Chapter 1
Tony doesn’t like to think about the fact that his kid might be sexually active. Peter’s seventeen, so he knows that it’s a likelihood. But he and Peter are close, and he’s never heard the kid mention anything about dating or girls before. Not that Tony hasn’t tried to find out if he has a crush on this MJ character that Peter spends half his time texting or gushing about. Whenever the subject is brought up, however, Peter just shuts down completely. Tony knows that his kid is the king of deflection, but sometimes he doesn’t even try to deflect – he just stops talking, instead focusing on the messages on his phone until the silence is awkward enough that Tony is relieved when he finally stops the silent treatment, picking another topic to talk about at random.
So, Peter’s love life is effectively off limits. But that isn’t to say that Tony isn’t extremely curious as to whether Peter is dating.
His curiosity is piqued when Peter waltzes in to the lab on a typical Saturday with a hickey that he had obviously tried to hide with shitty drugstore make up. Peter seems nonchalant, playing on his phone as he sits next to his mentor, grunting out a greeting as he passes. Tony knows that this is the only opening to this conversation that he’s going to get; given Peter’s advanced healing, the bruise will be gone within a matter of hours, and he figures that he might as well ask while he has evidence to back up his questions.
Should they be having The TalkTM, Tony asks himself, his palms already beginning to sweat. He was never good at this kind of emotional stuff, especially not with someone he views as a son (although he’ll never admit that part out loud). ‘Plug the suit in, kiddo, I’ve made some modifications to Karen’s programming that I’d like to install.’
Peter hums, placing his phone on the table so he can use two hands to drag the suit out from his rucksack. He’s half way through attaching the wires when his phone buzzes and his hands still. Tony watches out of the corner of his eye, hyper aware that Peter usually is far more interested in their work than whatever snapchat he’s just received. ‘Pete,’ he prompts, watching as the kid abandons his work in favour of tapping some sort of response on his phone. ‘Peter,’ Tony says again, this time with more overt frustration in his tone.
To his credit, Peter looks guilty when he glances up at Tony. ‘Sorry,’ he murmurs sheepishly, placing his phone back on the table.
This time, when his phone lights up and buzzes again, Peter purposefully doesn’t look up from the wires he’s attaching to the suit. This gives Tony a fraction of a second to read the start of the text and the user ID before the phone screen goes dark again.
Message from: MJ
Oh shit man, you’re in trouble if he asks…
Tony has a feeling he knows who and what is being discussed, but he lets Peter continue his work for the moment, making idle chatter while he changes the spider suit settings.
It isn’t until half an hour (and a dozen more texts where Peter completely zones out until he’s replied) later that Tony brings up the hickey. His timing is no accident; the suit needed time to install the new software, and they would both have to wait for it to finish before Tony could start showing Peter the new Iron Man modifications they planned to work on together.
Peter’s phone buzzed again, and the screen was near enough that Tony could read the start of the message again.
Message from: MJ
Dude, you need to tell him, he’s not gonna…
This time, Peter noticed his mentor reading the part of the message that could be seen from the lock screen, and he scrambled to snatch his phone out of view. It’s now or never, Tony thought. ‘So, Pete, are you and MJ like – a thing – now or something?’ Tony made sure to keep his gaze just to the left of Peter, so as not to put too much pressure on him. From this angle, he could only see half of the kid’s face, but it was enough to let him see the tense smile that crossed it at his question.
‘No,’ Peter let out a short huff of a laugh. It was a little too humourless to settle Tony’s nerves.
‘Oh,’ he said, wracking his brains for a question that would keep him talking, given that this was the longest response he’d ever gotten out of the kid on the subject of relationships. ‘Do you like her?’
‘Obviously, she’s one of my best friends.’ Okay, so Peter was going to play dumb with him. Tony could get around that, as long as he kept him talking.
‘No, do you like-like her?’
Peter scoffed. ‘What is this middle school?’
‘So you do?’
‘No, Mr Stark.’
Tony didn’t know what to think about the formal address – sometimes Peter still called him Mr Stark, but it was rare now that they were so close. It made something in his chest feel a little uneasy; he was obviously on thin ice and would have to tread carefully. ‘Pete,’ he said with a sigh. ‘I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but it’s fairly obvious that you’ve got a hickey, and I just want to make sure you’re safe.’
Peter wrinkled his nose. ‘I am safe.’
Tony glanced away, giving the kid some breathing space. ‘Good because I don’t want to hear that you’ve knocked anyone up.’
‘“Knocked anyone up”? What is this, 2007?’ Despite the smirk that Peter shot him, Tony knew that something was still off about his behaviour.
