A How To By Clint Barton
The Winter Soldier had been captured and after a visit from the psychiatrist he was on rampage. Tony could be at home attempting to keep the resident archer out of his vents but no, he was here about to die facing an assassin without his armor…wait, he was a Russian assassin. Never mind he’s got this.
He turned the corner where the Winter Soldier had just thrown off another of his assailants looking ready for murder time.
“Hey,” the soldier looked his way and Tony held up what he’d brought with him. “I’ve got plums and vodka.”
The soldier made his way over to him looking to be doing a murder strut but he didn’t attack and instead wrapped himself around Tony and began eating the plums. Tony could admit he was surprised this worked as he began petting the Winter Soldier who purred at the attention.
“What the fuck?” Steve said watching the two.
“How did that even work?” Everett Ross asked.
Tony held up a book that was a fairly large size and looked the same color as those for dummies books.
“The How to care for your formerly brain washed Russian assassin. A book by Clint Barton.”
The soldier was now drinking the vodka having already finished off two plums looking content to stay where he was.
“Who the hell is Clint?” Ross asked apparently not recognizing the name of Hawkeye which was just sad.
“He’s an asshole who eats all my pizza, drinks all my beer, and nests in my vents.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Ok.” Ross said seeming to accept the answer.
“Ok? Seriously, how is this ok?” Sharon asked getting up from where she’d been thrown earlier.
Ross pointed to Tony and the soldier.
“Those two are crazy; this situation is crazy, the solution to the crazy is crazy so of course someone crazy wrote a crazy book about this crazy situation. It all makes sense.”
No one had response to that. Tony just wondered how Clint would feel about him bringing home a pet Russian assassin.