never gonna be alone
“See?” Peter said as they stepped out of the car in front of his apartment building. You’re in the sun and didn’t burn to death. You were scaring me there for a second-- I thought you turned into a vampire with that complexion of yours.”
“Ha ha, very funny.” Tony rolled his eyes, looking around. It wasn’t like he’d been inside for the past three years, but whenever he was outside he never looked around to enjoy the scenery. He didn’t want to enjoy anything the kid couldn’t anymore. “Let’s get inside. Steve is expecting us at the sanctuary.”
“I’m glad you called him,” Peter said, walking next to Tony. “I think we never could win because we were split up. You know how it goes: a house divided against itself cannot stand.”
“Okay, Honest Abe, thank you for your words of wisdom.” Tony shook his head, opening the door and walking inside the lobby. It had been months since he’d been here last.
Peter didn’t answer back with a sarcastic quip of his own because he was too busy looking around the lobby with wide eyes. It wasn’t much, in fact, it was a little run down...but to Peter, it was home.
“C’mon, kiddo, let’s go,” he said, motioning his head towards the elevators. Peter nodded his head quickly and followed him to the elevators. Once they were inside and no one else was around, Tony spoke again, “Are you sure you don’t want me to tell her about you? I really don’t mind.”
Peter was bouncing slightly in excitement. “No, it’s fine. I don’t want her to call you insane and like kick you out of the apartment because she thinks you’re making fun of her or something. She believes in that stuff. We’d watch ghost shows all the time and we always talked about going on a paranormal road trip where we could go ghost hunting. Ben would always just roll his eyes because you know…”
Tony waited patiently for his mini-rant to end. Sometimes it stopped in the most random spots and Tony just let it be. Peter wasn’t aware he did it-- he was just used to trailing off when no one else could hear it.
“Ben wasn’t a believer, huh?”
“Nope,” Peter replied. “Seeing is believing for him I guess.”
Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Well, May’s not like that you said. So maybe she’ll believe--.”
“I don’t...you don’t need to do it. Happy’s the only one that’s believed you. I don’t want to put you through someone calling you crazy again. I’m grateful you’re just taking me here to see her.”
Tony sighed. “Okay...but if you change your mind, just let me know, okay?”
“Got it,” Peter said, nodding his head with a smile.
The elevator doors opened and Tony took a deep breath before stepping into the hallway. Peter followed on his heels, staying quiet. They stopped outside Peter’s apartment door and Tony lifted his hand and knocked. “Coming!” He heard from inside and out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Peter perk up at the sound of his aunt’s voice.
She opened the door and frowned when she saw Tony. “Tony-- what...is everything okay?”
Tony swallowed as he felt Peter grab onto his wrist and squeeze. He mustered a smile for her. “I was in town...thought I’d say hi.”
May rolled her eyes and opened the door to let him in. “Come on. I’ll make us lunch. It’s about time you came to see me.”
Tony stepped inside and Peter only hesitated a moment before hurrying inside. “She’s so...different,” he whispered, staring at her as she walked into the kitchen. “I didn’t...I mean I know it’s been three years, but I dunno…”
The kid was right-- May definitely had changed since he last saw her. She’d grown older and the grief of losing her child wasn’t too kind. The life lines on her face were much more noticable. Her hair was cut short to her shoulders and she was wearing a large t-shirt and a pair of sweats. She had gone through a tough time with it as well. Tony wasn’t sure she was going to make it, but she pulled through. Not back to where she was, but she was living again.
“Still just as beautiful,” Tony teased him, but May heard him as well. Tony winced, knowing he’d have to do better controlling what he said. Thankfully, this didn’t seem weird for him to say.
“Oh, stop it, Stark. You’re years past flattery.” She laughed, pulling a pot out of the cabinet and filling it up with water.
Tony chuckled. “So what are we having?”
“Mac and cheese good?” She asked, a shadow crossing over her eyes. “I haven’t made it in a while.”
Tony nodded his head. “Of course. Is there anything I can help you with?”
She shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m fine. You take a seat-- but you can tell me the real reason you’re here while you’re waiting.”
