2 AM
“Is that her?”
“No.” I sigh.
“How about that?” he points to another passerby.
“No.”
“How about-“
“That is a middle-aged man- Daken.” I snap. “How the fuck is that going to be Laura??”
He giggles. Honest to god giggles. “You’re cute when you’re angry.” He whispers, leaning more firmly into me.
I’m ‘cute’. Heh. Good to know.
“Stop pointing at strangers.” I tell him as the man walks by, staring at us warily. “Sorry,” I explain as he’s leaving. “He thought you were his sister.”
That seems to offend him more and he hurries out of sight.
Daken prattles on about nonsense for the next five or so minutes.
I lean him back against the fence, but he breaks away from me, stumbles in a little half circle and stands in front of me, and points behind me.
“I shall inspect the wildlife.” He announces.
“You do that.” I sigh.
He makes more ‘notes’ on his phone, though this time they’re more jumbled than before and make a lot less sense than when he was doing the street signs.
it goes on for a few minutes longer than I would have liked.
“Buggy, bug, bug.. ant.. roach… beetle. Bug, bug, bug.”
“Stop saying everything you see.” I snap, finally. He’s been doing this for three minutes.
“But there’s so many!” He cries.
“No, there’s not.” I grouse. “You’re just seeing double.” I watch him stare at the insects. “Here.” I grab him by the shoulders and turn him around, facing away from the fence. “Help me look for Laura.”
He’s quiet before saying , “That’s her!”
“Daken, that woman’s too old to be Laura.” I try to keep this quiet, but the woman slaps me with her purse as she walks by anyway.
“That’s her!” He cries again.
“That’s a man!” I cry is exasperation.
I’m starting to think she’s blown us off. It doesn’t seem like something she would do, but tonight’s been weird all around. It wouldn’t be unlikely.
“That’s her!!” Daken exclaims suddenly, jumping up from his spot and running to a woman that this time just so happens to be Laura.
“Laura!” He dances from foot to foot in front of her. “It’s Laura, Johnny!”
I have to conceal a laugh.
Laura’s dressed for ‘date night’. Her version of ‘date night’ I guess. Copious amounts of skin shown under an open leather jacket. Her heels make a loud clicking sound as she comes to a stop in front of him.
Her face conveys nothing but discomfort.
Her date (Warren, from the past, I’m told) comes up behind her, dressed in a slightly nicer get up than her. I think that could be a reason for her ‘bad’ date. Maybe. I don’t know. If we weren’t dealing with Daken like this, I still wouldn’t be able to ask her. Laura and I really don’t talk like that.
“Daken.” She says as he wraps himself around her. “Hi… hi there.” He continues to hug her, going as far as to pick her up off the ground and swing her around.
“Laura!” He slurs. “You’re so tiny!”
“Laura,” Warren looks even more uncomfortable. “Maybe he shouldn't hang on you like that…” He winces. “It looks like it hurts.”
“He’s fine.” She snaps. “Daken put me down.”
Daken lowers her to the pavement but doesn’t let go. “I’ve been waiting for you.” He explains. “First you were a man. Then a woman. Then a man again. And now you’re you!”
I join them, pulling Daken off of her.
“Daken,” I say to him, “Personal space.”
“Laura!” He slurs. “I was a water fountain! And a pirate! And a dancer! And I got stabbed by my date! And,” he gasps. “We went for waffles!”
Laura stares at him for a long minute. “You’re intoxicated.” She assesses. “More so than I thought when Johnny texted.”
“Yea. We’ve had a fun night.” I nod to her and Warren. “How about you guys?”
“Fun,” Warren says somewhat dryly. “It’s been fun.”
I guess it hasn’t judging by his tone.
“Laura,” Daken continues, “Laura, I lost my house.”
Laura stares at him for a second. “I know where your house is.” She says somewhat patiently. “I’ll take you there.”
Daken smiles wide. “Johnny’s going to lay down with me.” He leans into her. “We’re going to have sex.” He whispers.
She glares at me. “I think you’re too intoxicated to have sexual relations of any kind.” She says pointedly.
“We’re not.” I correct quickly, before turning to Daken, “I’m just putting you to bed.”
“We’re going to bed,” Daken says with a nod. “I’m very excited.” He suddenly looks down and grins like an idiot. “Not too ‘excited’.” He raises his eyebrow. “wanna feel??”
He grabs my hand so suddenly that it takes everything in me not to shout.
“I don’t want to feel your dick!” I yelp.
Daken frowns.
Now he’s pouting.
Now he’s….
Oh, fuck.
He sits on the ground with his knees pulled up to his chest.
