Frozen devotion (on hiatus😔)

Sirius never wanted the crown.

He hated everything about it and everything that came with it. The responsibilities, the trust people put in them, the hatred turned on him when they made a decision not everyone agreed with. And it wasn’t even as bad as it could be, because their parents were still the king and queen of the kingdom now.

The isle of Godric's Hollow was one of the biggest and most powerful of the seven isles. Sirius was unlucky to be born as the oldest child and thus the heir of the throne. He dreamt of running away and living somewhere far away from his parents. Somewhere with their few friends who saw him for Sirius and not for the ‘crown prince’. They just wanted a life without all the pressure and without all the extravagant balls and dances. A life where he wasn’t constantly surrounded by people because their parents feared they would be killed if he was alone for merely two minutes.

He was lucky to be friends with his guard captain. Their guard captain, James Potter, quickly became a friend of Sirius once they realised how much they had in common. James was tall, taller than Sirius which he liked to point out a lot, and he had messy, dark brown hair that stuck up in all different directions and places. He had bronze skin and golden brown eyes filled with laughter and mischief. They were hidden behind round glasses most of the time. James Potter hated wearing lenses. He told Sirius that his glasses make him extraordinary and Sirius couldn’t agree more if they were honest.

James was beside him right now, wearing a crimson fitted suit with a black blouse underneath and shiny black shoes. Sirius loved the colour red, but he wasn’t allowed to wear anything outside of the Noble House of Black colours. Green, grey, sometimes white, and you guessed it, black. So Sirius wore a black suit with a white blouse and black shoes, the golden crown on their head with emerald jewels gleaming in the light of the ballroom. He felt out of place. He was born into this, their family had been on top for years and years, but still Sirius couldn’t feel like it was their place to stand up on a pedestal and look pretty, not saying a word about what happened with the people. His parents couldn’t care less for their feelings though, so Sirius had no choice.

The music changed and Sirius heard the beat change into a slower song. He yawned deeply and looked at James who was staring across from the room at a young girl with bright red hair and green eyes. Lily Evans, one of their mutual closest friends. When they were younger James always had a crush on her, but he claims he’s over her. Sirius doesn’t believe him at all.

‘Do you always stare at people you don’t have a crush on anymore?’ he asked as James’ focus turned from Lily over to Sirius. He glanced wryly at him before grinning. ‘Nah, I wasn’t staring at Evans. I was staring at our little whore mister Pettigrew. Blue does look quite good on them doesn’t it?’ James asked them as Sirius scrunched up his nose and looked at the straw blonde head hidden by the crowd. Peter was a plump, short boy with beautiful blue eyes and a wicked smile that seemed to enchant every girl they ever laid eyes on. They were surrounded by four different girls trying to dance with them, but Peter seemed too busy with themselves to give the girls any attention whatsoever.

‘He does have the time of his life huh? Why can’t we have such a fun evening?’ Sirius complained to James who raised one eyebrow at them and sighed deeply. ‘Sirius, you’re the one who didn’t want to do anything then just stand here. It’s not my fault we’re not having the time of our lives,’ James told him as he sighed deeply and played with the rings on their fingers. ‘I want more adventure in my life James. Is that really too much to ask?’ Sirius asked James which made James stop for a moment. Sirius knew that James was only here in the first place to keep them safe, but James also liked mischief and trouble a lot. Sirius glanced at his mother and father sitting on their thrones, talking with people that Sirius couldn’t even guess the names of.

‘We could go outside? Go to the beach and throw some pebbles in the ocean if that’ll satisfy your highness,’ James said with a light tone to his voice that made Sirius think he had other plans then just throw pebbles into the ocean. ‘Oh I am certain that our beloved crown prince would love to throw some pebbles into the ocean. If you could just lead the way outside my dear,’ Sirius grinned as the words left his mouth. Sirius and James always acted as an old couple. It irritated Sirius’ parents very much, but they couldn’t fire James because he was the son of very rich and influential people. Euphemia and Fleamont Potter were not people you wanted to have against you.

As Sirius and James made their way outside, they slowly heard the sounds of the party dying away. The calm, rushing sound of the ocean waves hitting the shore welcomed them back as both of them sat down on the sand and stared out onto the ocean.

‘How do you think it is out there?’ Sirius asked James suddenly. James glanced at him, uncertain about the course of the conversation and sighed. ‘You’ll never go there Sirius. You’ll be lucky if you ever get to visit any of the other isles, and you would never be transported over the ocean. Not when there are so many dangers lurking out there.’

Sirius knew James was talking about the infamous marauders. A gang of dangerous pirates who are rumoured to take over almost every ship that tries to go overseas. You’re lucky if you make it to your destination without dying, you’re a wonder if you make it without being robbed.

Sirius shook their head and sighed. ‘Okay. But just imagine, being out there on the ocean. Nothing in your way except for miles and miles of sea-’ ‘and pirates,’ James interrupted him as Sirius gave him an irritated look. ‘And pirates. But that’s not what I meant. I mean, the marauders only sail between the seven isles.

There is a world far away from here, without my dreadful life as a prince and without murderous pirates,’ Sirius said as his hands found a small string on his otherwise flawless jacket to play with. ‘Yes, well Sirius I hate to disappoint, but you will never see that world,’ James said as he stared at the stormy grey clouds nearing to them.

‘Maybe one day. Once I am king and my mother and father have finally died. Maybe then I’ll be able to travel the world.’ Sirius didn’t look at James to know he thought they were delusional. Sirius had always had big dreams. Even when they were younger, he would tell James about his plans to change the world and see it for himself once he got the chance to. James did know they would never be allowed to leave the country after becoming king though. Sirius knew too, he just decided to ignore it.

