repeat that, brother? I'm hoping I misheard you.” Shit. Her voice is all sweet like sugar, but he knows from experience that it's a trap. “I..slipped up once or twice, not so fucking bad, but little things and now he's suspicious of me. So, overall, I don't like him because he's observant as a hawk, called you a very mean word, makes me question my sexuality, and hates my guts because I told Nepeta to lick him, she didn't, and because I wear shades.”

“Question your sexuality?”

Dave groans and thumps his head on the table, hard enough to make him regret doing it. Hopefully it doesn't bruise, that would be embarrassing to explain to everyone else. “Of course that's all you hear from that,” he murmured into the glossy, daily polished wood. It’s almost scary how everything is so clean and tidy, that’s a lie, but it’s a messy cluster in which everything has it’s own place, considering how he’s never seen Mrs. Lalonde clean. Rose or Roxy, who he met once before she went to college, hasn’t seen her either, and he knows for a fact that there are no maids present to take the blame. It’s just the three of them, six if you count the three evil hairballs. Maybe it would've been different if there was another dude in the house to dirty things up, shit Bro would've had a field day with his puppets..what the fuck. No! Is Dave actually missing him? It's been a year, he should have no remorse for the asshole who made him want to die and made him close to death on multiple occasions. If he should be missing anyone, it should be Dirk! Dirk never hurt him on the rare days they hung out. What the fuck is wrong with him?!

Without warning, there’s a hand on his back, rubbing reassuring circles in almost as if Rose was giving him a massage. One, he’s perfectly fine, he’s shaking just a little bit. Two, he almost doesn’t catch the way her hand falters when he flinches away from her, but he does, and guilt floods him to the bone. Why does she put up with him? Oh that’s right, they’re fraternal twins, (no not identical no matter how much they look alike and plus, she has a darker shade of blonde hair) , who exited the same vagaina together, she’s stuck with him. She doesn’t want to be, he could tell, he doesn’t even need to read her mind..he could if he truly wanted too.

I wonder what set him off this time, I’m actually surprised this is out of the blue. I shouldn’t be, given how fragile he is, anything could set him into a panic attack. It’s just be so long since he’s had one,-

He choked, pressing his palms down hard on the stable table, focusing on that to bring himself back. “Rose, stop thinking,” he spat out, pushing himself up and turning to glare at her, not that she would be able to tell with his shades. Fragile? He didn't want her pity during the move and he sure as hell doesn't want it now. He's not fragile, Bro made sure of that. And even if he's not what Bro envisioned, the asshole is nowhere near him to punish him for it. She quirks an eyebrow, and gives him a glare of her own, her’s is near perfection, “I thought that we agreed on not reading my mind. What happened with that?” The chair skits on the floor when he pushes it back, creating a sound that has his hair standing up, and then standing in front of her. Towering over her short frame. How the hell did he not hear her getting up before? “Well, when you have powers, you tend to ignore rules that are stupid. If I have the power to read minds, I’m going to read fucking minds.”

She frowns at that, “Dave, you’re being a dick.”

He opens his mouth to report back, boiling anger that bubbles to the surface yells at him to do so, to make her cry and feel the pain he was treated to for years, but instead he deflates. His shoulders slump forward and he lowers his head, more than embarrassed at his random outburst, “I’m sorry.” He’s ashamed. If she was confused on how quickly his mood changed, she doesn’t say anything about it as he walks past her and up the stairs. Fuck, did he mess up hugely. He..acted like Bro in a way, sure Bro would of slapped her instead of shouting, but what difference does it make? Rose is wrong, even if it’s been over a year, he’s still broken. No therapy sessions or drugs they give him can fix that. Strangely enough, he doesn’t plan to stay in his room.

He’s been doing it since the second week of him living there, it was too much new and he needed an escape. It was a big house, but he still felt like the walls were closing in and he was going to be crushed. So, he had opened the window and jumped out, there was a tree branch just in reach if he leaped for it, annnd he totally leaped for it. In what world would he not?

