February 2nd the fourth
Stephen opened his eyes. He saw the ceiling above him. He didn’t feel like getting up. Didn’t have the energy to even talk. All he could think about was his continuous depression and how it got the better of him. The young man let his head fall to the side as he reached for another cigarette. Just as he lit it, the doorbell rang. He stayed silent, pulled the duvet over himself even more. The doorbell rang again and again and transformed into bangs on his door. Stephen just closed his eyes and waited for the noise to stop. Then moments later, his phone started ringing. He couldn’t bother to get up. As it finally went to voicemail and the beep sound pierced through Stephen’s ears, he prepared for another message from some random guy who wanted to sell his shit to him but that didn’t happen.
“Stephen Vincent Strange, I’m in front of your door. And you better open within the next minute because otherwise I’ll break the damn door down. I know you’re in there.”
Josh. Why was he here? The young man got up with a groan and pulled the zipper of his black hoody up to his neck. Stephen walked over to the door and opened it just enough to look outside.
“Please don’t shout at me.”
Josh clearly argued with himself what to do. He bit his lip and clearly counted to ten inside his head. Then the doctor took a deep breath and nodded.
“Please let me in. I worry about you.”
Stephen sheepishly opened the door and stepped to the side.
“Yeah, I- Sorry.”
He kicked some of the trash out of the way while Josh sighed.
“Why didn’t you come to me if you have a problem? Hey, I didn’t tell you that just because I was polite. I meant that, Stephen. Look at you. Look at this mess of a flat.”
The younger looked around in shame. This was just a perfect representation of his life.
“No. Don’t, Stephen, don’t shut me out. Come on, we have to talk. We need to talk.”
Stephen just looked down with his puffy eyes, the cigarette still in his hand.
“Give me that. Come on, you don’t need it.”
Josh held his hand open for the young man give it to him.
“I’m scared, Josh.”
“You’re traumatized. And the way I’m treating you, you might as well call me dad.”
That at least earned him a small chuckle from Stephen.
“I need help.”
“Yes, you do. Do you know what you really need? What you truly, truly need?”
“What?”
“Someone who loves you. Someone who looks after you.”
“Who’d want to look after me? I don’t have anyone anymore.”
Doctor Slippery didn’t waste another moment to pull Stephen protectively into his arms. He started rubbing the young man’s back soothingly.
“I’ll never ever leave you alone with this shit, do you hear me, Stephen? Because I watched you grow up. And I’m so damn proud of you for still being here. But you are in a dead end. And you don’t have much time to turn this around anymore, mate. Look at your home. Look at this. That’s just a reflection of your mind.”
“It’s not my home. I feel horrible here.”
“That’s not the apartment. That’s you not having anyone to be with you. You’re stuck in this tunnel without a light.”
“I do see a light in the darkness of the tunnel.”
“Oh yes?”
“Yes. It’s the light of a train that is racing towards me.”
“Stephen, is that you telling me that you consider ending it?”
When he didn’t get a reply for five seconds, Josh took Stephen’s hand and pulled him out of the flat.
“Come on, you’re coming with me.”
“What? No, Josh, you don’t have to-“
“Dad. Honestly, I’m not your boss. I have never treated you like your boss. And I won’t. Stephen, I can’t watch you die.”
He brought him outside and opened the passenger seat of his car for the young man.
“Come on. Come on, get in.”
Stephen obeyed hesitantly as Josh started the car.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see. And then I’ll bring you to my place. I have a free guest room anyways.”
“You really don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I actually do. Because I care so damn much about you, boy. Like- you have no idea. The way you trusted me when it happened, the way you actually told me this shit and the way your eyes shone when you got interested in medicine more and more killed me. In a good way. I never had a kid because I could never bother to put it over my work. I always thought I had to choose between a child or my job. But you showed me that I didn’t have to do that. And in a weird way, you gave me a gift that I didn’t think I needed so badly but I suddenly had a son. Remember how I took you to the movies and how we carved pumpkins and picked out a Christmas tree for the hospital? Why did we stop that from one day to the other?”
