Peter is confusion

They knew his name. God having a secret identity was hard when someone could actually read your mind. MJ couldn’t read minds, Peter presumed, but she definitely knew everything about everyone and that was terrifyingly amazing.
So when Natasha Romanov stepped into the room with the same neutral face and with eyes that glared behind the lenses of his mask into his eyes, he couldn’t help but picture a book in her face like MJ. The Black Widow in high school must have been terrifying. Thinking of all the popular girls in school, he could easily imagine her being there. It was only when he started imagining her in Mean Girls that he actually snorted.

Her surprised expression came and went so quickly that Peter wasn’t sure if it had actually been there in the first place. However it was clear to hear the emotion in the next voice.

“You’re gonna get killed if you keep that up around Romanoff you know?” The man who Peter hadn’t noticed was in the room, asked incredulously. Huh so people and chairs could just appear here.

“Bold if you to assume I want to live,” he answered immediately regretting it as he forgot that who he was talking to was not a millennial. It was then that he realized that the concerned face belonged to Hawkeye. Goddammit.

“Shit, kid,” he dropped his tough guy façade. “Nat? What do we do? Is this why you’re Spider-man? You’re fucking suicidal? Kid, we can get you help. Just know you have people to talk to, you don’t have to fucking fight rapists or gangs. There’s help out there please just talk to someone. They’ll listen. Please kid.”

The archer’s voice cracked at the end of his sentence. Peter was stunned into silence. They say for ten seconds in tense silence. Hawkeye’s pleading eyes showed no mercy in making Peter feel like shit for making a gen z joke. He could hear a murmur of voices coming from somewhere but he was to shocked to listen to them. There were voices in his head? Maybe this was how Wade felt. Except Wade actually listened to them. And talked back.

Natasha being the most composed person in the room quietly whispered to Clint “It’s one of those teenage jokes that Shuri and Wanda say all the time.”

“How do you know?” He hissed back.

She tapped at her ear which would look weird if anyone but her did it. When she did it she looked like it explained everything. Unfortunately it did not.

Hawkeye looked at her until she finally rolled her eyes and explained. “I made Wanda set up a comm with me in case Spidey makes more of their jokes that we wouldn’t get.”

“Can you stop being so smart for one damn second?” She shot him a glare. Hawkeye just chuckled. “You’re still my favourite Avenger” he announced as his apology. She smirked. Apology accepted, Peter presumed.

Peter started listening to the voices in his head. They were clearly not happy with Hawkeye’s declaration.

“He said that I was his favourite Avenger!”

“Shuri, you’re not even an Avenger.”

Huh so they weren’t coming from inside Peter’s head. They were inside the Black Widow’s ear. That sounded way creepier when you think it out loud.

“Oh oh I see how it is, witch bitch.”

“Okay princess, and you’re sure that you’re not just bitter because he called me his favourite yesterday.”

“Not even a little.”

“Okay” Wanda’s voice sounded very mocking.

“Fuck you” Shuri shouted in defeat. Then both the voices gasped. Peter wasn’t sure why until he heard himself chuckling.

“You can hear the comm?” One of the girls asked excitedly.

“Yeah, you guys are hilarious.”

“This is so cool!” The voice that sounded like Shuri screamed causing Natasha to wince at the volume. Shuri continued rambling about all the pranks she could pull and tech she could make for him while Clint turned to Natasha.

“No Nat, I get that he has bullshit teenage humor but I actually think that he might be insane as well. I mean you never hear Wanda or Shuri actually talk to themselves. I think he actually has voices in his head” Hawkeye said more to himself than to Natasha.

Peter was listening to both Hawkeye and Shuri at the same time. He wanted to frown at Clint but smile at Shuri and he found himself in an awkward mix between the two making him very glad that he was wearing a mask.

“I get that you have to wear boots to go with the whole outfit but seriously, what are those?!”

“Shut up” he whined while stifling a laugh which did not work in stopping Shuri from insulting him. It did however cause Clint to turn to him looking insulted. Peter put up one finger as if to say ‘1 second’ like he was on the phone which only increased the volume of laughter coming through the comm.