“Daken,” Laura leans down in front of him. “What are you doing?”
He sniffs.
Oh god.
“I’m a plant.” he almost whimpers.
“A…. plant?”
He nods in jerkily.
“Why?”
He points at me. “Him. He turned me into a plant.”
I….
“I did not.” I try to keep my voice soft.
“I’m a plant.” He repeats. “A lonely plant.”
“This is weird.” Warren says to Laura in a hushed whisper.
“You’re weird.” Daken says defensively.
“Daken,” Laura reaches out and takes his hands in hers. “You need to stop being a plant. It’s time to go home.”
“You go home.” He mutters.
“You're sleepy.” She tries, her voice changing to a tone you would use if you were talking to a child… not a trained killer. “Won't you let me take you home?”
He points at me again. “Only if he comes.”
“He wants to go home, Daken.”
I….
Daken lowers his head to his knees. “Now I’m a bush.”
“You’re not a bush.” I try.
“I’m a bush. Johnny is a fire-breathing lizard.”
“‘A fire breathing lizard’?” Warren raises one of his golden eyebrows.
Man, this dude really does look like an Angel. He couldn’t have picked a better name.
Daken nods.
“I’m not a fire-breathing lizard.” I groan. “I just want to go home.”
“Go home with me.” He says quickly. “Go home with me.”
“Whining at him will not get you your way.” Laura says. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”
She stands to her feet.
Daken’s lower lip is poking out into a pout.
And damn… damn if it doesn’t look…. adorable?
He looks so damn… cute.
He’s a cute drunk.
Well.. not drunk. Druggie?
“Come on.” Laura offers her hand to him. “Let’s go home.”
“Home with Johnny.” He mumbles.
“No.” She says. “To your house.”
“Home with Johnny.” He repeats.
“No-“
“I WANT TO GO HOME WITH JOHNNY!” He yells. Very suddenly, at that. Warren must jump at least two inches into the air.
Our little shrub is being difficult.
“No, no, no.” Laura says quickly. “You stop that.”
He smirks a little. “Not doing anything.”
“You cannot make us experience your intoxication.” She says sternly. “Stop it.”
I don’t know what she’s talking about… but I do feel a little … funky.
“If I share we can all be happy.” he says in a whine.
“Keep your powers to yourself.” She orders. “I don’t know how much control you’ll have when you’re like this and we don’t need you to be affecting innocent people.”
“You’re affecting innocent people.” He says pointedly.
“In what way??”
“With your pointy words.” He sticks his tongue out at her.
“Daken-“
“I don’t know you.” He yells.
“Daken, you know you know her.” I intervene.
No!” Daken yells again. “I don't know you!”
“Daken!” She snaps.
“I’m being mugged!” He yells loudly.
“You’re going to bring attention to us.” Laura hisses. “Daken- stop.”
“Stranger!” He cries. “Help!”
“Daken, stop.” Laura says urgently.
“Help!”
He’s… oh god.
He’s crying.
He’s….. oh fuck. He can’t be a cryer. I can’t handle cryers. They make me uncomfortable.
“You can’t be serious.” Laura says quietly. “you KNOW we’re not trying to mug you.”
He nods. “I”m crying because you won’t play with me.” He sniffs.
“That’s because your ‘games’ could get someone thrown in jail.” I try to soothe.
He points at me. “He won’t play with me.”
“Me? Why are you singling me out?”
“Because you’re a mean little fire-breathing lizard.”
“I am NOT a fire-breathing lizard!”
“And I’m not a bush.” He rolls his eyes.
“Well, you aren’t!” I try to reason with him. “I'm not a fire-breathing lizard. You’re not a bush. And you’re going to go home. There. That’s it.”
He starts to whimper.
The whimpers get louder and louder until he’s bawling while talking nonsense about bushes and lizards.
“Lizardman strikes again!” He wails.
“Daken- please.” Laura tries to soothe him while looking around the - thankfully- empty street. “Calm down.”
“Lizardman…” He sobs. “The gecko. The yellow-headed fire blasted gecko. From New York. Who flies. And.. and…”
“Daken,” Warren steps up to him. “Don’t cry. Laura and I will take you home and you can sleep it off. Maybe you and Johnny can talk tomorrow and straighten this out?”
“He won’t talk to me tomorrow.” He sniffs.
I sigh. “Of course I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Assuming he remembers this conversation.
“Daken,” Laura asks, bending down again. “Why did you take so much?”
He shakes his head.
“Why did you take so much?” She tries again.
“Plants don't talk.” He informs, curling in on himself again.
