how can i sleep, if I don't have dreams?
Loki stared as the his brother pulled the Avengers into thankful hugs. He scratched his arms awkwardly, he felt uncomfortable, like he was watching a private moment, something unfamiliar to him.
Thor let out a free laugh. "Thank you, my friends. I hope I can repay you someday."
Rogers smiled. "You're welcome. How about we discuss the details and Tony will show Loki his room?" He offered and Thor nodded.
The two left, followed by Banner, Romanov and Barton.
Tony looked at him and sighed. "Okay, let's get this over with. Follow me."
Loki followed him to the elevator and watched the metal doors close before him.
"Listen, you maniac" Tony said, turning to him, eyes cold. "We allowed you to live with us to save Thor the pain, but if I ever see you trying to hurt anyone — if you even look at someone's direction the wrong way I won't hesitate to ship you right back to Asgard."
Loki raised his eyebrows. "Believe me, that's not my intention."
"Good." The lift's doors opened. "So, this is one of my interns' room, he is out of town right now, he'll be back in a few day, but you'll be staying here until your own room is finished."
Loki nodded mutely. The room was nothing like he had expected.
He expected a cage, a filthy cell with cold metal bars and a small window. It was nothing he wasn't used to, he was practically waiting to be cuffed since the moment he stepped through the portal that had brought him here.
But they were playing a different game, it seemed.
The walls of the room were painted pastel red with paintings and pictures all over them. There was a big, comfortable looking bed in the center of it, and a large window with a perfect view of the city. There was also a huge bookshelf on the left side of the room.
He guessed the amazement and surprise were clear on his face, because the next moment Tony patted him on the back. "Don't enjoy yourself too much, it's temporary." He said, distaste clear in his voice. "We'll be having dinner in about an hour."
With that, he left, and as Loki heard his footstep grow fainter he stepped into the room and towards the bookshelf.
He ran his fingers on the painted wood as he looked at the titles.
Most of them were about midgardian science, but there was one in particular that caught his attention. On the front it read 'Norse Mythology or Astronomy?' in gold curvy letters, and there was a drawing of a man, holding a hammer that looked exactly like his brother. Loki frowned and he looked at the author. Jane Foster.
Loki's hands clenched on the book. She was the one who ruined his plan, who changed Thor, wasn't she?
He took a shuddering breath and put the book down on his bed. He wasn't angry about that anymore, he knew, like the Titan said, it all served a higher purpose.
(("I can feel your anger, my child."
Loki spat his blood at the Titan's face. "I'm not your child."
Thanos tilted his head. "You'll learn, one way or another."
He felt a hand on his throat.))
Loki gasped holding his throat. Blood was thumping in his ears, his vision blurred and he was choking him, he couldn't breath, he—
"My apologies, Mr. Loki, but you seem to be in distress. Should I report this to to one of the Avengers?" He heard a voice from the ceiling.
"No!" Loki choked out, gripping the edge of the bookshelf, trying to hold himself up. "Who are you?"
"I'm Jarvis. I'm an Artificial Intelligence created by Tony Stark. I would recommend sitting down, you seem to be experiencing a panic attack." The voice replied, but Loki could hear it more and more distantly.
He waved, wheezing uncontrollably. "I'm fine." he slurred out, although he wasn't entirely sure if he was speaking at all.
He stumbled back against the bed and taking the strange voice's advice sat on it, trying and failing to catch his breath. He felt a tear fall down his cheek.
He blinked, but he couldn't see anything clearly, and he felt his eyes unfocus even more. He could physically feel his heart thumping against his chest.
He couldn't breath, he couldn't, he was dying, he was dying, he was dying, he was dying—
"I strongly advise you to breathe" said the voice.
It took everything in Loki to focus and he wheezed out a breath and inhaled.
He wiped his face with the back of his hand as the rising and falling of his chest started to even out.
Loki felt like his eyelids were starting to get heavier and heavier, and he couldn't open them anymore.
The last thing he saw was the cieling if his room and the world turned black.
...
"Pizza's here!" Tony called out, stepping into the dining room with 8 freshly baked pizzas in his arms.
"Finally!" Clint exclaimed and snatched a box right from his hand and walked towards the elevator.
Tony put down the boxes, and yelled after Clint. "I payed for that, so you'll be staying. We'll all be eating together."
"Since when are you a housewife?" Clint asked.
