Chapter 3
Tony woke to an empty bed and the shower running. He sighed and glanced at the time, 8:53. Somehow, despite the worry that seemed to be wrapped around his chest like barbed wire, he had still managed to get more sleep than he did on a normal night – and that was with an unplanned trip across the city included. He flopped back onto the pillows and ran his hands over his face. Together, he and Peter would have to talk about what had happened last night and make a game plan for handling the situation with May. As much as Tony loved avoiding his problems, he sure as hell wasn’t going to let his kid do that, especially not when it came to something so sensitive. It was fairly obvious by now that Peter still had a lot of things that needed to be worked out concerning his sexuality – especially given what he had said about himself in their early morning chat – and Tony wasn’t entirely sure how that was supposed to fit in with being outed at school and feeling like he was forced to tell May before he was ready.
Peter still hadn’t shut off the water by the time Tony had stopped chasing his thoughts around his head. When Tony glanced at the clock again, he realised that almost an hour had passed. He dragged himself to his feet and made his way across the room to the bathroom door.
‘Pete?’ he called, tapping on the door. There was a surprised gasp from inside the bathroom, and a noise that sounded suspiciously like a shampoo bottle being knocked over. ‘Look kid, you’ve been in there over an hour, and some of us have to clean our teeth.’
Tony couldn’t almost hear Peter cringe from the other side of the door.
‘Relax, I’m just messing with you,’ Tony said, keeping his tone light in the hopes of easing Peter’s embarrassment. ‘But seriously, this isn’t doing anything good for my water bill.’
The shower shut off immediately, and Tony felt a little bad for making Peter uncomfortable. ‘Sorry Tony, I – I just got a bit caught up with thinking about what I’m going to tell May, and lost track of time.’ Despite the fact that Peter’s voice was muffled by the thick wooden door between them, Tony could hear the barely concealed anxiety in his tone, and it did nothing to ease his worries about the kid.
‘Its fine, Pete,’ Tony said casting a quick glance around the dim bedroom. ‘Tell you what, I’ll go start making breakfast. You get ready and meet me in the kitchen, yeah?’
On the other side of the door, Peter nodded, then realised that his mentor wouldn’t be able to see him. ‘Yeah – yes, that would be cool, thank you.’
‘Not a problem,’ Tony got the distinct impression that the day was going to involve a lot of him trying to keep Peter as calm as possible. ‘Just shout if you need anything.’ He tapped the door frame twice on his way out, hoping that it would signal to Peter that he had left the room.
They needed something good for breakfast, he decided – something that would be seen as a real treat.
Back in the bathroom, Peter let out a short huff of breath. This was not how his morning was supposed to go. How did I lose track of time so easily? He asked himself. With his newfound embarrassment, it took Peter less than ten minutes to make himself presentable, and start heading down to the kitchen.
As soon as the room came into view, however, he was stopped dead in his tracks by the sight in front of him: Captain America and The Winter Soldier were currently both crushed into a small chair and speaking in low tones about one of the headlines in the newspaper that was balanced precariously on Bucky’s lap. Peter was sure that he must be dreaming. For a start, the chair looked so small that he thought it couldn’t comfortably seat one super soldier, let alone two. And for another thing, the soft look in Steve’s eyes when he was listening to Bucky talk looked far too earnest to be real.
Peter snapped the hairband on his wrist.
He immediately regretted it when Steve glanced up, the noise catching his attention. Peter was more than a little surprised at the beaming smiles that both of the avengers sent him. After all, he was just a scrawny kid from Queens. Not to mention the fact that he had been on the other team during their falling out a few years back. It felt distinctly like he had slipped and fallen into an alternative dimension.
‘Hey Parker,’ Bucky called.
It was then that Peter realised how much of an idiot he must look given that he was frozen in the kitchen doorway, likely with an expression of extreme surprise plastered over his face. He willed his limbs into action, moving deeper into the room and sitting on the breakfast bar, as far away from Tony’s team mates as possible. He cast his gaze around the room. ‘Uh, where’s Tony?’