“You're not a plant.”
“Am I pretty plant?”
“You’re not a plant at all.” Laura assures.
“Then I’m a weed?????” He says in horror.
“No!” She says quickly. “You’re not a weed. You’re not a plant. You’re a human. Okay?”
“Am I pretty human?” He asks.
“Uh… yes.” She says.
“Like guy pretty or girl pretty?”
“Guy pretty?”
He frowns. “No, I’d rather be a plant.”
“Why would you want to be a plant?” Warren asks gently.
“Why would you want to be a human?” He pauses. “You’re a bird- bird man. Fly away. Shoo, shoo. Go to the park with the rest of the birdies.”
“Daken.” Laura says in a ‘warning’ tone.
“I’m a plant and he’s a bird.” He points at Warren. “You’re a fox,” he points at Laura, “And he’s a fire-breathing lizard.” He points at me.
“I am not a fire-breathing lizard!” I try again.
“And you are not a plant.” Laura says gently.
“Not a plant?”
Finally, after we’ve said it like fifty million times!
Whatever those drugs he took are….. I’m going to personally purge the city of them.
My head aches. I’m sore. I’m still hungry. And more importantly- I’m tired.
He’s Laura’s problem now…. but I can’t seem to will myself to go.
I really do want him to get home safely. I do, regardless of our disagreements, care about him. That’s what tonight was all about- right?
I didn’t have to come after him.
I didn’t have to watch over him all night.
I could have saved myself one hell of a headache if I’d just stayed out of it.
He’s quiet for a second. “Can I be a goldfish?”
“Can you….. no?” Warren crosses his arms. “How is a goldfish better than a plant?”
“Warren.” Laura hisses, “Let me handle this.”
“I”m serious.” Warren continues. “How is this better?”
“Fish are alive.” I offer.
“I’m... Dory. Did you see Dory? I liked Dory.” He’s talking to Laura in a hushed tone. “It’s a secret.” He whispers. “But I like Dory.”
“What’s a Dory?” Laura asks with a raised eyebrow.
“The fish!” He seems happier than before.
“The… fish?” Laura asks.
I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. “It’s a movie.” I inform. “About a fish with memory problems who get’s lost trying to find her-“ I stop. “Not important.”
“You have seen Dory!” He says excitedly, turning to me.
I nod. “How have YOU seen Dory?”
“What was your favorite part?”
“I didn’t watch it that closely.”
“I liked the seals. And the bird. And the fish. Oh, I Like fish. I like to eat fish too. Do you like to eat fish, Johnny? Why did we never go eat fish when we were dating? Didn’t you want to go eat fish? I-“
“Enough!” I interrupt. “Yes, I saw Dory. No, I don’t have a favorite part. Yes, I like to eat fish. And I don’t know why we never went and ate any while we were dating.” I offer him a smile. “No more questions.”
“Dory is a pretty fish. I like her actress. I like her show.”
Now I have to absorb the fact that Daken willingly watches children’s movies AND Ellen.
Tonight is just too strange.
“Dory is a sweet fish.”
“You like Dory?” I get an idea.
He nods.
“You know what Dory does?”
“She sings.” He says thoughtfully. “Can we sing?”
“Ah no-“
“Just keep swimming… and… how’s it go?”
I have to stop and stare at him.
He rocks a little back and forth while humming Dory’s signature tune.
“I can’t remember the words.” He says in frustration.
“It’s swim.” I say in disbelief. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep sw-“ I stop, watching Laura and Warren stare at me between ridiculous grins. “No, we’re not singing.” I have to force a smile for him. “She goes home. She finds her parents and goes home.”
He pouts again.
Laura takes a deep inhale. “Wrong thing to say.” She whispers.
“Dory found her parents.” He says quietly.
“Uh-“
“I have to find my parents.”
“Dory found her friends- too!” I say quickly. “You don’t need to find your parents if you’ve got your friends.” I motion to our collected group. “You found your friends- all on your own. So… now you can go home.”
I think I’ve had a stroke of genius.
“My parents are dead.” He says, tearful again.
“You have Laura.” I say , trying to think on my feet. “You have Laura!”
“Yea!” Warren tries to help out. “You two have each other!”
Daken observes her for a second. “My Laura.” He says with a slur.
“Your Laura is worried about you.” She says earnestly. “You could have gotten in trouble or hurt tonight.”
He nods.
“I want you to go home.” She continues. “And take a shower. And get into bed.”
Daken looks up at me. Eyes glazed over. Lip poked out. “My house is empty.” He says. “I just moved in. All my things are in boxes.”
