Under Pressure

On the best of days James hated Bucky but today he was extra pissed. Bucky never, ever made an appearance when Tony worked on his arm but now all of the sudden he was taking an interest? Fuck him- all James wanted was one fucking thing and now Bucky was taking that too. And Tony liked him, he could tell. Logically he knew that when Tony looked at Bucky he saw no differentiation between him and Bucky but it still made him feel… hurt, he guessed. Tony knew almost right away that Bucky was acting odd- because he’s not James- but he still acted like it was James. Normally he prided himself in not really caring about people at all- its served him well over the years- but now his usual emotional iciness has thawed and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Mostly because he had no illusions how he felt about Tony and that was… unnerving to him.

“Are you okay?” Tony asks him, brushing his hair out of his face. James catches his hand and pulls it back to him, pressing his cheek to Tony’s palm and letting the touch sink in for a few moments.

“I’m okay,” he says. Technically its true, he was fine, its just that Bucky was getting stronger and he already had a whole life. James had this one, tiny thing and he didn’t want to give that up.

Tony moves closer, drawing James in a little and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Are you sure? Because you’ve been acting really odd lately and I’m worried,” he says softly.

He kisses Tony softly, “its just been a weird week,” he murmurs. And a right pain in the ass to get out of the house. Steve was on some kind of Ban Tony bandwagon and thank god he wasn’t Bucky at the moment. He would have given in like a limp fucking noodle in two damn seconds but James was having none of it. Steve went on and on about Bucky’s lost memory and his panic attack like Tony caused those things and James ended up promptly telling him to fuck off. He was damn well going to see Tony seems how Bucky stole the last bit of time they had together and Steve was driving him nuts. He kept trying to corral Bucky into doing what he wanted when he wanted and… and he had just had enough.

James pulls Tony closer to him, dragging the man into his lap and Tony lets himself be pulled along until he settles himself. “Yeah, it has been a weird week. Natasha stopped by earlier and that… didn’t go well,” he says, shaking his head.

He raises an eyebrow, “how so?” he asks, curious.

Frowning, Tony considers his words before he speaks. “She found these weird cases of missing kids, but the circumstances were suspicious at best so I suggested we look into it and um… she didn’t take it well. I’m looking into stuff now but I don’t know how to handle this and its clear Natasha doesn’t either.”

Hmm. “You’ll figure it out,” he tells Tony, tightening his grip on him a little.

“I know I will, its Natasha I’m worried about,” he says softly. He shouldn’t be worried- he knew Natasha wasn’t easy to kill and she’s a world-class spy. Normal spies were hard to kill off but spies of Natasha’s caliber were hard to find let alone kill. Whatever was going on here he doubted it would result in much damage to Natasha at least physically. Mentally? Probably. He did watch two videos of her barely managing to escape being murdered by the king of Wakanda and boy that guy could fight. James wouldn’t want to tangle with him or those women he traveled around with him. They moved like they had more talent than their king and that was no small feat.

Tony leans forward and presses his face into the crook of James’ neck and he carefully runs his hands up and down his back. “You’re a genius, Tony, whatever this is you’ll figure out how to do what needs to be done. You’ve managed to do so with every problem you’ve had so far,” he tells Tony softly.

Tony sighs into James’ neck, “at least two of those times ended in disaster. Most notably Ultron,” he points out.

“I killed several hundred people over the course of seventy years, I’m really not in a place to judge,” James says.

“You were violently tortured and turned into a weapon. What’s my excuse?” Tony mumbles.

James snorts, “better men wouldn’t have given into the torture, lets not act like I’m blameless. And Steve said something about Wanda manipulating your minds but I don’t know when that happened so for all I know that had no influence.” But he had a sneaking suspicion that played a role. He knew what it was like to have someone reach into his mind and scramble his brains- he knew too much about it actually- so if his suspicions were right he had more sympathy for Tony than not.

“That was before. I… saw something. Steve said it was just a figment of Wanda’s imagination but I saw the world dead, Bucky, and the only one left was me. Steve asked why I didn’t do enough so I tried to do something to stop it. Ultron wasn’t even possible; we were just running tests and-” James cuts him off by shushing him, petting his back as he does so.

“So you made a stupid decision based on trauma. You wouldn’t be the first, but you might be the one with the worst luck as far as consequences go,” he says. He couldn’t even imagine having that happen to him, having to live with it too. Not to mention everyone who got hurt or people who either died or knew someone who did. That was an impressive level of bad luck in the worst of ways.

