Half of me (had disappeared)
People like Barton had it easy. Mind control was plain and simple, it's clear that your actions aren't yours when you're under its influence. Is it a pleasant experience? Loki would guess no. But it was simple and it was something even somebody like Clint Barton could wrap their heads around if they tried.
Manipulation was something else. It had you doubting your motives, your true feelings and your own sanity.
It crawled into your mind, filling out all the free spaces with deep red liquid ; hatred, doubts and the choking feeling of loneliness in your throat.
Because Loki knew he wasn't crazy, but it was hard to be sure when you don't know who's thoughts you're thinking, and is it really you who's feeling it, or is it just a cruel game played on his mind by some unkown force?
Or, did you really want your own brother dead?
Want all those people dead?
Should the blood on his hands keep him up at night if he did?
Oh yeah, it was night, the darkness filling the room like grey fog, and the only light his eyes could find was the orange light of his cell's wall.
It was silent, only the slight snoring of one of his neighbours could be heard.
His fingers danced on the night stand.
The silence was making him go crazy. But he couldn't fall asleep, he physically felt the nightmares approaching, creeping up behind him, when he wasn't looking, towering over him, amd pushing him down into the mattress.
(("Please!" He asked, but there was no mercy under the hands of the Mad Titan.
Loki choked on his blood.
"I'll do it."))
He ran a shaking hand through his hair, amd took a shuddering breath.
It will be tomorrow, he thought, that Odin will decide his punishment.
He felt his nails dig into his palms.
Odin didn't have the right to decide any of his life, he wasn't his father, nor was he his king.
Not anymore.
He grimaced bitterly. There was a high probability that this was his last night in this world.
He liked that thought.
...
"Gather around, people of Asgard! The time has come, when the guilty shall meet his punishment!"
Thor couldn't see who was the one speaking in the harsh sunlight, but the man's voice was overly cheerful for someone who is probably about to witness an execution. Or worse.
Ha glanced at his mother, looking for some kind of reassurment, that it's gonna be okay, but she was staring at the wooden floor, trying to avoid meeting anyone's eyes.
The three of them were on a large podium. Odin in the middle in a richly decorated golden throne. To his left, his mother and to his right, sat Thor on a silver chair.
Thor has always feared that Loki would die at the hands of someone else. His brother had always had a sharp tongue, and was never afraid of using it, so the idea of someone having enough of Loki and murdering him just came naturally.
(Thor had often played with the idea of him commiting said murder.)
But never like this. Not at the hands of his father and not in front of all these people.
He also never thought that he would be capable of feeling disgust as he looked at his brother.
People change.
The man in question was standing just a few yards away from Thor, clenching his jaw. He shot a disgusted look at the crowd that was forming behind them.
Suddenly, Odin stood up, and the people went silent, only faint whispers and laughter could be heard.
Thor felt sick to his stomach.
"I have decided the fate of my son, Loki."
Loki muttered something to himself, but Thor was too far away to hear it. He was clearly avoiding eye contact, too prideful to look up at them.
"Loki, would you step closer?" Odin asked.
Loki shot him a lazy look and stayed still.
Seeing that, the guards grabbed his arms and pushed him forward roughly.
He didn't know why, but Thor felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of that.
Loki stepped forward to keep his balance and then turned his hand, opened his arms and chuckled loudly.
"Here I am. It's okay, you can sit down now, old man." He said and looked Odin in the eye. "At your age it's completely normal to have knee problems."
Thor wanted to snort in laughter, but there was no humour in the situation.
He heard a disapproving noise from the crowd and Odin pursed his lips. "You should speak with more respect considering how much of a light punishment I have chosen for you, my son."
"Oh, you're gonna kill me?" He asked. "Thank God."
Odin stared at him and Thor just wanted to roll his eyes. It wasn't the time for jokes.
Odin decided to ignore the comment and continued. "As you have misused your power and harmed innocent beings, you will be sent to Midgard and be stripped of your magic."
