Chapter 25
The address Bucky has remembered takes you and the team to what, at least from the surface, looks like an abandoned building in Detroit in where used to be a car factory, shut down many years ago. By Captain’s orders, the two jets are landed a few feet away from the place, so it wouldn’t attract any unwanted attention. Tony and Vision fly ahead of you all, and after their sign of clear, the rest of you head to the construction, some flying with their powers or suits, others, more specifically you, Bucky and Steve, run towards it.
Your mind is clear just like your senses are sharper than ever. Your suit is filled with weapons of all kinds, the comms are fully working in your ears. You’re ready. Every emotion that could get in the way of you fighting to bring back your girl is pushed aside. This, fighting, is what you do best, and if it means you’ll have your daughter safe and sound, nothing would stop you. You have your team on your side, but most importantly, you have Bucky. Your strength, your hope, your love.
When you get closer to the building, Steve’s voice sounds into your ears, “Ok, this place is damn huge, we’re gonna need to split up…”And then he divides the team in pairs so you could properly scavenge the truly enormous construction. You and Bucky take one side, as Wanda and Steve, Vision and Tony, Sam and Thor take others. Steve doesn’t even need to put you and Bucky together as neither of the team members even thought of taking you apart from each other. This mission belongs to the both of you, together.
The M249 is secured on his hands as he points it ahead and you two quietly stepped into the huge shed. You know the machine gun is not the only weapon he has on him, but it’s his favorite and he clings to it, ready to use it if needed. It’s almost morning, but it’s still dark, so you two have flashlights propped on each unarmed wrist. The shed is completely empty apart from a few abandoned car structures and other tools, construction pieces and so on. It’s quiet. Too quiet.
“Are you sure this is the place?” You whisper.
“Yeah,” his whisper is shaky, “I’ve been here before, but not quite here. It’s a bit fuzzy in my mind, but I’m sure this is the place, they used to… work on me and others here.” He clears his throat, “Let’s just… keep moving.”
You can only imagine how hard all of this must be for him. Harder than for you, you dare say, to have his daughter somehow repeating his own story. You nod, not touching the subject again, as you explore the place further in silence.
When you pass through a specific skeleton of car, he comes to a halt. You stop in your tracks, too, watching as he blankly stares at the junk, a single drop of sweat running down his forehead as he illuminates it with his flashlight. His breathing hitches and without uttering a single word he places the light on his pocket and nods towards the car. Right away you use your flashlight to illuminate the spot and, without taking the machine gun off his flesh arm he steps further and, using the metal one, flips the car over without trouble.
You jump at the resounding and thunderous noise, but what really makes your heart race is what was hidden beneath the apparently forgotten car wreck. A small squared door. Being followed by Bucky, you crouch beside it and you almost throw up at what you see. It’s tiny, almost imperceptible, but it’s there. The skull and the tentacles around it. A small HYDRA logo on the iron handle.
Your eyes are widened when your head snaps to Bucky at the same time his gaze flashes to yours, “It’s here.” He pants.
“Guys, we found something,” You say through the comms as your voice comes out breathless.
“So did we,” Tony answers.
“Yeah, us too,” Steve informs, “There is what seems like an elevator to the underground here, Wanda and I are going down.”
“Do you want us there, Y/N?” Sam’s voice is firm through the comms.
You lick your lips, thinking. “No, you and Thor keep looking.” You answer while you and Bucky nod at each other, “If there are other hidden entrances, like the one the others have found, you may also find something else, and we don’t know which one will lead us to the right spot, if any. We call you if we need you guys.”
“Roger that.”
“It’s fucking locked.” Bucky curses, after pulling the handle up and down repeatedly with his metal arm, but not succeeding in opening it.
“No,” You whisper loudly, stopping him when he’s ready to punch the door opened. “ We don’t need anymore attention. I got this.” You clarify while he frowns at you.
Reaching for the back of your suit you dig your hand in one of the many secret compartments before pulling out a small round device. While Bucky watches you with curiosity, you attach it to the door’s surface. A few seconds later and a discreet red line circles the edges before you hear the clicking sound of the little door unlocking itself. You lift it up with ease, before looking up at a puzzled Bucky.
“Christmas gift from Nat.” You shrug and when he smirks at you, the corner of your lips also pulls up in a curl. It’s been a really long time since you two have gone on a mission together and, despite the circumstances, you can’t help but notice it’s still all there. The partnership, the complicity, the camaraderie. It’s like you two met again in a dance you’ve spent a real long time without dancing, but the moves have always been there, dormant.
