Bucky's Arrival

 Steve wakes up to Bucky sitting on top of him, repeating his name and poking him in the face. "Steve. Steve."

 "Okay, Bucky! I'm up!" He yawns, rubbing his eyes.

 Bucky rolls off Steve, but keeps a handful of his shirt in his grip. It's been almost a week since he's been back after he had been missing for a few days, and the clinginess hasn't let up at all.

 Steve has learned to deal with it. If Bucky wants to be with him all the time, why should that be a bad thing? Steve loves it. The only time he doesn't like it that much is when he needs to use the bathroom, and Bucky just has to go with him and hold his hand or his shirt. He misses privacy a little. But other than that, he doesn't see a problem.

 He rolls towards Bucky to kiss his cheek, then gets up. Bucky gets up and holds his hand, following as he goes to the dresser and grabs the wipes and a pull up.

 Bucky's been using the toilet now for number two, as long as Steve is willing to go with him and hold his hand at least. So he gets to wear pull ups now in the mornings so he can access the toilet easier. But Steve puts him back in a diaper after he does his business still, since the pull ups just aren't absorbent as the diapers. He found a good brand of diapers online called Northshore, and their pull ups and diapers are way better than the store bought ones. So Bucky wears the GoSupreme pull ups in the morning until he he does his business, and then the more breathable AirSupreme diapers the rest of the day and the MegaMax diapers at night. Bucky likes that the pull ups and the night time diapers both come in black. And Steve likes that the diapers don't leak, especially the night time ones. 

 He leads Bucky back to the bed where he takes off his nighttime diaper, wipes him and then puts him in the pull up. He puts some pants on him and Bucky gets up, signing for hungry.

 Bucky keeps his grip on Steve's hand as they walk to the kitchen.

 "What do you want for breakfast, Buck?" Steve asks, opening the fridge.

 Bucky looks in the fridge for a minute, and points to the bacon.

 So Steve cooks bacon and eggs and toast while Bucky hugs him from behind, laying his head on Steve's shoulder.

 Steve convinces Bucky to sit on his own chair and hold his hand rather than sitting on his lap so they can both eat.

 After breakfast, Steve is on the couch with Bucky tightly cuddling him on his lap. He runs his fingers through Bucky's hair and tells him how much he loves him. "Steve." Bucky says, hugging him tighter, looking at him with those big sad blue eyes.

 Steve's phone pings then, and he pulls it out, expecting a notification that Bucky is wet or something, but it's a text from Fury.

 Mission in DC. Estimated 2 days. You leave in 3 hours. Pack what you need and meet at the quinjet.

Steve feels nothing but panic. He can't leave Bucky, he won't understand, he'll be absolutely heartbroken, especially with how clingy he's been, there's no way Steve can just up and leave with so little notice and after telling him how much he loves him and that he'd never leave. 

 Bucky is still staring up at him, and Steve knows he can't leave him. His eyes are just so sad and pleading, Steve knows he'll be absolutely devastated. Will he really be able to last two whole days without Steve?

 He texts Fury back.

 Dear Director Fury,

 I am currently unable to leave the tower and therefore I deeply regret to inform you that I will not be able to join you for this mission. I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. Hoping this message reaches you well.

 Sincerely, Steven Rogers.

 He gets his reply immediately. 

 I don't know what you got going on Cap, but you're going on this mission. No excuses. And stop texting like you're writing a letter. It's 2014.

 Steve sighs and puts his phone away. He knows he should have gotten Bucky used to being away from him just a little bit at a time like Sam said, but he selfishly loved how clingy and dependant he's been. He doesn't know how to tell Bucky he has to leave, and he's not looking forward to the inevitable meltdown when he does.

 "Steve." Bucky says, getting up. He pulls Steve's arm until he gets up and follows him. He leads Steve to the bathroom.

 Steve stops outside the door and doesn't go when Bucky tries to pull him in. "Why don't you try going by yourself today, Buck? I'll be right here outside the door. That way you can have some privacy."

 "Steve." Bucky whines, trying to pull Steve into the bathroom.

 "Bucky, I really think you should just try. I'll be right here, I'll see you in a few minutes. It's okay." Steve tries. 

 Bucky keeps trying to pull Steve into the bathroom with him and getting increasingly upset when he won't come. Steve tries hard not to be pulled, but that arm is strong.