“You don’t think I was just driving by and wanted to see the most beautiful woman in Queens?” He asked, his lip upturning in a grin.
“Blech,” Peter said from hi spot next to May. “Stop flirting with my aunt when I’m right here.”
Tony hid his laugh behind a cough as May spoke, “You know I see right through bullshit. Don’t try this with me.” Tony sighed but didn’t answer her. She finished setting up the pot on the stove and turned around to face him. She leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m waiting.”
With a heavy sigh, Tony said, “Fine. Pepper and Rhodey ganged up on me and forced me to go talk to a therapist.”
May’s posture softened and she smiled. “You went to a therapist? Tony-- I’m really proud of you.” Her voice was nothing but sincere.
Tony looked down at his feet. “Yeah. It was real fun. Lots of healing.”
“It takes a while,” she said in a low voice. “There are plenty of days when I feel like nothing is better, but other days I’m okay. It’ll get...easier to deal with over time. Talking and getting it out though, that’s good.”
“Yeah…” Tony sniffed, trying to control his emotions before they got away from him. Not because they lost Peter but because they got him back and Tony was hiding it from May.
“So, your therapist told you to come see me?” She asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
Tony chuckled. “No...I just...I thought it’s been too long.”
“You locked yourself in that lab of yours. But, I have missed your company,” May admitted. She took a seat next to Tony and grabbed his hand. “We’re the only ones that understand the hurt behind losing Peter. No one else understands,” she said.
Tony shook his head. “Nope.”
“I miss him like hell too. Every second of every day,” she whispered, her voice thick with tears. “Maybe...maybe now that you’re figuring all of this out, you don’t hide yourself anymore. We can be there for each other.”
Tony shut his eyes and said, “I’m sorry.” Though he wasn’t sure if he was apologizing to Peter or his aunt.
“For what?”
“For leaving you when you were hurting too. But-- I’ve been a mess, May. I didn’t want you to see me crash like I did. God, it was horrible.” And Peter had to see it all.
“We all cope in different ways, Tony. I didn’t get out of bed for almost 2 weeks after Ben. It took Peter coming in everyday to take care of me and get me out. Maybe you just needed a Peter to pull you back up.”
He looked up at her and saw her smiling softly at him. “Good thing I’ve got another Parker then.”
“I could never replace Peter for you, but yeah, I can take care of you just as well as he did.” She gave his hand one last squeeze before going to check on the boiling water. She poured in a box of bowtie pasta shells.
“How is she doing? Is...is she doing okay? I was so afraid she’d react like when Ben died and there would be no one here to help her. She looks...she looks okay,” Peter said, staring at her with a smile. He wasn’t upset she was happy without him, he was relieved.
“How are you doing, May?” He asked for the kid. “No lies. No hiding. Are you...are you doing okay? I don’t want you to go through this alone.”
She turned back to him, the smile still there. “I’m okay, Tony. I’ve got people at work that check in. Reyna and I get together at least once every week still.”
Peter perked up. “Reyna! That’s Ned’s mom!” He started tugging on the sleeves to his suit. Just like he did every time he mentioned Ned. Something was making him anxious about his best friend. But he hadn’t asked any questions about him.
“You’re a strong woman,” he told her. “With everything you’ve lost and you’re still fighting the good fight.”
May chuckled, shrugging her shoulders. “I do it for him.”
Tony nodded and they lapsed into a comfortable silence while May strained the pasta and mixed in the cheese. She seperated it onto two plates and placed them on the table. Tony stood up to get their drinks and was surprised to see a bottle of apple juice in there. He took it out, followed by two cups. May smiled when she saw what he chose.
“Peter’s favorite dinner,” Tony said. “Mac and cheese and apple juice.”
Peter was looking over their shoulders in excitement. “How good does it smell, Mr. Stark?”
“It smells delicious,” Tony said to May. And it did. Tony hated that Peter couldn’t smell it because it was the best thing he’s smelt in a while.
“Dig in then before it gets cold,” she said, taking a seat. Tony did so and immediately burnt his mouth. He yelped and dropped his fork. May laughed. “Let it cool a little. You’re just like Peter. Every time I made him this, he’d get so excited he’d forget to blow on it before eating.”