You two look down and you use the flashlight to find a steep and narrow stairs uncovered by the door. Despite not being able to see where it leads to, you don’t waste another second before jumping to climbing it down.
“Wait,” Bucky whispers, stepping down right behind you.
As you move down further, a repeating echo of a droplet meeting a surface is the only sound that reaches your senses. As your feet meet the ground, you take two or three steps ahead before Bucky swiftly passes by you and takes your front in a protective manner, making your eyes roll. But you let him lead the way regardless, at least for now, no time for discussions.
You still have to use flashlights to illuminate the narrow aisle. The floor is only made by cement and it’s hot, dirty and humid. You and Bucky walk in silence, gun propped and pointed ahead in your steady arms.
You almost bump against his back when he stops at once, “Look,” he nods ahead. A few feet away from you is a brick wall.
“Come on,” You rush him further.
You two walk until you’re side by side staring at the concrete barrier right in front of you. It goes from the floor to the low ceiling of the dark aisle. A clear sign of the end of the line… for those who aren’t you and Bucky.
“Secret door,” You two say in unison glancing at each other.
Bucky positions himself a few feet back and points his machine gun to the door, while you put your glock in your thigh holster to start working your magic. Secret doors are one of your specialties and a guilty pleasure. You move in silence when you crouch and knock three times over a brick close to the floor and stand up to repeat the action in four more spots on the wall. Like you’ve done countless times before, you listen attentively to the sounds; run your hands over the bricks, feeling the wall and its patterns until you stop over a specific one.
Touché.
You pull the loose brick with ease and the rumble resounds through the cavernous passage as the wall slides back and then left, revealing a complete different aisle before you. Fucking HYDRA. You don’t wait for Bucky before you step inside, pulling back your gun and meeting the complete changed atmosphere in the cold and highly illuminated new aisle, packed with white doors on its left and right side, resembling a hospital or something like it. You put away the flashlight.
“Shit,” Bucky curses behind you, “Look.”
Yes, you’ve already noticed the cameras on the ceiling.
“We don’t have much time.” You assert.
“No, and it doesn’t seem right.”
You know it. It’s too quiet… too simple. But you don’t care, you really don’t.
“I know,” You nod and lick your lips, “It’s probably a trap.”
“Yeah,” he sighs.
“Shall we?” You point to the doors.
“Let’s go.”
Each one of you takes one side of the aisle and starts towards the doors. The first one and the others are surprisingly unlocked- yeah, fucking too easy- and what you meet in each one of them are high tech labs and medical rooms. It makes you sick to your stomach to think all of the atrocities HYDRA must have done there and now they have your little baby.
It’s by the fourth door you open that the shout rips out of your lungs, taking out all of your air, “Bucky!”
In a split second, he’s on your step as you run into the large room. She’s there. Summer. On the farthest corner of the room, sitting over a mat with a few toys around her, to which she plays with, as carefree as she could be.
“Summer, baby,” You desperately chokes on your voice and stumble over a bed and a few machines making a lot of noise on your frantic run to her. As the adrenaline washes over your veins you think nothing of it when she doesn’t turn towards the sound or towards the calls of her name.
“Y/N, wait.”
When Bucky shouts your name and you think you’re about to get closer to your baby, your body hits against something hard and you fall backwards to the floor. You don’t really register the pain, but you look up to see golden little points emerging out of nowhere right in the spot where you hit to what you thought it was nothing but air. The little points fade and you go back to see like there’s nothing between you and Summer. You turn back to her, who still haven’t noticed you there.
“It’s a damn stealth door, fuck,” Bucky grunts loudly and kicks the air in front of you, making the little golden points appear again right where he has hit.
You swiftly get up. You’re not thinking right when you drop your gun and start tapping at the invisible barrier in front of you, “Summer, Summer,” You scream for your daughter’s name as you feel the warm tears running down your cheeks. She’s so close. So close and the thought alone clouds everything else in your mind.
“It’s soundproofed. She won’t hear us.” Bucky pants and you can hear the anguish in his voice.
You keep screaming and calling for her, tapping and punching and kicking the hidden wall. You can’t help it, you just can’t. You don’t notice Bucky stomping through the entire room, searching for something, anything…
She’s there, with her back to you, sitting on the mat over the floor, playing, like nothing bad has happened to her. She doesn’t seem hurt, thank God, she’s ok. All you need is to get to her and hold her in your arms and make her safe. You’re still calling for her when she turns to grab a toy behind her. That’s when she spots you. Your heart stops at the grin that swiftly curls on her pretty face.