————————————————————————-

Natasha hastily saved her ears by turning it off before looking at the giggling spandex hero in front of her.

The mood in the room dropped instantly. They were examining each other carefully. The spider seemed to be strangely okay with being held compared to all the others they’ve interrogated, Not that Natasha was complaining. Still, it was odd.

The man was clearly getting restless. He was tapping his foot on the ground which to most people, it would seem like nerves but the rhythmic tapping of his fingers and his feet together proved that he had a short attention span. Natasha already knew this when she witnessed Stark’s attempt at an interrogation which she and Clint had found amusing. Not that they’d tell the rest of the team though.

She wondered what age the man was but after hearing all of his interactions with Wanda and Shuri, she was certain that he couldn’t be older than mid twenties.

She was about to start the interrogation, when she heard another voice butt in.

“Ms Black Widow, Mr Hawkeye, I need to ask you guys a few questions.”

Natasha suppressed a smirk, taking a liking to the guy for his boldness while Clint just looked flabbergasted.

“Kid, that’s not how this works.”

“Yeah no sure sir, it’s just that I don’t know what ‘this’ is exactly so I’m not sure of what the rules are here.”

“You’re in the Avengers tower” Clint answered rolling his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which, quite frankly, it was. The Spider gasped, which confused Natasha. Still, her poker face stayed on her face.

“So you’re the bad guys?” He asked incredulously.

“What?” Clint asked just as bewildered. But the man clearly wasn’t paying attention anymore. It was strange, to say the least, to see Clint attempting at talking to him but getting no reaction.

“You guys are like THE AVENGERS like the kind who are on that poster on my wall or the kind that my friend won’t shut up about. You’re the ones who save aliens from invading Earth. Oh my god, Captain America lectures me about detention and drugs but he kidnaps me for no reason? No that-“

He was cut off by Clint. “Hold on, you’ve met Steve before? And he lectured you on what now?”

He never received an answer however, which Natasha suspected would happen. The vigilante was stuck in his own head.

“And why am I here? Why are you guys here? Have you been possessed? Oh my god, are you guys possessed? Oh no are all of the Avengers possessed? Possessed by what? Oh HYDRA can control minds right? But you guys haven’t tried to kill me yet. Huh. You even told me not to die. Am I a new HYDRA recruit? I would rather not thanks. I know someone who would kill me if-“

He cut himself off from his conspiracy theory abruptly. Clearly something came to his mind.

“How long have I been here?” He demanded but his voice was too high pitched in his demand to have any affect on the two agents. This however, seemed scarily out of character for the spandex suited man who was laughing just minutes ago. Something was off. From what Natasha could gather, it was someone not something that was worrying him.

“See this is not how an interrogation works, you do know that right?” Clint asked seemingly slightly amused by the man’s antics. “We ask the questions.”

“Interrogation?” He asked, before shaking his head as if him being brought here against his will, restrained in Stark Tower wasn’t as important as whatever was bugging him. What it could possibly be, Natasha couldn’t begin to guess, but she knew that it was important.

“How long have I been here?” He asked again in despair, his voice hoarse.

Clint looked over at Natasha concern written all over his face. “How much did we drug him?!” He whisper shouted at her.

“You what?! Oh Captain Rodgers, you hypocritical-“

“A week” Natasha announced tired of both of them. “You’ve been here for a week.”

“Oh shit, May!” Peter exclaims, too busy panicking to notice that he wasn’t breathing.

He felt burning in his lungs as he slipped out of his chair. Suddenly, he slumped against the wall on the floor.

Neither spies are good at comforting. Let alone comforting a enhanced, possibly drugged spandex wearing vigilante.

Clint was the first to react. He got out of his seat and got on his honkers in front of the man.

Natasha remained where she was. This could easily be a stunt to try to escape. She was shocked by Clint’s unprofessional actions but he must’ve been thinking about his kids at home. Not that this guy was there age. Or was he?

“Hey hey, kiddo. It’s not May, it’s September.” He comforts the hysterical vigilante.

“I need your phone” he announced, his voice wavering. He was either trying really hard to keep his voice even and failing or a really good actor. Natasha couldn’t tell which so far.

