No Watermelons were Harmed in the Making of this Chapter
Lana smiled as she pulled away from the hug, “Well if this is an ‘I need your advice’ conversation, my first piece would be to not drink at 1:00 when your work day ends much later. But as your friend, I haven’t had good wine in ages! How about we do that after 5:00 at least?”
Miles sighed as he stabilized his cart, wondering again why Kay needed so much fruit, and realized what was happening later tonight.
“I’m sorry Lana, but I can’t. I have an...important obligation at 6:00 that I cannot miss.”
Lana laughed in response to that. Miles smiled to himself, he never remembered Lana laughing like this during her tenure as the chief prosecutor.
Lana looked great. Truly great. Miles remembered Ema sharing with him that Lana was out on parole about 5 months ago, and the current chief prosecutor had visited her several times while she was in jail. Lana ditched her militaristic garb in favor of a more comfortable style, almost exclusively wearing sweaters and maxi-dresses with her ever-present scarf, and officially stopped all involvement in law enforcement of any type. A former chief prosecutor working odd jobs and sharing rent with her younger sister was something most people would find concerning, but for Lana everything had worked out eventually.
“I’m actually on my way to buy some thread, so you can walk with me if you would like. I can all but hear the tension in your voice.” Lana nodded in the direction of a craft stand. Miles grabbed his cart and steered it toward the stand. “I have a bit of time, the rest of the office should be on lunch break right now.”
The duo headed to the stand as Miles began to fill in Lana about how everything was going horribly wrong in so many words.
“So, it’s my apprentice’s first day and he has a panic attack in the car. That’s fine! That’s nothing I can’t handle! But then we walk in and everything just goes downhill!”
Lana scanned the shelves and tried to choose between two extremely similar colors.
“I could use the Fuschia Fun color, but I’m wondering if the Flaming Hot Pink would work better with the Baby Blue Bumpkin. What do you think, Miles?”
“Fuschia Fun would likely work better with the Baby Blue Bumpkin. Anyways, the moment we walked in Klavier and Simon were having an argument! That’s no way to show an environment of cooperation and basic respect. The books said that much anyways…”
Miles continued raving in Lana’s general direction. Lana continued calmly asking him about thread colors. After Lana was done shopping, they stepped away from the crowd and sat down on a nearby bench.
“...and now here I am! Lana, I need some advice.” Miles all but collapsed onto the seat.
“About what exactly?” Lana asked. She pulled one of Ema’s coats out of her backpack, which Miles noticed was inordinately large, and began stitching together a hole.
“About how to run my office!” Miles threw his hands up in exasperation, “It’s always been a rather...chaotic environment but now that Sebastian is here I know that I need to step it up. I’ve been too lax...perhaps I need to start putting some new rules in place…”
Lana threw her head back in laughter. When Miles raised an eyebrow, her cackles only intensified.
“M-Miles I’m...pfffff...why are you asking me of all people? I-*snort*-I was literally placed in charge as a puppet! I am not the person you should be asking!”
The current chief prosecutor, now a tad flustered, responded, “You were still the chief! And things seemed to move more smoothly while you were in charge, especially compared to how the prosecutors’ office runs now! Now it’s just a drama-filled, chaotic, poorly-run mess! I haven’t even properly begun my day yet, and it is already almost over!”
Upon catching her breath, Lana leaned forward and placed a hand on Miles’s shoulder. “Miles, the reason things were running smoothly is because almost half of the office was cutting corners and another third was doing illegal things. Nobody was actually doing their job in an ethical way, and it’s why our reputation tanked during my tenure. And while the prosecutors’ office still isn’t exactly an institution with a clean image, the justice system has improved. It’s running slower and with even more...interesting people, but the office is doing its job now. So long as you all are dispensing justice in an ethical manner, I think that’s more than enough to constitute a victory.”
Miles pondered that for a moment. He supposes there is a lot to be proud of in all of this mess. There hadn’t been a major corruption scandal in years. Despite the clashing personalities of most of his subordinates, the office was still a collaborative environment. The coldness that he felt as a greenhorn had been replaced by a relatively warm, inviting air.
“You...have a point.” Miles tapped his arm, now deep in thought. Lana gave him time to think through her words, as she continued sewing.
“Lana, thank you for speaking with me.” Miles stood up and offered his hand to Lana. She put away her kit before taking it.
“It’s no problem Miles. If you really want my help, I can stop by the office with you! I’m technically supposed to be with Ema, but she’s probably binging another terrible crime show right now. I love her, but if I have to watch another episode of police badly investigating a horrible crime scene I am going to lose it.”
Miles smiled. He had watched Ema and Lana rekindle their relationship over the years after Lana’s trial. The two, though often mismatched, were always there for each other. But he knew firsthand how Lana could scream at fictional detectives for failing to report evidence to their superior. Ema did not deserve that.
“Thank you. I drove my car here, so you can come with me if you need a ride.” Miles offered.
“With all due respect, I think you’re gonna need the rest of your car for all of that fruit.” Lana gestured over to the pile that still lay in Miles’s cart.
With a trademark ‘nnnngggooh’, Miles let Lana walk in the direction of her own car and began hoisting the fruit into his own.
