The Souls

Bucky didn't sleep that night. Steve eventually nodded off next to him, and Bucky just lifted his head so he could put the scrunched up blanket under him as a makeshift pillow. He didn't want to risk waking him by carrying him back to the hut.

So he just let Steve sleep while he stared unashamedly at his best friend. He wouldn't even let himself feel bad about watching him, as he usually did. He would never get this opportunity again. In a few hours Steve would be gone. Really gone. So Bucky would spend these last few hours with him, just looking at him. As long as he could.

God, he missed him already.

Time crawled by, and Bucky felt like he was holding his breath the whole time. Because for the first time, he was really, truly, honestly, going to lose Steve.

He knew how to be without Steve. Since he had escaped Hydra, he had spent more time away from him than with him.

First in Russia, then Wakanda, and then the Soul Stone.

Steve had been away from him, but he was still there. Bucky could live with the fact that somewhere in the world, Steve was there.

It wasn't ideal, being away from him once he remembered him. Hell, it was downright horrible. He hated it.

Shuri and T'Challa had been absolutely right back in the Soul Realm. And Mantis had felt it too with all the times she had touched him. During that first year, he had been awful company. Always sulking or holed up in his hut or surrounding himself only with animals, only bothering to make himself presentable on the occasion that Steve was able to do that call thing through the computer. He lived for those few hours that came every few weeks. And the even fewer times when Steve would come to visit.

He recieved endless teasing from the Wakandans for the way he would light up. For how happy he would get. How he would just come to life. He had stopped being embarrassed about it after a while. Although he still vehemently denied it, not caring at all that they didn't believe him.

And then Steve would leave again. And Bucky would once again be miserable.

It was awful when Steve wasn't there. But... it had been bearable. Because Bucky had known that he was still there. Somewhere. And he would come back eventually.

This...

This... wasn't like that.

This time when Steve left... there would be no coming back to Bucky. He wouldn't be there. He would be well and truly gone.

The thought alone was unbearable.

How would he cope when he had to live through it? How would he make it through that?

A voice at the back of Bucky's head told him straight.

You won't.

:::

"Alright, I think it's ready." Nodded Bruce.

"You think?" Natasha raised her eyebrows.

"I'm pretty sure it's ready," Bruce corrected, "like 96% sure."

"Good enough for me," chuckled Steve.

"Your lack of self preservation means you don't get an opinion, Rogers." T'Challa rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, how about we make sure that thing's in perfect shape before we zap him in it alright?" Scott called out, "I don't completely trust the guys who fixed it."

"Aren't you one of the guys who fixed it?" frowned Quill.

"I am, yeah. And I can't say I trust myself with the life of Captain America."

"Alright if it's not ready maybe we should wait." said Shuri.

"Oh for God's sake," Bruce rolled his eyes as he slapped his forehead, "Look, I am confident that the time machine is safe and in working order. Is everyone happy?"

The group surrounding the machine murmured their 'fine's and Bruce nodded.

For some reason everyone had thought it necessary to see Steve off as he made to return all the Stones to their correct timelines. Shuri was standing as close to the time machine as she was allowed, video camera at the ready. For research purposes.

Peter and Groot were standing with her, notepads in hand, making notes for her.

T'Challa stood behind her to make sure she didn't do anything stupid like follow Steve in there just to see what it was like. Okoye braced a spear in front of her. Just in case.

The others were probably just bored. Most had just woken up and followed the commotion. Even Tony and Pepper were watching from the screen of a tablet held by Rhodey.

Loki rolled his eyes as he looked around. God, these humans were so overly dramatic.

"I don't understand why we're here," he sighed, "he'll be back in seconds anyway. And if he dies, there'll be no return to wait for."

"Hush Loki," Thor nudged him, "Rogers is our friend, and we're here to wish him luck on his brave quest and bid him farewell." He sighed fondly, "I will miss him dearly."

Loki rolled his eyes, "Are you refering to Rogers or to Mjolnir?"

Thor chose not to answer that question, as Banner was giving Steve a thumbs up. It was ready.

Steve nodded at him, and then made his way over to the trio closest to the machine.

Natasha smiled at him.

"Careful back there. Come back in one piece, alright?"

