The Souls

As much as Tony would have loved for everyone to stay gathered around his bed, focusing on his greatness, he was still a patient, and his 18 year old doctor insisted that he rest, so they were all forced to leave. Not Pepper though. Pepper wasn't going anywhere.

For the second night since the battle, the palace made room for the many, many heroes. They had all taken a small stash of Thor's alcohol, so it was clear that not much sleeping was going to happen.

Much to Peter's annoyance, Gamora had decided to spend the night with Nebula and the other Gamora. He guessed that he understood why she would rather be with her sister and past-self, but he would have liked some alone time too, and now that there was two Gamora's...

He never did finish that sentence, and instead recieved a slap on the back of his head from three hands.

The girls left with their alcohol, taking a smiling Mantis with them. Shuri was taking the time to show Peter and Groot around her home. Both were in awe the entire time, and Peter had to explain to Groot that no, not all of Earth was this awesome, Wakanda was extra special.

Vision and Wanda declined the drinks that Loki was trying so hard to give away, and told everyone that they would rather just go to sleep. Wanda rolled her eyes at all the suggestive eyebrow wagging, trying to hide the blush that rose to her cheeks.

Everyone else scattered around the palace and the grounds to enjoy their freedom and celebrate their victory.

Just outside the palace, outside by his hut, Bucky was sitting on a quilt looking out at the sparkling lake.

For two years he had woken up to this view almost every single day. Being without it for five days had been harder than he thought it would be.

He knew that everyone else was taking this time to celebrate. To drink and laugh and have fun, but this right here was good enough for him.

Well... Almost. He knew one thing that could make it better.

As if on cue, footsteps sounded behind him, and Bucky smiled.

There he was.

"Got room for one more?"

"Only if you brought drinks," Bucky grinned as he sat up and turned around, and like he thought, Steve was walking up with a blanket under his arm and two beer filled buckets in his hands.

"Knew you'd be out here," he said as he set the buckets by Bucky's feet, "you're addicted to this Lake. Scoot over, will you?"

Bucky did so, scoffing in mock complaint, "Thought you brought your own blanket."

Steve's face grew hot, and he was happy it was too dark for Bucky to see his blush, "That's in case it gets cold,"

Bucky scoffed. It was never cold in Wakanda. But he decided not to point that out.

And it definitely wasn't cold now. Not with how close Steve was to him. He felt warm all over, and it's all he could do not to sigh happily. Bucky shook his head clear as he took the bottle that was handed to him. He flicked the cap off with his metal thumb and did the same for Steve.

The gesture wasn't new to them. It wasn't the first night they had spent by this Lake on the rare occasion that Steve was able to stay in Wakanda for more than a day.

The whole situation was achingly familiar, yet achingly foreign. They had spent more time fighting in these past years (whether on the same or opposite sides) than they did just... hanging out.

It shouldn't be so rare. Two best friends just sitting, sharing a beer and looking out at a beautiful lake, with the stars out, and sharing a small quilt, with their shoulders touching and their thighs together and...

Bucky cleared his throat, batting traitorous thoughts away again.

"I think we should toast," he finally said. Steve smiled at him, raising his glass.

"Alright, what you got?"

Bucky didn't have to think long before he smirked and lifted his bottle, "Here's to me and you being alive at the same time for once."

Steve threw his head back and laughed, his hand on his chest.

Bucky's grin widened at that laugh, and the two clinked their bottles together

"Oh, I drink to that, Barnes."

The next hours went by quite the same. The two, laughing and drinking, remembering times before the war, during the war, before the world went to shit.

Steve could not stop laughing when Bucky explained how the other soldiers had thought he was crazy when it turned out that the little Steve Rogers he always talked about turned out to be the Captain America.

Bucky winced and tried to hide his own laughs when Steve talked about the humiliation he'd endured having to punch a fake Hitler in the face while wearing bright blue tights.

For a while it almost felt like they were two soldiers back on that army base, and not two Avengers fresh from an alien battle with the world at stake.

For a while, they went back to being Steve and Bucky. Two idiots from Brooklyn who were in way over their heads, and not Captain America and the Winter Soldier, two super soldiers who had seen far too much, even in their old age.

They weren't gonna lie, it felt good.

Bucky still had a grin on his face as he reached over to the second bucket.

They weren't even on the quilt anymore. The blanket sat scrunched by the buckets as they faced each other, with their knees touching, the lake to Bucky's left and to Steve's right.

"Does this stuff even do anything for you?" Bucky asked as he popped open his and Steve's seventh beer before handing it to him.