At least now he can listen to the Steel Samurai soundtrack in peace.
3:00
Miles and Lana pulled up at the office. They entered the building. That was, once again, the first mistake.
“Herr Edgeworth! If I am to assist your protegee with his first few investigations, I must know what music he likes! Also, where have you been for the past two hours?”
“Edgeworth-dono, I’d recommend that you put away that pear before Taka sees it. He’s been craving pears recently, though I have no idea how he ever tasted one…”
“Miles Edgeworth! You are not even close to having finished your paperwork yet. And I seem to recall you having a very important thing at 6:00. If you are simply this incapable of finishing simple tasks, then I believe that I should take over the role of Chief Prosecutor.”
“Hap’piraki Prosecutor Edgeworth and the stranger who stands next to him. Have you come to join the holy profession of prosecuting as well? Would you like to hear a few sutras?”
“Hi Mr. Edgeworth! It’s amazing here!! I’m having an awesome day! And I even finished all of this paperwork!”
Sebastian held up an entire folder worth of paperwork. Miles was initially surprised, though that feeling turned into a sense of dread upon realizing that Sebastian had filled out all of the correct information in all of the wrong places.
As Lana awkwardly imitated Nahyuta’s greeting, she raised her eyebrows in a silent plea for help as the monk began their afternoon sutras with Lana as their witness.
Miles slyly pulled Lana away, shoving Sebastian in her place and asking him to be Nahyuta’s witness instead, and fled into his office. She exhaled and patted Edgeworth on the back.
“Yeah, I honestly don’t think this could be running any smoother than it already is. I can help you fill out some of your paperwork though.”
As soon as she said that, Miles had shoved several binders worth of bureaucratic garbage in her direction.
“Start from the front and work your way backwards, please.”
The two friends settled in for one of the things every chief prosecutor hated, tedious and largely unnecessary paperwork.
4:30
Upon checking the clock, Miles Edgeworth realized he was doomed. It was the middle of rush hour. He needed to make an hour-long drive to an apartment before 6:00. He had 8 WATERMELONS IN HIS PASSENGER SEAT WHERE SEBASTIAN IS SUPPOSED TO SIT.
“Lana, I need to go. Now.”
She waved him away. “Go, do whatever you need to do. My favorite place to cry is the corner of the break room.”
That was quite possibly the opposite of what Miles Edgeworth needed to do, though he appreciated her concern. He tossed Franziska the keys to the office and she instinctively caught them.
“If you are late for this, I will whip you for it.”
“Thank you Franziska, have a nice rest of your night.”
He tapped Sebastian on the shoulder and all but tugged him out of his seat.
“But Mr. Edgeworth, we don’t have anywhere to be until 6:00! We have like over an hour to stay here!”
“Sebastian, you do not drive. Also, you may need to pile at least 3 watermelons on top of you. I might be able to fit a few more in the trunk.”
Nahyuta bowed their head as the pair made their exit.
“It was wonderful to meet you Prosecutor Debeste. Will you join me tomorrow for an early morning meditation?”
After covering his mentee’s mouth, Miles responded, “No, he will not because his ride cannot wake up before 6:00. Let me know what you’re allowed to eat for the next month, I know that you’ll be fasting from certain things for a few weeks.”
Simon also leaned backwards in his desk and said his quick goodbye.
“I’m happy to be working with you, Debeste-dono. Say, is your father the pyro? Because if so, he’s secretly afraid of sharks and Daryan Crescend has been using that against him for the past 2 years.”
“Thank you for that information, Simon. I will make sure that I take advantage of it in the future. And don’t worry, Sebastian has already shifted around his and my schedule in order to create time for me to watch a Studio Ghibli movie.”
Klavier all but blocked the doorway as he slid in front of Sebastian.
“Herr Fluffy! So, I’m trying to create a playlist for us to listen to while we work on our case together. Do you prefer pop or rock or-”
“Sebastian’s favorite type of music is classical, though he finds it hard to focus with too much background noise. If you two want to talk about music, you need to do so on your own time.”
Miles entered his car with Sebastian. He managed to fit two of the watermelons on his center console, 2 on Sebastian’s lap, 3 in the trunk, and the final two were forced to go on his own lap.
‘I’ve driven in worse conditions for a longer amount of time. This is fine.’ Miles thought to himself as Sebastian began excitedly recounting his day. The older prosecutor nodded along, though his mind was obviously elsewhere. He could visualize a shortcut to his destination. He might even get there early if he got lucky!
6:25
Miles Edgeworth’s luck has apparently run out. Only one of the pears, 2 of the apples, and 7 of the watermelons had survived the shortcut. It was not a shortcut either, it actually increased the amount of time. By the time Miles wiped his suit clean and gathered what remained of the fruit in a basket, he was all but running to the door. Fortunately, a man was already standing in the doorway with a few paper towels at the handy and a beautiful smile on his face.
“I hope that today hasn’t sent you into a total state of melon-choly!”
Miles plomped his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder and let the man embrace him.
“Wright, you are lucky I love you. Otherwise, I would never have forgiven that pun.”