February 2nd the fifth
Stephen opened his eyes again, hand automatically moving to his chest. When he felt the cold metal of the Eye of Agomatto, he nodded to himself. This room was horribly quiet. His entire flat was. The doctor looked around with sad eyes. How could something feel like home when it just was nothing but show? How could luxury make you happy if it was the only thing you had? For a few minutes he just lay there, debating whether to get up or stay in bed. But he couldn’t just stay here. Not if he wanted to break out of this.
He looked into the mirror, seeing a reflection of someone he didn’t want to be anymore. Stephen grabbed his jacket and got into his car. He drove towards the hospital but then took a turn and drove away from it and towards his old university. Strange remembered the road so well. As soon as he got out of the main part of the city, he saw more trees, more green, more friendly houses and small gardens. He didn’t stop, didn’t think about it. His university was in sight already. So often had Josh picked him up on Fridays to do stupid things after a week of exams and lectures. The doctor had to smile at the memory.
He passed by and decided to keep going. Going and going and going. Further away from the busy streets of New York and further away from his coping mechanism. Maybe he really was worsening everything by staying there. He kept driving without looking back once until he reached regions that he hadn’t ever seen. Small sidewalks and empty streets with fields of gold and a sky of blue with fluffy clouds forming on the otherwise sunny picture the horizon painted. Stephen drove slower, turning his head from side to side. Kids were happily laughing outside on swings. They still played hide and seek and drew onto the ground with colorful chalks here. He saw their parents sitting on a bench nearby, looking after them. A tear rolled down his cheek. How must it feel like to have a childhood without pain?
He kept driving until he reached areas that he was more familiar with. Houses he knew. People he’d seen ages ago. He had to keep going. He had to get away from it all. And then the radio quietly caught his attention. Drive me home country roads, to the place I belong. Yes. Exactly. This was home. This was it, not some designer flat on top of designer flats that every month had to get the newest technology. He didn’t need hundreds of tailored suits and a watch to go with each one of them. He didn’t need an automatic refrigerator and a car that cost more than some houses here did.
Stephen eventually parked somewhere in nowhere and got out. He felt the grass underneath his feet again. Heard the river make its way through this place. The doctor closed his eyes and just listened. Birds in the air, insects on the ground, wind blowing through the branches of old trees that had seen history. That lived through eternities. Yet what is an eternity? For the first time in years, Stephen was conscious of the fact of how unimportant the human species was in history. Only because we think we are above it all, we are still just a split second looking in the existence of the universe. We won’t change it. We can only change ourselves. Maybe the lives of the people around us. But we don’t have to always go faster, bigger, brighter. Because in the end, we’re just a short side note somewhere in the books of history.
The corners of Stephen’s mouth formed a smile as he opened his eyes again. The sun was warming him. And he was thankful. Thankful for the little things. Because he couldn’t change his past but he could change his future. In that moment, he realized that the circle he was stuck in might not be a punishment, it might be the best thing that ever happened to him. Because somehow, he accepted that- it was not about him. That , yes, there is things that don’t make sense and that don’t have to make sense. That there is things he couldn’t possibly fathom at this point in time. Because he didn’t have to. That is just human. To not understand things. Because life’s reason is not to understand how it works without having lived it. What was it worth to understand the entire human body and how it worked if he never listened to its needs? What was it worth to understand how emotion builds, how it affects people and how to control it if he never let it hit him with full force? How could he distance himself from love if he didn’t even know what it was? How arrogant was it to suppress feelings that he clearly was meant to have by a higher power? How stupid was the human species for thinking everything was about them? And that they were above everything?
Stephen looked to the ground for a minute before he got back into his car. He felt less and less connection to himself as he got closer to New York by the second. It took him longer than expected to return and by the time he reached his flat and looked at his phone, Strange saw the seven missed calls from Christine. With a sigh, he called her back.
“Stephen? You okay?”, she immediately asked as she picked up.
“Yes. Yeah, sorry.”
“No, it’s okay, I was just- worried. After you didn’t show up to work and all.”
“It’s my day off.”
“And when has that ever stopped you?”
“Good point”, he agreed with a smile.
“Do you still want to go?”
“Well- want would be too strong of a word. But yes, I’d still go there for you.”
Strange had to laugh.
“Thank you. I’ll be right there.”
The doctor quickly put on another pair of trousers and his suit jacket before heading out to the car. Christine already waited for him and she looked beautiful as always. Not like his Chris with all the makeup and more tools in her hair than he used during an operation but she was an angel.
“Hey.”
The young woman walked towards him.
“Hi, Chris. Sorry that I’m late.”
“No, no. Don’t worry. It’s not my award”, she chuckled.
“Besides, I’m glad for any second less we have to spend with these people.”
Stephen took her hand and led her to the passenger seat, closing the door behind her. They drove to the mansion as always, unfortunately a bit late for their song. That didn’t stop them from having mad fun though. Once they passed the press and got inside, they stood right next to Tony.
“Doctor.”