Steve laughed as he shook his head, "Not even a little."

"You know, of all the things this serum has changed, I hate that it's taken away my ability to get drunk."

"Oh yeah, definitely." Steve nodded with a chuckle.

They clinked bottles again and Bucky couldn't help his smile. If he didn't know any better he would have thought Steve was drunk, he was laughing so much.

It was taking a while to get his head around the fact that Steve was just... happy.

According to Natasha, she hardly saw as much as a smile from him in the past five years. And now all he did was laugh.

He was happy. And a lot of that had to do with Bucky.

He couldn't have kept his grin away even if he wanted to.

"You know, Thor has this Asgardian liqueur that he likes. It's not at all good for humans, but it's the closest I've gotten to drunk since... well..."

Bucky frowned at his hesitation, "Since... what?"

Steve looked up from his bottle, his eyes softer, and his smile smaller, "Since you fell off the train."

Steve held his gaze before looking back down, "I, uh... I think I took down three bottles of whiskey that night." he said softly, "It hardly did a thing. I just wanted to forget for a while, and I couldn't." he stared at the bottle for a few moments before clearing his throat and shaking his head, "That... that was the worst night of my life, Buck."

Bucky couldn't keep his eyes off Steve as he spoke to the floor. He wasn't smiling anymore.

Bucky shook his head, letting out a scoff as he tried to lift the suddenly darkened mood, "Worse than when you plunged head first into the ocean?" he snorted.

"Yeah," Steve didn't hesitate. He looked up as he nodded, "Yeah, worse than that."

Bucky's forced smile disappeared. He couldn't hide the shock on his face if he tried. He blinked as Steve held his gaze.

"That was the worst night of my life, watching you die. And then I... I got you back, only to lose you again after you pulled me out of that river. And then I found you, again, and then I had to leave you here in cryo." Steve had to pause to clear his throat, "It just... It just kept happening. I kept either losing you or... or watching you die. And then it happened all over again when we were here in Wakanda and I... I honestly don't know how I lived through it again, Buck."

Bucky didn't know how to reply to any of that. He didn't know if he even should. He just stared at his friend, his heart beating out of his chest.

He swallowed hard as he forced a smile onto his face, "Well next time I die I'll make sure it doesn't happen in front of you, alright?"

Steve let out a short wet laugh, but shook his head quickly, "No no no, don't even joke about that, Bucky, no." his laughs dwindled as he locked eyes with him, "You won't do that to me again, alright? If you ever die on me again Barnes, I'll... I'll..." Steve leaned back onto his elbows with a sigh, his smile fading.

He didn't know what he would do if Bucky died. He had no idea.

"Don't die on me again." he said softly, his eyes glinting in the moonlight with a suspicious shine, "Don't you ever die on me again."

Bucky stared at Steve for a long time, unable to speak through the lump in his throat. Steve never looked away. His shining eyes remained locked on Bucky's, waiting for him to promise. To assure him that he'd never put him though that again.

It wasn't a promise anyone had a right to make. Not in a world where you could fall off a mountain or catch a bullet or be dragged into a war at any given moment.

But Bucky would be damned if he ever made Steve Rogers hurt ever again. Even if it meant he'd have to stay alive for ever.

"I promise." he told him, "I'll never die ever again."

Steve's smile returned. He knew it was slightly ridiculous to make someone promise something like that, but the fact that Bucky did it anyway made him feel so much for the man in front of him, it was almost overwhelming.

The tension was suddenly too much, and Steve let out another forced laugh, lifting his head to take a long gulp from his beer, "Maybe this really is working. I haven't talked about any of that since... well, since ever."

"Never?"

Steve shook his head, "Never. When I... when I came out of the ice, I never even mentioned you. The others didn't even know you existed until we found out that you were the Winter Soldier." he scoffed, "I... I guess I just dealt with it by... not dealing with it. Until I was actually forced to."

Bucky looked down at his beer, remembering. It felt so long ago now. It must've felt even longer for Steve.

"I uh... I never really apologised for that, did I?"

"For what?" frowned Steve.

Bucky scoffed, "For trying to kill you."

Steve let out a bark of laughter, "You never apologized because you never needed to, Bucky,"

Bucky shook his head, "I can't just pull out the Hydra card whenever I want to get out of apologising."

"Yeah, but you can," Steve smiled up at him, shoving his knee, "That's why the Hydra card exists in the first place."

"Well it shouldn't just let me off for all the things I did, Steve."