“Oh, baby, my baby,” You smile through your tears as Bucky bolts to your side again, “Mommy is here, you’re safe, mommy and daddy are here, my love-”
And that’s when she does something you would never expect to happen at that moment. She forces her little hands on the floor to take the necessary impulse to get up. She doesn’t fall, unlike many times before and, while you and Bucky watch with jaws to the floor, this time she gets up and shakily takes her first step towards you, with the huge grin plastered on her face, proud of her achievement.
“Oh, my God,” Bucky gasps, as you bring a hand to cover your mouth.
You can read her lips chanting mama and dada as she unsteadily makes her way towards you both. Her very first steps. You realized what’s gonna happen when she’s a few inches from you raising her little arms.
“Oh no, baby, no, no.” Bucky pleads quietly, utter pain in his voice as he sees her coming closer.
And just like you two predicted she straight up bumps her forehead onto the invisible barrier and her little body drops back. Making your heart shrink even more, your baby sits up crying and wiggling her arms for you to grab her. You never felt such sheer desperation. Being so close to her and helplessly not being able to do anything like grabbing her in your arms and soothing her suffering.
“Bucky,” you sob his name on a beg, like somehow, unlike you, he would be able to do anything.
And it sort of seems like he can when he rushes to a dashboard which is right next to where you’re standing, but you’ve failed to see it in the blur of finding Summer again. You kneel, not taking your eyes from your crying daughter as Bucky stares at the panel, frantic eyes studying it, thinking, searching… In a hurry, he taps something on the panel and just like magic, the little points emerge all around the surface in front of you and quickly disappears again.
It’s gone. The barrier between you and your daughter is gone, you know it and without wasting anymore time, you lean over and without the barrier, you finally take Summer in your arms again. Her little body instantly relaxes and molds to your chest as her loud cries turn into deep shuddering breaths.
“It’s ok, my love. Mommy’s here, you’re safe, you’re safe.” You’re not sure if the words are meant to calm her or yourself, when eyes shut in utter relief as you soothe her, running your hand up and down her back and she lays her head on your shoulder.
You feel Bucky’s hand on your lower back when he approaches you again and you look to the side, watching the relieved and incredulous expression which he gazes at Summer with, like he can’t believe she’s actually there. But she is, she is. Through the tears, you shoot him a smile.
He gulps, responding you with a shy curl on his lips, “Thank God,” he manages to whisper, before taking a long breath.
“What a beautiful family.”
You grip on Summer tightens as you swiftly turn around. Bucky does the same, pointing his machine gun towards the familiar voice, only to discover that, in the daze of getting Summer away from the barrier, you and Bucky missed a strange figure with a purple mask and maybe 15 or 17 armed men and women has invaded the room. It’s been too fucking easy, alright.
“I can see the past is still very much alive in you, Sergeant Barnes… Even remembered the code to open the door, I’ve been told this place has been the stage to a lot of your… missions …What? You don’t recognize me?”
You damn well know it’s Zemo. You’d recognize that voice any time of your life, but you rather not answer and, still holding Summer like your life depends on it – which it does- you prefer to study the situation, figure out a way you and Bucky could make sure Summer wouldn’t end up hurt and as a plus, neither would you and Bucky. You know he’s doing the same beside as his gun keeps pointed at Zemo’s covered head.
“I know, I know, the mask…” He waves his hand in front of it, “But, like Sergeant Barnes here knows damn well, not all HYDRA experiments are a success, “ he shrugs, “And we gotta live with the consequences.” His voice comes out darker.
As Summer whimpers in your arms, trying to turn around since you keep a gentle but efficient grip on her head, avoiding that she spots what’s in front of you, Bucky’s finger press the trigger a bit harder and you don’t miss it. Neither does Zemo.
“Don’t even think about it, Barnes.” Zemo warns and points to the nape of Summer’s head. It kicks the air out of your lungs to spot three little red dots signalizing the guns pointed at her, “Put your gun down.”
Bucky’s hands shake as he keeps the machine gun pointed ahead. From the side of your eyes you catch how tight his jaw is.
“Bucky, please…” you beg. You can’t risk Summer’s life like that. You need to be cautious, mindful.
At your plea, he relents and his finger loosen up before he leans down to put the weapon on the floor.
Zemo chuckles in front of you as all the guns keep pointed at the three of you, “You’ve always been such an easy piece to play with, Barnes… I broke an entire empire by playing with your strings if I remember correctly.”
“It doesn’t seem like you succeeded. You may have missed it in your time in prison, but the Avengers are stronger than never.” Bucky taunts and you can feel your heartbeat in your throat. Teasing Zemo might be a dangerous game to play right now.