He…. “You moved into the city?”
I didn’t think he actually lived in the city .
He nods, lip still out.
“For you.”
That brings everything to halt in my mind. “For… me?”
He nods. “’s a new place. I don’t remember how to find it.” He looks down. “Like Dory. I’m lost. ”
I don’t know why there’s a sudden fascination with this movie… but it’s got some heartbreaking similarities for Daken’s own past.
Maybe that’s why he likes it so much.
“You told me your address,” Laura says gently. “I’ll get you home. You’re not lost.”
“Laura will get you home safely,” Warren adds. “She loves you very much.”
Usually, Daken stiffens at that word. Tonight he leans back against the fence of the park and smiles.
“Thank you, Warren.” Laura turns to him. “For everything.” She lowers her voice. “I’m sorry I was angry.”
“Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Daken whispers. “They’re making up!”
Warren looks at her with a look so gentle I can’t begin to describe it. “I’ll go back to your place.” He says to her. “Let you take care of your brother.”
Laura nods. “Thank you.”
He leans over and kisses her.
When they break apart he nods to me. “Good luck with your fish.”
I go to answer but the sound of Daken puking on himself stops what I was going to say.
“I’m a bush.” He says, looking down at his clothing. “People puke in bushes.”
“You’re not a bush- remember?” I can’t help but grin. He’s so….. out of it. And I have to admit, it hasn’t been completely a waste of my night. In the very least, it wasn’t boring.
“Can you stand up?” Laura asks gently.
Daken shakes his head. “‘m gonna puke.”
“No, no.” She says. “Deep breath.”
He vomits noisily onto the pavement beside him.
“Oh look.” He says. “Waffles.”
“That’s gross, Daken.” I complain.
“Dory likes shells.” He says randomly. “That’s how she found her way home.”
“We don’t need shells to get you home.” Laura says. “We just need to get you moving. We’ll need to take the rental car I parked-"
“Car??”
She nods.
“Can I sit up front?”
She nods again.
“Can I roll the windows down?”
Again she nods.
He smiles, standing shakily to his feet. “Car ride!” He exclaims. “Johnny- we’re going in a car!”
I’m not sure if they’ll need me for this next part. So it’s probably best to take my leave.
“I’ll walk you to the car.”
I know Laura is capable of taking care of herself… but I can’t in good conscience leave a woman alone at 3 am in the city. I can’t.
“It’s not far from here.” Laura wraps her arm around Daken’s shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
We get down the street a bit when Daken stops moving.
As in his whole body freezes.
I see his eyes fix at something across the street. And fuck do I know that look.
“He’s gonna bolt.” I say to Laura urgently. “Grab him!”
It’s too late. Daken takes off full speed into the middle of the road, across the street, onto the pavement, and into a sketchy as hell gas station parking lot.
“God damn it.” I hiss. “This is the third time he’s run away from me.”
“Well, he’s not getting far.” Laura huffs before taking off at a run behind him.
How she’s running in those heels, I don’t have a clue
She’s gaining on him, though.
I stand in silence watching the chase unfold in front of me.
He runs to the pumps- she runs to the pumps. He runs out in front of cars- she runs out in front of cars.
When he climbs on top of the hood of an innocent bystander's car, however, she does not follow.
The middle-aged man inside the car looks beyond pissed.
I can hear her pleading with him from here.
Not knowing what else to do, I jog across the street and approach him carefully.
He’s on top of a red Ford Focus, one foot on the hood, the other on the windshield.
“Get off the nice man’s car.” Laura is saying very slowly.
“She’s chasing me!” he cries to the man inside the car.
“I don’t give a fuck!” The man bellows. “Get the fuck off my car!”
Daken sticks his tongue out at the man.
“Daken,” I gain his attention as soon as I speak. “Come down from there.”
He shakes his head violently.
“Daken,” I repeat. “Come down.”
While he’s looking at me, Laura sneaks over and grabs him by the shins, toppling him backward into her waiting arms. The car slams it in reverse and squeals out of the parking lot.
“Owwwwwwww.” He groans.
Laura holds him tightly, the two of them collapsing in front of the gas pump.
“Ow. Ow. Ow.” he repeats. “You broke my leg!”
“Lay still and it will heal.” She instructs.
“Ow.” He whines. “Johnny,” He flings his hand towards me in a pathetic display of need. “Hold me.”
“He will not hold you,” Laura growls. “You don’t deserve to be held. You’ve behaved very poorly.”
“I just wanted that.” He points towards the windshield wiper in its container on the side of the gas pump. “For the car.”
Laura exhales and visibly counts to ten. “We don’t need that for the car.” She says softly.
