Who Went To Hell And Back
It took Sam about ten seconds and an audible gasp from Steve to guess what memory James was showing them.
A group of men standing on top of a mountain covered in ice and snow and there was James, his hair short and both arms intact, smiling at Steve in a way that was heartwarming and sweet and intimate. And then there was Steve. It wasn’t like Steve never laughed, he did, but Sam had never seen anything like this. Steve seemed so…relaxed, so at ease with everything and his smile radiated like the sun while he looked at James. It was heartbreaking.
They landed on the train and Sam was mesmerized by the grace in the Sergeant’s movements and wondered how nobody had ever seen that he had changed into something more than human even then. They went in. James always behind Steve, covering his back and the two moved around each other like they were one person, communicating with raised eyebrows and subtle nods and then everything went wrong. As far as Sam knew, Steve had never told the entire story of how James had fallen and Sam could understand it now because this was so much worse than anything he could have imagines.
»I had him on the ropes. «
»I know you did. «
A heavily armed suit entered the wagon and Steve shoved his friend out of the way, only to be thrown against the wall. Sam could see a mixture of panic and anger flashing through James’ face while he picked up the shield that Steve had dropped and approached the suit. A long beeping noise came from one of the weapons and another blast went off. James raised the shield and was thrown back, out through the hole in the wall. He managed to grab a handle and hold on to it desperately trying not to fall.
»Hang on! Grab my hand! «, Steve was leaning out of the train, almost falling himself, his hand reaching out but it wasn’t enough and then the handle ripped off and James fell, screaming.
Sam dared to throw a side glance at Steve who stood frozen in the half – dark of the room, eyes wide with terror while he, too, relived the undoubtfully worst day of his live.
The memory faded into black but James didn’t take off the headset and soon enough they saw a sequence of images flashing up before vanishing again as if James was sliding in and out of consciousness. There was the Sergeant lying in the snow, shivering, blood pouring from his left side where his arm should have been.
Someone dragging him through the cold.
Faceless people hovering over him.
Voices speaking in languages Sam didn’t speak.
Barnes lying on an operation table, screaming while a group of doctors were taking off the rest of his arm.
Barnes waking up and raising his hands, both his hands and realizing that one of them was made of metal before choking one of the doctors to death.
Barnes sitting in a cell, still wearing his uniform and staring grimly at the opposite wall.
A man entered the cell but James didn’t look up, not even when the man stopped directly in front of him, »What are you? «, the man asked, his accent think.
»Screw you. «, James spat out, earning himself a slap in the face. The man turned around and they heard him give orders to the guards outside who then came in to take James who fought back but was eventually knocked out by a hit on the head. They saw James standing in the middle of a room, hands tied up above his head, feet tied to the ground, naked. They watched him being beaten within an inch to his life, electrocuted and threatened but whatever it was they wanted, James didn’t give it to them.
»I said, «, he rasped out, »Screw. You. « And the whole affair began anew. Again and again, the man would come into James cell and ask him what he was and again and again, Barnes would refuse to answer and was then dragged off to the torture chamber.
»A nation in mourning, «, they saw James waking up to the sound of a radio standing right next to his bunk, »Yesterday we received the shocking news that Captain America fell in a heroic act of saving New York City. «, as soon as the words had left the reporter’s mouth, James sat upright on the bunk, staring at the radio in disbelieve, »- drove a plain into the ocean which was New York bound to save his country from certain tragedy. Howard Stark, a personal friend of the Captain has already started a search party to recover the Captain’s body. «, there was bit of a rustle and then a new voice spoke and judging by the way Tony tensed up next to him, it was his father speaking, »I can promise you that I will not rest until I’ve brought Captain America home. The sacrifice he made for this country shall not be forgotten and he will forever be our hero. «, by now, James was shivering uncontrollably, shaking his head in denial, »NonononononoNO! «, the radio crashed against the wall and went silent.
»No one will come for you, «, the man who still didn’t seem to have a name whispered, his voice was soft almost sweet and he seemed to be enjoying himself, »Your dear Captain is dead, he cannot safe you anymore. «, he entered the cell, leaving the door wide open, obviously sure that James wouldn’t hurt him and he was right, the brunette sat on the bunk, tears streaming down his face and all the fight seemed to have left him, he seemed…broken. »Tell me, Soldat, what are you? «
The brunette didn’t meet his gaze but rather dropped it to the jacket next to him. It was the same jacket he’d been wearing when he had fallen and now he picket it up and reached inside. Sam frowned, wondering what exactly he was doing because it couldn’t be a weapon. HYDRA would have taken that from him. It was a pin. A small, golden pin in form of a four – leave clover. Next to him, Steve made a sound that was something between a gasp and a sob. For a moment, James considered the pin, before letting it drop to the floor and finally looking up, his eyes red and empty and he just stared at the man for a very long time before answering, »The new fist of HYDRA. «
After that it was like watching snippets out of a horror movie. They saw James strapped to a chair, some kind of machine hanging over his face, screaming in agony; they saw his training, they saw him killing HYDRA agents when they weren’t careful enough; they saw him in cryo – freeze; they saw him on his first mission.