Tony pulls back a little and leans his forehead into James’, “I get feeling guilty for what you did, I do. But everyone has a limit and after the serum you were a lot harder to kill- it’s natural that you broke, anyone would. Take it from someone you personally victimized- after reading what happened to you I couldn’t possibly hold you responsible for what happened with my parents. Feel what you need to, but no one who has all the information could logically blame you for doing what you did.”

“I killed JFK,” he blurts and Tony frowns.

“All those conspiracy theory people were right this whole time about not having the whole story? Well that’s stupid,” he mumbles and James shakes his head.

“I hope you know that if I told literally anyone else that I would not get such a blasé reaction. He seemed pretty well loved; people would probably be pissed if they knew about this. I can’t believe that was your reaction…” Tony is next level weird but James had accepted that some time ago. It was part of the reason why he stuck around, Tony made things interesting. Especially considering how infuriating Steve was on near all occasions- he was mostly tolerable asleep but that was it.

Tony shrugs, “freaking out isn’t going to unkill JFK,” he says like this isn’t one of the most amusing under reactions James has ever seen. He goes with it though because that was all part of the Stark Charm.

*

There were plenty of people Tony expected to find at his door but only a couple of them could bypass his security measures with no problem so he had expected the Wakandan king only to get another surprise. “Is it even legal for you to travel alone?” he asks Shuri, who looks deeply offended at this comment.

“I’m sixteen years old!” she tells him, hands planted on her hips. Her accent isn’t at all recognizable but that makes sense considering people from Wakanda hardly mingled elsewhere.

“You’re basically a fetus but come in, I’m assuming you have a purpose here,” he tells her, stepping aside so she could enter. Her clothing wasn’t at all American, but it did look like she made an effort to chose clothes that wouldn’t stand out too much so that was interesting. It implied she was trying on some level to blend with the locals though, which further implied that she was spending time in the public. “Does your brother know you’re here?” he asks, wondering why Shuri would bother blending in in America if the general public knew she and T’Challa were in town.

Shuri shrugs and makes herself at home by throwing herself on his couch, “he’ll know I’m gone by now and I brought a Dora, I probably won’t get assassinated. This couch is pretty comfortable actually; you guys should give Wakanda some tips on how to stuff couches. Also show me all your technology, we’re clearly ahead in Wakanda but I’m still curious about what the best elsewhere has and my research has shown that is definitely you,” she tells him.

Nice attempt at burying the fact that T’Challa has no idea she was here in several other pieces of information and comments but Tony doesn’t let it pass. “If you brother and an army shows up to kick my ass know that FRIDAY and all the cameras turned back on just before you hit the door and they will all know from video proof and your own personal testimony that I did not somehow kidnap you. My lab is on another floor though, so follow me,” he says, hoping to lure her away from his couch because he didn’t really want the Wakandan princess perching on something that uh… royalty shouldn’t sit on things Tony fucked people on, simple as that. And he so wasn’t explaining that to a literal child, especially not one with a brother who has already threatened to at least maim him once.

Thankfully Shuri jumps up, pleased to go along with Tony’s plans. “I’ve seen videos of your suit and I’m curious about your repulsor technology. You use it to fly and as a non-lethal weapon, that’s interesting,” she tells him, happily following him to his lab.

He so hoped her brother didn’t show up to kill him. Or the seemingly missing Dora Milaje that Tony figured was either lingering somewhere unseen or not here at all because Shuri lied and honestly he didn’t know which was more terrifying. On one hand he had some rando following him and he couldn’t see her, or on the other hand he had the Wakandan princess in his custody and her king and brother didn’t know she was here. He’d disapprove but if he were Shuri he’d do the exact same thing- has done the same thing- so he couldn’t really lecture her for it even if he’d like to. Being the adult of the situation was strange and he didn’t much like it.

“The design was a bitch to get right and the first couple designs weren’t great, but they’re much better now. They’ve got their issues but I’m working on it,” he says as he lets himself and Shuri into his lab.

“Nature of things,” she says, looking around and wrinkling her nose at poor Dummy. “That was the thing you built in the eighties, right? Because if that’s new…” she trails off and winces.

Tony makes an offended noise on behalf of his bot, “he’s an old man, you let him live out his retirement in peace! He’s made sure I didn’t light myself on fire many times, and ensured I didn’t die when I did light myself on fire just as many times. He might be sad looking but he’s a good bot,” Tony says in Dummy’s defense as he waves his hand over his desk, lighting up the room with holographs. Shit, he didn’t remember leaving it this messy the last time he left but to be fair the last time he was down here he was with James so he’d been a little distracted to say the least.