Wait, what?
His brother actually looked panicked for a moment then he just simply scoffed. "Oh, you will send me back to the planet I had just almost destroyed, how smart."
"Not any part of Midgard, Loki." Odin said patiently. "You will live with the Avengers Team."
Thor glanced at his father. He felt like his mother had a big hand in this decision, considering how Odin liked to punish people more.. severely.
"That's absurd-" his brother protested but Odin raised his hand to silence him.
"Guards, take him away!"
Thor watched his handcuffed brother being forced to walk back to the castle with worry in his eyes.
...
Everything hurt.
His head was pounding, and it echoed with his own broken screams.
He wanted to beg, to cry, to scream and demand to have his magic back.
Even if that would do any good, he couldn't. He felt drained, and his body felt paralysed.
He felt drained of power, emotions, and everything that was him. He didn't feel the slight tingling under his skin anymore.
There was dull pain everywhere in his body, but nowhere, deep inside him and pressing against his skin.
His mind felt like the surface of pond, the calmness of it so fragile, that a snap of a hand could break it.
And although it seemed clear and safe, under the silver lining of it, deep down, there were shadows so dark, you can only wish you'll never see.
Loki coughed, and brought a shaking hand to his mouth.
He stared at the warm, crimson red blood on his fingertips.
He didn't want to be alive anymore.
Just as he thought that, he heard a sparkling noise beside his bed, and a dim green light shone on the white walls of his cell.
He didn't need to glance over to know it was Frigga.
"Loki" her voice of genuine concern caressed his ears, and he shivered.
He hated being pitied.
He couldn't help but look over at his mother.
His mother was standing next to his bed, eyeing him worriedly.
Loki couldn't bring himself to care.
"What brings you here, mother?" Loki asked, his voice weaker than he wanted it to be, but he kept his chin up pridefully nonetheless.
"I just wanted to say goodbye." Frigga said, emotion thick in her voice.
"Farewell, then, mother."
She stayed silent, and stepped closer, and Loki felt her soft hands in his sweaty hair.
"Are you okay, my son?"
Loki grabbed her hand, and gently pushed it away. "Don't touch me" he spat.
Frigga stepped back with a struck expression on her face. "Okay" she whispered. "Goodbye, Loki."
The green light glowed again, then a second later, it was gone.
Loki went back to staring at the cieling with a bitter taste in his mouth.
...
Natasha was good at reading people. She could see right through them if she wanted to.
She was forced to learn it in Russia, and while the other recruits struggled with it, she was a natural. Telling if someone was angry, afraid or lying came as naturally to her as breathing, and they required no serious effort. And then Shield taught her how to use her abilities on the right side of the law.
But this time, when a northern god and his brother who just caused literal genocide 3 weeks prior, she didn't need any special talent to know that something has changed.
Natasha knew everybody was more concerned about why he was in Tony Stark's tower, but Natasha couldn't bring herself to listen to the conversation around her. She kept staring at raven haired god.
The last time he saw him, he was wearing a twisted smile and his eyes were vibrant blue, creating a sharp contrast with his pitch black hair. He remembered seeing pure evil lurk behind those eyes.
Their eyes met for a second, and Loki instantly looked down.
That was unlike him.
Natasha didn't remember the god being this pale. His skin was sickly white with a shade of green undertone, with almost black circles under his eyes.
She only saw his eyes for a split second, but Natasha could never miss the haunted look in them, like a wild wounded animal, he looked.
It's not like she had simpathy for the murderer. God, she hoped he suffered. For what he did to Clint.
Natasha's was snapped out of her thoughts by a loud cry.
"What?!" The source, Tony's voice echoed through the living room. "You want your brother to live with us?"
Thor pulled a small smile apologetically. "Well, it isn't me who made the decision, it was the Allfather's punishment for Loki."
"And what- who is that? Some kind of God you worship?" Asked Stark.