Tony narrowed his eyes when he heard the kid laughing at him too. “I hope I can still taste after burning my tastebuds off.”
“You’re gonna love it, Mr. Stark. I know May is like the actual worst cook in Queens, but the things she can cook are amazing.”
Tony blew on his next forkful and discovered Peter was right. This was delicious. “S’really good,” he said.
May smiled, almost sadly, as she put her fork in her bowl. “God, I don’t know if it’s just because it’s been so long since I last saw him, but...sometimes it’s like looking at him again.” She quickly clarified, “Not that you look alike, but you both have these mannerisms. I didn’t realize it until he was gone...but sometimes I look at you and there’s a little bit of Peter shining through.”
Tony was caught speechless. He had no idea what to say to that...May saw Peter in him? “May…”
“I’m sorry-- I just...I do. I see him in you and I always saw a part of you in him. You were good for each other and I’m glad that he got to know you at least for a few years before…” her voice broke and she wiped at her eyes. After taking a steadying breath, she said, “I’m glad he was with you when it happened. If I wasn’t there to hold him, I’m glad it was you.”
Tony watched as she wiped at her eyes and then back at Peter who was looking upset at not being able to comfort his aunt either. He thought about how May never got to say her goodbyes. She went to work that day, never once imagining that Peter wouldn’t make it back. She thought she had time and now...now she had the chance to talk to him again. And Tony was robbing that of her.
He couldn’t.
“May,” he said, his voice loud and making her jump slightly.
She wiped her eyes and said, “Yeah?”
He took a deep breath and Peter knew exactly what he was going to do. “No, Mr. Stark. It’s okay--.”
But Tony ignored him. “I know this is going to sound insane, but please believe me. I can...I can see Peter.” He held his breath waiting for the, ‘What the fuck?’
“You...can see Peter?” She repeated slowly, her eyebrows knitting in confusion. “Like as in, he’s here right now and only you can see him because he’s a...ghost?”
Tony bit his lip, wondering if he made a mistake. “I know it’s crazy. But yes. He’s not a ghost but not in terms of being dead,” he said, having no other way to avoid the ‘d word’. “He’s stuck. Between here and wherever the hell the others went.”
She started looking around the kitchen with wide eyes. “Where is he?”
“Wait-- just like...that you believe me?” Tony asked incredulously. “You don’t wanna book me a therapy appointment or call me crazy?”
May turned to face him with a frown. “Of course I believe you. Why would you lie to me about this?”
Tony rubbed his neck. “We were nervous about saying anything to you because so far it’s been 1 out of 3, now 2 out of 4 including you. Pepper and Rhodey think I’m crazy.”
May’s face softened. “Not me. I believe you 100%. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me-- is that why you’re really here?”
Tony finally felt relieved as he smiled smally. “The kid wanted to see you. We were supposed to keep it a secret so you didn’t think I was mocking you and kick me out.”
“You would never. I know he’s here. I can...feel him here. I just--.” She was cut off by Peter finally rushing forward and wrapping his arms around her. She froze on the spot and looked at Tony with wide eyes. “I feel something-- there’s something--.”
“That’s Pete,” Tony said softly. “He’s giving you a hug.”
May broke down in tears. “Oh, baby. I was so scared I lost you forever. I was so scared.” She shut her eyes as Peter continued to hold her. Tony heard him trying to cover sniffles as well. “I feel you, baby. I do. God, I love you so much.”
“I miss you, Aunt May. I miss you so much.” Peter whispered into her neck as he hugged her tightly.
Tony didn’t feel like he deserved to witness such a private moment, but he needed to be the link between the two of them. “He says he misses you too. He misses you so much.”
“I wish I could see him-- I wish I could hold him.” May said tearfully as she wiped her eyes. “Can you hold him or is he alone?”
“I can-- it’s not the same, but yes. I can hold him.” He smiled knowingly. “I gave him his hug. Until we get him back, that’s all I can do.”
“Get him back?” She asked, sitting up straighter. Peter moved to let her change her position, but he stayed close with a hand holding her arm.
