Chapter 16
The ride back to the tower was mostly made in silence, with Celia staring blankly out her window. Steve shot a quick text to Bruce, alerting him to their impending arrival to the tower and giving him a brief rundown of the situation. Bruce responded with orders to meet him in his lab, that he had a few ideas he wanted to test out. Steve sighed, leaning back and looking out his own window. He was glad the cab driver wasn’t one of the more chatty ones. Small talk was kind of hard when you were worried about referencing something that hadn’t existed for decades.
Relief and worry were warring in his brain. He was glad that Celia had agreed to come back to the tower with him, no matter how long she planned to, but he was worried about her inability to sleep. Steve had seen his need for less sleep as a good side effect of the serum, helping him during long battles. Sure, it could get a little boring when everyone else was asleep and he was wide awake and alone, but he found ways to occupy himself pretty easily, especially now when he had so much to catch up on. But the idea of never sleeping again was terrifying. It was such an important part of life that the idea of it suddenly going away was inconceivable. He was impressed Celia was keeping it together as well as she had been.
Steve heard Celia stifle a yawn, rubbing her fists into her eyes. He winced in sympathy, feeling awkward again. He wanted to do something to try to comfort her, but he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t really hug her in this position, even though it seemed to help her before. Throwing caution to the wind, he unclipped his seatbelt and scooted into the middle seat, securing himself next to Celia. He hesitantly slid his arm over her shoulders, pulling her to rest against his side. She tensed up a bit at first, before relaxing into his grip, resting her head on his shoulder.
“You’re gonna make me fall asleep,” Celia murmured, burrowing deeper into his side with a sigh. Steve rubbed his hand up and down her arm, keeping watch to make sure her heavy blinks didn’t become too sluggish. He wanted to give her a chance to rest, but couldn’t risk her jolting awake in front of the cabbie.
“Almost there,” he soothed, glaring at the typical New York traffic that was in front of them. He could’ve run with Celia on his back to the tower faster than the cab was getting them there, but he didn’t think anyone would enjoy that stunt. They finally pulled up to the tower, Celia stretching and rolling her neck while Steve grabbed her bag out of the trunk. He gestured toward the tower, leading the way to the door when Celia’s hand on his arm stopped him.
“Wait.”
“I think I can handle carrying your bag this time,” Steve chuckled, holding it from her reach. She wasn’t grabbing for it though, wringing her hands and staring at the ground instead.
“It’s not that,” Celia sighed, walking over to the outside of the building, out of the way of pedestrians. Steve hesitantly followed, worried Celia had changed her mind about staying in the tower. “I wanted to say something before we went in, while we still have a moment alone.”
“Okay, sure.”
“I wanted to say thank you.”
“Thank you? For what?”
“You didn’t have to be so nice to me or stand up for me against your team when I was being so secretive. I appreciate everything you’ve done and want you to know that whatever happens, I don’t blame you.”
Steve glanced away, hoping to hide the guilt in his eyes that was still eating away at him. He took every failure so hard because he was supposed to be better than that. Captain America wasn’t meant to make mistakes, but that didn’t stop Steve Rogers from making them.
“And I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to stick around me-”
“I’m not! I mean, I don’t. I don’t feel obligated to stay with you, I just want to. Before everything happened, I was having a nice time talking to you. You didn’t treat me differently like most people do, even though you knew who I was. Even if all this hadn’t happened, I would’ve liked to get to know you.”
“Me too,” Celia said quietly, looking up at him with a small smile. He returned it, reaching a hand out for her to take. She grabbed it and he gave her hand a quick squeeze, pulling her through the doors. They walked through the lobby to the private elevator, dodging the bustle of the people flitting about. Jarvis had the doors open and waiting for them, Celia’s steps only faltering slightly as they entered the elevator.
“Bruce’s lab please, Jarvis,” Steve commanded. He looked down at their still joined hands, feeling less awkward than he thought he would. Holding hands with a friend wasn’t weird, was it? The elevator suddenly started slowing sooner than it should, making Steve glance around in confusion. “Jarvis?” The elevator came to a stop, the doors opening to reveal a smug looking Tony Stark.
“Back so soon?” he quipped, stepping onto the elevator with them. He strode into the middle of the car, breaking Steve and Celia apart. Steve rolled his eyes at Tony’s behavior.
“We were just on our way to see Bruce, so if you don’t mind-”
“All in good time Cap,” Tony said, cutting him off. He turned to face Celia, ever present tablet in his hand. “I still haven’t decided what floor to put you on, but I drew up some early blueprints of what we could do to some existing floors.”
“What are you talking about?” Celia asked, staring at Tony in bewilderment. Steve grimaced, avoiding making eye contact with either of them. He hadn’t brought up Tony’s idea of a personal floor for Celia because he didn’t want to overwhelm her. That was something to ease her into once she considered the option of moving in permanently. But leave it to Tony to come in guns blazing.
