Sitting
Steve’s getting restless, and to be honest, so is Sam. Yeah, he likes getting some rest, but still. They’re not done yet, and well, maybe he’s not so great at sitting still as he’d like to tell himself he is. Sure, they’ve got things to work on, like the Bucky Plan and the files, but that’s paperwork, which neither of them were really made for. That’s a similarity that Sam’s always wanted to make. The Captain America they showed him in school wouldn’t have stood for a lot of what Sam’s about. But Steve Rogers has a lot of qualities that Sam greatly admires. He can be a bit of a bullheaded fool, but that’s not all there is to him. Sam wouldn’t necessarily brag that he knows Captain America, but he’s happy to have Steve Rogers as his friend.
And as a friend, he’d say that Steve Rogers needs a fucking break. And someone to really talk to - someone’s who’s qualified. Sam can fulfil that role - happily, even, because he’ll do a lot to keep Steve from falling apart - but he can’t do it forever. They’re close, and he doesn’t want to ruin their friendship by making it too clinical. Or something along those lines. He wants to be able to hang out with the guy, listen to his problems, all that. He distances himself from things a little more when he’s doing actual work, and he doesn’t want to do that with Steve.
But all that is for the future. Steve’s not going to be doing much of anything besides pining for Bucky Barnes for the foreseeable future. He’ll tear the world apart if he has to, in order to get Barnes back. Sam’s saw the wreckage that Steve left behind when they attacked that base, and he thinks for everyone’s sake, there needs to be some sort of resolution. They always told him that Captain America was all for fairness, made it seem like he only took prisoners. But Steve Rogers will decapitate men with his shield, because these men are keeping Bucky from him.
And okay, Sam’s got to wonder exactly what Steve and Bucky were to each other. He doesn’t ask, because that’s intensely personal. Something that Steve’s going to have to mention on his own if he ever wants to. He doesn’t know where the guy is on that sort of thing, or even if he’s drawing the right conclusions. So he lets that simmer for now.
They go on runs every day and Sam learns a little bit better about why Steve might be all about that exercise. They’ve been sharing hotel rooms for a while now, but things have slowed down. And that’s never a good thing.
He’s woken up one day by a very loud thump in Steve’s room of the dacha-esque home they’re living in. Sam worries that someone’s found them, so he rushes over to Steve’s door, gun in hand. He presses his ear against the hinge carefully, but all he can hear is a slight whimper. This might be something else, he thinks.
He gives a careful knock, but gets no response. He carefully pushes the door open to see Steve on the floor, shuddering. His teeth are chattering, like he’s - cold. Shit. The window’s open. That’s probably not helping. Sam moves carefully over to the window and shuts it before turning back to Steve. He makes sure he’s standing properly, so that he’s not looming or anything like that.
“Hey, Steve.” The man jerks slightly at that, but he doesn’t seem any more awake. “Steve. Steve. It’s all right. We’re in Natasha’s house, the one she set up for us. You’re safe. I’m here. Steve, you’re safe.”
Steve flinches and wakes up suddenly. Conflicting emotions play over his face, only to be hidden as quickly as possible. “Hey Sam.” His voice his raspy, he has to start that sentence over before he can fully get it out. “Sorry if I woke you.”
“I just wanted to see if you were all right.” Sam doesn’t mention that his paranoia had taken him over before his logic. “Are you?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Steve is absolutely not. “I just - got cold. It happens. Shouldn’t have had the window open.”
“Sure thing. I closed it for you.” Steve looks embarrassed, like someone caught him not being fine, being weak. “There’s probably extra blankets somewhere, if you ever want them. We’ve all got our things.”
“It’s stupid,” Steve says.
“Hey, I never said it had to make sense. A lot of things don’t, when you come back. Sometimes there’s no way to even start making sense of them, either, until you’ve done a lot of other work. Maybe there won’t ever be. So you just find ways to keep yourself safe.” And sometimes, oftentimes, it’s not something sustainable. Sam wonders if Steve will adjust well once he doesn’t have his Find Bucky Mission to keep him busy.
“Thanks, Sam. Thanks for being here.” There’s that genuine Steve Rogers.
“I got your six, man. Through all of this. ‘Cause I know you got mine, even if you lap me like an asshole.” Steve smiles a little at that, and Sam counts that as about as big a win he’s gonna get.