Peter is confusion

Peter was kicking himself once Captain Rodgers decided that the interrogation wasn’t working. Not because of that, but because he never came up with an excuse for Ned to tell May and he was scared for whatever Ned was going to come up with.

He needed someone who knew what they were doing here. Didn’t he need a lawyer present? Was it illegal for a minor to be kept this long? Surely it must be illegal to drug someone without here consent. Right? But then again they were Avengers so he guessed it didn’t count. Or did it?

Peter groaned. He wished that he listened more when Daredevil talked about the law. Or when Tony freaking Stark tells you why you have been kidnapped. ‘Ugh come on brain, my ears are trying their best. Cooperate.’ Peter scolded himself right as the door squeaked open.

Whoever this was who stepped inside, Peter was going to get answers. No matter who.

It was a good plan, in theory. Key words being in theory because nothing could have prepared him for the two people who stepped into the room. Holy mother of hell.

Everything else had been very unbelievable, but now he knew for sure that this was his drugged up self dreaming. He found that he didn’t want to wake up so it made no sense as to why he slapping his face. He mentally shrugged, he was going to cut himself some slack for not thinking straight.

Because the people in front of him were his heroes. Not just heroes. His heroes. Not that he owned them or anything because that’s really creepy. He does own their action figures though so technically, he kind of owns a version of them?

Dang it, he made his action figures creepy now. He really didn’t want to throw them out but he was left with no choice. ‘Why you gotta be weird, past me?’

He thought back to when Ben brought them home. He started working extra shifts leading up to Peter’s birthday much to Peter’s dismay.

Still Peter couldn’t help but mirror the smile back at the man as he gave him his present. He kept the figures in his room. God, he missed Ben. Never mind, the figures can stay. But that was a final warning, brain.

He finally looked up at his idols and let out a breath of relief in seeing that neither of them were talking. He would never forgive himself for ever missing a word the wonders of the world graced him with.

Icon number 1 coughed awkwardly and didn’t look Peter in the eye. “Are you listening?” He asked meekly.

Peter nodded enthusiastically.

The man sighed in relief and met Peter’s eyes.. or lenses.

“Ok cool, I didn’t want a repeat of Tony Stark.” Dr Banner explained. Peter felt slightly guilty about that. Slightly. He still chuckled with Thor.

He thought about that sentence in shock. He just laughed with a god. He decided that whatever rescue mission, he had no doubt Ned and Mj were planning, could wait.

Once Thor opened his mouth to say something, Peter realized that Thor doesn’t just ‘say’ things. He bellowed them. Usually, Peter got annoyed when people shouted things but he couldn’t bring himself to find any flaws with this amazing man. His sensitive ears however, sure did have a lot to say. One of those things being “owww.”

“Young Spider, you have proven to be a valiant warrior. We have been sent here to question you, it seems however that you are just as good at avoiding questions, as fighting battles.”

Peter felt dizzy. A god complimented him. A god gave him a nickname. Was it really a nickname? Or was is just Asgardian slang? If it was a nickname, it wasn’t a very creative one, but Peter wasn’t feeling particularly picky of which name he was given by THE GOD OF THUNDER.

There was a silence in which Peter realized that maybe he should have been saying something. Thankfully the owner of 7 PhDs decided to fill the silence.

“So uhh you know us” the doctor stated awkwardly shuffling in his seat. He was clearly unsure of what to do with his hands so he awkwardly adjusted them every few seconds. Peter sympathized with the man. He would be doing the same if it weren’t for the handcuffs. ‘Thank god for them!‘ he thought before realizing that they probably aren’t good.

“Oh my god, I’m a huge fan of both of you!” He squeaked purposefully ignoring his brain. “Dr Banner, I can’t believe you kidnapped me!” The man scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah about that” he coughed and continued. “This really wasn’t our idea-“ No, no doctor!” Peter comforted. “This is the best day of my life!”

Dr Banner looked incredibly concerned. It was impressive to see how someone could express so much concern in one look. Thor on the other hand just looked confused. ‘Nope, we’re not going to use that word anymore’ Peter decided. ‘How about.... bewildered? Puzzled?’

Peter decided to try to save this doctor from bursting with concern. “It’s just that, this is a dream come true!” He explained. Yeah well, he tried.

The doctor somehow frowned even more before it seemed he realized something. “You’re being sarcastic.” He concluded.

“N-no Dr Banner sir, I-I don’t even know what sarcasm is!” He lied.

It was then that he realized that he would never allow himself to lie to his idol. “Ok well no, I know what it is, but I don’t use it.” He thought back at basically all of his conversations with MJ and he figured that lying was necessary here. “Pshhhh sarcasm. What am I, a teenager?” He scoffed summoning his inner grumpy millennial hating neighbor.

Now Dr Banner and Thor were confused. ‘No, puzzled,’ Peter scolded himself. Peter felt pressured into explaining himself. He coughed. Ehh, he’d let out enough fanboy already. “I uh get to hang out with THE AVENGERS. Like they’re really cool and all,” Peter leaned in and whispered, “but you guys are like, wow.”

He let out a breath and sat back in his chair feeling relieved after letting his ....fanboyness? Fanboyness out of him.