Dave repeats the steps of that first night and the many after it. Locks his door, puts the chair in front of it, makes a body pillow so if by chance “mommy dearest” looks for him, she’ll think he’s sleeping. (She’s never sober enough to think otherwise or look more closely). Rose already knows because they ran into each other one night, she blushed when he asked (“Kanaya?”) and he scowled when she asked (“John?”). He grabs a sweatshirt from the ground, sniffing it once before putting it on, he had to make sure it’s sort of clean and the sniff test never fails. Except that one time. He shudders when thinking of it. It’s not like he doesn’t do laundry, he does his own perfectly well (he had to learn at a young age, but back then he only had only two outfits, so it was easier than the millions clothes Mom got him), he just procrastinates like no tomorrow. The clothing will probably keep him warm, he never watches the news or check the weather, so if it's snowing, then that would rock. He would be freezing to death, but it would be worth it.

He’s still taken aback that the sun is already down at 4:30, in Houston it wasn’t down till five-thirty or six. Timezones, he guesses, or it’s just that part of the month. It's been a couple hours since the sunset, so it's gonna be colder than normal.

He opens the window, pushing back the hood of his signature red sweatshirt to attempt to see better, and jumps. He snags the branch in a good position, heaving himself up as quickly he could so his weight is more leveled out and so he’s not relying purely on his grip. Falling from this height, this three story height, will break more than some bones. Kill him if he lands incorrectly, not like how Bro taught him. Taught being used in the context of him almost dying and lying in a pool of his own blood for seven hours because he couldn’t get himself up. It wasn’t fun. Dave scales the tree, getting down two minutes faster than he did last time. That’s a new record, he can’t tell anybody about it but Rose and he feels like she’s not going to want to talk to him after what happened in the kitchen.

The night is beautiful, but it’s not his hometown, or even his state. Stars scattered throughout the thick blanket of endless black, the moon his single flashlight for the chilly darkness and the only noise was his footsteps hitting the ground.

Willow, New York is as different as it could get to Houston, Texas. It's a smaller than small town, where everyone knows everyone and their pet’s middle name, and there is no city lights, and no buzzing traffic to help him go to sleep, most of the people here actually don’t have cars. The rich folk do, like Eridan Fucking Ampora’s father or Equ-sweaty something’s fucked up family, and he guesses his own family; the Lalonde girls with the extra person in the household.

Dave remembers how it was when he first got there, how he could hear the rumors when he walked down the school halls or getting a Coke at the one grocery store there is. He hadn't realized that Rose and her- fuck, his family were as rich as they are. He wondered why his mother never helped them, Bro and him, out, but then Rose explained to him that she couldn't find him. That Bro took him from the house and disappeared to the night.

Dave slows to a walk, the mansion he lives in is actually not in the town, but a twenty minute drive away in a secluded forest. It equals about three hours and forty-two minutes with thirty four seconds give or take with a slow walking speed to get there and he’s planning on walking slow to get his mind at ease. Sometimes if he wants to, he'll use his bike, it'll get him into town in only thirty minutes, but the goal isn't getting into town. It's trying to get a breath in when your lungs are clogged with gears and oil. Just a moment of peace where he doesn't have to read anyone's mind, and he may fear the dark, where anything can lurk, however his music blocks everything out. Just like good music should.

Part of him hates how far away the mansion is, how it takes him fucking three hours to get into town, but it's how it is. Eridan doesn't even have a mansion, so take that fish-obsessed fuck.

He puts the earbuds in his ears, turning the rap music up as high as it goes. Dave can't even remember who the artist is, some random fuck trying to make it big more than likely. When he gets into town, he'll chill at the park, maybe stop at John’s for a quick hang out and maybe the chance to spend the night. Maybe this time Daddy-o would be cool and not drive him home, stupid caring father worried about his son's health for staying up so late. Dave goes to bed at one in the morning and he's getting perfect grades, okay B's and C's but that's only because he doesn't do his homework. Homework is so fucking dumb.

He checks to make sure the music is high, sighing when it can't turn up anymore. He needs new earbuds, he wants his music to drown out his thoughts.

Too soon is he in town. He shoots a text to Egbert, asking him if he wants to chill at the park, before walking to the park himself. Egdork will probably not come, he will go off on how it's too dangerous and how it is the perfect time to be kidnapped. Nine o'clock is the perfect child abduction time, didn't you read it in your pedophile handbook? It's only a ten minute walk to the “dangerous” park from where he is, not that it matters, he would walk across town for it. Dave doesn't care about time really, he's late for almost everything, and he gets lost in the music when he's walking so he doesn't even notice when time passes. Some part of him feels like he should care, like in some other dimension he was all about it, but he dismisses it without another thought.

