Let Me Go (Avengers)
Let Me Go (Avengers comfort fic)
I looked down at the street below me.
Red and Blue lights blinked around the terrorized ant-sized crowd.
They were scared. Scared about what they were about to witness. A young teenager, taking their own life.
I shuffled my feet closer to ledge.
I was tired.
Tired of pretending to be okay when I'm not.
Tired of bringing myself down every single day.
Tired of the judging stares, and the pressure of having to keep my life together, and perfect.
I have been fighting this battle for too many years, and I'm done. My demons have won.
'Think about them' A voice told me.
'Think about your adopted family. The Avengers.'
I frowned. I didn't want to think about them right now, but they've seemed to force their way into my brain.
I had met them a while ago. The team had come to our school for the day for an assembly and to teach us how to protect ourselves when we're alone.
It was lunch time and I was sitting outside, behind the cement blocks in the parking lot. It was always better to be out there then inside.
It wasn't just that people picked on me, it was that I brought myself down, and I didn't want to be a burden on others.
Long story short they found me, and wanted to cheer me up. I began to hang out with them daily, and spent more time in the Stark tower with them, than in my own house with my family.
'You're really just going to leave them alone?'
I shook my head. I knew this was a selfish way of getting rid of the pain, but it was the only way. I had to make it stop.
********************************
Meanwhile at Stark Tower...
The Avengers were all sitting in the living room/kitchen.
Steve was reading the news paper and drinking coffee at the table.
Tony was trying to explain to Thor how toaster and coffee makers worked for the billionth time.
Clint was watching T.V., flipping through random channels, and Natasha was just waking up and making herself some breakfast.
It was while the red head assassin was making herself some cereal when she realized something.
"Hey guys? Didn't Y/N spend the night last night? They're usually up by now."
Tony paused from his speech with Thor and shrugged. "Y/N woke up at 5. They borrowed some pen and paper, and left half an hour later."
Thor sighed at the explanation. " I do not believe Y/G Y/N is feeling well. She was up until 2 o'clock in the morning yesterday. I've noticed they have not been sleeping well."
Clint had been paying a bit of attention to the conversation around him, when he flipped the station to the news. He coughed out the water he was drinking and stared at the screen in disbelief.
"Guys, I think somethings definitely bothering them. Look."
On the screen in front of them was Y/N standing on top of a building with the title 'Teenager On Top Of Building.'
Steve was the first to take action.
"Tony suit up, every one else, get to Y/N as soon as possible."
With that the team split.
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One step.
One step is all it would take and the pain would all be gone.
One step and I would be gone.
The action was so easy. Something that I do every day.
But for some reason I still hesitated.
'Just do it.'
The all too familiar demon in my head screeched.
'It's not like you've got anything to live for. The Avengers don't care for you. They don't want or need you. You can replaced with snap of their fingers. So what are you waiting for? DO IT!!!'
I closed my eyes as more tears streamed down my face.
I raised my arms, ready to fall.
"Y/N wait!!"
My eyes snapped open at the voice.
"S-Steve?"
I didn't dare turn around. If I did, who knows what could happen. I took a shaky breath and kept my eyes focused on the buildings in front of me.
"G-Go away. J-Just leave me alone. I have to do this." I cried, determination filling my head.
"Y/N, please just hear us out. You don't want to do this."
I frowned. It was Clint that time.
"W-What are you doing h-here? W-Who's all?"
"We're all here, Y/G Y/N. We care about you too much to let you go like this."
A sob escaped my lips as more tears lined my eyes at What Thor said.
'They're lying. They're just saying that to get you to stop.' I shook my head.
"You're lying! You don't care about me! How could you? I'm ugly, and broken, and weird. It's better for everyone if I just go." I shouted tip toeing closer to the edge.
"That's not true. And I know you think this is the way to go, but it's not. Trust me, I know. Just please, let us help you."
I frowned at Bruce's words. I knew he had tried to do the same thing I had, he's been through everything I was going through, possibly worst.
"Y/N please. You're stronger than this. Let us help you, please. We can fight this war together."
You could hear Natasha's voice break mid sentence. But her words had only made you more angry.
"No! I've been fighting this battle for too long! I'm sick of it! I sick of being sad all the time. I'm sick of always being tired. I'm sick of never being good enough!!"
I took a shaky breath and straightened my posture.
"This is the only way to make it go away. The only way to end it all. Why can't you guys see that?! Just let me go, and leave!"
"Y/N. I'm sorry you feel this way, and I wish we had known sooner. But please, step away from the ledge. We can help you. You're only Y/A! Please you have so much left to live for. Things will get better, I promise."
I froze at Cap's words. I knew it wouldn't stop me. My mind was already made.
I finally turned to face them.
Steve was closest to me, his eyes wide with fear, worry, and desperation.
Beside him was Thor, looking slightly confused, and absolutely terrified.
Bruce on the other hand looked like he understood the situation all too well. He seemed generally concerned and afraid.
Clint was watching me with wide eyes, as he had a comforting hand on Natasha's shoulder.
Natasha has tears lining her eyes for the first time in years. She looked extremely upset, and scared , just like the others.
"Y/N?"
I shook my head and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry."
With that I held out my arms and allowed myself to fall.
I could hear the shouts coming from above me, but I didn't even try to decipher them.
At the moment I felt so free, the wind was blowing through my hair, and past my body. I felt like I was flying, and in a way I was. After all, falling is just like flying, except there's a more permanent destination. I closed my eyes and smiled for what I thought would be the last moment of my life.
But in a second it was over, and I was being held by something metal.
I frowned and opened my eyes to see Iron Man. Anger filled my chest.