“Our dear Captain was supposed to have gone over this with you. I assumed the fact that you came back so willingly was a sign he had and you agreed with the idea. Clearly, I am mistaken,” Tony muttered, turning to face Steve in the small car. Steve opened his mouth to defend himself when Celia cut in.
“Can we deal with this another time please?” Celia proposed, leaning against the side of the elevator before jerking back up and eyeing it warily. It didn’t seem like she was going to forget about what Jarvis could do anytime soon. “If we can figure out a way for me to sleep, I’ll sleep anywhere.”
“So that’s why you’re meeting with Bruce,” Tony noted with a nod. “Continue on Jarvis.” The elevator slowly started to rise again, Tony looking between Steve and Celia with a calculating look on his face. Steve kept his face neutral, not in the mood for whatever Tony was thinking about doing. Celia stood to the side, careful to not let any part of her body touch the walls of the car. The doors opened again to the floor of Bruce’s lab and Steve and Celia stepped out, leaving Tony behind. Celia stopped the doors from closing and turned back toward Tony.
“I just wanted to thank you for offering a place to stay. I know you didn’t have to do that and it really means a lot,” Celia said sincerely.
“Yeah, well. I have the room, so it isn’t that big of a deal. And I need Cap on his A game at all times, so he can’t be worried about you being so far away,” Tony brushed off, in his own special way of saying you’re welcome. “My floor Jarvis.” Celia stepped back, letting the doors close and take Tony away.
“My own floor huh?” Celia questioned, spinning to face him. Steve smiled guiltily, gripping the handle of her bag tightly.
“I didn’t want to overwhelm you, with everything else. I’m still getting used to having my own floor to be honest. I’m sorry, I don’t want you to think I’m trying to hide anything from you,” Steve apologized, hoping he didn’t ruin their budding friendship.
“I understand,” Celia sighed, walking over to put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure the whole thing was kind of thrust on you anyways. Just tell me next time, okay? I’d rather hear it from you than from Tony.” Steve nodded, relieved she wasn’t angry at him. They entered Bruce’s lab together, side by side, Bruce sitting at a table making notes.
“Hey Bruce,” Steve greeted, setting Celia’s bag on a stool near the door. Bruce waved them over, jotting a few more things down before turning to face them.
“Hey guys, glad you’re back. Although, I wish the circumstances were better,” Bruce said, gesturing for them to sit on a couch he had in the back of the room. “I have some stuff set up back here for an experiment I want to run, if that’s alright.”
“Any knives involved this time?” Celia asked, sinking gratefully into the soft cushions.
“It was a scalpel and no,” Bruce answered with a chuckle. Steve glanced between the two of them, startled by where the conversation had led.
“You cut her?” Steve questioned, turning shocked eyes to the normally placid scientist. Bruce put his hands up defensively, backing up a step.
“It was for an experiment Steve, it’s all good,” Celia laughed, rolling her eyes. “I gave the okay.” Steve forced himself to relax a little, suppressing his overwhelming urge to protect Celia from harm. He knew he could trust Bruce, that he wouldn’t do anything to be cruel or hurt her, but it was still Steve’s fault Celia was down here. Any pain she felt due to this change would be his fault.
“So what is this experiment exactly?” Steve asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Bruce walked over to his desk to grab a clipboard and rolled back on a stool, gliding to a stop in front of Celia on the couch.
“I have a few questions I want to ask first, to get a clearer idea of the details,” Bruce said, glancing back at him as he stood alone, closed off from the others. Steve made no move to sit down.
“Give us a minute,” Celia said, pulling herself up off the couch and dragging him by the arm to another corner of the lab. Steve shrugged off her hand, facing the wall. He didn’t know why he was acting like this, but it was like everything was hitting him at once. What if this couldn’t be fixed and Celia was on her way to a slow, exhaustion induced death? He couldn’t stand the idea of watching her wither away before his eyes.
“Steve, you’re stressing everyone out. What is going on?” Celia asked, stepping around to face him again. “I thought you were going to try to stop beating yourself up over this.”
“I can’t, you know it’s not that simple.”
“This is just making things worse!”
“And then you just joke about it.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“You’re supposed to be mad at me!” Steve yelled, not able to hold back any longer. Celia flinched back a little, surprised by his outburst. He heard Bruce stand up from his stool, but Celia held up her hand, signaling for him to stay back.
“Why am I supposed to be mad?” Celia asked calmly, making him feel even worse.
“It’s my fault, no matter how many times you say it’s not. And not being mad at me makes me feel more guilty! You should hate me! You should yell at me! But staying calm like this, it’s not realistic. It’s like you’re suppressing your feelings for my sake and I don’t deserve it.”
“I-”
“I’m Captain America and I can’t even save one person.”