“I got an idea.” I interlude. “How about Laura goes and gets the car, and you and I,” I point between the two of us, “Go inside the gas station and get Slurpees?”
“He doesn't need that much sugar.” Laura growls.
“Yes, I do.” He cries. “I need all the sugar.”
“He needs all the sugar,” I repeat. “And we need to get him into the car. So if I get him the sugar, and you go get the car, we should be done here.”
Laura nods begrudgingly and lets him go.
“My leg.” He pouts.
“It’s healed.” She hushes.
“It still hurts.”
“Lemme see.” I can baby him if he wants to be babied. If it keeps him from running off.
He rolls up his pant leg and shows me the disgusting sight of his leg healing itself.
“Yuck.” I almost gag.
Daken nods. “It hurts, Johnny.”
I don’t know what he expects me to do, so I just bend down and rub above his right knee and thigh.
Laura stands to her feet and walks off, adjusting her jacket and smoothing out her hair. “Stay put.” She orders.
He glares at her. “She’s mean. A mean little girl.”
“She’s not a ‘little girl’.” I correct before she can turn back. “She’s a woman. Don’t be disrespectful.”
He pouts yet again. “I just want to dance.” He says randomly. “Why can’t we just dance?”
“Because it’s 3 am, Daken,” I say. “It’s time to go home.”
“But it’s not homey at home.”
“‘Homey’?”
He nods. “I'm lonely.”
“You're never lonely.” I correct. “You like to be alone.”
He shakes his head. “I pretend to like to be alone. Like I pretend I don’t eat off of food trucks. And I pretend I don’t like Disney movies.”
I sit down beside him, back to the gas pump. “Daken,” I ask after a moment of silence. “How much of tonight are you going to remember tomorrow?”
He smiles. “I don’t know.”
“You're so… human when you’re like this. Is that an act?”
he shakes his head. “I like being high. It makes me carefree. I don’t have to do anything…. or pretend to be anything. I can be a bush. Or a fish. Or a plant. Or a dancer. Or a pirate…” he stops. “Are you still my first mate?” He leans back against the pump, closing his eyes.
“No.” I say with a grin. “I never was.”
“oh.” He frowns, not opening his eyes to look at me.
“I’m your friend, though.” I try. “And I care a lot about you.”
“I care a lot about you.” He repeats.
I don’t know if he’s mimicking me, or meaning it, but it makes my heart skip a beat.
“Did you mean that?”
“Mean what?” He cracks his left eye open.
“That you cared a lot about me.”
He grins like an idiot. “Look.” He clumsily rummages through his pockets, pulling out a nice leather wallet and tossing it to me.
“Your wallet?”
He nods. “Look in the pocket.”
There happen to be about five pockets, Most of them contain nothing. One contains a condom, guess he was planning on some female company at one point, and the other has a folded up piece of paper.
I pull the paper out and find myself grinning. “When did you take this?”
He grins somewhat lazily. “When you weren’t looking.”
“Obviously.” I stare at the picture in my hands. “I’m asleep.”
“You’re cute when you sleep.”
I sigh, looking at myself in the picture. “You won’t remember this tomorrow, will you?”
He has a picture of me in his wallet…. how…… odd.
How… sweet?
I thought he ignored me on purpose.
I thought he was distant on purpose.
Maybe I'm wrong?
He shakes his head. “I’m going to be a plant now.”
I look him over. “I like you much better as a person.”
“I like me better as a plant.”
“You’re cuter as a person.” I try.
He grins. “But plants don’t have to move.”
“Plants don’t get Slurpees either.”
He shakes his head. “I really want cheese fires.”
“Fries.” I correct. “Not fires.”
“That’s what I said.”
“No,” I laugh. “You said ‘cheese fires’.”
“That’s called fondue.”
I let him sit there and pretend to be a plant for the next ten minutes.
A gray Toyota pulls up to the pump and stops in front of us, rolling the window down. “Get in.” Laura says with a yawn.
“Get out.” Daken retorts.
“Get in.” She growls.
“You’re not a wolverine.” He informs her. “You’re an electric eel.”
“I’m a-“ She sighs. “Get in the car.”
I nod my head to him. “Come on.”
“Johnny,” He lets me pull him to his feet. “Please stay.”
I groan.
“We can watch Dory.” He bribes.
Laura motions with her hand for us to hurry up.
“Fine.” I look at his hopeful face. “Fine. I’ll stay. Just until you go to sleep, though.”
He grins brilliantly. “That’s all I want.”
I hope so. I really can’t give him anything else at this point.