"You didn't," Steve glared half heartedly, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

"How many more times am I gonna have to apologise for dieing?"

"A lot more. I'm still mad."

She rolled her eyes again, but accepted the tight hug Steve gave her.

He turned to Sam who sighed at him, "You know if you want, I can come with you."

Steve grinned at his friend, "you're a good man, Sam, but this one's on me."

Sam sighed as Steve hugged him. "It really isn't though."

Next to Sam, Bucky was doing everything in his power to keep it together. He knew he was next. He knew that he was Steve's last goodbye. And he was the only one who knew that he wasn't coming back.

And he was trying so hard to keep it together. It became infinitely harder when Steve detached from Sam and turned to Bucky.

He had to swallow hard at the lump in his throat as Steve made toward him.

Steve stood in front of him, a small smile on his face, and piercing blue eyes locked on Bucky's.

Bucky's teeth were clenched so tight he could barely force a smile of his own.

"Don't do anything stupid until I get back," Steve said quietly. A wet chuckle escaped Bucky's mouth and he shook his head.

"How can I?" He managed to get out, "you're taking all the stupid with you."

Steve grinned at him, and finally stepped in to wind his arms around Bucky. Bucky couldn't help but close his eyes as he hugged him back, eyes squeezed tight against his shoulder.

God, this was it, wasn't it. This was really it.

"I'm gonna miss you." he said to Steve's shoulder, and big arms tightened around him.

"Its gonna be okay, Buck."

Letting go of him at that moment was probably the hardest thing Bucky had ever had to do. But he did it anyway. He untangled his arms around Steve, and he stepped back.

Steve gave him one last smile, and then he turned around, picking up Mjolnir and stepping onto the time machine as he donned his Quantum Suit.

Bruce started talking to Steve, flipping switches and reminding him about the details of his mission for the twelfth time.

Bucky heard a scoff next to him and felt Sam coming closer. "Honestly you two are so dramatic, he'll be back in a minute." He shook his head, "Ya'll out here acting like he's going off to war." He chuckled at his joke, and faded when he heard nothing from Bucky. He turned to look at him, and his smile faded.

"Barnes?" He frowned when he saw Bucky's face. Jaw tight and lips drawn in and eyes sparkling with moisture, "Bucky, what's wrong."

Bucky just shook his head, his eyes unblinking and glued to Steve. Before Sam could dig deeper, they heard Bruce's loud voice.

"Ready Cap? Alright, we'll meet you back here, okay?"

"You bet," Steve gave him a salute, Mjolnir in one hand, and the Stones in the other.

"Going Quantum in Three. Two. One-"

And in a blink, Steve was gone. Sam's head snapped back to Bucky when he heard a sharp gasp through his clenched teeth.

"Bucky-"

Another sharp shake of the head, and Bucky eyes were still glued to spot where Steve had vanished.

Sam frowned, and then turned to Bruce.

"How long is this gonna take?"

"For him, as long as he needs," he answered, "For us? Ten seconds."

Every eye watched the pad in anticipation, Shuri basically buzzing with her video camera. Sam turned back to Bucky, worry etched on his face.

"Hey," he stepped closer, "don't worry, he'll be okay. Nothing he hasn't done before."

Again, he was ignored.

Somewhere in Bucky's brain, he was aware that Sam was talking, but at this moment he couldn't concentrate on a single thing besides staring at that spot.

Waiting. Waiting for nothing, really. He was with Peggy now. He was back there and happy with Peggy. He was staying with her. Just like Bucky had told him to.

So what the hell was he waiting for?

"Alright," said Bruce, "Almost time."

Maybe... Maybe he would come back. Maybe Bucky was wrong.

"And returning in Five. Four-"

Maybe he would change his mind. Maybe Peggy would send him back. Maybe Steve would come back to him.

"Three. Two-"

Please come back to me.

"One."

...

Nothing.

A gust of air left Bucky's lips with a shudder, and the world crashed around him.

Sam was staring at the pad with wide eyes.

"Where is he?"

Bruce looked around at the equipment, eyes wide, "I-I don't know, he blew right by his time stamp. He should be here!"

Bucky's eyes dropped shut as they finally failed to keep back the tears he had been holding back for so long.

He was gone.