‘Gone to get breakfast.’ Bucky said easily.
‘Doughnuts I think,’ Steve added, studying the kid with a soft expression. ‘He said you needed them after the night you’ve had.’
The wave of anxiety that rushed over Peter made him feel more than a little sick, and he couldn’t quite meet Steve’s eye. Instead, he focused his attention to where the two super soldiers had their hands laced together on top of the newspaper. ‘Did he tell you why, Mr Rogers?’
‘It’s Steve,’ He corrected gently. It was fairly clear that the kid was struggling with something, given that he wouldn’t look at them directly, and the fact that a crimson blush was currently crawling its way up his neck. ‘And no. He just said you were having a rough time.’
Peter let out a ragged sigh of relief. He couldn’t believe this was happening. After having one of the worst nights of his life the evening before, suddenly here he was – sitting making awkward conversation with two of earth’s mightiest heroes and waiting for Tony to bring back doughnuts for breakfast. He couldn’t quite get over just how casual and in love they looked, curled together in a position that had to be more than a little uncomfortable. It made Peter’s heart hurt; it was everything he had ever wanted ever since he had realised that he was gay.
He flicked the hairband on his wrist again, this time with a little more force.
It didn’t take long for Bucky to notice that Peter hadn’t stopped staring at his and Steve’s clasped hands since he had arrived in the kitchen. He shifted slightly, trying to signal to Steve without being obvious. ‘Peter, is there a problem?’
‘What? No – no problem here.’
Something wasn’t quite sitting right with Peter’s response however, so Bucky pushed on, ‘it’s just you’re – uh – staring a little.’ He said, raising both his and Steve’s joined hand.
Peter panicked. The last thing he wanted was to be seen as homophobic. And he certainly didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable with his staring. ‘Shit – fuck – I’m sorry. It’s just – I – I’m gay.’ Peter stumbled. As soon as he said it, he regretted it, and his hands flew up to cover his mouth in shock.
‘Smooth kid,’ Said Tony’s amused voice from behind him.
Peter let out a small whine, slumping down to rest his forehead on the table in front of him. He could hear Bucky chuckling slightly in the background, despite Steve’s best efforts to quiet him. There was a beat of awkward silence, in which Peter thought that there was every possibility he could die right on the spot from embarrassment. ‘I was actually telling Pete last night about how you started to accept your sexuality after the whole serum thing,’ Tony said, fondly glancing down at Peter, who currently looked like he might combust if he blushed any deeper.
‘Ah, that’s one of my favourite war stories.’ Bucky’s voice was casual, and he didn’t seem at all phased by Peter’s outburst as he reached over to snatch a doughnut from Tony.
‘It’s not exactly a war story, Buck.’ Steve countered, joining the group around the breakfast bar.
‘Whatever it is, it’s still my favourite.’
Peter had yet to lift his head off the counter, but the sweet smell of the food and the calm way the avengers were talking was doing wonders for his humiliation. Tony rested his hand next to Peter’s head; he was desperate to offer some sort of physical comfort to him, but didn’t want to do anything without his express permission (he’d learned to ask about that sort of thing from Peter a long time ago).
It took another two full minutes of deep breathing for Peter to raise his head and he was grateful that no one outwardly acknowledged that he had joined the land of the living again. Tony slid the box of doughnuts closer to him, and he chose a soft looking jam-filled one.
The idle chatter continued until Peter had finished his breakfast, at which point Steve glanced over to him. ‘So, Peter, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable again, but just to let you know – it was really brave of you to tell us what you did a minute ago.’ Stillness seemed to fall across the table as Steve spoke, but somehow, Peter didn’t feel as anxious as before. ‘I know that it probably wasn’t the way you wanted us to find out, but I’m glad you trusted us enough to say it none the less. Hell, Buck and I are over 100. We grew up in a different time, and we know how scary it is to tell people, even when you know they’ll probably be fine with it.’ Steve seemed to glance across the table at his boyfriend as if to say was that okay? Did I say everything I should have said?