“Well, I can’t leave him like this,” Tony said. “We’re not sure what we’re doing yet. We don’t even understand how it works or why he came to me, but we’re going to figure it out. I promise you. We’re on our way to see Steve and the others and the sanctuary.”
“Thank you for stopping here. I...I can’t believe he’s okay.”
“I still can’t believe you believed this crazy thing,” Tony scoffed.
May rolled her eyes. “Tony, my son wa--is part spider. Nothing is crazy anymore.” She cleared her throat, looking next to her for Peter. Her eyes were focused on his shoulder. “Is he still here? How is he doing? Is he okay?”
“He’s fine. He’s been here since just about the beginning. Finally managed to get through to me. But he’s okay and we’re going to get him back safely,” Tony reassured her.
“Thank you. I know you will. I know you’ll bring him back.” She suddenly stood up from her seat and even Peter took a step back in surprise. She wrapped her arms around Tony and squeezed him tightly. She hadn’t hugged him this tightly since the funeral. “Thank you, Tony. God, thank you so much.”
Tony wrapped his arms around her, looking at Peter over her shoulder. He was smiling softly at them, but Tony could see the slightly envy in his eyes. Not that he meant to be jealous, but it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t the one getting a hug from his aunt. “It’s not a problem. Thank your kid for being so persistent and finding me.”
“He’s a smart kid,” she said, pulling back. “I’m really proud of you, Peter. We’re gonna bring you back, okay? It’s all going to be okay soon.”
Peter nodded his head, fidgeting as he stared down at his feet. “Can you ask her about Ned? How is he doing?”
“Of course, kiddo,” Tony said before turning his attention back to May. “He’s asking about Ned.”
May smiled over to where Tony was looking previously so she could speak directly to Peter. He was glad she wasn’t just speaking to him through Tony; this made Peter feel more connected to the world around him. “He’s good. He misses you too. He misses his best friend a lot.”
Peter looked up with wide eyes. “Really-- he does?”
Tony frowned, tilting his head in confusion. “Of course he does, kiddo. Did you think your best friend was going to forget about you?”
“I-I dunno…” Peter stuttered with a shrug of his shoulders, meaning he did think Ned was going to stop caring about Peter Parker once he was gone. “Maybe he moved on or something. It’s been 3 years.”
May tugged on his arm, whispering, “What’s he saying?”
“Our lovely Peter here is saying how he’s surprised that Ned Leeds would still care about him, 3 years after the fact.”
May shook her head. “Him and his self-deprecation...Peter, you are insane if you think that boy would just forget about you. He still talks about you. You’re still his best friend.”
Peter’s shoulders sagged in relief and Tony raised his eyebrows. “Is that why you’ve been so nervous about Ned? You were afraid he wasn’t going to care?”
May crossed her arms over her chest. “I take back what I said. He’s a real idiot sometimes.”
“Am not!” Peter argued petulantly.
“He’s being a baby,” Tony told May. “Whining about how he’s not a idiot.”
“I said sometimes,” May said.
“I hate you two.”
“Oh. He hates us now.”
May laughed, tucking a strand of her behind her ear that fell in front of her face. “Love you, baby.”
Peter’s face softened. “Larb you too.”
Tony furrowed his brow but relayed the message to May anyway. When she heard the phrase, she broke down crying once again.
---
After a few hours with May, Tony and Peter said their goodbyes to head to the sanctuary. It was dark by the time they got out and Tony didn’t expect to be this long, but it was well worth it. Peter was smiling widely besides him, practically buzzing with excitement.
“Have a good day, kiddo?” Tony asked once they were in the car.
Peter nodded. “Yes! Thank you for telling her, Mr. Stark. I missed her so much and I never thought I’d get to speak to her again.”
“Don’t worry. Soon you’ll be right back in her arms.”
“I didn't think she’d believe you.” He took a deep breath. “She talked to me. Besides for you, nobody’s spoken to me in years. It feels so nice to be noticed.”
Tony tried not to let those words sink in too much. “You’re hanging in there like a champ. I wouldn’t have been able to make it that long with just myself. Although, we gotta work on you spacing out.”
Peter winced. “Sorry. It’s a force of habit.”
