Chapter 6
Tony was enjoying a nice dream in which he was perched in T’Challa’s lap kissing him when fucking Steve had to show up. “Tony!” he says, clearly having gotten his delicate sensibilities offended.
“Get out of my wet dream Steve, what the fuck?” Tony says, waving at him to go away. Against all odds T’Challa turns too, frowning at Steve’s sudden presence.
“Is it normal for him to show up randomly?” T’Challa asks, surprisingly autonomous given that this was a dream.
“Uh… yeah kind of. Now go because this dream was awesome until you crashed it,” Tony says, slumping in T’Challa’s lap.
“Why are you making out with the king of Wakanda? I don’t think he would appreciate that,” Steve says, hands on his hips like an offended old granny or something.
“Do not speak for me, I would be very happy if this was happening in real life. Do not listen to him,” T’Challa says, waving a hand dismissively at Steve and grinning at Tony.
“Stop making him do that,” Steve complains. He looks uncomfortable but Tony didn’t really care because this was surprisingly funny.
“He is not making me do anything,” T’Challa says, “I am fully capable of- oh. I should not be autonomous unless… unless you are my soul mate but I could I have not noticed!” he asks, looking panicked.
“I mean when we met you did just lose you dad and I was a bit distracted given that wait a minute here, if this is going down like this with like whole conversations and shit that means the bond goes both ways. How the hell did I not notice?” Tony asks, frowning.
“You have a history of that,” T’Challa points out.
“What bond doesn’t go two ways?” Steve asks, eyebrows drawing together.
“Lots of bonds you shit. Like mine and Rhodey’s- I know I’ve told you about that bond which only goes to show that you’re a crappy listener,” Tony says. Not that he was a better listener per se but come on. Maybe he forgot everyone’s birthdays every year but he at least remembered that he was Rhodey’s damn soul mate. Besides, who needed to remember birthdays anyways? Ohh, you’re one year closer to your ultimate demise, congratulations on not being killed off this year! That was much more impressive for the elderly, but in the meantime it was meaningless.
“Can you remove yourself from these dreams?” T’Challa asks.
“No, no, don’t go! I actually like you,” Tony says, looping an arm around T’Challa’s neck like that would help.
“I am not going anywhere, I want him to leave. We were having a good time before he showed up and I am excited about the prospect of dream sex!” T’Challa says excitedly.
“T’Challa,” Tony says, playfully swatting him.
“You cannot tell me that is not exactly where your mind went, I know you too well,” he says.
“That is exactly where my mind went but that’s not the point-” Tony starts but Steve cuts him off.
“Tony,” Steve says, throwing his arm up in frustration, “does this not matter to you at all?” he asks.
Tony frowns, head tilted to the side, “uh, no? I’ve been trying to kill this bond for like a month and a half and it’s just not going anywhere, this is like a bad breakup- I feel no pain here T’Challa. Dream sex is totally a go and honestly I am so excited because in real life I feel like death is trying crawl into me and use me as a human skin suit,” he says honestly.
T’Challa wrinkles his nose, “you need to dirty talk, that was not at all sexy,” he says and Tony throws his head back and laughs.
“Well, if that’s what you want-”
“Tony,” Steve interrupts again, “could you not? I’m right here.”
“So?” Tony asks, wondering when the hell Steve decided that Tony has ever had shame. There were a ridiculous amount of TMZ articles with him naked all over them- he’s never been particularly ashamed of anything body or sex related.
“No he is right, his presence is awkward, if you could leave that would be lovely,” T’Challa says in a pleasant tone, ever the diplomat.
Steve looks like someone just slapped him with a wet piece of bread or something he looked so offended. “No, he was my soul mate first!”
“Yes, but he actually wants me so that is irrelevant. Besides, if we are going by the first soul mate to pop up in Tony’s life I believe Rhodey won that a good fifteen-ish years before you were even defrosted so your point remains irrelevant,” T’Challa points out.
“Have I ever told you how much I want to kiss you?” Tony asks.
“You could cut straight to the demonstration,” T’Challa suggests and Tony snorts, shaking his head but he complies, pressing a kiss to T’Challa’s lips. When he pulls back Steve is gone. Huh, well that cut down on ‘getting Steve out of the dream’ time.