 It's harder to stay firm when Bucky starts to cry. "I'll be right here, Buck! I know it's hard but you can do it! Please don't cry." Steve says.

 Bucky stops pulling his arm which gives Steve a sliver of hope that he'll go in alone, and maybe even be fine when he leaves! But instead he turns and starts pulling Steve back towards the living room.

 "Bucky, come on..." Steve says when Bucky starts leading him to his old corner. "You don't have to do this. It's okay to be alone for a little while, nothing bad will happen."

 Bucky just looks at Steve with his blue eyes full of tears, and he looks so sad that Steve doesn't know what to do. Leaving him for the mission will be one of the hardest things he's ever had to do.

 He waits for Bucky to be done and takes him to the bedroom to change. 

 After he gets him into a diaper, he lays down on the bed with Bucky and pulls him close. Bucky anxiously cuddles him tightly, nuzzling his head into Steve's chest.

 "Bucky." Steve sighs, rubbing Bucky's back. He waits for Bucky to look up at him before he continues. "I know this is going to be very hard for you, and you'll be very upset. And I wish I could do something about it, but I can't. I have to go away for a couple of days."

 "Steve!" Bucky immediately starts sobbing, holding impossibly tighter onto Steve as he does, and Steve knew this would happen, he knew he'd be so upset and hurt, and he wishes so much he didn't have to go.

 "I'm sorry. Bucky, I'm so sorry. It's only for a couple days, I'll come back, I promise I'll come back to you. I'll always come back to you. I love you and I'd never leave you. I just have to go on this mission, and I can't get out of it." Steve assures him.

 Steve holds Bucky and tries to calm him while also getting his phone out and texting the other Avengers, seeing if anyone isn't going on the mission and can stay with Bucky. They all text back pretty quick, and apparently he is the only one Fury picked for the mission. He doesn't know why he has to be the one to go! It's not fair to Bucky. Sam, Tony, and Bruce all volunteer to care for Bucky, so they just decide to work together on it. At least Steve knows Bucky will be in good hands.

 "You'll be okay, Buck. You'll have Sam, Bruce and Tony all looking out for you. You know them, they'll take care of you." Steve says.

 Bucky shakes his head, still crying loudly and holding onto Steve for dear life.

 "I'm not leaving yet, Buck. We have a few hours. I just wanted you to know so it wouldn't come as a shock. I know you'll be alright, you'll be good while I'm gone, right?"

 Steve holds Bucky for a long time hoping for him to calm down but he doesn't. He cries and cries until Steve needs to get up to pack his things for the mission and Bucky's things for Sam and Bruce and Tony. 

 "Steve!" Bucky sobs as Steve gets up. He jumps up to follow and holds his arm tight.

 "I'm just packing a few things, doll. I'm not going yet." Steve soothes, stroking Bucky's cheek.

 Steve grabs his duffel bag, and starts putting some of his clothes in it. Bucky snatches the bag from him and throws it across the room, still sobbing with tears pouring down his face.

 "Bucky..." Steve sighs. He hugs Bucky tight and runs his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm sorry I have to go. But I have to. And even if you don't let me pack, I still have to. I'll just have to go with nothing then. You wouldn't want me to be away with no clothes and stuff that I need, right?"

 Bucky nods as he cries into Steve's shoulder. He wouldn't want Steve to not have what he needs. But he just really really doesn't want him to leave. He doesn't want to be so cold and hungry and miserable again.

 Bucky backs off a bit and lets Steve pack, while keeping a handful of his shirt tight in his grip. He's so anxious and terrified as he watches Steve pack some clothes and his phone charger and a few books, and then he grabs another duffel bag and puts in some of Bucky's clothes and his diapers.

 "Steve." Bucky asks anxiously, pointing to the bag.

 "I'm packing your things for you to go with Sam and Bruce and Tony." Steve says.

 After he has everything packed, Steve changes into his Captain America suit and leads Bucky to the elevator and down to the lab, where Tony and Bruce are working on some science thing probably, and Sam is relaxing on the couch.

 "Hey, Bucky!" Sam says. 

 Bucky cries harder and clings to Steve, nearly breaking his arm with the force he's using to grip it.