—————————————————————————

“Why, so you can plan your escape?” She asked

“No, so I make sure that someone doesn’t call every single police station, every person I know, presume I’m dead and then kill me.” He said knowing how little sense it makes.

The wrath of May Parker was terrifying. He’d face the entire Avenger team instead of her in a fight. And if there’s one thing for sure, if he died here, she’d kill him.

Clint looked like he was about to allow him the phone so Natasha firmly shook her head. “I don’t care about any evil villain trying to kill you, you’re in the tower, nothing can get you.”

“You underestimate this person.” He muttered thinking about how May would track down every single person he’s ever talked to to find him.

He thought about what would happen if MJ and Ned teamed up with his Aunt. That was a terrifying thought.

With the pure fury of a protective aunt, a terrifying unofficial detective and a nerd with hacking skills, they could take over the world. In that moment, he was so glad that they weren’t super villains, as far as he knew. He could never tell with MJ.

He needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

“What do you guys need to know?”

“Who are you?” The red head asked bluntly after Peter had composed himself once more. He sat on his chair and promised himself to be obedient so that he could return to his aunt.

“Couldn’t you guys just take off the mask and know?” Peter asked, clearly suspicious.

“Cap said something about how if you trust us then we’ll get more answers.” The archer answered clearly annoyed by said teammate.

“No better way to get my trust than by kidnapping me and restraining me” he said jokingly and Clint snorted while Natasha smirked.

“You seem kind of cool with this whole thing. I mean not a few minutes ago but that was about some super villain after you or something. Why are you so chill about this?”

Peter shrugged lazily and looked to Natasha for another question.

She repeated her original question. “Don’t you guys already know it? Couldn’t Tony Stark just hack everywhere to find me?” He asked deflecting her question.

“He did but there were no results for any guy named Parker around here that matched with your details.” She replied coldly. She didn’t like being lied to.

Peter failed miserably at stifling a giggle. “He can be kind of stupid sometimes, can’t he?” He hurriedly added, “Sorry I mean he’s a genius and everything don’t get me wrong but-“

“But he can be an absolute idiot” Clint finished grinning wildly. Natasha briefly smiled at the image of Stark and his ego slowly deflating on the other side of the wall.

“So you’re name is Parker then?”

“Yes ma’am” he answered grinning just as wide as Clint was.

On queue, Tony Stark flung the door open and pointed at the figure in the chair accusingly. “This man is a liar” he announced, still pointing at Peter.

Oh my god, the Tony Stark was pointing at him. Peter was sure that Ned would sell any of his limbs to be in Peter’s position right now. That finger being pointed at him must cost so much. Nope, that’s really creepy thinking dude. Stop. That’s restraining order territory.

“I don’t lie” he lied. Everyone lies. Not everyone lies everyday to their only family member about what they’re doing every night or where the bruises came from.

“Yes you do and you continue to” he accused, the million dollar finger? Billion dollar finger? Stop putting prices on this poor man’s fingers, god. Still pointing his priceless finger at him. That’s better, no more selling fingers.

“I’m not lying. Ask Wanda!” He wondered why they didn’t just use Wanda to read his thoughts. He decided not to think about it for too long and just be glad that they didn’t.

Wanda and Shuri burst into the room grinning like idiots. One Captain America trailed in after the with his head down in defeat.

“I tried to stop them but they were too strong.” He explained. Natasha let out a laugh. “You have super strength, Steve. Use it.” Her laughter was joined by Clint’s when the Captain wore an exasperated expression on his face.

“Hey Spidey” Wanda said warmly as Shuri gave him a small nod.

“Perfect!” Tony declared moving his very expensive finger to point at Wanda. “Expose him for his lies!”

She scoffed at his dramatics. “His name is Parker,” she confirmed and smiled when she saw the man’s smug smile drop instantly.

“She lies too!” He exclaimed.

It was the Captain who hushed everybody after their laughter at the now very grumpy Stark.

“Let me alone with him and I’ll figure it out.”

Stark shrugged pretending the entire event didn’t phase him and left pouting. Actually pouting. Ned probably wouldn’t believe half of the stuff he was going to tell him when he got out of here.