Chapter 4
As soon as Peter was out of the car, he was rushing towards his and May’s apartment with alarming speed. He had to keep his momentum up. It almost felt like time would freeze completely if he didn’t keep moving forward, and he desperately wanted to get out of the limbo he’d fallen into ever since he had been outed.
Tony watched him enter the building with a sickening knot of worry in his stomach; he knew that his nerves must be nothing compared to Peter’s and the knowledge that he couldn’t do anything to ease the kid’s anxiety was almost unbearable. As such, he didn’t head back to the compound straight away. Instead, he headed asked Happy to take him to a coffee shop a few blocks away; he wanted to be nearby in case Peter needed him.
Peter’s heart was in his mouth as he unlocked the front door. He knew May would be making breakfast/dinner before she headed out to her night shift, and the idea that she would be leaving so soon after Peter’s confession was equally relieving and terrifying. There was a beat of uncertainty before he opened the door, in which he considered running away and never looking back. It was a stupid idea, he knew, but the thought of his aunt kicking him out was like a knife to the gut. He refused to lose anyone else that he loved.
Once inside, he found May in the kitchen, dancing along to the radio while she prepared dinner (mac and cheese). As soon as she noticed Peter, she started smiling, asking a million questions about what he had worked on with Tony that day. Everything felt so perfectly normal until May asked the one question that Peter hadn’t expected. ‘What did you two talk about today?’ It wasn’t the first time she had asked this before; she seemed to think that two people with such an age gap couldn’t have much in common, despite the fact that Peter and Tony got along like a house on fire.
‘Uh – the usual, the suit – science – we chatted with Steve and Bucky over breakfast too.’ Oh, and we planned how I was going to tell you I’m gay. I’m gay, by the way – did I mention that? I’m sorry basically the whole world found out before you. Please don’t hate me.
May raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re on first name terms with the avengers, huh?’
Peter blushed and snapped the band on his wrist once. ‘Yup. They don’t like it when I call them Mr Rogers and stuff – said it makes them feel old.’
May laughed. ‘Who knew my boy would be hobnobbing with the avengers!’
Peter was starting to regret not opening with his revelation; every second of normal conversation made him feel worse, and he was beginning to doubt that he could even tell May at all. Maybe she never has to know. I could just intercept any interaction she has with anyone who might tell her, Peter thought desperately. He knew it wasn’t a realistic option, but it sure sounded a lot nicer than the uncertainty he was currently facing.
‘Pete?’ May asked, her voice a little worried.
‘What?’
‘You zoned out there for a minute, buddy. Is everything okay?’
This was it. This was the moment he’d been waiting for.
‘Actually, I – uh – I have something I need to tell you.’ Peter’s heart was already beating uncomfortably fast, and his hands felt clammy with fear. There was a long pause, in which time May waited patiently for Peter to gather his thoughts enough to speak again. ‘I – I’m gay.’
A beat of silence. Then another. Peter was already thinking about how he’d have to phone Tony and explain the situation. He’ll have to ask if he can stay at the compound – no matter how nice Tony might be about the situation, Peter knew that it would be bitter sweet given May’s rejection. What was he even meant to say to Tony? Maybe he’ll just run and keep running until no one can find him –
‘Oh, honey,’ Aunt May’s voice is infinitely gentle, and before he knew what was happening, he was being enveloped in a warm hug. ‘Thank you for trusting me with this. I know it can’t have been easy.’
They stayed wrapped together for a long time, Peter barely believing that what was happening was real; maybe it was all just some crazy fever dream. He took a deep shuddering breath, praying that he wouldn’t start crying.
‘Shhh,’ May murmured next to his ear. ‘Don’t cry, everything is fine.’
But the mention of his tears broke the dam he was carefully constructing, and he let out a harsh, broken sob. He could feel May tighten her arms around his waist, but he was far too dazed to do anything more than cling on to her for dear life. ‘I was so scared to tell you,’ Peter breathed in between choked breaths.
He could feel his aunt nod against his neck, and she pressed her next words against the skin of his shoulder, as if she was hoping he could absorb them directly into his body. ‘I know, baby, but you’re being so brave. I’m so proud of you, and I hope you know that I will never stop being astounded at everything you do. I love you. Thank you for telling me.’ She paused for a moment, and when she spoke again, Peter realised that she was holding back tears of her own. ‘I hope you know how proud Ben would be of you. He always said you were destined for great things.’
Peter let out a choked gasp, squeezing May extra tight before he let go of her. ‘You’re not mad then?’
‘Of course not. Peter, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. You know that, right?’
He glanced away, a little embarrassed that his own internalised homophobia was being pointed out so candidly. ‘Yeah, I – I’m starting to realise that.’ He shot his aunt a watery smile, hoping she realised just how big of a deal this was for him.
May chuckled a little, turning back to the oven to give Peter a little more breathing room. ‘So, are there any boys you like?’
The question immediately brought back the painful memories of school the previous day, and he shifted uncomfortably. ‘Nah, not right now,’ he said, thinking how different the answer would have been if May had asked a week ago.
The tension ebbed slowly from the room over the course of the next three quarters of an hour. Peter still felt like things were different now that he had come out to May, but he thought that maybe it was a good sort of different. By the time May was getting ready to leave for work, the two of them were talking normally again, the awkwardness from Peter’s confession seemingly dissolving over dinner. Peter couldn’t quite find the words to thank May for being so accepting, so he settled on a bone crushing hug and a murmured thank you as she headed out the door.
Once she was gone, he fired a quick text to Tony:
Message from: Peter
I told May. It pretty much went like you said it would. Thanks for your help earlier
The reply was almost instant.
Message from: Tony
Glad to hear it.
Message from: Tony
Also I got a meeting scheduled with school for Monday afternoon so you can come back to the compound with us after its done. Happy will park in his usual spot
Peter finally breathed a sigh of relief. He had come out to almost all the people he needed to for now, and despite how stressful it was, his heart felt lighter each time he told someone. He spent the rest of the evening skyping with Ned and MJ, the familiarity of it settling the last shreds of anxiety in his stomach.