 "You'll be okay, Bucky. It's all gonna be okay. I'll come back to you." Steve repeats, as he tries to pry Bucky off of him, and Sam, Bruce and Tony come to help him do so.

 "Steve!" Bucky wails as he's pulled away. 

 "I promise it'll be okay." Steve says, but he looks like he's about to cry too.

 "Steve! Steve!" Bucky screams for Steve, again and again, as he watches him walk away. Sam, Bruce and Tony are trying hard to hold him back.

 Steve looks back at Bucky as the elevator doors close, and he is crying too.

 As soon as Steve is gone, Bucky feels nothing but intense fear and dread and sadness. He drops to his knees, curling in on himself, and he just cries and cries because he doesn't know what else to do. He's starting to feel weird, detached, like nothing is real. He's starting to forget again and he doesn't want to. He really doesn't want to forget again.

 Then there's a hand on his shoulder, and someone telling him that it's okay, and he'll be fine, and suddenly he's on his feet and has the agent against the wall with his hand around his throat before he even has time to process what's happening. 

 Then the technicians are yelling at him, and he needs to obey them but he can't, and he's so confused and scared as the agent tries to weasel out of his grip while everything erupts into chaos.

 "Tony, no! Think about what you're doing!" He hears, but his name isn't Tony. He does not have a name. He is just The Asset. He keeps his focus on the agent in his grip. All he has to do is squeeze. But for some reason, he doesn't want to. He knows he could easily kill the man, but he doesn't know why he doesn't. Someone is still yelling at Tony to stop and not do something, but The Asset isn't Tony and doesn't know who is, so he doesn't think the orders are for him.

 The familiarly sharp sting of a belt across the back of his thighs breaks his concentration. It hits him once, twice, and a third time before he drops the agent and starts backing away.

 "See? It worked! Would you rather I'd just let him kill Sam?" The technician with the belt says. 

 "You didn't have to hit him!" The other technician complains.

 "He wasn't hurting me, I know if he wanted to he would have." The agent gasps, rubbing his neck. "But you didn't have to strap him! That was uncalled for!"

 "So what then, we should just all speak sofly and try to soothe him and wait for him to calm down and then just all have a big group hug?" Says the angry technician, sarcastically. 

 "Yes!" The two others answer in unison. 

 The Asset doesn't listen to any of them, instead focusing on the belt in the technician's hand. He doesn't seem to be paying attention, too busy arguing with the others, so The Asset takes the opportunity to reach for it. He can't let them hurt him anymore.

 "Hey! Back off!" The technician yells, holding up the belt threateningly. The Asset cowers, putting his arms up to protect his face.

 "Stop it!" The agent says. "I hope you realize Steve is gonna whoop your ass!"

 "Tony stop, he's scared!" Says the other technician. 

 "Not scared enough to calm the fuck down!" Says the angry technician. "I'll stop when he's not trying to kill us!"

 The three argue and yell at each other while The Asset watches in fear. He's still crying, he doesn't remember why now, but it's weak and disgusting and maybe that's why he's been punished.

 He waits for his chance and lunges at the belt wielding technician. The Asset pins him to the ground and rips the belt from his hand, throwing it aside and bringing his metal hand to the technician's throat. 

 The other two are still yelling, but The Asset ignores them. 

 Until the other technician starts to turn green, and grow. In his shock the Asset lets go of the angry technician and backs away again.

 The monster lets out a roar loud enough to shake the room. The Asset fearfully backs further away until he hits the wall.

 The technician gets up from the floor, pressing something on his wrist that makes a red and gold robot suit appear and surround him. Him and the agent both start fighting the monster.

 The Asset gets up and makes a run for it while they're all distracted. He doesn't know where he's going, he just needs to get out. He goes to the doors and presses the button. There's a ding and the doors open. It's just a small room. It seems familiar but he doesn't remember how. He goes in and presses one of the lower buttons next to the door. The room starts to move. In his mind he hears "It's just an elevator, Buck." The voice seems familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time.

 It moves for a long time before it comes to a stop, and the doors open. The Asset rushes out, pushing past the redheaded woman getting ready to enter the moving room, who looks stunned, and runs to the glass doors. He can see the outside through them. He tries to push them open but they won't budge. He screams and starts pounding on the glass. He needs to get out. But for some reason, even his metal arm doesn't even make a single crack in this glass. He drops to his knees and starts banging his head on the glass in his frustration. 