‘So I don’t know if school has said yet, but you need to use a–’
‘Mr Stark! Please stop talking.’
Tony chuckled slightly. ‘Pete, you need to use protection every –’
‘Stop!’ Peter all but shouted, covering his ears and blushing deeply. ‘Mr Stark, there is no way I’m going to knock anyone up.’ Tony could see mirth in his expression, but he got the feeling that Peter was only half joking around with him, and the thought that he was deliberately going out of his way to hide something set his teeth on edge.
‘Kid,’ he continued anyway, keeping his tone light and conversational, despite the fact he was watching Peter closely for any kind of reaction. ‘Contraception is never 100% effective and –’
‘No, really, I’m not going to get anyone pregnant.’ Peter said, glancing down to send another text.
Tony could tell that he was losing him. If he didn’t think of a question quickly, Peter would sink into another excruciatingly awkward silence, and who knew how long that would last. ‘So who’s the lucky lady?’
Peter’s expression changed from one of amused embarrassment to one of frustration in a matter of seconds.
Peter looks pissed, Tony thought vaguely. And then it occurred to him why Peter was wearing a look that was anger and shame and defiance all in equal measure. He’d seen that look before.
Peter’s phone buzzed twice in quick succession on the table between them. Neither of them made a move to hide the screen, and Tony shamelessly read the beginning of both texts.
Message from: MJ
Mate, he’s a fucking liberal. Just tell him you’re…
Message from: MJ
Let me know how it goes. No pressure…
‘Pete,’ Tony said carefully, forcing himself not to sigh as he spoke. ‘Did a boy give you that?’ He waved his hand vaguely in the direction of Peter’s neck, freezing the motion when the boy flinched, as if he thought Tony was about to punch him.
The kid wouldn’t even look at him now. His eyes were clenched shut, and he was digging the nails of his left hand into the soft underside of his right wrist. Tony’s heart was breaking with every second that this conversation continued, but he was determined not to drop the subject. He let Peter take a moment before he reached for his wrist, tugging gently to get him to release his vice like grip on his other arm. ‘Come on kid, let go. You’re hurting yourself. Let go, Peter.’
Once he had let go, Tony became hyper-aware of the shame radiating off Peter in waves. God, he had no idea that this would be such a huge issue. It felt distinctly like he was stumbling blindly through a mine field – at any second, he could slip up and make the whole thing blow up in his face. There was no way that he would allow that to happen. Peter meant too much for him to fuck this up with a poorly judged joke.
It takes another few moments for Tony to realise that Peter is opening and closing his mouth like a fish. He waits patiently, hoping that the kid will find the words to say what he wants to on his own terms. ‘I – I’m gay, Mr Stark.’ Peter sounds utterly wrecked. As if he had just told Tony that he had run over an old woman on the way to the avengers’ compound. ‘I’m sorry, sir, I’ve – I’ve tried not to but – and I know it’s fucked up – but it won’t go away – I can’t – I can’t stop it, Mr Stark. I’m so fucking sorry, please don’t hate me.’
And then, Peter is crying. Deep, wet sobs that sound like they physically hurt are being ripped from his throat, and Tony vaguely thinks that Peter might fall off his stool if he carries on crying with such force. He tries not to think about the fact that Peter called him sir, as if Tony was suddenly just his boss, instead of the adoptive father he had become. ‘Hey, hey, it’s fine kid. You’re fine.’ Tony knows better than to reach out and touch Peter while he’s crying; the last time he did that, he earned himself an elbow to the stomach and a garbled shout of fear (he’s still not entirely sure why, but it’s an issue he’s working on getting to the bottom of). ‘Peter. I need you to look at me okay?’ The response doesn’t come straight away – it takes another couple of tries for Tony to get some semblance of eye contact, even if Peter’s eyes keep flitting quickly back to a spot on the wall just to his left. It’s enough for now, Tony supposes. ‘Pete, I need you to listen very carefully to me now, okay?’ He waits until the kid nods before he continues. ‘There is nothing wrong with being gay, alright. Nothing. I could never hate you, kid. Especially not for liking boys. Please never apologise for it again.’
It took a few moments, but Peter seemed to comprehend Tony’s words. The relief in his eyes was short lived, however, because as soon as Peter stoped crying, a mask of indifference was being dragged over his features. Tony could practically see him shuttering off his emotions, and he vaguely wondered how long Peter had been dealing with this on his own for him to be able to shut down so quickly and effectively.
‘Update complete.’ Karen interrupted, her cheerful voice seemingly in stark contrast to the atmosphere in the room.