The park is deserted, given how dark it is, it's not that surprising..but he thought that at least some stoner high schoolers would be there, maybe that one clown dude who really hates his guts for some reason that was never explained or even said. Dave has no clue why the held-back senior wants him dead or in some words, “to pound his motherfucking head into the ground until it motherfuckin’ bleeds and then smear his bright red blood over his bedroom walls as motherfuckin’ wallpaper.” Ya, that wasn't a pleasant experience to have the “top person to shoot up the school/go to jail for life when older” scream at you.

He chills at the swings, a cliche thing to do but what else is he gonna do when he doesn't feel like moving? Dave doesn't swing, no one ever really does, but instead just kicks his feet on the ground to move him a little back and forth. It's getting colder, he feels it on his exposed face and maybe he should of worn another sweater or a beanie or something instead of a stained red sweatshirt that he's had for years, (he's only starting to grow into it). But what's done is done, he can't turn back time, oh god controlling time would be a way cooler power than just reading minds. Then again, it would also be the most exhausting because he would have to keep all the timelines stable and loopholes closed tight. It doesn't seem very fun.

A figure cloaked in darkness emerges in his line of vision, walking slowly and clearly taking their time. So, there's finally a stoner, hopefully they just pass by and don't offer him anything, he really doesn't want a repeat with Gamzee. As they step in the streetlight, Dave second guesses himself, Karkat Vantas couldn't really be coming here, he seems to much of a wimp to come to the park which was well known for drug-dealings and stoners and alcoholics. He may be new, but he's not dumb, and his brother, or father for the matter, has to be Kankri Vantas, the non-certified preacher that warns children of Halloween because one time a kid got lost for eight minutes. Five of which the parents didn't even realize he was gone. Kankri would of never let him come here alone at the time, or even come at all.

Karkat sees him too, don't think he doesn't sees the falter of his step and his shoulders hunching closer together. Dave can't make out his facial expression, so he's imagining his eyebrows knit together in confusion and his mouth turning downwards in a frown. Or a scowl. His expressions are very fucking easy to read, he’s like an open book if you’ve ever saw one. The shorty is very clearly dressed for the freezing weather, a dark brown scarf, a black beanie, a overcoat with more than likely thick cotton sweater under, and that was either jeans or pajama pants. He's moving again, closer and more quickly until he can make him out when he's just ten feet away.

“Kitkat, didn't expect to see you here. What brings you to my neck of the woods?”, Dave starts before the ginger cuts him off, and the blonde stares at his mouth as it moves rapidly, he sees a curse word on there every couple seconds. Dave can't hear him, his sweet beats are way too loud. The mouth stops, and his earbuds are rudely ripped out from his ears.

“What the fuck Strider, were you even listening to me? Jesus fuck, I could hear your sexist music from ten feet away, do you even know how stupid that is? You can lose your hearing!”, he holds Dave's left earbud away from him to shout right into his ear, okay Mr. You Lose Your Hearing, you are being just a tad hypocritical. He got really close all the sudden to rip out your music, but it seems like he got unnecessarily too close to do so, his face is just a couple centimeters away. Dave can count all of his million freckles that contrast so sharply against his pale skin, from the ones on his flushed cheeks to the ones of his chin. His face is oddly symmetrical, if he cut right down the middle, both sides would still look exactly the same. He feels Karkat's breath on him when the other teen rants about how stupid he is, and it's...cold. Not minty cold like he just chewed some iceberg gum, but cold as in this wind on this fucking freezing night.

Is that normal? It's normal, why is he freaking out about it, maybe it's because Karkat's eyes are really distracting. Red, he realizes with a shock, not dark brown like he originally believed, before he wasn't nearly as close. Now, he's close enough to kiss.

His eyes are still brown, this deep ocean of different browns swirling around, but there's millions, billions, of tiny specks of bright blood red all around in them. Red just like Dave's red...