He huffs, clearly annoyed, “Well, then I have to build my own empire, haven’t I?” He raises his hands, showing off the HYDRA operatives and other hostiles on his group.
“So I’ve heard, Masters of Evil, right?” Bucky smirks, keeping the same provoking tone.
You know what he’s doing, he’s gaining time, he’s accessing the possibilities. He has a plan. You just wish you knew what it was so you could help him.
“Yes, and you’re trying to take away a valuable addition to my own empire, Barnes.” He nods at Summer in your arms, “Can’t have that, can I?”
“Don’t let her see it.”
When you register Bucky’s whisper is too late for you to do anything. It all happens so fast as he pushes you and summer back to the corner you’ve found her and he moves like a true ray of light as he pushes a big blue button on the panel, making the golden points appear again and lift up the invisible barrier. He smashes the dashboard to pieces after.
“Bucky,” You shout and Summer starts screaming and crying in your arms again after the violent jerk when he pushed you two and noticing your desperation.
“Don’t let her see it.” You can’t hear anything, but you can see his mouth moving again as he pleads and uses his metal arm to block away the shooting fire that sets against him before grabbing his and your gun from the floor to attack.
You can hardly breathe or think when you drop to the floor, folding your legs with your knees up and adjusting Summer’s crying and shivering little form in your lap to face you. “Bees-” You take in some necessary air, before continuing, “Bees’ll buzz…kids’ll blow dandelion fuzz and- and I’ll be doing whatever snow does in summer…” The only thing that comes to your mind to try and calm her down and also force her focus on you is to sing her favorite song from one of her favorite movies. She absolutely loves hearing Olaf saying her name so many times and it’s always a win with her.
“Probably getting gorgeously tanned in summer,”
She’s still crying, but at least she’s not screaming anymore, laying her wet and red eyes on you.
“A drink in my hand, my snow up against the burning sand,” You force yourself to smile and put on a happy face as your shaky hands hold her and she keeps oblivious to the fact that, behind her back, a war takes over the place as Bucky faces alone – all fucking alone, goddammit – Zemo and his accomplices.
It’s a complete carnage, you can see it. The invisible barrier is not so invisible anymore as spills of blood tell on it. Because it’s soundproofed, you can only hear muffled thuds when bodies are thrown against the wall or shots hit on it, trying to break the barrier between them and you two.
“I’ll finally see a summer breeze, blow away a winter storm… Just imagine how much cooler I’ll be in summer…. Dah dah, da doo, uh bah bah bah bah bah boo,” Summer giggles and claps her little hands, not crying at all anymore and you just envy the ability that babies have to bouncing back the worst situations so easily.
Behind her shoulder, it becomes a bit easier to breathe when you spot that Bucky’s still standing… You haven’t even gotten to the half of the song and only three other men stand with him, but it takes a kick in the chest and a shot of your gun to take down two. The expression you see on his face is of pure and raw rage. There’s blood dripping down his metal finger as the plates are also covered in red. In fact, blood is all around the room with agonizing and still bodies sprawled on the floor. Some would say it’s the Winter Soldier taking over and doing it all by himself, but you know better. It’s Bucky… All Bucky, protecting and avenging his little girl, the way you would have, too. But you know that, unlike what would happen to you, this rage, this outburst, this violence will take its toll on him at some point…
“The hot and the cold are both so intense…Put ‘em together it just makes sense!”
The last man standing before him is Zemo, who now can ́t keep taking cover from the others as he’s been doing so far. You know he’s saying something to Bucky, whose eyes burn with fury before he steps back and grab him by the throat, lifting him up with ease using his flesh hand. He’ll kill him, you know he’ll kill him.
You hold your breath. God knows how much you would like to end with Zemo yourself, but you don’t want this weighing on Bucky’s already heavy conscience, you just don’t. But as Summer whines, annoyed for your singing coming to a stop, Sam and Thor burst into the room. It takes a second for them to access the situation, before Sam runs to pull Bucky back and succeeds in making him drop Zemo to the floor, who instantly takes his own hands to his throat, fighting for air. You know Sam would never overcome Bucky when it comes to physical strength and the fact he let him pull him back shows you what his conscious really needed. You sigh, relieved.
Thor traps Zemo down on the floor with a fence of lightning and while Bucky keeps his back to you and Summer, he says something to the God, who then spots you two behind the now mostly red barrier.
You get up and step back, turning around to shield Summer with your body, while Thor uses Mjönir to turn the wall down, since Bucky has smashed the dashboard that could control it so no one would get to you two.