"It should." Steve insisted, "It should, Bucky, it wasn't your fault."

"I know," Bucky rubbed a hand over his face, " I know it wasnt my fault, that's not-"

"Is this because of what happend in the Soul Stone? With what Sam said? That why you're still mad at him?"

Bucky grinned as he shook his head, "I'm not mad at Sam anymore. He's apologised enough. He just feels so bad about it, it's so much fun watching him squirm."

Steve shook his head, "You two are impossible."

"He's offered me a sandwich five times today, it's incredible. He feels worse about Hydra than I do."

"Well he should." Steve said quickly, "What he did-"

"Was out of sheer boredom and childish spite." Bucky interrupted, "Give him a break, okay? It's Hydra's fault not his."

Steve leaned back with a sigh, lying back and resting on his elbows, "Hydra," he shook his head, "Fucking Hyrda."

"Language, Rogers," Bucky smirked.

Steve just shot him a half heated glare, "I don't want you hanging out with Tony so much anymore."

They chuckled lightly, and then the two finally fell into a silence, Steve leaning back and looking up at the sky, while Bucky sat with his elbows on his knees, looking at Steve.

"You know, I never apologized either."

Bucky almost laughed, "what in the hell do you have to apologise for?"

"I never came for you." he said softly, "I never tried to save you when-"

"Alright, now I know this beer is working, because that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say. And you say a lot of dumb shit, so that's saying a lot."

"Bucky I'm seriou-"

"And so am I." Bucky shook his head firmly, "How in the hell were you supposed to know anything about what Hydra was doing?"

"I could have-"

"No. No don't you dare." Bucky glared, slapping Steve's knee and forcing him to look at him, "You've had enough on your plate without blaming youself for things that couldn't have been prevented."

"Well that was then, Buck. I couldn't have prevented it back then, but I can now."

Bucky blinked at him, "What... what do you mean?"

Steve sighed, running a hand through his hair, "I'm going back tomorrow. To return all the stones to their timelines."

"Yeah," he nodded slowly, "what does that have to do with-"

"I'm gonna save you this time Buck."

Bucky's eyes widened as Steve looked at him, determined as ever, "Steve-"

"I came out of the ice 70 years after I thought you died, Bucky. You were tortured and brainwashed and used all that time, and I was asleep. If there's a chance... any chance at all that I can change that in another timeline, I'm gonna take it."

Again, Bucky could do nothing but stare at his friend. He just... he wanted to get up and grab him and hug him and just... just...

Bucky shook his head at himself. He knew he'd never again know a person like Steve Rogers.

"You'd do that for me?"

Steve looked at Bucky for a while. He swallowed hard, glancing down at his beer before gathering his courage and looking back at Bucky, "I'd do anything for you, Buck."

Bucky's grip on his bottle tightened. He had to use all his might not to drop that bottle and go over to him and just... just...

But he couldn't. He knew that he couldn't let what he wanted from his friend eclipse what Steve so obviouly needed.

"Buck, I-"

"Don't." he said, finally finding his voice, "When you go back tomorrow, I... I don't want you to find me, okay?"

Steve blinked at him, "Wh-what?"

"That's not your fight, Steve." Bucky shook his head, "You've done your part. You've done way more that your share of good in this world."

"Buck... you can't expect me to go back there knowing what's happening to you, and just do nothing."

"That is exactly what I expect you to do, Punk." Bucky smiled at him, "You've done enough, Steve. More than enough."

"But I can't just-"

"When's the last time you did something for yourself, Rogers?"

Steve frowned at him, "I do plenty of things for myself."

"Name one." Bucky pressed, "one that doesn't have to do with helping other people or saving the world."

Steve opened his mouth to answer, but drew a blank. Bucky just nodded knowingly. He smiled a little as Steve ducked his head down. And then Bucky swallowed, knowing that what he was about to say was the furthest thing in the world from what he wanted, but was definitley what Steve needed. His smile faded and he took a deep breath.

"Tony told me that you saw Peggy."

Steve looked up quickly, "What?"

"Said you saw her when you two went back."

Steve sat up quietly with a frown, noticing that Bucky was no longer looking at him.

"He said he didn't say anything because you looked sad. Really, really sad."

"Well yeah," he said quietly, "Didn't realise how much I missed her till I.. till I saw her."

"You loved the hell out of her." Bucky said quietly, still looking down. He feared that if he looked at Steve right then, he wouldn't be able to hide just how much that hurt to say.

"I did," Steve said, nodding, "But... but that was a long time ago."