He turned around, slappeing the moisture away from his cheek as he walked away from the time machine.

No one saw him as he left, all eyes were glued on the pad, worried as they advanced towards it, as Bucky went the other way.

"Well bring him back!" Natasha demanded as Bruce fiddled with the controls, frantic as he tried to fix it.

Bucky tried to walk faster, but he was too busy slapping tears off his cheeks and trying to keep his eyes dry and reminding himself to breath and trying not to think.

He was actually gone.

"I'm trying." Bruce hissed.

"Bring him the hell back!" She yelled.

Bucky's eyes tightened as he kept walking. They would realise that he knew something, and then they would ask questions. He couldn't handle that right now.

He was actually gone.

"I said I'm trying!"

Nothing was happening, and the machine was silent, and Bucky kept walking.

He was actually go-

There was a sudden gasp all around, and then a yell.

"What the hell man!" Shouted Sam.

"Sorry about that." Came a panting voice, "Sorry I...I ran into some trouble."

Bucky's breath hitched and his feet froze mid-step. He blinked once, not quite believing what he was hearing.

"Well what the hell happened?" Bruce demanded, leaning heavily on the equipment in front of him, face full of relief.

"Ran out of Pym particles near the end," came the heavy breathing voice, "Had to make a detour. Am I really late?"

Bucky's head turned, followed by his body as his eyes widened, not believing what they were seeing.

...Steve.

It was Steve. He was... he was back. He came back.

He was stepping off the pad, helped by Sam and T'Challa on either side. He looked dirty and tired and pretty beat up. Steve's eyes searched the bodies beginning to crowd around him. Looking for someone. He finally saw him, frozen still, at the other side of the clearing.

He came back.

"Buck?" came Steve's tired voice, loud so as to reach him across the field, "you weren't gonna welcome me back, you jerk? Damn, how late am I?"

"Just a few seconds," offered Shuri, video camera still up and running.

Bucky could hardly remember to blink as he stared at Steve, and as Steve stared at back at him.

Steve frowned when he saw that something was wrong. He detached himself from T'Challa and Sam as he walked towards Bucky, a slight limp in his step.

"Buck, what's wrong?"

Bucky was still frozen to the spot as he finally forced himself to take a breath.

"You came back?" He managed to get out. His voice was soft, but Steve heard him.

"Of course I came back," he scoffed.

Bucky shook his head as he finally took a step forward. Both were oblivious to the crowd that had gone suddenly silent around them.

"You... You came back?" Bucky breathed again.

"Bucky," Steve shook his head, "why would I leave?"

Bucky's own head shook as he advanced, his voice finally finding strength.

"But... but last night you... Last night, we... we agreed. Agreed that you'd be staying. Staying with Peggy."

"Uh, no." Said Steve immediately, "No, you agreed. And I told you that was bullshit."

"No you didn't!" Said Bucky, his voice raising. "You didn't say that. You're... you're in love with Peggy, so you were gonna go back and be with Peggy that was the plan."

"No it wasn't! That was your plan and it was a stupid one."

Bucky's eyes narrowed as he stopped a few steps from Steve, "But you said-"

"Come on, you can't actually think I wasn't coming back." Steve shook his head.

"But you said-"

"Till the end of the line, Bucky!" Steve threw his hands up as he too stopped walking forward, "I said 'Till the end of the line'. What the hell do you think that means?"

Bucky shook his head as his voice softened, "I... I thought you were trying to say goodbye."

Steve couldn't believe it. He could not believe this.

"Goodbye?! You thought I was..." He tried and failed to hold back a growl, "For God's sake, I was trying to tell you that I love you, you stupid jerk!"

Breath hitched in Bucky's throat as his dry lips gaped open. His eyes widened almost painfully as they stared at the man in front of him, and tried to process what he had just heard. His voice was raspy as he croaked out.

"What?"

Steve huffed, throwing his shield to floor.

"Goddammit Buck, I'm in love with you, not Peggy. I always have been!" he all but yelled.

"She has her life, and I have mine! Here! With you, goddammit it. You!"

Steve breathed heavily as his heated eyes stared into Bucky's.

He was aware that he was yelling. And this definitely wasn't how he had wanted this to come out. Not at all. But he had just spent hours and hours back in time, and he was exhausted. And to come back to find out that Bucky had actually thought that he wasn't coming back? That he actually thought he would leave him?