Keeping your promise to Bucky, you bury Summer’s face in your neck to walk through the sea of blood and knocked out bodies and finally – finally- get out of that nightmare. Noticing that Bucky doesn’t let himself look at you and Summer as he keeps his distance and his head hung low, you resume singing to distract her on your way out.
“When life gets rough, I like to hold on to my dream
Of relaxing in the summer sun, just lettin’ off steam
Oh the sky would be blue, and you guys will be there too
When I finally do what frozen things do in summer
In summer.”
~~~
After every single one of your friends makes sure to check their little Sun is safe and finally let out a relieved and content sigh, you rush to the jet, wanting nothing more than to get home. Steve and Sam stay behind handling with the standard procedures after a mission, as a SHIELD team arrives. Normally, Tony would stay too, but he doesn’t want to spend another second without working on fixing FRIDAY and on the Tower’s- therefore Summer’s- safety. You know Bucky has left a mess behind him and this will give Steve and Sam a lot to deal with, but it doesn’t really matter right now. All that matters is the little kid in your arms.
As soon as you take your seat, you zip down the front of your suit, adjust Summer on your lap and nurse her, which she accepts with a happy sigh. You can’t take your eyes off of her as you run your fingers through her hair and you feel her body relaxing in your arms as though she holds her little unicorn tightly. She’s smart. You know she has sensed the danger she’s been to and that now she’s safe again with her mama. And dada.
Bucky’s sitting right by your side but he’s nothing but distant from you and Summer ever since Thor released you. He smiles at you and at her, but it doesn’t reach his eyes and he has yet to touch Summer. And your little baby, your little heart, who is far smarter than she should at the age of one, doesn’t let it go. She hasn’t begged for him to hold her, like she often does when she has a boo-boo, and probably would have already done in other circumstances, but, as you nurse her and he sits beside you staring vacantly ahead, your baby girl stretches out her chubby legs to allow her little feet to casually rest on his flesh arm, the one which is within reach of her. You watch as she finds a way to include her dada to her own comfort, but still respecting his boundaries… You can’t help but smile a little when you notice him taking a deep breath and looking down at her little feet.
When you arrive to the Tower, after Nat and Sharon greet you and relish on Summer’s safety and the baby is checked by Doctor Cho herself, you, Bucky and your girl go straight up to your apartment. Despite his still distant behavior, Bucky doesn’t seem to want to stay physically away from her and he follows you to your room, while you give Summer a bath in your bathroom, taking one for yourself as you do so.
After Summer’s cleaned and changed and you have your own pjs on, her eyes are already heavy and you only need to rock her for a few minutes before she’s fast asleep. It’s been one hell of a night and you hope she will stay sleeping for a long while. As Bucky watches you both, quietly and vigilantly standing on the corner, you choose to place her on a crib you keep in your room, right by your bed. After you take one last and long glance at your sleeping baby, incredibly thankful for her safety, you turn to Bucky.
“Are you alright?” You ask even though he obviously isn’t.
His eyes snap from Summer to yours, startled by your question. He just keeps staring at you for a while, before nodding, “I-I should go to my room-”
“No,” you cut him off, “No, Bucky. Please stay with us.” You can’t even think about being away from him in that moment and, to be honest, you don’t think it’s what he really wants as he looked visibly relieved by you asking him to stay.
“Ok.” He licks his lips, “But I-I need a shower,” His jaw clenched as he looks away from you. He’s still covered in the blood he shed and he’s evidently ashamed of it.
“Alright,” You nod, “But you can take it in here.” You add firmly.
He just looks at you for a moment and doesn’t say anything before exiting the room. You sigh, in defeat.
After a little while, you’re sitting on your bed next to Summer’s crib when he walks back through the door, holding a change of clean clothes. You can’t help but smile at him and he just excuses himself to walk into your bathroom.
As you hear the water of the shower running your mind races with everything that has happened that night. The party, Anna, the confessions of love, Summer missing, Bucky’s violent outburst… he’s not ok, he just isn’t and you need to do something. Pondering all the options you have, only one seems right at that moment.
Acting mostly by instinct, you swiftly get up from your bed and lock the door in your bedroom. You check on Summer, making sure she’s still peacefully sleeping. By the determined look on Tony’s face when he got to the tower, you know he’ll be doing anything in his power to make the tower safe for that night and all the other nights after this one. It’s more than enough.
Barefoot, you walk towards the bathroom’s door.