Stephen looked up at Josh with tears rolling down his face.
“Because I thought you just wanted to make sure I recovered. I didn’t think you’d actually care that much.”
“Do you think blowing out Easter eggs was crucial to your recovery? You should hear yourself right now. Of course I fucking care. Stephen, I would have died for you and I still would. You gave me joy on a whole new level and then you become an adult and you think you have to deal with everything alone now? Fuck that shit, Stephen. Fuck that. You will always be my little boy.”
Those word hit on a whole other level. Strange couldn’t even grasp everything Josh had told him in those last minutes and he felt so safe with him here. Josh parked his car in front of the cemetery Stephen’s family was buried in. He took the other’s hand and squeezed it.
“Come on. We’ll light a candle for Donna. And Victor. And your parents. And then we have some fun.”
They didn’t say anything afterwards. Just walked to the entrance of the small church that was located in the middle of the cemetery and got in. Stephen didn’t care about religion. He never had been interested in it nor did he find it appealing to believe in anything science couldn’t explain to him. But every time he entered this building, he felt his sister right next to him. She almost was so vivid in his imagination that he felt like she could take his hand and lead him to the candles himself. Stephen held Josh’s hand in his and after the older doctor squeezed it reassuringly, the young man took a deep breath and walked forward.
He took a match out of the box provided and lit one of the candles. He immediately closed his eyes, feeling the warmth as he held his hands close to the bright flame. Stephen could breathe so freely in this very moment.
“I see you. I always do. Please, big brother, you have to believe. You have to keep fighting.”
Stephen squeezed his eyes shut. That was the sentence Donna had said to him once after he had been crying in his room. She was so young, yet so caring. And now those words manifested in his brain again. In his heart. He sent a quick thought to his parents and Victor, telling them that he loved them and that he missed seeing their faces. Then he opened his eyes and looked behind. Josh stood at the entrance still, smiling reassuringly at the young man. Stephen looked at the candle one last time and walked back to Josh. They got food and went to Josh’s place. Little did he know that he’d live there for a year until his successes in the medical field would become so huge that he’d lead a whole unit and little time later, the whole hospital. He’d soon be the most talked about doctor and best neurosurgeon in the whole world but all that was only possible because Josh came to him that day, brought him to the church, got him a room, watched Titanic with him and tucked him in once it got dark outside.
Stephen still sometimes felt that forehead kiss the older doctor had given him once he was half asleep. Josh had saved Stephen’s life a thousand times. And each time, Stephen saw him more and more like his dad. More and more like family.
The sun shone through the window again. As it did every day. The sun does that. Shine and shine and shine. Because it has no alternative. And Stephen woke up again. Because he had no alternative either. His hand immediately moved to his chest. The moment he felt the Eye of Agomatto was the moment his heart broke a little. Carefully he looked to the side and saw nothing. No Tony. Stephen thought back to his dream. He’d changed. He’d become so much more work oriented. Josh was always there for him when he fell and all of the sudden, Stephen was so in his own world of success and money that he had lost track of everything else. He got up, brushed his teeth, showered, blindly removed the sticky note Christine had left for him and got to his car. He was quiet when he drove to the hospital. He’d turned off the radio. To think. Once the doctor’s car was parked, he got out and walked to the entrance determinately. He opened the door and quickly walked up to Josh.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Stephen”, the older smiled at him.
“I-“
Stephen didn’t even have words. He just pulled Josh into a tight hug. The doctor was a bit taken by surprise but quickly held Stephen, caressing his back.
“What happened?”
“Nothing. I- I just miss you.”
Josh had to smile widely.
“I miss you too.”
He caressed the back of Stephen’s head.
“Boy, you look different. And you behave different too. You sure nothing’s wrong?”