‘You do know that your mother misses you inside and wishes to have you back as soon as possible, right?’ The familiar, low voice of Evan Rosier filled the otherwise silent air surrounding James and Sirius. Evan was James’ second in command, the one who would be following Sirius around every day if James wasn’t there. Sirius liked him enough, but he wasn’t James and that threw Sirius really off. They got so used to always having James there, that whenever James was sick and Evan took on his job, Sirius felt like they missed some part of himself.

‘And you do know that my mother doesn’t have a heart and can’t possibly miss something she would rather see dead,’ Sirius retorted as James snickered softly and Evan blinked at both of them undisturbed. ‘Just get your ass back in there before she decides to throw you in the ocean, yeah?’ Evan asked him as Sirius sighed and stood up, stretching big and sticking his hand out for James to take. ‘That’s the worst part. She won’t throw me into the ocean because she needs an heir as her puppet,’ Sirius complained as Evan shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

Sirius liked that version of Evan better. The one where Evan smiled a little more and laughed a little louder. The one where he would go along in whatever nonsense James and Sirius did. The one where he had a few drinks and let his life be fun for a little bit. Sirius barely saw that side of him though, because Evan was set on following all the rules his parents gave him. Evan sometimes had it even worse than Sirius himself. He never talked about it though, so the only thing Sirius knew were the silent whispers and gossip talk of the servants.

Sirius took one last glance at the open ocean, the rainy clouds still hanging low on the horizon. He wanted out. But they couldn’t. And he hated that so much sometimes.

†

It was raining that same night when Sirius got into his bed.

It was late and the sky had grown dark hours ago. Sirius didn’t mind much. They usually were up way into the night, reading in the small window ledge by the only window his rooms had. Sometimes he would play the piano. No one even bothered to tell him off when it was after midnight. They were the crown prince after all. You don’t tell a prince what to do, he can do whatever he wants to.

This night however, Sirius didn’t sit on the window ledge, or play piano. He was very tired from the busy night and just got dressed to go to bed in complete silence. The moment their head hit his pillow though, his body seemed to have another idea. Suddenly they seemed restless, unable to lay down and fall asleep.

They needed to do something, he ached to do something. He tried to read, but they couldn’t keep their focus on any of the words fluttering before his eyes. He played the piano for a while, but then they got bored of that too and he lay down on his cold bedroom floor. They glanced at the empty, white ceiling in silence.

Sirius hated nights like these. Nights where they couldn’t fall asleep even when they wanted to so badly. Nights where Sirius craved having someone to talk to, which he never would have if their parents got their way. Sirius knew they wanted them to marry a rich girl one day, but they would sleep in separate rooms even after they got married. He seemed to hate his life a little bit more on nights like these.

Sirius decided then to take a shower. He turned the water all the way down to the coldest temperature and stood under it shivering from the cold. They thought that maybe it worked and he would be able to sleep now, seeing as his bed would be warmer than Sirius’ body temperature.

They were done with showering after ten minutes of standing underneath the cold streams of water and shivering underneath it though. It didn’t take Sirius as long as he hoped. It did seem their plan worked for a bit, because when Sirius got into his bed again, his hair dripping wet and his body still cold, they instantly relaxed against the sheets and felt their eyes slowly closing.

It didn’t last long though.

Sirius had the feeling he slept for hours, almost wondering what they would get served for breakfast when he opened his eyes and was met with the same, cold and lonely darkness of the night.

He sighed deeply and looked at his clock. They only slept for fifteen minutes. As Sirius shuffled back over to his window, he opened it a bit and breathed in the smell of outside. His room was located closest to the sea, but not quite close enough to hear the sea waves crash against the sand. They could smell the salt of the ocean from here though. He liked it. It reminded him of his childhood when they weren’t always alone. When their sister was still here and snuck into his room almost daily.

That was when Sirius realised why he couldn’t sleep.

Tomorrow would be the anniversary of his sister's death. Three years since she drowned in the ocean. She was on her way to one of the other isles, Walburga never told Sirius which, but then she was robbed by the marauders who threw her into the ocean. Sirius’ sister couldn’t swim, so she drowned.

Sirius shook their head against the thoughts and glanced outside again. His eyes were so used to the dark by now, that they could see two silhouettes walking on the path coming from the beach. They had it better than him, Sirius thought bitterly. They could still be outside at this hour and not be judged by everyone in the bloody kingdom.

Sirius suddenly heard hurried footsteps by his door and looked up in shock. They dived for their bed and hid his head underneath the covers. He desperately hoped it wasn’t his father or mother. They would punish them for still being awake at this hour.

Sirius heard the door to their bedroom creak open softly and he heard whispers coming from two people. Not their parents, they never whispered in their own house. ‘Shut up. What if you wake him up?’ one whispered to the other as Sirius heard them come closer. ‘I won’t wake him up if you knock him out like you’re supposed to do,’ the other whispered back. A girl and a boy. Sirius was fairly certain he didn’t know these people. They didn’t sound like their friends at all.

Sirius felt someone tug their blankets off from his head and he closed his eyes naturally, faking being in a deep slumber. ‘See? I didn’t wake him up,’ the boy whispered as Sirius stirred and turned around. They wanted to know who these people were. They had come into his room well after midnight.

‘Shit, he’s waking up. Do something Dorcas!’ the boy hurriedly whispered as Sirius heard footsteps drawing closer and closer to the edge of his bed. Sirius guessed it was the girl, Dorcas, walking closer to him. They opened their eyes carefully, glancing at a strikingly beautiful girl with dark skin and black braids.

That was the last thing Sirius saw before they felt a hard clap on their head and his consciousness slipped out of his reach.

†