 "Apologies, Sergeant Barnes, but I am under instructions to keep all outside doors locked for you unless you are accompanied by one of the Avengers." Comes a voice. The Asset looks all around but doesn't see where the voice could have come from. The only other person is the woman with red hair, still standing there and watching him. He doesn't think it was her voice. She doesn't look like she would have the voice of a British man.

 "What are you doing down here alone?" The woman asks. She speaks in Russian. The Asset likes that. He's used to Russian.

 "You can't get through that glass. Even if you could, then what? You want to run away again? Steve would be heartbroken. He cried pretty much the whole time you were gone. Don't make me deal with that again." Says the woman.

 They stare at each other for what feels like a long time. She seems to be studying him, and for some reason that doesn't make him scared. She seems so familiar, but The Asset doesn't know why. Seeing her brings vague images to his mind of little girls doing ballet, sparring with each other, practicing shooting. 

 "You could at least pretend to remember me." She says.

 The Asset thinks he might somehow vaguely remember her. She's familiar, but it's blurry and distant. He can't find his voice to tell her this.

 She approaches slowly, cautiously, but The Asset doesn't move. She doesn't seem like a threat. He doesn't feel fearful or anxious of her. Maybe because he knows her, or at least once did. He can't remember. 

 She grabs his chin, tilting his head up to look her in the eyes. She seems deep in thought, looking into his eyes like she can peirce through into his brain and see his mind.

☆

 Natasha looks deep into the Winter Soldier's eyes, trying to figure out if she can see any recognition in his blank stare. Of course she knows who he is, and she knew he was here. She helped Steve find him, she's the one who got him the files. And she remembers him of course. He helped train her in the red room. He was the only one who was kind while everyone else was cruel, and that's something you don't forget. Even if he did try to kill her on the bridge, she doesn't hold it against him. She knows he's a victim, just like she was. 

 She also knows he's supposed to be with Sam, Bruce, and Tony while Steve is on a mission. She's in the team group chat too. So why is he down here alone trying to break the doors down? 

 "Come with me." She says. The brainwashed soldier gets to his feet immediately, obediently following her back to the elevator.

 She watches him back himself into the corner as the elevator starts moving. She hasn't gone to visit him yet since he's been here, but of course she asked Steve how he was every so often. And she thought he was past all this. He should at least know the elevator by now. 

 She takes him up to her floor, instructing him to sit on the couch which he does. Then she texts the three who should be watching him, but nobody texts back. She asks JARVIS what they're doing.

 Apparently they're trying to calm down the Hulk. She wonders what's going on, but she assumes it probably has something to do with the confused metal armed old guy on her couch.

 When her phone pings she's expecting a text back from one of the guys, but instead it's a notification saying Bucky's diaper is close to overflowing and needs to be changed.

 Natasha knew the guy had issues, and she knew he was in diapers. But she's not really prepared to deal with it.

 But how hard could it be?

 "Come." She orders, walking past the couch to the elevator. The Winter Soldier stands and follows. She takes him to his and Steve's floor. He lives here, so his diapers must be here somewhere. She takes him to the bedroom, and there they are on the dresser. There's three different kinds. She grabs the one that looks like it will last the longest.

 "On the bed." She instructs. The soldier lays down.

 She gets his pants down and opens the tapes on the diaper he's wearing. She tries not to look at his genitals, just to be respectful. She has to admit, he is a very beautiful man. But he doesn't deserve to be objectified. So she keeps her gaze on his belly as she wipes him. He starts crying softly, and she knows why. Steve had vented to her enough about it when he'd figured out why.

 She tells him to lift his legs so she can get the new diaper under him, and when he does she catches a glimpse of the angry red raised welts on his thighs.

 "Who do I have to help Steve kill?" She asks. She touches one gently, and the soldier flinches, crying harder.

 "I'm not going to hurt you." She says calmly. She finishes getting the diaper on him and puts his pants back on. She thought Steve had said he was past crying over getting changed too.

 "It's done. See? You're fine." She says. But he keeps crying, as he makes his way up to the head of the bed and curls up in a ball.

 "You're tired?" She asks. 