The younger shook his head.
“It’s okay. It’s all fine. I just felt like telling you how amazing you are, dad.”
“Christ.”
Josh’s eyes started to get watery.
“It’s been a while since you called me dad.”
“I know. I know that but I- You’re just honestly one of the best people I’ve ever seen and I owe you the world.”
He pulled away and looked at the older man.
“You should work with young people, you know that?”
“Well, I always wanted to teach medicine. But I don’t have the connections to do so. Or the money to get my degree to teach.”
Stephen nodded. He noted that right next to the information of Christine preferring wine.
“One day you’ll be the best teacher these students and trainees will ever have.”
Josh smiled.
“Thanks, boy. I hope that I might get my shot at it sometime.”
He smiled at Stephen one more time before handing him his coat.
“Want to help?”
“Yes. I already know the plan by now, go back to your patients”, Stephen said, putting on the coat.
He walked over to his station where he saw Christine leaving her break.
“Chris-“
She turned and saw him.
“Hey, Stephen! I gotta go back. Can we talk later?”
He nodded.
“Sure, I’ll meet you at the kids station.”
Doctor Palmer smiled widely and jogged to the other unit. Stephen knocked at the first door.
“Hello. Maria, isn’t it? It’s a pleasure seeing you again.”
He offered his hand which she took with a smile.
“Yes, hello doctor.”
He smiled at her.
“You look much better. I’m so glad to see you like this.”
“Thank you, doctor. And thank you for yesterday. I couldn’t have survived this without you.”
“Oh Maria, you don’t have to thank me for that. You are a precious and valued human being and each and every doctor in this hospital is determined to help people like you because you deserve it.”
“Bless you”, Maria said in a calm and loving voice.
“Are you a strong believer in god?”
She nodded.
“Yes. I am very close to god. I pray whenever bad things happen. Because- sometimes it gives me enough hope to push through further and further.”
Stephen nodded.
“Are you a believer?”
He shook his head.
“Not really. Unfortunately. I’ve never been in contact with religion. But- I went to the church a couple of times to light a candle for my sister who passed away when I was still a teen.”
Maria looked at him sadly and then held her hand open for him.
“Do you want to send a quick prayer to her?”
He looked at her hand for a few seconds before taking it. Stephen kneeled down next to her hospital bed as the woman closed her eyes and squeezed his hand. He closed his eyes as well, concentrating on the warmth she projected.
“What was her name?”
“Donna.”
“Dear father, I am asking you to look after one of your angels for me. Please protect Donna up there. May she have a peaceful existence without suffering and pain. May she one day be with her whole family again. That is all I want to ask you for today. Thank you for taking care of her and giving her a place in heaven, your place of love and freedom. Amen.”
Stephen couldn’t help but get touched by the words his patient sent out. And by the thought of Donna looking down at them right now. He opened his eyes shortly after and smiled at Maria.
“Thank you. That meant a lot.”
He showed her the red button and walked to the door.
“Always remember, Maria, that there is a purpose. There always is one. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He closed the door behind him and wiped over his eyes. Stephen continued his work, going to the other patients. He learned a lot more about them than he had last time. Once he reached the kids station again, he walked right over to Chris who stood there with the book, reading it to the children. The youngsters turned at she stopped an looked at Stephen. He walked over to her with a smile.
“You have to do the voices.”
She grinned.
“You are Thomas, right?”
Stephen asked the young boy who’d approached him the last times.
“Yes. Yes, that’s me”, he said with a smile and shook Stephen’s hand.
“Okay. Thomas is the Prince. Now I need a princess.”
The little girl, Molly, looked at him with shining eyes. He walked over to her.
“Molly, isn’t it?” She nodded.
“Do you want to be the princess?”
“Yes!”
She took his hand and followed him.
“Alright. Doctor Palmer is the fairy, I’m the dragon.”
The other kids laughed.