"Well it doesn't have to be." Bucky rushed out, as if forcing himself to say it.

The thought had always been, at the back of his mind, but he hadn't entertained the possibility. He hadn't wanted to even give this a thought. Not now that everything was so close to perfect.

But... it was perfect for him. And this was not about him.

"What are you talking about, Bucky?" Steve said slowly, although he had a feeling he already knew.

Bucky gulped down some beer to sooth his suddenly painful throat.

"When you go back tomorrow, she'll be right there, Steve."

"But Buck-"

"The Steve Rogers she knows will be deep in the ocean, right? Imagine how happy she'll be when she sees you alive? Imagine how happy she can make you."

"Bucky."

"Imagine how happy you'll be, Steve."

Bucky swallowed hard as he said it. It was even more painful to say it than it was to think it.

Of course Steve being happy was all Bucky could ask for in his life. And God... God how he wished it could be him to give Steve that happiness, but Bucky knew better.

He always took so much ridicule and teasing from Shuri and her brother about his feelings for his best friend, and he would always deny them. Not because he was kidding himself, no. But because Bucky couldn't let himself entertain any of those thoughts when he knew that Steve could do so much better than a soldier turned assassin turned goat herder. He deserved someone so much better than someone as physically and mentally broken as Bucky.

He deserved Peggy Carter. And now, that was an actual possibility, and he couldn't let Steve pass up this kind of opportunity. He couldn't let him pass up a second chance at happiness.

Even if it quite literally broke Bucky's heart.

"You... you want me to go?" Steve asked the question slowly. Fearfully, "You want me to be with Peggy?"

Instead of you?

The end of he sentence never left Steve's lips. He couldn't seem to say it out loud, but he hoped Bucky would hear it. He hoped that by some miracle, Bucky would hear it.

Steve stared long and hard at his friend as Bucky refused to meet his eyes. He wished he would look at him. That way maybe Steve would be able to see if he really meant it. If he really wanted him to leave.

Bucky swallowed hard. Of course he fucking didn't. That's the last thing he wanted. Steve leaving him...

God, even the thought of it hurt more than he could take.

He didn't want Steve to leave him.

Please don't leave me.

But this wasn't about Bucky. This was about Steve.

The five days he'd spent in the Soul Realm was five years to Steve. Five years of pain and grief and crippling depression, only to end with a fight that almost cost him his life. His friends life. Everyone's life.

This man had been through enough. He deserved a damn break. He deserved to be free from all this.

... And Bucky only knew one person who could give Steve what he needed. One person who could let him be Steve Rogers, rather than Captain America. One person who had known him before the world put its weight on his shoulders. One person who could give him peace.

And that person wasn't Bucky.

"You really want me to go back to Peggy?" Steve's whisper broke through Bucky's thoughts.

And while the very thought of it shattered Bucky to pieces, he forced a tight smile onto his face.

"I want you to be happy, Punk. God knows, no one deserves it more than you do."

Bucky's eyes flashed up to Steve, and Steve shook his head, "I can't do that, Bucky."

"You can," Bucky told him, "the world is fine now, Steve. It's your turn. It's your turn to be happy. With Peggy."

Steve swallowed hard.

"But what if... what if I don't need to be with Peggy? To... to be happy."

Bucky blinked up at him, "It'll be hard to find someone with a shared life experience in 2023."

Steve bit his lip. He could think of someone else, actually. And he wished that for once he could have the balls to say it out loud. To let Bucky know that yes, yes he very well could think of someone else goddammit.

Bucky had no idea that the answer he so desperately wanted to hear was the one that was on the tip of Steve's tongue.

So he misinterpreted his silence as an agreement, and he smiled a tight lipped smiled.

"We'll all be okay, Stevie," he punched his knee playfully, trying to act like he wasn't lying, "It's about time Captain America hung up his shield, don't you think? Left the job to the rest of us?"

Steve scoffed, shaking his head, "You're acting like I'm really going away."

"It's okay, Steve, really."

"Buck you can't really think-" Steve stopped, squeezing his eyes shut as shaking his head, willing himself to say it. Just say it.

He looked back up to meet grey eyes, "I'm never gonna leave you Bucky," he managed to get out, "I'm with you. Remember? Always."

It wasn't exactly the confession he was going for, but he hoped to god it got through.

Bucky's smile was almost unnoticeable in the dark, he nodded, biting down on the inside of his cheek.

"Till the end of the line," he all but whispered.

Steve nodded back at him, "Till the end of the line."