 Natasha just watches him for a moment. It's a sad sight to see, such a broken and abused man laying there and crying like that. She gets an idea.

 She had read somewhere before that babies can smell the scent of their mother on things like clothing that they've worn, and it calms them. She knows he's not a baby, and Steve's not his mother. But he does have a heightened sense of smell from the serum and she figures it's worth a try. 

 She digs a bit through the dirty laundry hamper and finds a shirt she knows she's seen Steve wearing recently. She holds it up to the soldier's face. He seems confused for a second, before he snatches it from her and holds it up to his face himself.

 "You miss him." She states. She doesn't expect an answer. She knows it's true. She watches him sob into the shirt for a few more minutes before she gets up to go.

 "Take a nap. You'll feel better after." She says before closing the door behind her.

 She goes out and sits on the couch, looking around the room. She's been to Steve's floor before, of course. But not to stay and sleep. They might as well though, since the soldier would be more comfortable here. She just hopes this couch isn't too uncomfortable for sleeping on.

 Her phone pings and this time it is a text, from Sam.

Where are you? He asks.

Steve's floor. Bucky is napping. She texts back. I'll be watching him while Steve's gone. He's more comfortable with me. 

Sam comes out of the elevator within a few minutes. He looks like hell. His shirt is torn, he has a bruise on his throat, he looks sweaty and exhausted. 

 "You sure you can handle him?" He asks.

 "From the looks of it, probably better than you can." She answers.

 "We all just want him to be comfortable, and feel secure. If he feels safe with you, that's fine. Steve will be happy with that. Me and Bruce can come up and help, but I don't think Steve would want him around Tony right now." Sam says.

 "His legs. Tony?" Natasha asks. She figured. Sam doesn't strike her as someone who would do something like that, especially to a person with trauma surrounding it. And Bruce would never hurt anyone. Even as the Hulk, she doesn't think he would have done that. The welts are clearly from a belt or similar item, and the Hulk has no need for weapons. 

 "Steve's gonna kill him." She says.

 "I know." Says Sam. "Anyway. I brought his stuff." 

 "He has stuff?" Natasha asks.

 "Just a bag Steve packed for him. Clothes, diapers, his blanket. Steve says he likes the blanket." Says Sam, setting the duffel bag on the table. "Clothes and diapers I guess you already have since you're here on their floor. But he likes his blanket."

 Natasha reaches forward to open the bag, and takes out the apparently necessary blanket. It's really big, and really heavy. It's gotta be like, 30 pounds at least? It must be one of those therapy blankets, she thinks. It's nice quality, quilted in squares to keep all the weight spread out evenly. And it's a nice blue-grey color.

 "I've got it." Sam says, reaching to take the blanket. "You say he's sleeping?" 

 Natasha nods, and follows Sam to Steve's room, where they open the door to find Bucky is, in fact, sleeping. She doesn't know if he was actually tired or if he only went to sleep because she told him to and he does what he's told. But he's still there on the bed, curled in a ball with Steve's shirt pressed into his face with both hands, red around his eyes from crying, snoozing quietly. 

 Sam drapes the heavy blanket over him, careful to be quiet and not wake him up.

 They both silently watch Bucky sleep for just a bit before leaving.

☆

 The Asset dreams of a small blonde man who grows big. He is loving and kind, taking care of The Asset and keeping him healthy and making sure he is safe and his needs are fulfilled. He is called Steve, and he calls The Asset Bucky. He doesn't punish. The Asset loves him. And he loves The Asset. But then HYDRA comes, and they take the kind man away, pulling The Asset away from him while he screams, and beating him until he is quiet. He's put in the chair to forget.

 He wakes up in a cold sweat. He's immediately flooded with negative emotions. Where is the man from the dream? He has a grey shirt pressed to his face. It smells so familiar. It smells like love and warmth and safety. He takes a few deep breaths of the scent to calm himself.

 Finally he rolls over and gets out of bed. He takes the grey shirt. He doesn't know why, but he just needs it.  He makes his way out of the room to find the female agent from earlier sitting on the couch. He still is struggling to remember her. 

 "There you are. Sit." She says. The Asset obeys. The Russian language is easier to obey, for some reason. It makes him want to listen. It makes him feel like he must listen.

 "You slept through lunch." She continues. "Are you hungry?"