Tony shot him a glare.
Natasha, who was sitting at the table chuckled slightly.
"Oh come on, do I really have to have dinner with that psycho?" Clint complained.
"Stop whining and sit your ass down, Clint." Natasha said, smiling.
"Speaking of Loki, I sent Steve to tell him that we're having dinner about 10 minutes ago, should we check if he's okay?" Tony asked. He filled his glass with an vodka.
He didn't miss the disapproving look Natasha was giving him.
She sighed. "I think he can handle himself, besides Thor said that Loki isn't that much of a threat now."
"I'm having a hard time believing that. And Thor isn't here anymore either." Clint stated. "Let's go check on him."
Tony agreed.
He didn't know what they expected to find, Tony was pretty sure Barton had a hand on his gun the whole elevator ride, but Loki and Steve sitting on the bed, with Steve's hand on Loki's shoulder was not one of them.
Tony scratched the back of his head awkwardly, then cleared his throat. Both Steve amd Loki snapped their heads up instantly.
"Sorry to interrupt your heartfelt conversation or whatever, but pizza's here."
Steve removed his hand from Loki's back and stood up.
Loki did not do the same. "Am I expected to attend this?"
"Yes" Tony said. He crossed his arms, not really knowing what to do with them.
"I'll be there in a minute." Loki said as Steve stepped out of the room, dragging the still staring Tony with him.
"What the hell was that?" Clint asked, clenching his fists.
Tony was honestly planning on asking the same question.
Steve looked at him and hesitated. "I think we should look at the footage."
"Okay, but pizza first."
...
Clint physically felt the anger boiling inside him as he looked at the man sitting across him, eating pizza calmly, as if he hadn't just killed thousands of people.
He stabbed his pizza with his fork, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"So, Loki." Clint asked with fake curiosity. "What are your plans for this little vacation? Another alien invasion?"
He felt Natasha kick him under the table. "Clint!"
Loki straightened. "I have no such things planned. This wasn't any of my plans.
Clint scoffed. "And you expect me to believe that."
Clint could practically feel Natasha's glare on him.
"Even if I had wanted to do so, I have no power anymore. I don't have the scepter nor the tesseract. I'm not some-"
"Why don't we change topics, huh?" Asked Tony, in a desperate attempt to brighten the mood.
Loki looked up at him, almost thankful that he didn't get to finish his sentence.
"Good idea" Steve said awkwardly and cleared his throat. "So we came up with some basic ground rules." He glanced at Loki. "Firstly, don't — under any circumstances — leave this tower."
That was reasonable. He felt like the second he would step out of the building he would be attacked, and now without his magic, he wasn't sure if he could protect himself.
"No weapons, or anything that can be made into a weapon."
(("Anything can be a weapon, Asgardian."
He felt claws brushing through his sweaty hair.
"Even you."))
Loki resisted a flinch as the memory shot through him. He forced himself to nod.
"Okay so this one should be obvious, but don't attack anyone. Verbally or physically."
Loki stared at him. "Define 'attack'."
Steve looked at him, but chose to ignore his comment instead. "We'll probably come up with more but I guess that's it for now."
Tony held his finger up. "And most importantly" he leaned closer. "Never touch my booze."
He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
...
Steve watched as Tony pulled up the footage on the holographic screen. He swallowed thickly. The panicked look in Loki's red eyes and the tears tracks on his face was still clear in his memory.
The camera showed nothing but the empty room.
"Jarvis, fast forward 4 hours." Tony ordered.
Loki was passed out on the bed.
"No, go back to about 12 minutes before this!"
The footage showed Loki walking into the room, looking around. His eyes settled on the bookshelf and stepped closer to it.
"Has it got sound?"
Tony glanced at him with a smirk. "Who do you think I am? Of course it does."
Steve kept his eyes fixed on the screen. Loki picked a book from the shelf, and picked it up to look at it. His hands clenched on the book, breaking its cover with his fingers.
Suddenly, the book fell from his hands and hit the floor with a loud thump. Loki gripped his throat, eyes wide, as if he couldn't breathe.
He heard Tony's heavy breathing beside him, and as he glanced at the genius, he noticed that his expression was similar to Loki's.
He looked back at the footage as he heard Jarvis's voice. "My apologies, Mr. Loki, but you seem to be in distress. Should I report this to to one of the Avengers?"
No!" Loki's voice sounded broken and out of breath "Who are you?" He choked out.