“Okay, okay. Now I’m gonna show the fairy here, how to read a book properly. Are all the actors ready?”
Thomas, Molly and Christine nodded.
“Good. So. Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a beautiful Princess named Molly. She was so beautiful that everyone in the kingdom was jealous of her. Mostly her evil Step mother. Go to your room, Molly! I am the most beautiful woman here and it will stay this way!”, Stephen read in a high pitched, dramatic voice.
The kids laughed out loud at that, clapping as Molly turned around in her invisible dress.
“But Princess Molly was very smart. And very caring and lovely. She looked after the animals living in their garden which was hidden far away from the capital. Somewhere in the woods. And one day, she fed a shy, little fawn. As soon as she did, the fawn turned into a gorgeous fairy. She was flying towards Princess Molly with her magic wand.”
Stephen reached into his coat pocket for a tongue depressor and handed it to Christine.
“Your wand.”
She took it from him with a giggle.
“The fairy told the Princess that she would help her escape her prison in the woods. She used her magic to transform the old dress of the girl into a beautiful new one.”
Christine touched the girls head with her wand.
“Good.”
Stephen put the book under his armpit and put his hands around Chris’ waist.
“Then the fairy flew away.”
He quickly lifted her up and put her back to the ground on his other side. The kids clapped with joy when he did it.
“Right.”
Christine giggled next to him and even the doctor himself couldn’t suppress a small laugh.
“When the fairy left, someone else appeared in her place. It was Prince Thomas. And he immediately fell on his knee in front of her when he saw the Princess' beauty.”
Thomas did as Stephen said and grinned up at a blushing Molly.
“Oh, dear Princess, he said, I have only ever heard of you but now that I lay eyes on you, I wish I could take you to the castle with me and make you my wife. Then he pulled out a ring-“
The doctor searched his coat pocked and pulled out a paperclip that he quickly formed to a circle.
“That- will have to do, Thomas.”
The boy took it quickly and held it up to Molly.
“Just as the Princess wanted to accept the offer, the evil dragon was sent by the evil stepmother who had found out about the fairy and the Prince. The dragon took Princess Molly and quickly flew away with her.”
Stephen lifted Molly up and held her in his arms.
“The Prince quickly got onto his horse and followed the dragon.”
Thomas jumped in a circle around Stephen.
“He knew he couldn’t fight the dragon on his own, so he got all the people from the town to follow him.”
Stephen nodded towards the group of kids that listened to the story. Thomas waved at them and they quickly followed him, jumping around Stephen as well.
“Who are you”, he said in a dangerous dragon voice.
“The Princess is mine and mine alone. What do you think you little people can do against me?”
“Let go of Princess Molly!”, Thomas said with a smile.
“I am Prince Thomas and I am here to help her!”
“Oh, are you?”, Stephen looked down at him with a grimace.
"You will never win against me.”
Christine stood next to Thomas quickly.
“Here, Prince Thomas.”
She handed him another tongue depressor.
“This is a magical sword that I want to give you. It shall help you in the fight against the evil dragon and free Princess Molly.”
Thomas took it and held it up to Stephen.
“Fear my magic sword!”
“Oh no!”
Stephen backed off a few steps.
“That can’t be true.”
The other kids held him in place as Thomas approached him with his sword and poked him in the belly with it.
“No!”, Stephen whined as he sunk to the ground, putting Molly beside him.
Christine laughed in the background, seeing the other kids holding him in place, so that the Princess and Prince could get together.
“And they lived happily ever after”, Chris finished and helped Stephen up.
The children were clapping and laughing. Molly came up to the doctor.
“Will you read us stories again, doctor Strange?”
He looked at her a bit lost but all the kids had big, shimmering eyes and a smile on their faces. So he just nodded.
“Yes, of course. But next time doctor Palmer is the Princess and I am the Prince.”
Chris turned to him.
“Oh, don’t the Prince and Princess have something to do now?”