 The Asset does not know. But he nods anyway, just to give her an answer.

 She leaves the room briefly and returns with an apple. She gives it to him. He eats it while they stare at each other.

 "Do you plan to sit there staring into space all day?" She asks after a while. "What do you and Steve usually do?"

 The Asset has no answer. He does not know. He hasn't been given a mission, what else would there be for him to do? He should either be on a mission, in cryo, or undergoing maintenance or training.

 She stares at him a little longer. She stares a lot. But her gaze is more thoughtful, not disgusted or angry or ridiculing like he's used to.

 "Follow me." She says, getting up. The Asset rises and follows as ordered. They go to the bedroom.

 "On the bed." She points. He lays on the bed, and she grabs a diaper and wipes, and he's immediately anxious. He knows she's going to touch him, use him. They always do. 

 He starts crying as she takes his pants off. He can't stop himself. She opens the diaper and he's naked, exposed, an open invitation for her and anyone else to do whatever they want to him. But she just quickly wipes him and puts a new diaper on.

 "You're fine, see? You know I won't hurt you. You never hurt me." She says. "Get up. Come here. Do you pick your own clothes?"

 The Asset gets up and goes with her to the dresser, trying to calm himself and stop the tears. He holds the grey shirt to his nose again, breathing in the familiar comforting scent. She pulls out all sorts of clothes, different shirts, jeans, sweaters, holding them all up to him to see.

 She settles on a pair of jeans and a soft black v neck sweater.

 She gets him undressed and dressed in the new clothes she picked. "There you go." She says.

 She takes his hand and leads him to the bathroom next, where she plays with his hair, commenting how soft and shiny it is. "What does Steve use on your hair?"

 The Asset doesn't know.

 She brushes his hair and puts it up in a little bun, leaving some strands hanging. "Very handsome." She says.

 She takes his hand, leading him to the elevator. But when she presses the button and it starts moving, he's scared again.

 "Hey. You're okay." She says as he backs into the corner.

 He doesn't look at her. He keeps his eyes on the floor, wating for the room to stop moving. When it does, they get out, and they're back at the doors from earlier.

 "Do not run from me. This is your only warning." She says firmly, her eyes piercing into his skull. He could take her easily. She is smaller than him. She has no metal limbs. He does not think she has the serum. But for some reason, he is intimidated by her. He nods. 

 The doors wouldn't open for him, but they open now when she pushes them. She leads him outside.

 The sun is shiny and warm, with a nice breeze going. The cars driving by and the people walking around are loud though, which makes him tense up a bit. Too much activity. He should not be here, out in the open, he should be hidden, no one is supposed to see him. But she tells him to stay with her so he does, following her down the city sidewalks.

 She takes him to a little green store, with a sign reading STARBUCKS. They go in, and stand in line. He keeps his eyes down, but he can feel people looking. He tugs on his sleeve a bit, hoping to conceal his arm.

 "Hey." She says, cupping his cheek. "I bet they're staring because you're hot." She says with a smile.

 The Asset doesn't feel hot. The temperature outside is moderate, and in here it is slightly cooler than outside. His body temperature feels average.

 She orders two identical drinks. The Asset eyes the whipped cream and golden syrup on top of them. She hands one to him. "Try it." She says. He takes a sip. It's creamy and sweet. It's good. He likes it. Is he allowed to like things? He can't remember. 

 She takes him into a clothing store next, leading him through racks upon racks of clothing in all sizes, colors, and styles. She picks up several things, before leading him into the back and telling him to sit on the bench. She goes into a little stall that says "dressing room". 

 The Asset waits patiently for her return. He feels anxious out here in the open, unattended. She comes out wearing a red dress.

 "What do you think?" She asks, twirling around.

 The Asset has no opinion. 

 She goes in and comes out several times, each time wearing something different and asking him if he likes it or how it looks. The Asset stays silent each time. He wonders if she realizes he cannot speak.

 When she's done she takes him to the counter in the front of the store, and talks to the woman behind it. Everything gets scanned and she takes out a little plastic card, like the agents use to open doors. But she uses it in a little machine and then all the clothes get put in bags. She takes all the bags and they leave.