"No. He is our father, Odin." Thor stated and Loki licked his lips, as if he was about to say something, but he kept quiet.
"Oh, yeah, you are the gods." Tony murmured to himself.
Surprisingly, it was Bruce Banner who spoke up. "And, if you don't mind me asking, what if we don't take him in?"
Indeed, Loki was not a relaxing person to be around, and with the Hulk living there, that was anything but ideal.
Thor paused. "I think this idea was mainly my mother's, and my father likes to be — stricter with his punishments."
Loki's stomach turned at tge mention of his father — not father. He stopped myself from letting out a scowl.
Thor didn't know anything.
Stark looked at Thor. "What do you mean?"
Thor swallowed pathetically, as if his words physically burdened him. "Execution."
The mortals around him seemed taken aback, the only one who seemed indifferent was Agent Barton, who had been glaring at him throughout the whole conversation.
Loki cleared his throat. "By all means, feel free to refuse my brother's offer."
Clint narrowed his eyes. "So you can escape and try to destroy an other planet, nice try."
Loki raised his eyebrows. "Wouldn't dream of it, Mr. Barton."
That seemed to only anger Barton more, as he charged at him, and it was the Captain that held him back.
"You piece if shit!" Barton spat.
Loki looked at Thor. "This is clearly conflict of interest here, Thor. If you could just take me back and let Allfather do his worst—"
"I won't!" Thor protested, and looked at the Avengers. "If you could just please consider it.."
Loki shook his head in annoyance. Pathetic, his brother was begging to a bunch of mortals to spare him.
Bit this was no sparing him, this was sparing Thor and Frigga, Odin never did care about his fate or wether he lives or dies.
"Can we have a moment?" The Captain asked and Thor nodded instantly.
As the five if them walked out of the room, Thor leaned closer to him. "What are you doing?" He hissed.
"You're going to have to elaborate on that, brother." Loki replied casually.
"Why do you not want you to take you in?"
"I need not to be pitied, Thor, I have made my decisions, I must face the consequences." Loki stated.
"But that's death, Loki, you couldn't possibly want that!" Thor raised his voice.
"Couldn't I?" Loki replied bluntly, and Thor blinked at him in surprise, then his expression hardened.
"Stop this!"
"Stop what, Thor? This is who I am now. A jotunn monster." He spat. "Go ahead and deny it, but we both knew the truth. I am not your bother and never will be."
Thor looked at Loki with dissappointment in his eyes. It were the same as Odin, yet, warmer, and staring at them hurt even more. "You were, once. Where is the boy who I went riding with, who helped me study, who learned magic tricks from our mother every afternoon, no matter how much he got teased for it?"
Loki's nails dug into his palm. "He grew up."
He's gone.
So is his magic.
"He realized that he was nothing in that damned palace, other than a spare, your shadow, made for nothing other than hide in the darkness while you shine in the limelight."
"Realized that he was born to rule, and if you're not going to give him that, he's going to get it himself, or rule the remaining ashes of a kingdom if he has to." He said.
Of course, that realisation wasn't exactly his to take credit for. Bit it didn't matter.
Thor looked at him mutely, horrified and hurt, like he had been struck.
"And you're never getting him back."
Loki felt a stab at his heart as Thor's eyes welled up with tears.
"What happened to you?" he whispered.
Loki resisted a flinch and turned away.
"What needed to happen" He answered, and he felt Thor's pitying eyes on him.
He felt disgusted. How dare Thor pretend to care about what happened to him, pity him, like he was a some kind of helpless madman.
"What do you care?" He spit and looked Thor in the eye.
"I know you don't think so, but you are my brother. I love you."
"Ugh!" Loki pushed himself away from Thor. "Lies! You love me like the light loves its shadow. I'm just a nice contrast to your brilliance, that's what you love, not me."
Before Thor could protest, the Avengers returned to the room. They both turned towards them.
Tony looked at Thor, then between them, but decided not to comment.
"We have made our decision." Rogers announced. "We agree."