The billionaire held his hand out to his new guest instantly.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come. And you must be the infamous Christine Palmer. Pleasure meeting you.”
Christine shook Stark’s hand, pleasantly surprised.
“It’s lovely meeting you. And- you know how doctors are. We unfortunately can’t just leave our patients to attend a party without making sure they are safe.”
Tony nodded with a smile and looked back at Strange. The doctor was smiling back innocently at him.
“Do you want to grab a drink?”, Stark asked, leading the two to the bar with a light touch on Stephen’s shoulder blade.
Christine ordered herself a glass of wine and Tony got two whiskeys for Stephen and him.
“Cheers”, he said with a grin.
They shared a moment of silence, as the awards were about to start.
“Well, I’ll see you after the show hopefully.”
Tony smiled at them one last time and walked to his spot.
“He’s- so nice”, Chris said in amazement.
“Why isn’t he a- you know-“
“Complete shithead with zero IQ and the urge to tell you the length of his dick? Because not all the press says is true, Chris. He’s not like that.”
“Wait. You were the one telling me you’d rather shoot yourself in the head than spend more than 15 minutes in one room with that man.”
Stephen shrugged and nodded.
“Because I’m an idiot too sometimes.”
The woman’s mouth fell open.
“Can you say that again and do you mind me filming it?”
“Just- come and sit down.”
He led her to their table with a loving smile. Once it was his turn to get his award, he already knew this wouldn’t be the last time he’d go through all of this. Why would it be? He was stuck here. All he could do was trying to make the best of it. When he walked up the stage and accepted his award, he turned to the crowd.
“Thank you. And there was a point in time where I’d have been absolutely honored to receive this. But to be quite frank, I don’t give a damn about it anymore. Because the people giving out these-“, he gestured to the award, “-are arrogant, self-righteous, idiotic bastards without any remorse. To say it in the words of my colleague Josh who would deserve this award a billion times more than me, the shit given about the general public by the rich cowards is equally as big as their shoe size. And we all know what that correlates with. There is only a handful of people in this room who don’t deserve massive ass kicking. And someone had to tell you.”
Tony had the biggest grin on his face. He was expecting a lot, but not this. Stephen just left his award behind and walked back to Chris.
“What the hell was that?”, she asked with big eyes.
“That was a fucking awesome feeling, that’s what it was. You have no idea how often I wanted to do that.”
Tony walked over to him as the music in the background started playing and a somewhat shocked crowed moved to the dance floor.
“Damn. I had the wrong picture of you, doctor.”
“Stephen.”
The man smiled at him and nodded.
“Stephen. Please, I’m begging you on my precious knees, tell me if I’m one of the rare exceptions.”
“Well, what do I get if I tell you that you are?”, the doctor asked with a smirk.
Tony was visibly more and more shocked about how little his perception of Strange matched his actual being.
“Well- honestly? All you want.”
He leaned against the wall next to them. Christine had lost her shit by now, just staring at the play in front of her eyes.
“Well- that’s a party. I’m gonna- What- Steph?”
Stephen turned to her in sympathy and gave her the keys to his car.
“Thanks for coming, Chris. Honestly. It was an honor.”
She took the keys and nodded.
“Yeah, sure, yeah, yes. Fun. Uhm- See you?”
He gave her a kiss onto the cheek.
“Yeah. Tomorrow.”
Chris just quickly checked Stephen’s forehead for any indicators of high temperature but there was no sign of him having a- stroke or heart attack or fiver or any brain damage. He just was Stephen. That was her conclusion as she left.
“You are really going to just spend the night with a stranger?”
“You’re hardly a stranger to me anymore.”
“Am I not?”
“No. I’ve spent this night with you before.”
“Sure. Yeah. Was I conscious?”
“You couldn’t possibly understand. It’s fine.”
“Okay. I had sex with people I had more confusing conversations with before.”
“Yeah, I believe that sadly.”
Stark bit his lip. He had expected a lot from this night but nothing of that sort.
“How would you describe yourself in bed?”
“Oh, that depends on the partner. Tonight I feel a bit like a bratty bottom.”
“Damn. Let me- We’ll leave shortly”, the billionaire said at that more than pleased.
They both spent a bit more time in the room. Tony engaging with the guests and Stephen staying out of everyone’s sight with a grin. He decided to eventually go further towards the door he’d disappear through with Tony in a few minutes and waited patiently. As Tony said goodnight to everyone and discreetly walked over, he shook his head.
“How do you know where to go?”
“I told you I spent this night with you before.”
“Okay- fine”, Stark said and just took Stephen’s hand.
“Well, I’ll try and make it a new experience for you then.”
“I wasn’t complaining about it.”
“Okay. I’m like- do you tell me that you think about me while masturbating because that’s incredibly hot.”
“What- Oh. No, that’s not what I meant with- Well, let’s just say yes and roll with it.”
Tony grinned and led Stephen to the bedroom, he immediately pushed him onto the bed.
“Bratty bottom, huh?”
