Civil War Divorce Crack Edition
Two sides stood facing off at an airport in Germany. Everyone with grim faces and no one truly realizing how their sides had become divided like this.
“I knew it!” Tony practically screeched when he saw Bucky with Steve. “I knew you were leaving me for that frozen assassin.”
“Well he’s a better lover than you!” Steve argued yelling back at his soon to be ex-husband.
Bucky stayed silent but opened his vest to reveal the shirt underneath that read ‘make love not war’. No one paid attention so he closed it.
“Yeah well guess what, I’m getting the cat in the divorce!” Tony yelled back.
“We don’t even have a cat.” Steve argued causing Tony to pick up the King of Wakanda.
“Of course not because he’s mine now and you don’t get visiting rights.”
Bucky opened his vest again revealing a different undershirt, this one reading ‘Screw cats I’d rather have a velociraptor’ the picture with the words was of Blue from Jurassic World. Again no one paid attention to the poor former brain washed assassin so he closed his vest again.
“Yeah well I got the birds so I win.”
Tony scoffed tossing away the king who landed on his feet (no surprise there).
“Well I got the spiders which are so much cooler than birds.”
Bucky opened his vest again revealing a shirt with an image of a can of bug spray. No one paid attention to him or his argument against the coolness of insects.
“Well I have an Ant-man!”
Tony rolled his eyes.
“I said spiders, ants aren’t spiders.”
“Yeah well I still have Bucky and you’re going to be all alone.” Steve taunted.
“Yeah well you’ll never be the hottest avenger.” Tony countered.
Bucky opened his vest again revealing a red shirt with gold writing that read ‘Iron Man hottest Avenger confirmed’. That got Tony’s attention as he winked at the former assassin.
“Oh hell no don’t you dare try and steal my man. Besides he killed your parents, you wouldn’t want him.”
Again the vest closed and opened again revealing a new shirt that read ‘Winter Soldier confirmed murder kitten that only wants love’.
“Oh I’ll give you all the love murder kitten.” Tony told the former assassin in a flirty tone.
Turns out Tony got the spiders, the cat, the android, the war machine, AND the brain washed assassin in the divorce. Poor little Steve was in tears but no one cared, especially not Bucky because Steve had ignored his amazing shirts.