Tony chuckled. “I know. Don’t worry, we’ll work on it once you’re back. But if you start blanking like you do with me, people will definitely think you’re crazy.”
Shrugging his shoulders, Peter said, “Yeah...I’ll figure it out. It’s easy to forget that other people can hear me. It’s hard to get used to just you. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like once everyone can see and hear me.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I’ll be right with you every step of the way, buddy. Don’t worry,” Tony said softly. He didn’t want to worry the kid, but it was definitely a concern for him-- how Peter was used to acting when he was the only one in the world and then suddenly, he’d be thrown back into it.
“Thank you,” Peter said, looking out the window as they continued to drive towards the sanctum. “For helping me with everything. I definitely couldn’t do this without you.”
“You don’t have to thank me for this,” Tony answered immediately.
Peter pressed his hand against the glass window as he looked at the city lights in the dark. “Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it.”
Tony didn’t say anything after that, letting the radio fill the silence. It wasn’t awkward either; Peter was enjoying himself looking around at the city around him he hadn’t seen in 3 years. Tony wished he could have driven around for hours to let Peter see it all, but they were already late.
Once they pulled up in front of the sanctum, Tony pulled out his bag and took his time so Peter could stay outside for as long as possible. It was dark and a little cold, but Tony didn’t think the temperature affected him. “Come on, kiddo, we’ll have plenty of time exploring once you get back.”
Peter hesitated only a moment before stepping closer to Tony to follow him inside. Before he went in, he whispered to him in a low voice. “Remember, this time we’re gonna keep it a secret. Just...just until we figure out some stuff, okay? I don’t know all of these people that well.”
“I thought we were going to see the Avengers?”
“Like I said, I don’t know these people all that well,” Tony repeated, hating that part of the only family he had left were strangers to him now. He sighed, feeling bad for putting that on Peter. “Listen, kid, it’s nothing-- it’s just been years since I’ve spoken to them. Even before I hid myself from the world. I just want to assess what we’re dealing with before I start parading you around.”
“It’s okay. I understand. I’ll behave. No making things float to scare anyone.” Peter grinned.
Tony chuckled. “Keep that one on the table. I’d like to see how Spangles would react to that.”
Peter laughed and despite whatever was waiting for him behind these doors, Tony knew he’d get through it with Peter by his side. The kid always seemed to be able to make anything bearable. Tony forgot how much he depended on Peter. It was no wonder Tony lost it without him.
He stepped inside with one last glance to Peter before shutting the doors behind them. “Hello,” he called out, looking around. He knew it was late, but he was hoping someone would be awake.
“Maybe they’re sleeping,” Peter mused as he walked inside, looking around. “This place is so awesome.” He ran his fingers on some weird looking statue against the wall. Tony bit his lip to stop himself from telling Peter to keep his hands off of this stuff-- who knew what the hell it could do?
Before Tony could go and just find his own room to crash in, someone came walking down the stairs. Tony turned around and he almost didn’t recognize him. He’d seen him years ago with that beard, but he still wasn’t used to seeing Steve Rogers with facial hair. “Hey, Tony,” he said quietly.
Tony sniffed, sticking his hands in his pockets. They had cleared the air after the snap, but Tony still wasn’t able to put it all in the past. Steve was trying hard to fix things between them, but it wasn’t as easy for Tony to forget. “Rogers.”
His smile faltered. “Wong told me to show you to your room. We were all coming in when you called me...Wong says he sensed something going on with the soul stone. I think we’ve got a chance.”
“Do you think it’s me?” Peter asked. “Am I what’s going on with the soul stone?”
“Figured it was time for me to get off my butt and start helping,” Tony said, shrugging his shoulders.
“I heard you’ve been having it rough lately,” Steve said after a moment of hesitation. “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better. I know how hard it is to lose them.”
Tony crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. “Who told you I’ve been having it rough?”
“Play nice, Mr. Stark,” Peter warned.
“Besides for you being absent from public eye for months?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Rhodey told me.” Tony scoffed and Steve continued, “I asked him how you were. I was worried.”
“I’m sure you were, Spangles.”
“Mr. Stark.”
Tony winced, glancing at Peter briefly before turning back to Steve. “I’m sorry-- that was rude.”
