Chapter 5
21, July, 2000
It was a nice day. It was an almost sunny day actually and some places sunlight had found it's way through the branches of the taller trees down to the muddy ground making everything look refreshed. The grass beneath his feet was green and bright. There was an earthly aroma to the air. Emerson checked his watch again. Summer was late. Since Erica was back the three of them had fun. But Summer was acting a bit off and with Erica back, Emerson didn't get the time to dig in. But today Erica had an sleepover at her best friends so Emerson had time. He brought out his notebook. He had been carrying it around for some times now, almost since they finished their exams. He had a list in it. In the past year a lot had happened. He had came out to his family on January. It was one of those nights that were quite rare in their house that made him feel like they were a family; his parents weren't fighting for a change, Erica had made a surprise visit, he was in good spirits because of his exams and his best friend had accepted him proudly, and perhaps most importantly was the fact that his dad was the most sober he had seen in a long time. Later when the older man was beating the life out of him calling him names, Emerson thought that was why it hurt the most. His dad wasn't drunk. He was in his right mind and he meant what he was saying. His mom didn't say anything to him, she watched clutching the tablecloth in her fists while Erica was screaming at their parents. It was Erica who dragged him to his room after his dad landed the last kick to his side, almost spitting out the words, "if I hear those words one more time I'll cut that tongue of yours lad, you hear it? A dirty fagot won't be a son of mine." Then he grabbed a bottle and went outside.
Later that night his mom joined her and Erica, she patched him up in a practiced way in silence. Erica was curled by his side clutching his arm tightly and glaring at her. Once she was done, she tugged a wayward dark curl that was covering his swollen eye behind his ear. Her hand was resting on his sore shoulder when she said the next words. "You're my son and I love you. But this phase of yours, you should snap out of it son. For your own sake at least." And with that she left. That was when Emerson let the tears fall. No heart wrenching sobs, just silent resigned tears while Erica held him, mumbling sweet nothings in his ears.
All this months, that had been his life. He kept the most parts to himself, specially the regular beatings, not telling Summer or Erica as long as nothing was visible. Emerson wasn't sure when exactly he started to write that list. He wasn't forty, he didn't have money to write a will about, but he had a list.
Finish the science project
Finish this school year
Write a note for Erica
Leave all the cassettes for Summer
Spend some quality time with Erica
Make sure Summer was okay
Now only one thing was left. Sighing, he put it back in his bag and hopped on his bike. It wasn't like Summer to be late and Emerson had started to worry. Something was bothering him, making him restless and he didn't know why. He just hoped her mother hadn't make another scene at work. Dari had just been kicked out of the previous one and their small city didn't have many left. The last time it happened Summer literally locked herself in her room for three days out of embarrassment so she wouldn't face anyone. When he got there she realized Dari's car wasn't anywhere to be seen. So she wasn't probably home but Summer's bike was there. He let himself in with his spare key.
"Summer! It's Emerson!" he called loudly. But got no response. Emerson looked around the living room and kitchen but it was all empty. So he went upstairs." Summer, you home?" He asked knocking on her bedroom door before going in. It was absolutely trashed. Something painful clenched in his stomach. He went further inside and picked the wireless phone on Summer's bedside table deciding he probably should call the police when he saw the light in the garage was on from her window. Phone in hand he ran downstairs, taking two steps at once and straight to the back door. "Summer!!" He shouted but there was no answer. The door was closed, probably from inside but the window was open and he was small. Emerson slide in easily and stood up to brush the dirt off his knees. "I called your name dozen times. Why didn't you an..." His words died in his throat as turned around and saw her. He dropped the phone and ran to her. She was laying on the floor, cutter blade they used for they projects discarded at her side. There was blood pooling beneath her from where she had cut her wrists, long gashes along her elbows gushing blood. Emerson didn't feel the blood soaking through his trousers. "Summer" he sobbed "no no no ..." He kept saying as he moved her head to his lap. She looked so pale. Emerson would have completely lost it if it wasn't for the small whimper that left her mouth. "Oh God!" He breathed. He leaned forward hastily picking the phone calling 999. "I got you." He breathed through tears as he waited and watched her. He almost sobbed when he heard the voice on the other end of the line. He told them everything as well as he could through his hysteria. The man on the other end said something about him being a brave kid which he didn't register fully. His mind already focused to do what he was told, the man told him to stay on the line. So he did. He asked him to leave a door open for them and he did almost throwing up at the sight of his bloody hand prints on the hatch. The man told him to find some clean clothes and apply pressure on the wounds. So he just took off his sweater because nothing seemed clean in the garage and he couldn't bare to leave her side again. He wished his hands weren't so small.