*
Rhodey near doubles over laughing when Tony tells him about the dream, Peter too. “I kind of feel bad for Steve but also that’s the funniest thing I have every heard. Also how soul mates do you have? I thought people were only supposed to have one?” Peter asks.
“Lies told by people pushing marriage agendas way back when,” Rhodey says, “most people will have at least two bonds in their lifetime, and sometimes soul mates get real weird and change. Other myths include bonds always being romantic and always going two ways. Bonds come in all shapes and sizes but to be fair things are kind of simplified in common knowledge circles. You should look up the science of soul mates, you’ll get some really interesting stuff.” Which was true- he and Rhodey had done a ridiculous amount of research way back in MIT when they had no freaking clue why their bond went one way, why Rhodey was still straight, and why there was no romance between them.
Who knew they would find such a rich history of how soul mates have been used as social control bonds in various points in history? But Tony’s favorite soul mate fact was that Cleopatra claimed basically everyone was her soul mate just to screw them over politically. That, and the time Napoleon claimed to be his own soul mate right before crowning himself emperor. Usually Tony found history boring but it turned out that soul mate history had some very weird and also hilariously dramatic events in it. He hoped that one day some rando high school kid will read something about his own ridiculous soul mate adventures given that he had three and one was a history icon, not to mention making history himself numerous times. And T’Challa was definitely going down in history.
“You know what Rhodes, we’re going down in soul mate history because honestly, remember all that stuff we found? That one Pope? Madonna? Well picture this: Tony Stark, boy genius finds Soul Mate One and things go swimmingly, nothing to report there because you’re fantastic. Then Soul Mate Two shows up when I’m significantly older but get this: we’re both fucking superheroes and he’s from the damn forties. Soul mate history will love that but wait, there’s more! Soul Mate Three shows up when Soul Mate Two proved to be a self-righteous dick and get this. He’s a super hero too! And not just any super hero, he’s a Wakandan superhero. So now I’ve got three soul mates but Soul Mate One remains awesome- shout out to Rhodey for not being nearly as dramatic as Steve or myself, Captain America gets the boot and T’Challa moves in to snap me up because I am excellent and very romantic-soul-mate free,” Tony says, grinning.
“That one Pope?” Peter prompts, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh man, remember all Hamilton drama? Dude needed to keep it in his pants. And Lincoln, lots of speculation there. You’re right man, you’re totally going down in soul mate history and I’m a little bit upset that I’m not one of the dramatic soul mates people will write papers about,” Rhodey says, looking disappointed.
“Oh, but they can write papers about long standing one way platonic bonds! That seems pretty cool!” Peter says excitedly, precious as always.
“Would you read that over the one time Iron Man dumped Captain America for Black Panther?” Rhodey asks.
Peter looks down, “no,” he admits quietly.
“I would,” Tony lies. But it would make for an interesting paper- Tony was curious about how many others had bonds like his and Rhodey’s.
“You lying shithead, you were all over that one time Henry the VIII kept beheading his soul mates and ended up starting his own religion so he could just divorce them like a normal person. You didn’t give a damn about Ringo Starr and whoever the hell his second wife was,” Rhodey says pointedly.
“Barbra Bach,” Peter supplies.
“See, Peter was interested enough to know her name. And you didn’t know her name either and come on Henry the VIII was lopping off his soul mate’s heads, it’s interesting,” Tony says in his own defense.
“If you aren’t the one being beheaded,” Peter says, hand to his throat looking horrified.
“Whatever. I’m still upset that I get boring part of your soul mate history,” Rhodey says, pouting.
“But you also get the longest lasting most fulfilling part,” Tony points out, “and that counts more to me than whether or not you’re a terrible match for me.”
“Awwww!” Peter says, making a small squealing noise that gets him an odd look from Rhodey.
“Is it just me or are Millennials really weird?” Rhodey asks.
“They’re really weird, but they’re sweet. Please don’t tell me you’ve been out superheroing with no eyes again though,” Tony says, raising his eyebrows at Peter.
“I haven’t. But last week I almost made a mistake that would have blown up a bank, but I saved it so it’s all good!” Peter says, smiling enthusiastically. Rhodey looks horrified and Tony makes a note to go over the kid’s fighting style with him, help him hone it a little so he could cut down on stupid mistakes like that. But hey, he saved it!