“Yes. The Prince and the Princess have a very important ball to attend. We’ll be back, kids, take care.”
Christine and Stephen waved at the laughing, cheering children. Once they had reached the exit and Stephen opened the door for Christine, she crossed her arms and stared at him in disbelief.
“Who are you and where is doctor Strange?”
“Oh, come on, I can be fun.”
“No.”
“Okay, fine, I don’t show it. It was nice. You know? Making them smile.”
She just nodded and walked outside, taking his hand as she did.
“We’ll have to hurry.”
“Yeah, I’ll drive you. I will just get my suit and then drive to your place.”
The woman nodded and happily got into Stephen’s car. He took his suit and tie and walked back to the car, putting it on the backseat.
“Let’s get ready to see the actual dragon.”
Chris chuckled and turned her eyes.
“He’s not that bad.”
“No, he isn’t.”
They drove to doctor Palmer’s place and got inside. They both changed and Stephen again put the necklace onto Christine who as always was very happy about her present. The car ride was fun as always as well and he didn’t even mind the photographers anymore. As soon as they were in, he ordered Christine a glass of wine and two whiskeys. He’d learned.
“Oh, thank you. Just what I needed”, Christine said.
“Yeah, I hoped so.”
He looked towards Tony who made eye contact with him too. Stephen smiled at him.
“You flirting?”
“You know what? Yeah, maybe.”
She turned her head and watched Tony approach.
“Funny.”
“I am a funny guy.”
She chuckled as Tony came over with as smile.
“Good to see you, Mister Stark.”
“It is completely my pleasure, doctor.”
“This is doctor Palmer, my wonderful colleague and friend.”
She smiled at Tony and shook his hand.
“Yes, I’ve heard of the infamous Christine Palmer. I have to say, you look breathtaking.”
She giggled.
“Thank you , that is very nice. It’s a beautiful place here.”
“Well, it is a place that a hero deserves.”
Tony’s eyes met Stephen’s when he said that.
“Thank you. I love it. It’s very much a comforting home to me.”
Stephen nodded at him. He got it. This was Stark’s little place. His own world.
“I’m glad you found it then.”
Strange handed Tony one of the whiskeys with a wink.
“Are you some kind of wizard knowing what I just needed?”
The doctor smirked.
“In a way you could maybe say that, yes.”
Christine looked at the way her friend’s eyes were focused on Tony’s and smiled.
“Excuse me, I will have to use the bathroom for a minute.”
She said before she left. Stark looked after her.
“You hit the jackpot.”
“She is a brilliant woman. Could easily become as good as me.”
Tony smiled at him with a bit of- sadness?
“Can’t wait for those mastermind kids.”
“Christine will one day find a husband to give her average children who will grow up with a better name than Strange. I prefer that for her.”
“You aren’t a couple?”
“No. Never have been. I’m more of her gay friend.”
Why not try being direct? Last time he checked Stark was rather glad about Stephen’s preferences.
“Oh. Oh- Yeah, sure. Good for you.”
The billionaire smiled widely at him and patted his shoulder while biting his lip.
“Something wrong with your lip?”
“No- no, I just all of the sudden found you even more interesting.”
“Yes, I am aware.”
Stark chuckled.
“Of course you are. You must be a master in body language.”
“That too, yes.”
“Hey- how about we get these awards over with and then we talk some more?”
“Sounds like a plan, yes”, Stephen nodded and they walked to their spots.
He leaned back. This day had to end. It seriously had to. He once again got his award, thanked Chris and Josh and walked off the stage. Music, dancing, giving Christine the keys to the car, coming out to her- it became old now.
When Tony saw him, he walked to him immediately.
“Hey, there you are.”
“Well deduced, Sherlock.”
“The game is afoot, isn’t it?”
“Is that code?”
Tony raised a brow in amusement.
“Sure. Yeah. That’s code. Wanna UMQRA?”