"Ems..." He barely heard it over the beating of his own heart in his ears. Summer's eyes didn't open but she twitched.
"Hey..." He whimpered. "I got you. Summer." He repeated. Holding her tightly, applying more pressure on the wounds. She was becoming so cold, So pale.
"It's ok." She mumbled and Emerson cried at that not having the words. Why was she so cold? Why was she so still? There was a noise coming from the phone but he didn't hear. He didn't register why he was suddenly being pulled away from her side. Strong hands held him as he struggled and screamed. Someone was telling him to breathe. Was he not? He hoped he wasn't. But after a while his vision cleared enough to see two paramedics working in rush around his friend. One was doing CPR while the other was injecting her with something. Why weren't they taking her away. He wanted to move forward but was pulled back and that was when he realized it was one of them holding him. Another loud sob left his mouth. It made the one doing CPR look up. " Get the lad out of here Jack!" The woman snapped and he was being pulled away. He wasn't sure how long he struggled till he finally slumped on the ground. The paramedic, Jack, sat by his side asking something he couldn't answer. When they finally moved her to the ambulance there was an urgency missing from them and Emerson didn't need to be old to read the grim looks on their faces. He draw his knees to his chest and let the sobs out of him freely, not caring he was getting blood everywhere. Summer was gone. The presence on his side disappeared and he felt a hand on his knee and an armed wrapped around his shoulder holding him tightly. "I'm sorry lad." Said a female voice. "C'mon" she said but he couldn't move. He couldn't feel his limbs. Summer was gone. Something was ringing in his head. Someone said something and he felt strong arms picking him up. He wasn't sure where he was. All he knew was that Summer was gone.
When Emerson came to it, he was in A&E, a police officer, a nurse and the female paramedic by his bed. The curtains weren't drawn so he could see people moving about. "There you are." Said the nurse. He felt the blood all over him but when he looked down he was clean, dressed in a cream coloured gown. A small spark of hope danced in his chest. Was it all just a nightmare? He looked at the only familiar face. "Summer?" He asked hopefully. The paramedic sat on his bed, reaching out gently to hold his hand. "I'm sorry son." She repeated and just like a candle in wind all hope died in him, leaving darkness behind, tears started to fall from his face. "My name's Mary." She said. "This is PC Richards." She Pointed at the man in uniform. "Emerson, right?"
He nodded.
" This was by her side." She handed him an envelope. It was green and had his name on it with Summer's handwriting. He clutched it tightly so he wouldn't breakdown again. It was the officer who talked then. "We've already contacted your friend's mom. I need you to write down me a contact number so I can call your family too, son." Said the man kindly. "Or an address. And your full name" He handed him a notebook.
"Emerson Kent." He said sniffling. Family, said the man and Emerson didn't know how to answer that. His family had just bled to death. So he did the only thing that came to his mind. He wrote down Ms Ashton's phone number on the paper. " Ask for Erica Kent." He said as he handed him the paper.
"That your Mom?" Asked the officer.
"My sister." He said, not bothering to stop the tears anymore. He asked for family and that was what he gave them.
"What about your parents?" Asked the man skeptically. And Emerson didn't know how to answer that so he just turned to his side under the blanket, facing the other direction with his back to them. The letter was still in his fist. No one said anything but there was a loaded pause and then he heard movement. "Just take some rest son." It was Mary who patted his shoulder gently.
"I'm nurse Williams." Said another female voice. A hand reached above his head and a small remote was placed beside his hands. "Press this button if you need anything." And he was left alone.
He opened the letter slowly once he was alone. There was his oak charm on it hanging from a leather string. He opened the paper. It was short, her neat handwriting standing out against the pale paper.
Don't hate me Ems. And don't forget our deal.
I love you. I'm sorry I can't be there for your college goodbye party. Just get out of here and never look back.
With all the broken love in the world I could give.
Summer X
He clutched it tightly in his hand as the tears poured down his cheeks. By the time Dari, Erica, Ms Ashton and his Mom arrived he had stopped crying. The sadness he felt mingled with something angrier. He felt it grow as he saw his mom's formal and fake kindness, Erica's hopelessness because she had to leave in two days, Dari's regretful eyes as she grieved the loss of a daughter she didn't deserve. He was angry at Summer, he realized, for she had condemned him to ages in this life that he had neither any purpose nor any will to live in. He was angry at himself for not being faster, and maybe this was his punishment for stalling, for being late to hold her when she needed him. So he just sat there mechanically going through his interactions with others as he dreaded the years to come.