Peter seemed to snap into action at the sound, immediately grabbing his phone and tapping out a message as he spoke, ‘so have you had any ideas on how to make the Iron Man suit’s thrusters more powerful? Because I was thinking that maybe we need to change the material they’re made out of so that they can withstand the force better – we wouldn’t want you falling out of the sky because of a design oversight.’
The attempt at humour fell flat, but Tony chuckled anyway, and forced out a witty reply. He didn’t want Peter to feel like anything had changed after his revelation.
It took another three quarters of an hour of vaguely awkward conversation for the subject of Peter’s hickey to be raised again. Tony had spent a lot of that time not so subtly staring at it, and attempting to find a casual way to bring it up in conversation. If he was honest, he mainly wanted to make sure that Peter was okay, given the garbled confession he had given earlier – Tony hated the thought that he wasn’t comfortable with himself, especially if he was sleeping with people. Something about the whole situation put his teeth on edge, and he wanted to make sure that Peter wasn’t being reckless, but it was hard to find a conversation opening.
‘Alright,’ Peter had sighed eventually, his posture tensing slightly with his words. ‘You obviously have more questions for me, so I’ll bite. What’s up, Tony?’
Tony smiled in spite of himself – he hadn’t exactly been subtle, he supposed, and Peter was never one to shy away from Tony’s questions (apart from on the subject of relationships, apparently). They’d start easy, he decided, and work up to the more sensitive questions. ‘Who gave you that? Was it Ned?’
Peter let out a sharp laugh that – for the first time that day – actually sounded genuine. ‘Nah, Ned’s straight as an arrow.’ He paused for a moment, as if considering whether to continue before he spoke again. ‘We made out once just to make sure he was.’
Tony snorted; there was something so very Peter about the response that calmed his nerves a little. It was a massive relief that Peter seemed to have relaxed enough again to trust Tony with this conversation. He promised himself that he wouldn’t fuck it up. ‘So other than Ned and MJ, who else knows?’ They would circle back to the subject of the hickey later, he decided.
‘Ah,’ Peter kept his eyes locked on his phone as he spoke. ‘No one.’
‘Not even May?’ Tony couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice; he had thought that Peter would have told May before he told his mentor.
A blush was crawling up Peter’s neck as he spoke. ‘No, I – uh – haven’t had the chance to tell her yet, and I’d be grateful if you didn’t either.’ Tony nodded earnestly as Peter continued to speak. ‘I was kind of hoping that this –’ he gestured to the fading bruise on his neck ‘– will have gone by the time I get home.’
Tony couldn’t help but chuckle at the sheepish expression Peter was making. ‘So where does she think you were last night?’
Peter’s embarrassed blush intensified. ‘At MJ’s house. It’s not – it wasn’t exactly a lie – I went to her place after – after I’d met –’
Tony raised an eyebrow, willing Peter to go on. He had to admit that he was more than a little bit curious to find out who Peter was seeing.
Peter closed his eyes, sighing wearily. ‘I was just a hook up, Tony. No one special.’
Tony didn’t think he was imagining the note of disappointment in the kid’s voice as he spoke. ‘Oh?’ He prompted. ‘If you’re about to tell me that you’re using Grindr, stop right there, because I won’t hesitate to ground you. We both know you’re not old enough to be on there.’
‘I’m not using Grindr!’ Peter protested, shifting guiltily in his seat. ‘It’s just a casual thing with a guy from school.’
Tony raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh? And does this young man have a name?’
Peter laughed again at Tony’s insistence to know who it was. ‘Not one you’re gonna find out. Knowing you, you’d probably stalk him using FBI files or some shit.’
‘Language.’ Tony scalded, but there was no heat behind his words. ‘Alright. I can see I’m not going to get an answer out of you, but just know that – in all seriousness – if you ever want to talk, I’ll be happy to listen.’
Peter smiled softly, glancing down at his hands. ‘Thanks Tony.’
‘Good,’ he murmured. Something told him that the rest of the conversation should wait; he didn’t want to overwhelm Peter with questions he wasn’t ready for. ‘Now, back to the suit – do you think that we should reroute the wiring if we’re putting more power in the thrusters? That way if one fails, the others won’t short circuit?’
There was something so calming about Tony’s easy tone, and it settled Peter’s nerves slightly. He was glad that he’d told Tony, and even more relieved that he had been so calm about the whole thing, given Peter’s minor freak out. They both knew that Peter was a long way from being okay with himself, but Tony was willing to work on that with him. He knew that this was far from the last time that Peter would freak out about this, but at least now, he had someone to talk to instead of internalising everything.