Shuri squints at him, “you light yourself on fire?” she asks.

“Not on purpose,” Tony says in his own defense. He grabs the nearest hologram to him and wrinkles his nose, annoyed with the information he finds so he crumples it and his digital trashcan appears. He throws the design into it and Shuri’s eyebrows climb high.

“Screw lighting yourself on fire, teach me how to make a cool trashcan like that,” she says, impressed.

Tony frowns, “you don’t have stuff like this?” he asks. Wakanda, from the tiny bit that he saw, clearly had technology that was ahead of what he had and Shuri alluded to things Tony didn’t even know were possible.

She shrugs though, “I’m the best Wakanda has and I’m great with hardware but software? Ehh,” she says, waving a hand around.

Huh, well that was interesting. “I’m actually a little bit better at software than hardware. Mostly because I like designing things that look cool, hence my trashcan,” he says, gesturing to the flashing hologram that read ‘score!’ across the middle while flashing various colors.

“You definitely succeeded. Can you teach me? Because I so want to see T’Challa’s face when he sees such a cool trashcan,” she says, grinning at his now disappearing digital garbage can.

*

Bucky feels like his skin is prickling and his jaw clenches. “What is with you, Bucky?” Steve asks, looming over him. He looks up and feels an inexplicable anger that he can’t quite place, something that feels alien in his own mind but he ignores that because he’s plenty annoyed on his own.

“Nothing,” he tells Steve for what feels like the millionth time today.

“Well obviously something is wrong, you’ve been getting these violent mood swings lately-” Bucky stands, glaring at him with enough force that he stops talking.

“I am not violent,” he hisses at him, clenching his fists.

Steve gives him a sympathetic look and tries to reach out to him but Bucky steps back, “that’s not what I meant,” Steve says softly.

He takes another step back and he shakes his head, “I don’t care, why would you say that?” he asks. He resists the urge to sit back down and just accept whatever it was Steve had to say now because this was getting to be a little much too much.

Steve takes another step forward, carefully laying a hand on Bucky’s metal arm. “I’m worried about you, Bucky. Every time you come back from Tony’s you act so… odd,” he says, looking down at Bucky a little.

Bucky clenches his teeth again, unsure how to respond to that for a second before a though occurs to him. “Maybe Tony doesn’t make me act different, maybe you do,” he tells Steve, pulling himself from his grasp and turning around to walk away. Steve grabs his arm again before he could do that.

“Bucky that’s ridiculous, we’ve known each other our whole lives, its Tony that’s the new element here, it makes sense,” Steve tells him, tone a little forceful. Logically he knows Steve has a point but it just… it just doesn’t land for some reason. Yes Tony was a new element and yes they’ve known each other their whole lives but they were both different now. Tony wasn’t the only new element, Bucky’s mind supplies, which was where the argument failed.

He shakes Steve off again, “I need some air,” he mumbles, moving to walk away but Steve quickly goes around him and plants himself in front of Bucky.

“And go where, Tony’s? What is with your bizarre attachment to him? Its not like he does anything for you,” Steve snaps.

“Yeah, except fix my arm and make it workable, that’s only an entire limb that functions right because Tony fixed it,” Bucky snaps back before he can think and he frowns, unsure where that came from. He shakes his head and chooses not to worry about that right now, he had bigger problems.

“Your arm was fine before,” Steve says.

“It was functional. Now get out of my way or am I not allowed to leave?” he asks.

Steve’s jaw clenches and he relaxes a little, sighing. “Bucky-” he starts in a soft tone but Bucky was done with this.

“No, I’m going,” he tells Steve and he steps around him.

*

For all Steve’s whining about going to Tony’s Bucky really couldn’t figure out a better place to go. Tony lets him in too, going from confused to worried in about five seconds flat when he sees Bucky. He must look like shit or something. “Are you okay?” he asks walking up quick and laying a hand on his chest. The move is weirdly intimate but Bucky lets it linger for a moment before he steps away. Tony doesn’t step closer- actually he takes a small step back.

“I’m… I don’t know, Steve is driving me nuts,” he says, running his fingers through his hair and wondering how literal that statement was. He sure as hell felt like he was going crazy and he thought he was done with all that after HYDRA. Apparently not.

“What happened?” Tony asks softly, head tilted to the side. Bucky looks him over, curious about the soft expression on Tony’s face and the obvious attention he was paying to him.

He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his hair again. “I don’t even fucking know- he keeps going on and on about mood swings and you and I just need space to breathe a little.” It felt stifling in that apartment, confining. And he was done feeling that way; he thought he was done with that after HYDRA.