Steve noticed that Loki's knees started shaking and he looked panicked.
"I'm Jarvis. I'm an Artificial Intelligence created by Tony Stark. I would recommend sitting down, you seem to be experiencing a severe anxiety attack."
Tony flinched beside him. Steve couldn't ignore that. "Are you.. alright?"
Tony nodded and Steve didn't miss that his hands were shaking. "I am.. I just have to go— I have this meeting.. Uh, bye!"
Tony was out of the room before Steve could stop him. Tony didn't look like a person who wants to be chased after, do he turned back to look at the screen. The familiar scene of Loki passed out on the bed greeted him again.
"Thank you, Jarvis."
"You're welcome, Mr. Rogers."
He picked up his coat and left.
...
Loki's chains clattered as he was forced to step forward. He could feel the blood trickling down his wrist as the metal cuffs brushed against his skin.
"I've been told of your potential." The Thanos's deep voice echoad through the dark room.
Or was it a room, Loki almost couldn't tell. The emptiness of space bit his skin, and the distant stars and planets were the only light in the place. But he, in a way he couldn't explain, knew that it had an end and walls.
Ebony Maw nodded beside him. "Although, he resisted to cooperate, my lord."
Thanos chuckled lightly. "I can see that."
Loki could still taste the blood in his mouth.
Thanos stepped closer and looked down at Loki. "Kneel."
Loki met the Titan's eyes. "I will not—"
Ebony Maw flicked his fingers and Loki felt his legs buckle under him.
Thanos roughly yanked his hair, forcing the boy's chin up.
Loki felt his heart race, but fought against Thanos' hold. "I'd rather die than be your servant."
Thanos smiled. "We can change that."
His fingers closed around Loki's head and he screamed in agony.
Loki woke up in cold sweat, panting. He sat up, trying to calm his breathing and looked around.
He stared at his hands as he tried to shake the memory of that all consuming, white hot pain out of his head.
His heart was beating fast, and he wanted nothing more, than to be with his brother.
(He was the one who comforted him after his nightmares when they were young, amd Loki knew it was childish and pathetic, but he seeked comfort now more than ever in his life.)
But Thor was away, so he closed his eyes, trying to remain calm, and not spiral into yet another 'panic attack' or whatever that voice called it.
It was late at night and he couldn't go back to sleep. He stood up and made his way down the hall towards the elevator.
He stepped in, pressed the button waited. The doors opened, they revealed the kitchen and standing in it was a very awake Tony Stark.
They locked eyes in the dark room, and Loki paused. He couldn't exactly go back now, could he?
He hesitantly walked over to the kitchen table, and took a seat next the genius.
Tony stared at him for a second, then continued to pour himself another drink. "You want one?"
"I suppose. It didn't end well the last time I declined."
Tony let out a surprised laugh. Loki smiled at that.
"Can't sleep?" Tony sat down as he passed Loki a glass of some kind of alcohol.
Loki shook his head. "You?"
Tony looked at the liquid through the glass. There was a faint light coming from the windows; New York wasn't sleeping either. "Nightmares are a bitch."
Loki raised his eyebrows. "Indeed." He drowned the drink in one and felt his throat burned.
Tony's eyes widened. "Woah, slow down there. That's pretty strong."
Loki looked at him. "Is it?"
"Of course, my bad, you're asgardian" Tony said.
Loki chuckled humourlessly. "If only" he mumbled under his breath, but it was loud enough for Tony to hear and look at him confused. He mentally slapped himself for saying that.
"What do you mean?"
Loki looked down. "Nothing." He pushed himself up. "Good night."
"Okay, touched a sour spot there. You don't have to tell me, but you aren't nearly drunk enough to leave."
Loki stared at him and sat back down as Tony refilled his glass.
...
Natasha slipped into the living room, her steps so soft, she couldn't even hear them.
She stared out the window. The 6 am New York was always her favourite New York.
The rising sun shone through a layer of pink and orange clouds, a pretty ray of light reflecting on the glasses left around the place.
She heard a slight snoring from Tony's couch. Stark has drowned himself in alcohol again — she tought to herself.
She stepped closer, to look over the couch, so she could see him.
There Stark was, sleeping on the floor, a glass still in his hand. And on the couch Loki slept peacefully.
Natasha couldn't help herself but chuckle. These idiots seemed to have found each other.