Sam was a bit shocked to see that some of the Winter Soldier’s missions were things he was familiar with. There was J. F. Kennedy, a bombing in London, a Senator floating in his swimming pool, a plane full of western politicians, crashing into the ocean. It seemed like James remembered some of his missions rather well, when it was sharp focus and details while others were blurry and sketchy, more like a dream than a memory. There was a scene of what Sam was pretty sure were Tony’s parents; more people that Sam had never heard of; the ambassador that had died not so long ago in Israel and then they were suddenly on top of a roof, watching James, watching a dark apartment and Sam knew that apartment but – the light was turned on and he saw Steve standing in his own living room. The light went off again and James got ready to shoot, three bullets straight through the wall. Next, it was James on top of a car and Jasper Sitwell was flying out of the window. It was a bit strange seeing something he had lived through from another perspective but at least he knew what was going to happen next. Or so he thought.
Sam had never actually considered the sheer force between two Super – Soldiers fighting, the violence, the elegancy. It was kind of beautiful in its own way and Sam found himself almost enjoying it but he knew that was only because he already knew the outcome. James’ mask came off and then Steve froze.
»Bucky? «
»Who the hell is Bucky? «
But there was hesitation in his movements. Not much, merely the split of a second but it had been enough for Sam to literally fly in and save Steve’s live and – Sam frowned, he had never noticed just how confused James had looked back then, how utterly lost.
They were at the vault, the vault before it had been burned to the ground and the Soldier sat on a chair while some HYDRA agent worked on his arm. Although his face was blank, it was clear in his eyes that he was thinking, remembering, emotions flashing through the empty blue and then he snapped.
Pierce was sitting in front of the Soldier demanding a mission report but the Soldier didn’t reply. Sam could see that everyone in that room was more than a little concerned and it filled him with a strange kind of satisfaction because that must have been the first time in over seventy years that the Winter Soldier had remembered who he used to be.
»The man on the bridge…Who was he? «, the Soldier asked, a deep crease between his eyes.
»You met him earlier this week on another assignment. «, Pierce answered but he didn’t sound nearly as smoothly as he could have been.
»I knew him. «
»Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century and I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we're gonna give it a push. But, if you don't do your part, I can't do mine, and HYDRA can't give the world the freedom it deserves. «
»But I knew him. «, the Soldier insisted, a sad smile on his face like he knew exactly what was going to happen next and he probably did.
»Prep him. «
»He’s been out of cryo – freeze for too long. «
»Then wipe him and start over. «
The Soldier didn’t resist when they pushed him back onto the chair or when they put the machine over his head and if Sam never had to hear those screams again, it would be too soon. From the corner of his eye, he could see Steve silently crying.
The scene changed again. They were on the Helicarrier and Sam had wondered what had happened up there but he had never really dared to ask, now, he wasn’t so sure anymore if he really wanted to know.
»People are gonna die, Buck. I can’t let that happen. Please don’t make me do this. «, Steve was pleading. Sam had never seen Steve plead anyone for anything and apparently neither had the others if their frowns were anything to go by. The Winter Soldier though didn’t seem to care and instead just kept staring at Steve with a blank expression on his face and Steve threw his shield. Sam grew more and more confused the longer he watched the two Super Soldiers fight because this was so very different than before. Steve wasn’t really fighting, he was defending himself, buying himself time and distracting the Soldier to get to the targeting system while the Soldier was doing everything to prevent Steve from reaching it. Sam saw more than one occasion in which he could have killed Steve but chose not to and then the Helicarriers were going down and of course – of fucking course – Steve had to help Bucky first before even trying to get himself to safety.
»You know me, «, Steve said and there was the pleading look again, his voice filled with pain.
»No, I don’t! «, , the Soldier yelled and lashed out with his metal fist, punching Steve in the face but the whole thing seemed uncoordinated and half – hearted and of course Steve didn’t give up but rather kept talking.
»I’m not gonna fight you. «, Steve dropped his shield and Sam would have very much liked to throttle him for being so careless but he also started to understand what James had meant before when he had said that Steve wouldn’t stop him. He’d been right, Steve probably wouldn’t. »You’re my friend. «, it sounded like defeat. Like Steve had given up.
»You’re my mission. «, the Soldier snarled back, battering his fist over and over into Steve’s face – until he stopped. His eyes were wide and he stared at the man underneath him like he was seeing a ghost and in a way, Sam supposed, he was.
»Then finish it. «, Steve slurred. Any other man would have been long dead from the punches alone. »Because I’m with you till the end of the line. «. Something changed then, Sam wasn’t sure what it was but those words must have held a far deeper meaning than any HYDRA conditioning ever could because now it was James staring at Steve, not the Winter Soldier. And then Steve fell and Bucky jumped.