Tony frowns, “okay. What else? Obviously this has been building for a while it just seems like these couple things are what finally broke you,” he says.

Yeah Bucky guessed he was right but he was losing energy fast so he sighs and walks over to the couch in the living room. Tony follows but he perches in the chair beside the couch. “I don’t… know how to describe it,” Bucky says eventually. “When I first got back it was fine, or maybe I didn’t notice anything, I’m not sure. I just don’t see why Steve is making such a big deal out of you, this is the only place I’m allowed to go,” he mumbles.

His statement earns him a raised eyebrow, “allowed?” he asks. “Like as in ask permission or was that a euphemism?”

It was probably telling that he had to think about that but eventually he shakes his head. “There is no asking permission, Steve always manages to convince me to do what he wants. Except with you, I guess.” He wasn’t entirely sure why Tony was different, or why he felt the need to come here in particular but it was a hell of a lot less stifling than home so he decides to take it for the time being.

“Convince you how?” Tony asks softly.

He shrugs, “mostly by not giving me much of a choice at all- he kind of has a bad habit of just taking over whatever I do. Or distracting me,” he adds.

Tony seems to consider this for a long time before he clenches his jaw a little and curls his legs underneath himself. He looks… haunted almost, like he was seeing something Bucky couldn’t but he speaks eventually. “I’m going to throw out a couple behaviors, tell me if they sound familiar,” he says. His voice shakes just a little but he shakes his head and looks resolved, obviously working through whatever it is that was going on in his head. “You already mentioned jealousy but did that start before me? Maybe it was subtle, something that seemed normal or innocuous at the time. Or is it a me thing? It wouldn’t surprise me if it was- we don’t get along. Never have,” he mumbles, looking unimpressed for a brief moment before the look falls from his face.

Did the jealousy start with Tony? He thinks back for a moment, considering things. “No, it didn’t start with you, but he won’t let you in particular go,” he says.

“Because you keep coming back. My guess is that you didn’t bother questioning whatever he told you before,” Tony says. He isn’t wrong and that pisses Bucky off. “Ever try and make you feel like that jealousy was your fault? Or anything else that had nothing to do with you?” he asks.

He opens his mouth to say no but that wasn’t entirely true. “He keeps blaming either you or my weird mood swings for whatever problems we’re having. Whenever I suggest something else he reminds me that we’ve known each other since forever, obviously the problem is the new person in my life- you.” Tony rolls his eyes and Bucky gives him that, he long ago gathered that there was no love lost between him and Steve. He’d been shocked when Steve even let Tony in but that was mostly because Bucky said his arm needed regular maintenance and Steve didn’t think he should do that himself. At the time it seemed sweet, like he was looking out for Bucky but he realizes now that Steve never let him do anything by himself.

“You just realized something?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I… he only let you in to begin with because he didn’t want me fixing my arm. Seems nice enough until you consider that I haven’t made any actual decisions for myself minus coming here in months,” he says, lip curling in a combination of anger and disgust.

“And if you tried he’d have a reason you shouldn’t, or he’d distract you with something, or insult you,” Tony says in a way that suggests he’s familiar with this behavior.

Bucky opens his mouth to say Steve never really insulted him but he remembers his comments about Bucky’s supposed inability to work technology and drops it. The comments seemed harmless at the time but Bucky could see what Tony meant now. “What else am I supposed to be looking for here?” he asks in a low, angry voice.

Tony sighs, “you mentioned coming here was the only thing you were ‘allowed’ to do. Any other restrictions on what you can do and with whom? Does he check your phone, social media if you use it, anything like that?”

“I don’t have a phone, he said I didn’t need one,” he says and Tony snorts.

“Yeah, not having a phone today is basically living in a world without connections. Everyone has them and with the way things run its almost impossible to function without them. Guess that explains why he calls me when you disappear too long,” he mumbles and Bucky frowns. He’s called Tony to complain he was gone too long? He shakes his head, deciding to deal with that later, when he had time to worry about it. Right now he had more pressing issues and then he’d get to everything else he was worried about. Which, at the moment, was a quickly piling list.

It occurs to him that he had other worries too. Like, “how do you know all this?” Bucky asks Tony, wanting to know exactly why and how he got all this information.

Tony rubs his temples and lets out a long sigh. “Because I have an intimate knowledge of abuse,” he says. “Howard used to do all the same shit, except he beat my mom too. And me. So I know what to look for.”

Bucky winces, “I’m sorry,” he says softly but Tony shakes his head.

“Don’t be, you killed him,” Tony says. “Could have left my mom though.”