 "I have a mission for you." She says when they step outside. The Asset is immediately at attention. Finally, a mission. "I can tell you're excited. I know you'll do an excellent job. Here." She says. She hands him all the bags. "Carry those bags. Keep them with you. You must keep them and protect them. Make sure they all get home safely. That's your mission. I know you won't let me down." 

 The Asset holds the bags close. He is so grateful for the opportunity to please. He will not let her down. He'll complete this mission like all others. He will protect these bags with his life. He wonders what's so special about the clothes. Maybe they're new uniforms for the agents? Maybe something special and important is hidden among them. Either way, it's not his place to know. He has his mission. And he will make sure it gets done.

 She takes him to a few more stores, giving him more bags to guard, and even having him try on shoes, holding up clothing to him to see how it looks or if it would fit him. Saying things like "You would look great in this.""This brings out your eyes." "Steve would love this on you." Maybe he will be getting a new uniform too. 

 It's starting to get dark out, the sky changing into shades of pink and orange as the sun sets, and then darker and darker blue. She takes him into one last place. There are rows of comfy looking chairs with little padded stools in front of them and little tables, displays of little glass bottles in all shades and colors. She speaks to the woman at the front.

 "Put the bags down here. They'll be fine. You did very well. Forget about that mission just for a little bit, okay? New mission. Sit and relax." She says. He sets the bags down next to one of the chairs as ordered, but he can't help but feel very anxious about it. He's supposed to guard those bags and protect them. What if something happens to them, and whatever secrets the clothes hold is lost because of him? He'd be in so much trouble.

 "Pick your color." She says, showing him to the display of all the different colored little bottles. He studies them all carefully. Obviously he should pick black. That is the only viable option. He is made to wear black on his missions. Black mask, black clothes, black boots. It helps him blend into the night. Black is what he should pick. That's what he thinks he's supposed to pick. It's what they would want him to pick. He really likes the sparkly purple color though.

 "Any one you want. Don't worry." The agent says. This could be a test. He knows he's supposed to pick black. Will he be punished for picking something else?

 He points to the black one.

 "Are you sure? Because it really looked to me like you kept looking at this one." She says, pointing to the sparkly purple. "Do you like that one?"

 The Asset is nervous. He doesn't know what to do. He does like that one. But he shouldn't. Black is the correct answer. It just is.

 His breathing is getting faster. He can feel his eyes gathering moisture. He's gonna cry again, he doesn't want to cry again and be punished.

 "Calm down. You're fine, it's okay. Let's do both, yes?" She says. "He wants those two." She says in English to the woman.

 "Come on. Sit down." She says. They both sit next to each other in the padded chairs. She takes off her shoes and socks, putting her feet up on the stool and she tells him to do the same.

 He watches nervously as the woman takes out a file and starts filing his toenails. Another woman is doing the same to the agent next to him.

 "Just relax, Bucky." The agent says.

 The woman files down all his toenails and then starts painting them with the polish, one black, then one sparkly purple, then black, sparkly purple, black, sparkly purple. A pattern. 

 When his toenails are all painted, the agent tells him to stay still and let them dry. Then she whispers something to the woman, and shows her something on her phone.

 "Come." Says the agent. The Asset gets up to follow her to one of the little tables. "Sit down." She says. "Put your hand on the table. The skin one." The Asset does as told.

 The woman files his fingernails like she did on his toes, and paints them blue, and then paints little circles on them with stars in the middle.

 "Steve will love it, don't you think?" The agent says. 

 She tells him to pick up the bags again. "Remember your mission?" She asks. The Asset nods. Nothing will happen to these bags. He won't let her down.

 They leave and start walking back to the base. It's dark out by now, but there are still many civilians out walking the streets, making him nervous. The cover of night should be a relief to him, but he's still too exposed out here in the open.

 The Asset holds the bags tightly as they walk down the sidewalk. But there's a lot of people also walking on the sidewalk. One man bumps into one of the bags. A threat. He needs to complete his mission. He growls, reaching back to grab the man who has already passed him, but the agent grabs his arm. "No." She says firmly. "Calm down. Let's go home."

 The Asset is annoyed, but follows his orders. The man was a threat to the mission, The Asset is supposed to protect the bags and he touched the bags. Why should he not be allowed to eliminate the threat? But the agent says to keep walking, so he keeps walking.