“You’re straight up asking me? Not even trying to be romantic or any of that shit? Your plan is to directly ask me to have sex with you?”
“Yes, doctor. Do you concur?”
Strange sighed and waited for Tony to say goodbye to the guests. He this time gave Pepper a thumbs up as well and followed Tony through the door. He instantly turned to his right where Tony was leaning again.
“Wanna go?”
Stark smiled.
“Yeah, come on.”
And even though it had only been a day, Stephen had missed this touch so much. This gentle, somewhat caring sensation. Tony was someone who made Stephen for once not crave to dominate a situation. To be in control of everything all the time. Instead the doctor just followed the billionaire to the bedroom and felt so content. This just- was it. Tony Stark. He was the one.
“Hey, you okay? You seem- distant.”
“What? Yeah. I was just lost in thoughts.”
“What were you thinking about?”
Tony sat down on the bed and pulled Stephen with him. They sat there, smiling at each other.
“Have you ever thought about being with someone? Seriously? Not just these adventurous nights?”
“Yes. Yeah, I have. I tried it with my assistant Pepper. That was- a horrible idea. But Pepper is like Christine I think. They just know better than we do.”
Stephen nodded instantly.
“Oh, yes. Women in general are thinking on another level than us.”
Stark snorted.
“They just are the wiser ones. Anyway, why are you asking?”
“Out of pure interest, you know? Would you ever try it again?”
Tony looked at him with a soft gaze.
“With the right person, yes. I am a playboy and I’m not denying it but maybe I’m a playboy because I’m searching for someone.”
“Right. Sounds logical. What are you looking for then? In your partner.”
“Besides great sex? Someone who supports me. Who can mentally keep up with me. Who understands me. A person who shows interest and who can keep up a conversation. I want an independent partner. Someone who has a plan in life. But also someone who will give up control from time to time. I want to take care of someone. Be there for them, you know? I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve seen so much shit as Ironman, I just want to see my partner feeling better because of me. Forget their struggles for a bit each day or feel better after telling me.”
Stephen nodded understandingly.
“Good.”
He looked down.
“And what would a perfect first date look like to you?”
Tony laughed.
“You are terribly cute right now. I hope you know that. Well, I’m simpler than you’d think. I love the stars. Always have. Even as a kid I’d spend night after night just stargazing. Walking without a real destination and watching the stars. Maybe with some nice music or something. I just want to go home with someone one day and have them fall asleep in my arms. Just that. The emotional connection beyond sex and lust.”
The doctor looked at him and swallowed hard.
“That’s very useful information.”
Tony smiled genuinely.
“You’re good company. Just so you are aware.”
“You are too”, Stephen nodded.
After a moment of silence in which they just let their eyes do the talking, Tony leaned forward and kissed Stephen. It felt- even more meaningful than the first time he’d done it. Stephen let Stark take control. Because he knew that he’d be taken care of. Tony was unbelievably tender with him. His hands seemed to explore more of the doctor’s body than the first time. They seemed to communicate more. Tony was more direct in his reassuring words towards Stephen. The orgasm was so much to handle. It just wasn’t only a physical release. It was an emotional bond beyond anything Stephen had experienced before. He understood now, why Tony was the way he was. Why he couldn’t keep a partner. Why he was dominant. It all made so much sense now. He felt the moment his lover pulled out again. But a tender hand was immediately on his chest, caressing it. Stark got some wipes for them and cleaned Stephen’s abdomen. He folded the clothes again while smiling at the still recovering doctor with so much adoration.
When Tony came back to bed, he quickly pulled the duvet up over them and lay down next to Stephen. The doctor turned and put an arm around Tony’s chest. The man was confused first. Normally it was sex and then sleep. But Stephen cared. So Stark lovingly put his arm around the doctor and pulled him close, giving him a goodnight kiss onto his forehead.
“Goodnight, Stephen.”
"Goodnight, Tony. See you tomorrow."