When you step into the bathroom, the sight before you makes your break all over again for god knows how many times in the period of 24 hours. The shower is on, alright, but he’s out of it, sitting down on the floor away from the water, still fully clothed in his suit, except for his boots, legs folded up in front of him, supporting his elbows while his hands hide his face and his back rests against the wall. The shower has been turned on to hide the sounds of his sobs, which you catch by the uncontrollable shake of his shoulders. He’s allowing himself to cry for the first time ever since Summer was taken. The fact that he feels the need to hide it from you is what breaks your heart.
Letting the door opened behind you – just in case Summer wakes up – you make your way towards him. You know he’s aware of your presence, but it doesn’t make him take his hands away from his face as he keeps violently crying, like you have never seen him doing before. After turning the shower off, you place your feet on each side of his thighs, before slowly descending to sit down on his lap, straddling him. As soon as you on him his hands leave his face and he envelopes his arms around your waist, pulling your body tightly to his and nestling his face on the crook of your neck.
You hold him back just as tightly, thankful he hasn’t pushed you away and hoping that your warmth, your touch, your silent presence could show him he can let it all out with you. And he does… the tears wet your neck as his whole body shakes against yours… The pain, the fear, the desperation you’ve both shared today… ne needs to let it all out.
It still takes several minutes before he says the first words, “I’ve never wanted her to be touched by all that violence,” His voice against your skin holds an incredible pain behind it and your chest shrinks because if you know Bucky, and you truly do, you know exactly which violence he’s talking about.
Your fingers dig into his dirty locks and you start caressing them at the same time your other hand brush his back up and down in a slow rhythm. You need him to let it all out, so you keep yourself quiet, expecting him to continue.
“I-I could’ve killed them all…Maybe I’ve-” He chokes, “And she was there, she was there…I’ve never wanted her to see that…She’s so pure, so innocent, my baby… And I-”
“You’re her father,” You cut him off firmly. You need him to understand, “You’re her dada…” You repeat just as steadily, you don’t want him to hear any sign of doubt in you because there isn’t any, “She loves you and she relies on you to protect her,” You lean back and when his red rimmed eyes meet yours, you cup his face, holding his saddened gaze to yours, “That’s what you did, you protected her. You protected us. They were gonna hurt her… our baby, they were gonna hurt our baby, Bucky,” You breathe, the mere thought making your stomach hurt, “But you stopped them,” You nod towards the now dried blood in his metal arm, “This… this saved our baby.”
Despite his breathing is now calmer and the tears are just silently running down his face, he turns away from you and you know he still struggles to believe you.
“Listen to me,” You turn his face back to yours, “She’s lucky to have you…I’m lucky to have you. The three of us, we’re a family and together we’re strong. We’re unstoppable, because we love each other… I love you. I fucking love you, baby.”
You lean in as your hands snake down to his neck and you place a slow kiss to his cheek, “You’re my love,” You turn to kiss his other cheek and his chest move up and down as he sighs deeply, “My heart,” You drag your lips to his ear and whisper, “My man…”
He presses your closer to him as you keep kissing every little inch of his face, every little bruise and every little cut, and his breathing grows frantic again. But this time not from crying.
“Don’t let me go, please don’t let me go.” He begs, his hands roaming around your waist, clamoring your skin tightly, “I love you, so much.”
“Never…” You drag your opened mouth up his neck. Your own breath falters as the atmosphere around you takes a changing turn, “Never,” You whisper before your lips finally move to his. The salt of his tears mingle with the taste of him and your heart flutters as he kisses you with fierce determination, taking the love you said you have for him out of your touches, your lips… His tongue meet yours in a caress and you could melt at the feeling, letting yours entangle to his. Slowly, tenderly as your mind fuzzes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~SMUT~~~~~ ~~~~
Your hands move down to work on the straps of his jacket, not caring that he still has traces of his recent battle all over his body, but mostly on his metal arm.You need to show him you accept him, all of him, even what he, himself, struggles to accept. You love him, no matter what, and it’s time to show him. You groan against his lips, because you’ve forgotten what a pain in the ass his suit it to take off- especially when you’re desperate to feel his warm skin against yours- but without parting your lips from each other, he helps you open each strap up. Despite the longing for touch, for feeling all of each other, there’s no hurry in your moves.
You two are here to stay.
Breaking the kiss, you let him out of his jacket and toss the heavy garment away from the shower stall. You lean back to allow a few inches between you two and your gaze sticks to the bare and broad chest before you as your heart skips a bit at how handsome he is. You can feel his eyes on you while you lightly drag your fingertips over his skin, marveling at the touch as you bite your lip. The last time you two have been together was all a rush and now that you both know exactly what you want you want to savor every bit of him.