Peter sighed. ‘Everyone’s going to find out soon enough now anyway.’ All three of the avengers who were gathered around him immediately looked concerned, so Peter briefly elaborated. ‘I basically got outed to my entire school yesterday. That’s why Mr Stark – not everyone was cool with it so –’
‘I’m planning on phoning the school first thing on Monday,’ Tony said, his tone leaving no room for argument.
‘I’m sorry, Pete, that’s really shitty.’
‘Bucky! Language!’ Tony teased, easing some of the pressure in the room.
‘It was one time Stark, let it go.’ Steve argued, although there was no heat behind it.
Peter snapped the hairband on his wrist again, making Tony frown. ‘How’s this today?’ He asked, tapping gently on the band. Peter ducked his head.
‘It’s been better.’ His soft tone told Tony a lot more than the actual reply: he was hardly surprised that the kid was struggling, but it didn’t make it sit easily with him. He knew better than to ask for an elaboration (last time that had happened, Peter hadn’t returned his calls for a week, and he’d dropped completely off the radar – apparently it was yet another thing they weren’t allowed to acknowledge directly). ‘Yeah,’ he continued. ‘So now, I have to come out to Aunt May before she hears it from someone else.’
He could almost feel the righteous anger radiating off Steve. ‘Is there anything we can do to help?’
‘Well, see the thing is, I have no idea what to say – like how do I – the situation –’
‘Just breathe, buddy.’ Tony’s solid presence next to him was comforting, and he reached out to ground himself using he sleeve of his mentor’s shirt. Despite trying to gather his thoughts, it didn’t escape Peter’s notice how Tony seemed to swell with pride that he had – quite literally – reached out for help.
‘I need to know when the best time to do it is and I have no idea how to bring it up in conversation.’
Bucky took a deep breath, leaning his forearms on the table to get closer to eye level with the boy in front of him. ‘Alright, well normally, I would suggest to maybe wait until the subject of relationships is brought up in conversation, but you want to tell her pretty sharpish right?’ He didn’t wait for Peter to nod before he was carrying on, ‘so, it’s probably best that you bring it up yourself – control the situation, you know? I’m more of an advocate of the whole “I’ve got something I’d like to tell you” approach, but Steve prefers to bring up an LGBT issue and work his coming out into the conversation that way. So you’ve got lots of options, I guess.’
A stone seemed to settle in the bottom of his stomach. He didn’t often like to think about the fact that he would have to keep coming out to people throughout his life. It wasn’t as if he could tell May and then this whole awkward stage of the process would be over. Every new person he met would be another person he would have to decide whether or not to tell. If it was this terrifying every time, he thought it would probably knock a good twenty years off his life expectancy. The more he thought about it, the more lost he got in a dizzying spiral of panic.
Thankfully, Tony seemed to notice that Peter wasn’t able to sort out his thoughts properly because he spoke up so that Peter didn’t have to. ‘Thanks guys, I think maybe Pete needs some time to process, but we really appreciate your input.’
‘No problem, Parker.’ Bucky murmured, voice more gentle than Peter had expected. ‘Any time you need anything, you know where we are.’
‘Thank you,’ Peter said earnestly. He didn’t think it was possible to express just how much of a relief it was to see Steve and Bucky living so happily together; it gave Peter hope for his own future.
Tony gently guided Peter to the lab and tasked him to complete a complicated experiment using a new chemical formula for the web fluid in the hopes of clearing his head a little. It took a long while before Peter started to chatter normally, and even longer for him to finally be able to think clearly enough to make a plan for telling May. He was more than grateful to Tony for not rushing him, and the knowledge that his mentor would stand by him no matter what happed settled his churning stomach on the journey back to his apartment.
He couldn’t believe what he was about to do.