How the fuck is this kid still alive?! He's wearing a fucking sweatshirt on the coldest day of the year, no thanks to me and my fucking break down, crap he's absolutely freezing. Should I give him my scarf? Fucker, is he even listening to me? He's just staring at me, at least I think he's staring, with no emotion. Why am I even worried about a dick I just met today?

“Stop.”

He pulls back, his frown deepening if that's possible, “Stop what? You're the one who's sta-”

Dave cuts him off quickly, his voice lacking any emotion to give him away, “Stop caring. You don't need to be worried about me. I'm perfectly fine.” He is, in Texas he would get heatstrokes all the time and he always survived them. Hyperthermia couldn't be that different, it just makes you cold instead of hot. Also, how does having a panic attack lead to a fucking blizzard? Maybe if you had ice powers or something and couldn't control them, but Dave knows there's only one freak here: him.

“Fine, fucking asshole. Where do you live? You need to get somewhere warm stat, or you're going to be the idiot who got hypothermia because he stayed outside on the coldest day of the year. Did you even see the news? It's going to fucking snow soon.”

Karkat takes his scarf off, a handmade knitted scarf that he absentmindedly recalls seeing Rose work on once, and wraps it around the his neck without even asking him vocally. Oooo, it's cold, like you put it in the freezer overnight, but Dave doesn't have the heart to tell the caring dude in front of him. He does protest though, going off about how he's a strong, independent woman who doesn't need no man to help him, but the ginger just waves it off and asks again where he lives. If he couldn't read his mind to see that Karkat's genuinely worried, then Dave would think he's a stalker. It's cute how he's all worried, they had mostly one-sided conversations and this dude is scared that Dave's gonna get hyperthermia instead of just leaving him alone. That begs the question, why is he here in the first place?

“Fine, but if you wanted to have some fun, you could've just asked me. I bet you know a great way of warming up -ouch- okay it's in the forest. I can go now and be out of your hair,” but crabbykat has to be a stubborn fucker. “Fuck no, as if I would like to do anything with you! I would rather choke on Equius’s dick and god knows how sweaty that would be. Any-fucking-ways, I’ll walk you home, wait no, not like that. I'm just worried that something could happen, I mean you are perfectly idiotic enough to walk in a pothole and John would be so mad at me if I willingly let you go to break your legs.”

“Dude, no, it's like a three hour walk. I wouldn't want to put you through that.”

“Three hour walk!? What the fuck, Strider. That's it, you're staying with me for the night. I would get my brother to drive you home, but he's at work. Why the fuck he has the weirdest schedule, I have no fucking clue, he's such such an assfaced buttshitter than he doesn't tell me anything.”

“Bro, I barely know you. What makes you think that I'll go to your house?”

Karkat bites his lip and wrings his hands together nervously, Dave feels the anxiety coming off of him in waves without even needing to read his mind. He does anyways, the poor little dude is absolutely freaking the fuck out.

Fuck, he's right. I'm just a random fucking stranger, but it's freezing, he'll totally get sick if he walks home. I- I can call John, he'll know what to do. He was supposed to show up anyways, I wonder where he is. He wouldn't stand me up, right? Of fucking course he would, who would love someone like me? I'm a freak.

Dave backs off then, because it was getting really personal and against all rumors, he doesn't want to get all up in people's businesses, he knows he doesn't like anyone getting in his. Plus, he also felt like he was breaking bro code with someone he doesn't know all that well, now he knows Karkat has a raging boner for his best bro, who is totally and completely straight. Not like Dave himself, who's in this blurred mess because of the ginger in the first place. Not cool to mess someone up sexually. It's not that big of a deal, he knows he doesn't want to date Vantas; they did just met. He just thinks he's cute, really cute, really fucking cute. Ya know, straight things.

Mom Lalonde wouldn't care if he does spend the night, he doesn't think, and Rose would concerned if he doesn’t come back, but he can just shoot her a text. She wouldn't worry until it was like four in the morning (she gets up early) and he wasn't there. He also has a thing for seeing people's houses? Plus, Karkat looks about ready to have another panic attack and Dave is shit at comforting people.

“Okay, ya know what, I’ll bless your home today. Lead the way, Senpai-chan.”

“Don’t fucking call me that, just- ugh start walking!”