And apparently so does he, because as you let your hands explore his body, his are being hooked under your top. You seize the touch on him to raise your arms and let him remove it from you. After he tosses the fabric away, you feel yourself burning under the intensity of his gaze on your chest and there’s only pure instinct and need guiding you when you grab his hands and places them over your breasts, your eyes fluttering shut at the touch. You can hear him breathing hard and your lips part as he gently squeezes them. You suck in a breath as his thumbs grazes against your sensitive nipples, it’s been too much without that kind of sensation and his touch is all you ever wanted, so everything is overly and throughout felted, relished, longed for.
It’s a few more seconds before the cold touch of metal is replaced by the warmth of his lips and tongue. You hold on to his locks and your hips start rocking on its own against his thighs as he kisses, sucks, licks… alternating from one breast to another.
“I want you, I want you, my love,” You voice comes out in a hoarse before he parts himself from ravishing your breasts to push you gently against the floor. Your bathroom stall is big enough to accommodate you both and, while you know the place is not ideal, it’s perfect and everything you’ve ever longed for all these years, because it’s him. It’s finally you and him finding each other again.
While your burning skin lays on the cold floor, he kneels in front of you and you lick your lips as he starts working on his belt. He gets rid of his combat pants and underwear in a heartbeat and your mind goes dizzy when he frees himself and you see him rock hard, hitting against his stomach, ready for you as much as you’re ready for him.
Keeping his eyes on yours he hooks his fingers under the waistband of your shorts and your move your legs up so he can take it off of you. You let your feet back to the floor and keep your knees apart from each other. Your exposed core coils under the hunger of his gaze to your body. Bringing flesh hand to curl around his cock, he takes his time looking at you, moving his hand up and down himself slowly, studying, remembering, attaching every little inch of you to his mind, and, as much as you desperately want to feel him, you let him. You have all the time in the world now.
“I love you,” he whispers when his eyes meet yours again, making your heart skip a bit.
He doesn’t wait much longer before lowering himself to you. You open your legs further to accommodate him and you love the familiarity of his weight over you. He kisses your lips one more time and your arms circle around his neck as his mouth explores your neck, setting your body into flames, a burning hot longing for him.
“Please,” you beg against his ear and you don’t get to say what you’re begging for before his flesh hand digs between your bodies and find your damp sex, kicking the words out of your brain.
“Fuck,” he breathes before inserting one finger inside you
You gasp against his lips as he bumps his finger in you and uses his thumb to caress your clit, a move he knows damn well that drives you crazy. A particularly languid moan from you through the kiss seems to set him off and his fingers leave your pussy to his cock.
You breathe hard through the kiss as he glides himself into your wetness and then drives the tip of his cock to your entrance.
He breaks the kiss to look at your face as he penetrates you. His eyes flutter for a moment before he focuses back on you, registering every expression, every sound as you feel him, finally feel him. When every inch of him is inside you, stretching you in the most delicious way, his hand leaves the space between your bodies.
Breathing through his parted mouth, he watches with hooded eyes as you swirl your tongue around the finger he was using to pleasure you when he offers it to you. His hot breath fans against yours before he leans in and have a taste of you, brushing his tongue against your lips.
His mouth keeps hovering yours as he supports himself with both forearms on each side of your head and, for an eternal moment you stay like that. Feeling… breathing each other… letting your bodies getting acquainted again.
God knows for how many times you’ve been dreaming about a moment like this but nothing could ever compare with the reality of having him again. You can’t help when a single tear to run down the corner of your eye as a smile curls up your lips to express the kind of powerful emotion running through all of your right now.
Your heart thuds heavily against your chest when he smiles back and leans in to bring his lips to the side of your face, wiping the tears with a kiss at the same time his hips start moving against yours.
Soft whimpers leave your parted lips when picks up his pace and your hands explore the muscles on his back. You feel him, all of him as he moans against your ear between gentle and long kisses wherever his lips can reach.
You’ve had sex before, obviously. And you’ve made love tons of times, if there’s a difference. Each of these times was nothing but amazing and filled with love and lust and desire. This one feels just as special as each of these times and yet, there’s something entirely new and unique on it as his body mingles to yours. It’s a reborn feeling, no strings of fear attached to it, no restraints, just the sheer need to express your love for each other somehow.
He dips his flesh fingers into your now messy locks as his metal hand finds your clit, making you lose your breath as he matches his thrusts with caresses around the sensitive nub. His forehead links to yours and the coils of pleasure grow stronger in your core. Your nails dig on his back and your legs fly in a circle around his waist, encouraging him to move faster and deeper into you.