The loud voice of the god sounded through the room. “You seem to know us quite well. Which one of us is the strongest Avenger?”

———————————————————

Bruce sighed as he looked at the spandex wearing man across from him trying desperately to convince Thor that he didn’t have a favourite Avenger. He could see why he idolized Thor. He was a god, a powerful man with a hammer, a protector of the planet. But the hulk was a killing machine. He was a ruthless monster and Bruce couldn’t help but feel at fault for all of the lives he had taken. So no, the hulk was not a hero. Bruce had stopped trying to convince himself otherwise a long time ago.

Bruce had felt uneasy about the whole mission Fury had given them. At first, it was because he hadn’t seen the man do anything that wasn’t heroic. And now, he felt that the man was a lot younger than the Avengers thought.

It wasn’t just from his jokes with Wanda and Shuri, it was the way his leg bounced restlessly and the way his voice broke from time to time. If he was as old as Bruce estimated, then he knew that the team would not take the news well.

Not that Natasha didn’t have her own theories by now. Yeah, Natasha knew everything. That was just her thing.

Bruce listened halfheartedly as the man.. boy? gushed about Thor’s hammer for a few more minutes until he heard his name pop up in the madness.

“And Dr Banner you’re papers on Gamma radiation are amazing! I lost count how many times I’ve read them-“

Bruce was in shock. The man must be a lot older than Bruce believed. No child could understand those papers. He suddenly felt stupid for thinking that a boy could be the vigilante who runs into burning buildings. Of course he still estimated that the man was still young. Too young for Bruce’s liking. Maybe a very smart college student? Well, at least he could take care of himself, Bruce supposed. Having super strength probably helped with that too.

He found himself lost in talking about theories almost as excitedly as Spider-man. It was only until Thor coughed awkwardly that he remembered that this was an interrogation. This guy really was good at not answering questions.

—————————————————————————

Peter really didn’t know what he had don’t to deserve this. He was talking to THE DR BANNER about HIS OWN THEORIES.

He figured that this had to be one of those calm before the storm moments or those times in movies where the protagonist says ‘this is too good to be true’ and then all hell breaks loose. But he’s been thinking about that one line over and over and nothings happened. Ah dang it now he’s jinxed. Touch wood? Nope, no wood in interrogation rooms. Of course not. He braced himself for the worst.

Then Bruce stopped taking. ‘No! This sucks! I’m sorry Karma or fate or whatever you are! Please let me keep sciencing with him!’ Peter pleaded in his head but to no avail.

Peter was more than annoyed at himself than whoever was up there in the universe making decisions. He just had to go and jinx himself. Now of all times.

It was only when Peter saw Thor stretch his arm out as a hammer barreled through the one sided glass wall where the Avengers were, and land right into Thor’s hand, that he figured that the universe actually wasn’t out to get him.

Peter took a second to think of why the god needed his hammer but all that came to mind was that maybe the god was jealous of all the attention Bruce was getting. But no, that didn’t sound right. Why would the Norse God of Thunder care about him? Nah he was probably too worried about Asguardian politics and evil brothers.

He took his chance to peer into the hole in the glass that the hammer had left. The first thing he saw was a very exasperated Tony Stark.

“Thor, if this is some intimidation tactic, I should let you know that you haven’t even bothered asking Spidey a question.” Tony sighed.

That was true. The Avengers should really stick to their day jobs. Except Natasha. If there was an Olympic sport for getting answers, than Natasha would be banned from the Olympics for being too good. Not that that would stop her. Peter wondered why Natasha hadn’t tried getting more answers out of him. He left that thought alone as he saw Thor’s hand holding a hammer stretched out towards him.

“This is no tactic, Stark. The Man of Spiders liked my hammer. I intend to show it to him.” Thor explained as Peter’s eyes widened considerably beneath the lenses. Starks face was no longer visible from the hole in the glass. Instead there was a Russian spy.

“You’re just going to let him have a weapon?” She asked raising a brow. Even though he couldn’t see it, Peter could definitely imagine her having her hands on her hips.

“It’s not as if he can use it” Thor scoffed. Natasha shrugged and left the hammer sized hole only to be replaced by two familiar faces. Wanda and Shuri waved enthusiastically. Peter couldn’t help but try to wave back. He lifted his cuffed hands and managed to shake them. It didn’t work, but seeing the two girls giggling made him count it as a win.

They were dragged away, like earlier, by Captain America. Peter shook the disappointment away as he looked at the hammer in the gods hand in front of him. Thor placed the hammer on the table and with a mysterious look in his eyes he asked “Aren’t you going to try to hold it?”

Peter had seen that smirk before on Ned’s face too many times. This was a trick. A booby trap. A fatal prank.

Peter mentally shrugged ‘Eh worse ways to die’ he supposed as he reached his cuffed hands forward and lifted the surprisingly light hammer off of the table. He prepared himself for poison, arrows flying from the walls, a massive boulder that he’d have to run away from Indiana Jones style. What he wasn’t prepared for, however, was a gasp.

Especially not a gasp coming from an actual god.

Bruce Banner looked pale. “Who are you?” He whispered almost as if he was in awe. ‘Ha, as if Parker.’

This was the first proper question he got in their interrogation.

“Spider-man” he announced happily.