Chapter 14
It's been two weeks. Two weeks since Steve got back from that stupid mission. Bucky still hasn't remembered again.
Steve hates everything about this. He feels so awful all the time. He shouldn't have gone on the mission. He should have been here for Bucky when he needed him. He's right back where he started with Bucky. It's like they've gone back in time to when he first showed up to the tower. He's always scared, only listens to orders, cries about everything.
They cry together often. Bucky cries because he's scared, and Steve cries because...well also because Bucky's scared. It breaks his heart knowing that Bucky is afraid of him. Especially after previously regaining his trust and working so hard to help him heal.
Natasha comes by most days. Steve feels bad for his feelings toward her right now. He recognizes that he's jealous, and that's his own issue and not hers. But the way Bucky seems to be more comfortable around her than he is with Steve just makes him seethe with envious rage every time. It doesn't help that she speaks to him in Russian and Steve can't understand it. She says Bucky is more comfortable when she speaks Russian because it's familiar to him. Steve can accept that, but it doesn't mean he likes it.
When Steve comes out of the bathroom one day and finds Natasha on the couch, with Bucky laying down with his head in her lap while she strokes his hair, Steve is livid. Who does she think she is? He knows it's selfish to want Bucky all to himself. But that's exactly what he wants, even if he hates himself for it.
He tries to keep the anger and annoyance from his voice as he speaks.
"Hey Nat. I think he's tired. I should probably have him go take a nap now." He says.
"Okay." She says. She says something to Bucky in Russian. He nods.
"What are you guys talking about?" Steve asks, trying to seem uncaring, nonchalant.
"I asked him if he's tired. He is." Says Natasha. "You know, I don't mind helping put him to bed."
"Thanks, that's okay though. I need to change him first." Steve says.
"I don't mind doing that either." She says.
"No need. I've got it." Steve says. "He's starting to be more comfortable again with me changing him. Not crying as much." He adds, lying through his teeth.
"Oh, that's good. I'm glad he's starting to come back around." She says.
She says something to Bucky in Russian and he gets up and walks over to Steve.
Natasha gets up and walks to the elevator.
"By the way." She says, turning around. "It's okay to be jealous. I know you two have been through so much together. You have history. He's been your best friend for like a hundred years. And I respect that. I'd never come between you two on purpose. I'm just trying to help him. I've told you before Rogers, you're a terrible liar. Don't take him being comfortable around me as a threat or meaning he likes me better. He loves you, even if he doesn't remember it right now." She gets in the elevator and she's gone.
Steve knows he's jealous and angry but he knows it's not Natasha's fault. He's grateful for her words though. He hopes she's right, and he hopes Bucky will remember again someday.
"Come on Bucky." Steve says. He leads Bucky to the bedroom and has him lay on the bed. He tries not to cry himself when Bucky cries as soon as he touches his pants. He tries to be extra gentle as he wipes Bucky and gets him diapered. He checks the back of Bucky's thighs, though the welts are gone by now. They'd gone from angry red stripes to deep purple bruises which slowly faded and have now healed. The marks may be gone but he knows Bucky still feels the fear and pain.
☆
Later in the same day when he'd come back from the mission, Steve had gone down to see Tony. Nat and Sam had both shown up right after him, and Steve was confused about the judgemental looks they were shooting at Tony until he'd confessed what he did.
"As soon as you left he just freaked out! He tried to kill Sam, and I just wasn't thinking, okay? I hit him with my belt three times. It worked and he stopped. But then he jumped on me, and Bruce Hulked out and then he ran and I stayed away after that." Tony had said. "Of course I regret it. I feel like shit! I never wanted to hurt the guy. Yeah I'll admit I wasn't too fond of him being here at first. But you saw yourself how he grew on me. I'm sorry."
Steve had barely been able to contain himself. Tony hurt Bucky. He whipped him with his belt even after seeing for himself how Bucky had reacted to Steve holding a belt that day in the beginning. He knew Bucky was traumatized. Every scenario of how to hurt Tony ran through Steve's head. He even considered strapping Tony with his own belt just to make him feel the same pain. An eye for an eye. But he knew even if he did that it wouldn't be the same pain. Bucky was tortured for decades. His pain is unfathomably deep, unique only to his traumas and nobody could feel the same pain as Bucky. Three strikes with a belt may leave Tony with the same welts as Bucky but it wouldn't leave the same scars. Tony's ego and pride may take a hit but it wouldn't hold a candle to the mental anguish Bucky's suffering.
Sam and Nat were obviously waiting for him to do something. He knew they wanted in on it too. They were probably rightfully confused when Steve just turned and left without a word.