*
“So I… would like to tell Wakanda that we are apparently soul mates. They might take our relationship better that way,” T’Challa says, looking worried. Tony presses himself into T’Challa’s body, savoring the relief he found there.
“I think close contact with another soul mate staves off the pain of breaking a bond with the previous soul mate,” Tony says, nose buried in T’Challa’s chest.
T’Challa’s arm curls around Tony, adopting a firm grip on Tony’s waist. “Did you hear me?” he asks.
Tony snorts, “of course I did, that was a hint to take me to Wakanda. People will believe the glow when they see it,” Tony says, knowing from experience with Steve.
“Oh. Well you are certainly glowing, that is new,” T’Challa notes.
“Probably due to the fact that my other soul mate has been draining the damn life out of me almost literally. I think maybe distance will help,” Tony says. His eyes were droopy, tired from the general lack of sleep he’s been getting because Steve kept reappearing in his dreams and Tony wasn’t having any of it so he learned to wake himself up. T’Challa appeared in his dreams too, if with less frequency though that was partially due to the time zone difference between America and Wakanda and partially because the bond was new.
“Have you considered how us being enhanced will affect the bond?” T’Challa asks softly.
Tony lets out a long, thin groan, “that’s why this bond is taking so long to break with Steve, I can feel it. God damnit, the damn serum is supposed to amplify everything, I should have known this,” Tony mumbles.
“Than why would you have such a bad relationship with Steve? It would make sense that if the serum amplified the bond you would have a better relationship with him, not a worse relationship,” T’Challa reasons.
“Unless the traits it amplified in Steve are traits that are incompatible with the traits that I display the most. Which is obviously the case, we’re constantly fighting and bickering and at each other’s throats. Seriously, have I told you that I’m pretty sure we have an enemy bond? I’d call Sam and ask about his with Bucky but that would be weird,” Tony says. Partially because Sam thought he was a selfish asshole, which was kind of true in his defense, but mostly because he didn’t know the guy well.
“Perhaps. But how come our bond did not kick in sooner?” T’Challa asks.
“Rhodey said he and Peter knew weeks ago so it did, neither of us noticed. Probably because I was half dead and you’re still grieving for your father’s loss. You can’t really blame us for not noticing under the circumstances, though apparently only you were glowing. My bond with Steve could have been interfering with my part of the bond trying to go through though,” Tony says. It made sense that his bond with Steve would slow things down all around; Tony’s body just wasn’t in the right state to develop a new bond with someone until now. Which meant that, thank god, the damn bond with Steve was finally starting to wane. At least it wasn’t getting stronger like Tony thought. Maybe the new bond with T’Challa had done something with his bond with Steve… the biological aspects of soul bonds were still pretty understudied and poorly understood.
“Probably, yes. But I am done with the distractions and I think your idea to go to Wakanda is wonderful. I miss you when you are gone and it will be nice to have someone there who understands… I know Shuri lost her father too but we are so different. It is difficult to talk to her sometimes,” T’Challa says softly.
“I know how hard it is to open up to someone. It takes a lot of trust but I’m here okay, and I’ll listen. Unless it’s some law or politics related story than sorry, too boring for me,” Tony says, earning a playful jostle from T’Challa. “Just saying, politics are boring. It’s a fact.”
“Oh come on, politics can be fun. There was one point in Wakandan history when three men claimed to be the sons of the king and they were conveniently all born on the same day, making them all equally entitled to the throne. They ended up all battling each other out, all three died, and the youngest took the throne and is now remembered as the worst king in Wakandan history. It was not fun then but in hindsight that is amusing,” T’Challa says, snickering to himself.
“There are rumors that Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson had an enemy soul bond but I’m pretty sure if they were here they’d vehemently deny that,” Tony says. “Oh, and there are lots of gay Lincoln rumors.”
“I have no clue who those people are, but I will assume in context that may be amusing. Now get up, we have some clothes to pack so we can leave as soon as I am done with Ross tomorrow afternoon. I really dislike that man,” T’Challa says, wrinkling his nose. Yeah, Tony didn’t blame him there.