Chapter 12
EMERSON
She was doing her best to avoid her Pop – who seemed to make it his new job to baby the almost thirty year old. She recognized he was being helpful, she really did. He even tried invited her to go to the foundation with him today.
But trying to control her life as she stayed with them was kind of starting to piss her off.
He even went so far as suggesting getting another cat to “replace” Max. Now, granted, neither of her parents had ever had a pet – so it wasn’t like the man could understand. But you can’t just ‘replace’ a pet! She didn’t even like to bring up her kitty, the little fur ball having been dead for over a year now.
All in all, she appreciated it. But she didn’t need it.
What she needed? Honestly she wasn’t sure of that either. She wasn’t ready to jump into her career but she didn’t like the idea of sitting with her parents all day either (not that one of them would even let her do that)
There was something else currently plaguing her mind, something she couldn’t talk to her fathers about.
They wouldn’t understand.
So she told them she was hanging with Aunt Tasha today as she rode the elevator down to her floor, glad to know her uncle had taken their pup out on a run so they could have some privacy.
The older woman had prepared tea and sat waiting for her in the living room. Even with the comfortable atmosphere and love she felt from her aunt, Emerson still had a fluttering feeling of insecurity in her stomach.
As she sat down next to her, she took a breath before gathering the courage to speak.
“Aunt Tasha…have you ever wanted kids? Of your own?” The red head looked at her for a long moment before responding.
“At one time, yes. Now? Not so much. Why do you ask, любимая?” She took another breath before admitting it out loud.
“I had a hysterectomy a few years ago. Only Shuri knows because I was…I don’t know. It wasn’t something I ever really wanted to admit out loud or tell anyone, because…because I’m embarrassed?” she asked as she felt her eyes begin to water.
She kept her gaze away from her aunt as she continued.
“My um…past life sort of fucked up everything down there,” she said as she made a motion over her reproductive parts. “So I got it removed as a safety precaution. But lately…I’ve been experiencing baby fever and the thought that I can’t – that I won’t be able to…” she closed her eyes as she felt more tears begin to spill down her cheeks.
That’s when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, which prompted the younger woman to finally look up at her aunt.
“I’m being selfish, aren’t I?”
“No,” Natasha said immediately. “That is a biological, evolutionary desire that you have no control over.”
“But I was adopted?”
“So?” her aunt interceded. “That doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.”
“It’s not just that, I’m…I’m furious Aunt Nat! I don’t even have the option! I keep thinking my past is behind me but it finds convenient little ways to fucking creep back up into my life–”
“Emerson, любимая look at me. You need to calm down before you give yourself a panic attack.” She looked down, just now noticing how shaky her hands were. As she stared down at them, trying to both control the shaking and her breathing, she saw another pair of hands slip into hers.
“Em, look at me. Please,” her aunt said with a shaky voice. Emerson looked up at that, blinking away tears. “Breathe with me, sweetheart. That’s good. You have no reason to feel embarrassed or guilty, my love,” the redhead said as she ran her fingers threw Em’s hair. “But you do have the right to be angry. I was angry for a long time too.”
“What did you do about it?”
“I killed a lot of people. I would not recommend this method.” Em couldn’t help laughing at that, glad to see her aunt smile as well. After a moment, her aunt pulled her into her embrace and gave her one of her rare and amazing hugs.
Emerson sat there a long moment, absorbing her words and her warmth as she felt her body and mind slowly relax.
Of all the people to talk to, Nat was the one who truly understood.
Shuri was supportive about the whole thing, of course. Loved and reassured her every step of the way.
But she had all the right reproductive parts.
She didn’t have a childhood filled with trauma and pain.
She didn’t feel like any less of a woman.
Although it didn’t seem like her aunt did, either. They eventually pulled apart, smiling at each other as Emerson wondered if she’d ever be as confident as her aunt was.
She was a woman who had fought her way through life. She was a goddamn survivor. A thriver. She inspired the hell out of Emerson and she was glad she had been brave enough to open up to her.
Emerson reached over, completely forgetting about the tea until this moment, and poured them both a still steaming cup.
Feeling fairly content and rather emotionally exhausted, she opted to ask her aunt about their long term plans for New York.
Which, apparently, was a badass piece of land where they would foster all dogs of all ages. They were only planning on living in the Tower for another few weeks as their house was finished being built. She congratulated them and asked about spare bedrooms for human visitors - when they were interrupted by the sounds of Bucky and Harvey coming back.
Her uncle was sweaty, wispy hair planted to his face with the rest thrown up in a messy bun. He wasn’t panting nearly as loud as their puppy, who made it the whole three steps to his pillow before collapsing into a deep sleep.
“Tired him out, huh?” Nat asked with a smile. Bucky walked around with a smile and stood over the tired pup.
“I think I finally got him, even in my old age,” he said with a wink before walking behind the couch to kiss her aunt. “Don’t mind me, Em. I’m just going to hop in the shower.”
She saw her aunt practically fuck him with her eyes, and took the hint.
“I should get going actually, I call dibs on first tour of your new place!” she called as she threw a wink to the woman who was actually slightly blushing and glaring back at her.
Emerson laughed and thanked her host before heading back to her floor.
And would do her best not to think of her wife. Or how much she fucking missed her.