Steve chuckled softly even though Tony wasn’t sure what the hell was so humorous about this. “It’s good to have you back, Tony. We couldn’t do this without you.”
“Sorry for leaving you all hanging,” Tony said and genuinely meant it. “Didn’t expect to get knocked down so hard.”
“Grief hits us all differently. Especially when you’re grieving for a child,” Steve said softly.
Tony looked away from him at a far wall. This was why he hated this man so much sometimes-- he really was just about perfect. Sure, he made mistakes, but he made mistakes for family and Tony could respect that. But he really was the man everyone wanted to be-- the man his father went on and on about.
“Well, I’ll let you get some sleep. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow and you don’t need me keeping you up. Sleeping quarters are just up these stairs and all down the east hallway. You’re the third one on the left.”
Tony nodded and started to walk up the stairway. When he noticed Steve wasn’t following, he asked, “You not coming along?”
Steve shook his head. “I’m waiting for the others to get in. We’re gonna have a full house.” He smiled gave him an almost sad smile as if he were reminiscing on the days when they were all together in the tower.
Tony debated on whether he should stay and keep him company-- maybe talk things out. He shook his head. That was a conversation that would be just emotions and it was way too late for Tony to deal with that. “Night, Cap.”
Steve’s smile turned genuine. “Goodnight, Tony.”
Tony continued walking up the stairs and following Steve’s directions to his room. Peter was oddly quiet. When they entered the room, he turned to look at the kid and saw he was silently staring at him. “Okay, what’s up?”
“Nothing,” Peter replied quickly.
“Usually you’re talking my ear off, even when someone else is talking. Why are you being quiet now?” He asked, knowing the kid had a reason.
“You told me to be quiet!” He argued.
“Peter,” he said, seeing right through his bullshit. This kid never listened to him.
Peter groaned. “Okay, I was going to say something, but I don’t think it’s my place to say anything.”
Tony rolled his eyes. “When has that ever stopped you before? You’re always in my business.”
“I don’t want to upset you,” he said carefully.
“You’re not going to upset me,” Tony assured him. “Just tell me what you’re thinking. Please.”
Peter hesitated as he probably thought over what he wanted to say. “I think you should forgive Captain Rogers.”
Tony blinked. He wasn’t expecting that. “Kid, I appreciate it, but--.”
“I know,” Peter said quickly. “I have no idea what happened in Siberia or why you came back with a black eye. It’s none of my business. But the man I just saw in there cares about you. He may have messed up and he doesn’t deserve a second chance, but I think you should try and fix things.”
“It’s not that easy, Pete,” Tony said, taking a seat on the bed.
“Maybe not. But he’s family right?”
Tony scoffed. “Was.”
“He’s still family. A fight doesn’t change that. I know you still care for him too. You want to forgive him.” Peter took a seat next to him, fiddling with his hands in his lap.
“Kid…” Tony said, unsure of what else to say. He just didn’t understand.
“Ned and I got into a big fight once. We didn’t speak for almost a month,” Peter said. “At the time, it was the worst thing he could of ever done. Now, I can barely remember what we fought about. A fight isn’t worth losing your best friend over.”
Tony scoffed. “This is a little bigger than arguing over Legos, kid.”
Peter went silent for a moment before speaking in a low voice. “I forgave the man that killed Uncle Ben.”
Tony froze, feeling like a complete asshole. He was acting like this kid didn’t understand real tragedy. Peter knew it just as well as Tony did. “Shit, I’m sorry, kid. I shouldn’t have.”
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay. I just...I just don’t want you to throw away someone that loves you. I don’t have much family left either. The last conversation I had with Ben was a fight. He was killed before I could apologize. Don’t miss your chance fixing things with Captain Rogers before it’s too late.”
Tony considered his words carefully and wrapped an arm around Peter to pull him in closer. Peter rested his head against his chest. Leave it to a kid to make it all seem so simple. “You’re a pretty smart kid, you know that?”
Peter laughed softly. “So I’ve been told.”
“I love you, kid, “ he whispered.
Wrapping his arms around him, Peter said, “Love you too, Mr. Stark.”