You can feel it coming and he groans when you clench around him. He speeds his metal finger and with a silent cry, you come. Your vision is a blur as the powerful pleasure washes over you and he whispers how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. As you’re still recovering from your orgasm, your whole body trembles and his rhythm becomes erratic.
“I want all of you, my love,” you whisper, leaning in to bite his earlobe, feeling him pulsing inside you.
He can’t control his particularly loud moan as he reaches his climax. He grinds his hips against yours a few more times, before his body stills completely.
You have no idea how long you stay like this, hot skin to hot skin. Heartbeat to heartbeat. You hold him tightly against you as he softly kisses your neck, in the pure bliss of having him inside you, taking pleasure in the love you feel for each other and are finally being able to openly express and experience it. This old new love of yours.
When your breaths calm down, he pulls out of you and move to get up, offering a smile and his hand to help you stand up with him. He guides you to the shower and turns it back on, leaving in the temperature he knows it’s how you like it.
No words are needed when he squeezes the shower gel in his flesh hand and lather your whole body up, taking his time in that little spots he knows that makes your eyes and your core flutter. You put some of the shower gel in your hands to do the same for him and as he washes your body and your hair in a slow and not deliberately sensuous pace you run the lather over the hard muscles of his stomach, back, thighs… loving how they flex under your touch as the relaxing water cascades over the both of you.
When he grows hard again, you drop to your knees and take him in your mouth. And after he makes you come one more time with his fingers, you finish washing each other, through smiles, giggles, playful spills of water, words of love and devotion and kisses, lots of kisses. You just can’t get enough of each other after so long with denying yourselves to live your love fully.
After you get off the shower, you put on your pjs again as he puts on his and uses your one of your brushes to brush his damp hair. Standing behind him on the mirror by the sink, you envelope your arms around his waist and can’t help but smile at his dripping locks.
“I need a haircut, I know,” He smiles back at you as red flushes to his cheeks.
“You’ll make a little girl pout…”
“Oh, yeah?” He raises an eyebrow, “You or Summer?”
“Both of us.” You lay a kiss on his shoulder.
He laughs and spins around, locking his lips to yours again. Seeing him so light, without that weight on his shoulders of just now makes your chest bigger and feeling his tongue in yours brings fluttering butterflies to your stomach. You chuckle through the kiss and, without breaking it, you guide him walking backwards towards the door and inside the bedroom.
Parting from your lips, he still places a few chaste kisses on your mouth and face, “I love you,” He says one more time cupping your cheeks and you think you’ll never get tired of hearing it, ever.
“Me too, so much,” You lean over, placing a single kiss to his neck and giggling like a teenager when he tries to grab you by the waist to kiss you again but you evade him, “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“Alright, alright,” He exaggerates the defeat in his voice as he follows you.
As you pull up the sheets and adjusts the pillows for you two to lay down, he walks to the other side of the bed, towards Summer’s crib. He stops and looks down at her. His eyebrows furrowed and he breathes in deeply before leaning down and taking her in his arms, as gently as ever so he wouldn’t wake her up.
Looking down at her with sheer adoration on his face, he slowly walks towards the bed and after placing a long kiss on her forehead, he carefully lays her down in the center of your mattress.
From the other side of the bed, you smile softly at him and he just shrugs, before gently lying down to his side and propping his head on his hand. You do the same, mimicking his position lying down on your side, and Summer remains sleeping like the beautiful angel she is the middle of you and him.
“How could we ever think our love was bad for us when we had her out of it?” He breaks the silence in a whisper and lifts his eyes from Summer to you.
“We were just scared….” You whisper back, locking your gaze on his, “I’m not afraid of loving you anymore,” You state, “A long time ago I thought loving you would make me weak, but now I see,” You smile as he keeps listening to you intently, “I’m strong either way, but you, me and Summer.” You run your hand through her hair and she sighs in her sleep, “We’re undefeatable together.”
He just looks at you for a moment before, without uttering another word, leaning over and softly placing his lips on yours.
You kiss him back, pouring everything you just said into the gesture, knowing that this time he believes you and there’s nothing more to be afraid of.
A weak whine makes you two break the kiss and look down at your daughter, who is still asleep, but her forehead frowns as she tosses a bit. Instinctively, you two place your hands over her little belly and make shushing sounds to soothe her. Just like that, she calms down, but before you could remove your hands, she puts her little ones over yours and grabs your pointing fingers, bringing them close to each of her cheeks and continuing to sleep soundly.
Neither of you can shake the smile off your lips or move your hands until you fall asleep.
~~~~
Final Chapter coming soon.