"No." I muttered seeing the landing pad of the Stark tower get closer and closer. The dam behind my eyes broke as I began to cry.
"No!! Why'd do that?! Just let me go!!! Let me go!!!" I screamed hitting my fists against the iron suit.
"Guys, I've got them. Their safe. On our way to Stark tower now. Meet you all there.
"No! Tony put me down!! Just let me die!!"
The billionaire only remained silent.
When we finally arrived at the Tower, Tony had J.A.R.V.I.S. Take off his suit with out even putting me down.
He then sat down one of the couches with a bunch of blankets, and hugged me as tightly as he could.
I finally broke and hugged him back, staining his Led Zepplin shirt with tears.
He shushed me and rubbed my back.
"It's alright. You're safe. We're going to get through this together, you won't be alone for a single minute of it."
Everyone suddenly burst into the room, still in uniform.
"Are they here? Are they alright?" Nat asked, I could feel Tony nod in response.
In an instant I was in the middle of a huge group hug.
I was confused. They were all here, clearly upset and relived at the same time. They actually cared.
It was Bruce who finally pulled me out from the other and pressed me against his chest as his fingers ran through my hair.
"Don't ever do that again. We all love you as if you were family. Don't you dare think otherwise."
I heard Clint sigh as he placed a hand on my back.
"What were you thinking? You almost killed yourself, Y/N. That's not something that just happens. Tell us, what was going on in that brain of yours?"
I sniffed and rubbed the tears out of my eyes.
"I was sick of being depressed. It's something I've had for a while now. I had tried other ways to make it go away, but nothing seemed to work. And I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want them to laugh and make fun of me. A-And..."
Thor gave me a gentle smile. "Take your time, Y/G Y/N." I took a deep breath, and swallowed down the lump that was reforming in my throat.
"I was scared that I'd disappoint you guys. You're always so happy and saving people, and helped me through just about everything. I was scared that if you found out, you wouldn't want me anymore." I admitted softly.
Bruce hugged me tighter and nuzzled his face against my shoulder. Tony simply sighed and slid beside us.
"We wouldn't of kicked you out. We've all had our rough patches, we've all had our bad days. I just wish you had known that."
I looked up at him confused. I found it hard to believe that the Avengers had bad days. They seemed too perfect for that.
Cap, as if reading my mind, started tell his story.
"As I'm sure you know, I haven't always been this big. When I was....smaller, I got picked on almost everyday. And I could handle that. But what I couldn't stand was how it made me think about myself. I hated being so small, and weak. I despised my asthma attacks, and the entire months when I was too sick to get out of bed. I beat myself up about it everyday." He paused for a minute then grinned. "And that's when Bucky would notice how upset I was. He'd force me to tell him everything I was feeling. He help me laugh, and would pick me right back up when ever I fell down. He was my safe place."
The room was silent for a second, before Nat took the stand.
"After Clint saved me from Russia, I had felt extremely guilty. I still went on my missions and did what was needed. But when ever I was alone, I'd here these voices in my head, telling me about everything I've done wrong, pointing out every single flaw. I held back all the pain I felt for months, years even. And then one day, Clint and I was eating pizza after a strict training session with Fury. And I just broke."
The archer chuckled at the memory, and continued for Natasha.
"I was shocked. She just began to cry and didn't stop. But that's when it all came pouring out. She told me everything she had thought about herself, and I felt so bad for her. So I put aside the pizza and I held her. From that day on, she came to me whenever she was feeling down, and I'd simply hold her and told just how wrong about herself she was."
Tony suddenly let out a loud groan.
"Since we're all sharing our son stories, let me say mine."
He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter.
" It was after my parents died. Even after the funeral and the various press conferences, it still hadn't sunk in that they were gone. It was on Christmas Day when I finally realized I was completely alone. I woke up that morning, somewhat excited. I went down to the tree, and saw that it was filled with presents. My brain instantly told me that mom and dad were home. I was ecstatic, because for the first time in a long time we'd be celebrating Christmas together at home. But then I remembered the car crash. And it all came crashing down."
Tony chuckled softly and wiped at his eyes.
"Do you know I never got to say goodbye? Dad and I were in a fight when they left, I yelled at him the last I saw him. My anger caused me to snap at my mom. For all I know they died thinking I hated them."
"That's not true, sir. Your parents loved you."
"Thanks J.A.R.V.I.S."
There was a respectful silence hanging over the room, before one broken voice dared to break it.
"How did you cope?" I asked. Tony blinked down at me with a frown, as if he was confused by the question. "Everyone else had someone to talk it out with, but if you truly had no one, how did you cope with everything."
Tony unconsciously began to rub his wrist. He sighed and shook his head. "I'm afraid I had a rather destructive method."
With a deep breath Tony yanked up his sleeve to reveal the scars on his wrist. They were old, and precise. Some were longer than others, other were once deeper. Each one now branded on his skin in a shiny pink line.
A collective gasp filled the room.
Tony chuckled and rolled back down the sleeve. "Yeah, I'm not exactly proud of it. But it's too late to change the past."
Thor placed a hand on Tony's shoulder and nodded. "But the point is that you survived. You continued to move on, even when things got tough." He looked over at me.
"That's what we need you to do."
He sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "We need you to keep on fighting. Yes, tis hard right now, but this will not last. Think about the good times we had had, think about your strengths and not your faults." He smiled and rubbed my arms a little. "You are smart, beautiful, and one of the kindest humans I have ever met." He raised a hand to wipe the tears from my face. You are worth so much more than you know. And don't let anyone tell you differently. Including yourself."
I wrapped my arms around him as I began to cry again. "I love you guys." Tony chuckled from behind me and ruffled my hair. "We love you too, kid."