"Steve? I said I was sorry. Tell Bucky I'm sorry!" Tony had called after him. Steve didn't acknowledge him. Tony should feel guilty. Steve will let him feel guilty and doubt himself for a while. It won't be on the same level as what Bucky is going through, but at least it's something.
☆
Steve gets Bucky's pants back on. He's still crying and he wants so badly to just hold him tight and comfort him, but he knows Bucky would just be scared that he's being touched.
"It's alright, Buck. Sweetheart. I'd never hurt you." Steve soothes. He says things like that all the time now but it never makes a difference. Bucky just doesn't understand.
"Captain Rogers. Apologies for the interruption, but you and Sergeant Barnes have visitors in the lobby." JARVIS says.
Visitors? Who would be coming to see them? Specifically Bucky too?
"Who is it, JARVIS?" Steve asks.
"I'm not finding any records in the SHIELD database. Facial recognition inconclusive, although they have been here before. You have previously asked me to send security footage of them to the Avengers. It is two people, one male one female. They asked for you and Sergeant Barnes by name. Would you like me to ask them to leave?"
"No, JARVIS. Thank you. Well be right down." Steve says.
So it's the people that had Bucky when he was missing. Maybe Steve can finally get some answers. But should he really take Bucky with him to see them? What if this is a trap? Are they a threat? They brought Bucky back before, why would they come back to take him now? Steve decides they probably aren't a threat, but he'll keep his guard up. Protecting Bucky will always be his first priority.
Steve grabs his shield and they take the elevator down to the lobby. He keeps Bucky behind him as they step out, keeping himself and his shield between Bucky and the visitors.
"Who are you, and what do you want?" Steve demands.
"We're the Maximoff twins. I'm Wanda." Says the woman.
"And I'm Pietro. And what we want is to help." Says the man.
"Bucky is in danger." Wanda adds.
"What kind of danger?" Steve asks.
"Well, you see, when we found Bucky, it wasn't an accident." Wanda begins. "We were looking for him. We were sent to find him and bring him back. Brock Rumlow sent us."
Anger fills Steve at even hearing Rumlow's name. His name was mentioned way too much when he'd been interrogating leftover HYDRA agents a while back. He was Bucky's most recent handler, and one of his main abusers. But Steve had been unable to track him down. Bucky whimpers behind him also at the mention of Rumlow. Steve wants the sick bastard dead.
"We didn't know why he wanted him. He just told us to bring him the Winter Soldier. We didn't know Bucky was an unwilling participant. We had no idea what had been done to him. But of course, when we realized how badly Bucky had been treated at HYDRA, we changed the plan. We protected him instead. We lied to Rumlow that we couldn't find him and brought him back to you instead." Wanda continues. "But Rumlow is growing impatient. He wants the Winter Soldier back and he wants him now. He knows he's here in the Avengers Tower, under your care. That's why we're here."
"Rumlow is planning to take back the Winter Soldier, whatever the cost." Pietro chimes in. "He's been plotting. Under his new alias Crossbones, he's going to wreak havoc in the city. He's going to release a deadly virus. We don't know what it does. And he's going to blow up some government buildings. He doesn't care about civilian casualties. He wants to draw the Avengers out of the Tower, and while all of you are out trying to stop him, he'll have a team waiting to storm the Tower and take Bucky."
"Why are you telling me this?" Steve demands. "You just admitted to being HYDRA. How do I know this isn't the plot? A trap? You could be trying to get me to flee somewhere safer with Bucky, away from the Avengers, so they can intercept us and take him from me on the way."
"You have no reason to trust us. We know. But we're asking you to. We care about Bucky. We don't want to be a part of this. We don't want to be HYDRA." Wanda says. "But it's not like we can just run away. The only way to leave HYDRA is death. They will track us down and kill us. We're lucky to have made it this long after botching the retrieval of the Winter Soldier. If they find out we've talked to you, we're done."
"We want to help Bucky. But for us to be able to that, you have to take the chance and trust us." Pietro says.
Steve takes a moment to study the two. He wants to believe them, he wants to trust them. If they're telling the truth and Bucky is in danger, Steve has to protect him. He doesn't see a reason for them to lie. They did bring Bucky back to him. They even cared for him when Steve wasn't able to. They put themselves at risk to help Bucky.
"Come with me." Steve says.
The twins follow him and Bucky into the elevator.
"JARVIS, gather the Avengers on the common floor, please."
"Yes, Captain." JARVIS says.
When they get there they wait for everyone to arrive. Tony comes in last, of course.
"Cap, Bucky. I-"
Steve cuts him off. "You want to try to make up for what you did to Bucky? Now's your chance."
With Wanda and Pietro's help, the Avengers spend the next few hours formulating their plan.