“Yeah, I’ll tell you if you can’t do it right.”
Stark took off his shirt and tossed it onto the floor.
“If you don’t want to get punished, you keep your mouth shut except for screaming my name.”
“No”, Stephen smirked. “I want to know things.”
Stark lovingly moved his hands under the doctor’s shirt to caress his sides.
“Like?”
“Like- what’s your favorite food?”
“Seriously? Are you seriously asking?”
“Yes. And I need a serious answer.”
“Well, I’m in general a foodie. But what I always like is my good old cheeseburger. Do I get to take this off for my quick answer?”
The man pulled slightly at Strange’s shirt.
“Yes. You get to take one off for every answer.”
“Oh, in that case I like the game”, Tony grinned and took Stephen’s shirt off, letting it fall to the ground next to his own.
“What else do you want to know?”
“Do you ever want to have kids?”
“Well- yeah. In a way, yes. I’d honestly just- You know about the Ironman thing, right?”
Stephen nodded.
“Yeah, well, I work with the kid. Peter. Spiderboy.”
“Spiderman?”
“No, the child in the onsie.”
“Fair enough.”
“Yes. I really like him. He always comes to me for advice and all. What can I say, that little crime fighting spider almost is my boy.”
“I see”, Stephen smiled warmly as Tony opened his trousers.
“Off they go.”
He pulled them off the doctor and took his own off as well.
“Keep asking.”
“Good body or good intellect.”
“Look at you, you serve me both.”
“Yeah, I know, but if you had to decide.”
“Body helps to make me get you into bed but intellect is the turn on. Like- literature, history, science, whatever it is. Just be smart.”
That surprised Stephen a bit.
“Literature? History?”
“Yeah, I like poetry and these things. And don’t look at me like that, I have a heart too.”
“Yes. Well. Somewhere.”
Stark turned his eyes and slowly reached under the rim of Stephen’s pants.
“Does that answer your question?”
“Favorite poet?”
“John Keats”, Tony answered, pulling at the other’s pants.
He got naked as well and got properly between Stephen’s legs.
“If-“, Stephen moaned out as Tony was pressed against him.
“If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
Tony had to smile.
“Back in black. You know it? It has the rhythm of me pounding into you.”
“I hope not.”
“Watch me.”
Stephen let out a small moan and bit his lip as Tony inserted the first finger.
“Okay. Fine. Favorite color is red I assume?”
“Good boy. Any other questions?”
"Not that I can think of, no.”
Stark shook his head lovingly.
“You’re something else. A bratty bottom for sure.”
He leaned down to kiss the doctor passionately as he opened Stephen wider being careful as ever.
“Now let go and let me do the work.”
Tony left a trail of kisses down Stephen’s body.
“You’re gorgeous.”
He said as he came back up and reached in the drawer next to them, getting out a condom.
“You tell me what feels good, yeah?”
The doctor nodded and closed his eyes, breathing heavily as Tony entered.
“You good?”
“Yes.”
The billionaire started up with slow movements until he got in and out easier. He only sped up when he was sure it’d be enjoyable for Stephen. They continued like this, not stopping to kiss until they both felt how ridiculously close they were.
“O- fuck- Okay. One- Once last question.”
“Yes?”, Tony asked while moving quickly.
“City or small town?”
Tony let out a few shaky breaths as he pounded into Stephen before leaning his upper body down to whisper into his ear.
“Anywhere you are.”
That was enough to push the doctor over the edge again. Those words meant the world to him. That there was someone who’d follow him because they loved him. Tony came shortly after, collapsing next to Stephen. He pulled him into his arms until they both calmed down.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good. Very good”, Strange answered.
“I’ll clean you up, stay there.”
Tony got up with a smile and brought back a towel, softly and carefully wiping Stephen clean before folding it and continuing with wiping over his own chest a couple of times. He put the towel to the side and picked the clothes up from the floor, getting back into bed. He bit his lip, uncertain of what to do now and it almost killed Stephen. He moved closer, cuddling up into Tony.
“Do you know what really- makes me so sad?”
Tony looked down at the figure in his arms with a frown.
“What?”
“That I’ll wake up in the morning and you’ll not be there.”
“I’ll be there. I’ll be there for you, Stephen. I like you a lot, I’m not gonna send you away.”
“No, I know. It’s okay. It’s just what always happens.”
“Explain this to me. I- What do you mean?”
“Tony, I re-live this day again and again and again and I can’t get out of it. I’ve been here with you before. More than once. And every single time I woke up, I was back in my flat and it was February 2nd. And I was alone and whenever I met you at the party again, you didn’t remember anything.”
Stark couldn’t do much but stare at him.
“Stephen, I’m here. I honestly have the feeling that you have to sleep. I really do. I’ll look after you.”
The doctor nodded and closed his eyes.
“Yeah, thank you, Tony.”
He eventually drifted off when Tony started rocking him slightly, kissing his forehead a few times. It was heartbreaking to lose contact with reality again. Knowing what the next morning would bring.