Even as the thoughts raged through his mind, Steve's eyes never left Bucky's. And Bucky's were glued to his.

The silence between them could have lasted seconds or minutes, neither one could tell. Even around them, hardly anyone breathed. You could hear a pin drop on that field. But Steve and Bucky were hardly aware as they stood, transfixed in the others' gaze.

Steve's heart was beating a mile a minute as the weight of what he had just confessed to came crashing down on him. A part of him had always thought that Bucky knew. Had always known how Steve felt. But it was clear now, with his wide eyes and open mouth and all that silence, that he had had no idea.

And the silence was becoming suffocating.

"Buck?" He whispered, begging him to say something. Anything.

Bucky let in a breath, buy said nothing for a few more seconds. When he finally spoke, it was barely a whisper.

"Steve." He breathed with a shudder, "You love me?"

Steve nodded, swallowing down the sudden lump in his throat.

Bucky let in a gasp, "Really?"

Steve swallowed hard, nodding again, "I really do." He said.

Bucky couldn't get over his disbelief as he shook his head as a sudden chuckle left his lips.

"Steve, you love me." He said again. And before Steve could speak, Bucky was walking, his hands slipping out of his pockets as he moved closer. Steve opened his mouth to try and explain himself or something, but then Bucky's hands found purchase on either side of Steve's face, and then...

...And then Bucky's lips were crashing against his. Steve's eyes fluttered shut involuntarily as he sighed against the lips that were suddenly moving against his.

Every thought in Steve's head vanished into nothing because oh god, Bucky was kissing. Bucky was kissing him and oh god.

It only took a second for him to break out of his stupor and move his own lips against his best friend, and oh god he was kissing Bucky.

His arms went up around Bucky, gripping the back of his jacket so tightly it almost tore. He was sure that that grip was the only thing keeping him upright, because oh god he was kissing Bucky.

One of the hands on Steve's cheek curled around to the back of his neck, pulling him even closer. Steve returned the kiss with equal ferocity, shivering as he felt his arms tighten around his best friend.

Both super soldiers cursed their lungs when they had no choice but to come up from air. Their breaths were heavy as their foreheads pressed together, eyes closed and hands shaking.

"Steve," Bucky whispered, his breath brushing against Steve's lips, "You love me."

Steve nodded against his forehead, "I love you."

A soft chuckle left Bucky's lips as he heard it again. He knew right then that he would never tire of hearing those words from Steve's mouth.

He opened his eyes and lifted them to see sparkling blue ones looking back at him. He brushed his thumb under Steve's eye and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. Steve sighed out a blissfull smile.

This time his heavy breaths had nothing to do with how tired he felt, and everything to do with the fact that he was pressed up against the man he had been in love with for so much of his long, long life.

They stood like that for a while longer, leaning on each other with their eyes closed and their foreheads touching.

And then Steve cleared his throat softly.

"So, uh..." He swallowed, "Are... Are you gonna say it back?"

Bucky's face broke into a slow grin.

"In a minute," he said, "I just wanna see you sweat a bit."

Steve let out a short laugh, pulling back and shaking his head, "god, I hate you."

Bucky smirked as he pulled him back, "No you don't."

And then his lips were back on Steve's, as soft and fierce as before. Not another thought crossed Steve's mind, because oh god, Bucky was kissing him. Steve let out a whimper he would later deny when he felt the flicker of a tongue against his, and he tightened his already suffocating grip around his best friend.

Their lips moved together in an almost desperate dance, as if trying to make up for all the years they had spent not kissing.

And they both knew that they would have plenty of time to do that.

And they would also have plenty of time to yell at their friends around them for their constant and unnecessary cheers and wolf-whistles as they watched them unashamedly.

And they would also have plenty of time to scold Shuri for still having that video camera running.

And they would also have plenty of time to be mad when they found out about the gambling pool that had been going on about when this moment would come.

And Bucky would have plenty of time to tell Steve over and over and over again that he loved him. More than anything.

There would be plenty of time for all of that.

But right at that moment, Bucky was kissing Steve. And Steve was kissing him back. And that was really all that mattered.