Steve notices the dirty looks the twins keep throwing at Tony. They ignore him when he talks to them. Steve wonders what's their problem with Stark.
Once everything is sorted out and the Avengers have their plan to protect Bucky and take down Rumlow, and hopefully HYDRA for good this time, the twins go with Steve and Bucky to their floor. Bedrooms are being set up for them on the common floor but for now, they want to hang out with Bucky.
First things first, Steve takes Bucky to get changed, speaking softly and going slow and gentle as Bucky sobs his heart out.
"You're safe here, Bucky. I love you and would never hurt you." Steve says even though he knows Bucky doesn't care. He gets him changed and takes him back out to the living room.
"Why was he crying?" Wanda asks. "We could hear him all the way out here."
"He's just very confused. He doesn't remember anything, and he thinks I'll hurt him. He doesn't like being naked." Steve says.
"What do you mean he doesn't remember? He forgot again? I just gave him his memories back last time we saw him!"
"What do you mean you gave him his memories back?" Steve asks.
"When we met him, he thought he was still the Winter Soldier. He thought everyone was HYDRA. The other Avengers were HYDRA agents or technicians, and you were his handler. But his memories were resurfacing slowly, mostly through his dreams. I guess from going long enough without going to the chair, his mind was beginning to heal. I just sped up the process and gave him his memories all at once." Says Wanda.
"So your power is making people remember things?" Steve asks.
"Not really. I'm a telepath. I can control people. I can manipulate their minds, make them think and do things. But I would never do that to Bucky of course! Not after he's been brainwashed enough already. His memories were already starting to come together. I just kind of gave them a push."
"And I'm super fast!" Pietro says. "Don't steal all the glory, Wanda."
Wanda laughs. "Anyway," she says. "If you'll allow it, I can give Bucky his memories again. All I have to do is unblock them and let them through. It doesn't hurt. He won't feel anything except a deep sense of calm while I'm doing it. He'll know who you are, and who he is. He'll remember everything. I won't do it without your permission, but I will say that I think it's best for him. He's suffering like this, lost from reality and terrified, thinking everyone around him are his captors. It's no way to live."
Steve considers. Is it really something he should do? Is it something Bucky would want? He knows Bucky is miserable like this. Or is it just something Steve selfishly wants so Bucky can love him again and he's just trying to justify it? But Bucky can't make the choice himself. It's Steve's responsibilityto make the choice on his behalf. "It doesn't hurt?" Steve asks skeptically.
"No. Do you want to try it first?" Wanda says.
"Yes." Steve answers. It's only fair that if he's going to have something done to Bucky, that he go through it first, and makes sure it's safe and won't hurt him.
Wanda reaches for him, with her hand starting to emit a pink glow. As soon as she touches him, he instantly feels profoundly calm and relaxed. He sees Bucky in his mind. The old Bucky, before the war. He can see them playing together as kids. Bucky saving him from a bully once again, even though Steve insisted he could've taken him alone. Bucky standing over him, looking worried while Steve was in bed on the brink of death yet again. So many memories that Bucky deserves to remember too.
Wanda pulls back. "I can see your love for him. It's genuine and strong. You want what's best for him, you want to protect him and keep him safe, and you want him to be happy. I promise we'll help you keep him safe. And I can help you make him happy."
Steve looks to Bucky, who's starting to fall asleep on the couch, but still looking around anxiously and fearfully at everyone else. His eyes are still red from crying. Wanda can help him, but only if Steve trusts her.
She was right. It didn't hurt. He felt calm. But in the back of his mind the thought that it's all a trap lingers. What if she does something different to Bucky than what she just did to him? What if she just takes control of his mind, uses him as the Winter Soldier? She is HYDRA, after all. She could have him kill Steve and anyone else who gets in their way, and take him back to Rumlow. But also, she could be telling the truth, and she could help him. Is it worth the risk for the possible benefit?
Steve needs to protect Bucky. But he also needs to help him, he needs him to heal and be happy.
He decides to take the chance. "Do it." He says.
He holds his breath as Wanda reaches for Bucky with the pink glow. His eyes also glow pink as soon as she touches him. Steve waits nervously while she does whatever she's doing to Bucky. Steve hopes she's making the right choice.
She pulls back and her hand stops glowing. Bucky's eyes stop glowing.
"Bucky?" Steve asks.
Bucky looks at him and the fear formerly living behind his eyes is gone. "Steve." He says. He reaches for Steve.
Steve hugs him and holds him tight. He can't help but cry, but in a good way. The same way he'd cried when Wanda and Pietro had brought him back to the tower. He smiles through the tears. Bucky is back.