 It's only a few minutes later when he can feel eyes on them. It's not hard to find the spies. A man and a woman, watching them from across the street. But as soon as he makes eye contact, the man grabs the woman's hand and they disappear. They reappear down the block. Again they disappear when he looks at them, and reappear somewhere else.

 "I see them too." Says the agent, not looking up. "You know them?"

 The Asset shakes his head. He doesn't recognize them.

 "Strange, Steve says they know you, at least. He sent all of us security footage of them from the tower's lobby. He said they had you while you were gone." 

 This confuses The Asset. He is sure he doesn't recognize the pair. And he doesn't remember being "gone". He's been with HYDRA as long as he can remember. Maybe he's met the two before but the chair has erased his memory of them?

 "Ignore them for now. They don't seem like a threat. Just stay with me." The agent says.

 They continue walking back to the base, where they take the elevator up. The agent touches The Asset's shoulder with her hand while the room is moving. He readies himself but she doesn't hit him. He knows he is not supposed to be afraid of anything, including moving rooms.

 They step out to be greeted by another agent on the couch. 

 "Hey guys. Where have you been?" He asks.

 "We went out. We were bored." Says the female agent.

 "You think Steve would be okay with him being out of the tower?" Says the agent.

 "Yes, I do. He needed some fresh air. He can't just stay locked up in here all the time." 

 "Fair enough." Says the agent. "But why is he the one carrying all those bags? He's not your servant,  you know." 

 "Lay off, Sam. He needed something to do. He likes to be busy. I told him it was his mission to protect the bags. And he was very happy to have a mission, weren't you, soldier?" 

 The Asset nods. It did feel good to have a mission. That's all he's good for, after all.

 "Okay." Says agent Sam with a shrug. "I'll order pizza for dinner. How's that sound, big guy?" He says to the Asset.

 "What's on your hands? Let me see." He says suddenly,  grabbing the Asset's hand. He looks at it for a minute, before laughing. "That's awesome. You think Steve will love it or hate it?"

 "I don't care. It's not the 1930s, guys can wear nail polish or make up and stuff too. If Steve doesn't like it that's his problem. But I think he'll like it." Says the female agent. "His toes are done too."

 "Nice!" Agent Sam says. "I should get mine done too."

 "Come." Says the female agent. The Asset follows her to the bedroom. She tells him to put the bags down, and she goes through them and puts his new uniforms away, and then picks up the rest of the bags. "I'm taking my stuff to my floor. I'll be back. You stay here." She says.

 The Asset stays exactly where he is, not daring to move, and waits for her. After 10 minutes she's not back yet. She must be busy. But agent Sam comes in.

 "Hey, Bucky." He says. The Asset doesn't answer. The agent looks at him for a moment, before speaking again. "When were you last changed?" He steps forward, reaching for The Asset's waistband. The Asset tries to stay still and be good despite the contact, but inside he's terrified. He knows the agent will use him for pleasure. 

 "Lay down for me." He says. The Asset obeys, laying down on the bed. The grey shirt is still there also on the bed, where he'd left it before. He grabs it and brings it to his face. He breathes in the scent trying to stay calm. His thighs still hurt from this morning's strapping. He doesn't want to give anymore reason to be punished again.

 He can't keep in the tears as the agent lowers his pants and opens his diaper. He keeps his face covered by the shirt hoping he doesn't notice. But he knows his body is trembling as he tries to hold back the sobbing.

 "You're okay now." The agent says. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He quickly cleans The Asset and tapes him up in a new diaper and pulls his pants back up.

 The Asset stays where he is on the bed, trying to calm himself. He's so pathetic and he knows he's misbehaving by showing emotions that he's not allowed to have. But the agent doesn't punish him.

 "The pizza will be here soon. Let's go out to the living room." He says.

 He gets up and follows the agent like he was told. They sit on the couch.

 The female agent comes back in a few minutes, and also sits. Then a technician comes in. The one he saw turn green. He is afraid of this technician. He is afraid of all the agents and technicians, but this one in particular. He hasn't seen anyone else at HYDRA turn into a monster. He has the pizza with him, though.

 "Hey, Bucky! How are you?" Says the monster technician, setting the pizza boxes down on the coffee table. "I'm sorry you had to see all that this morning. Usually I have the whole Hulk thing under control."

 "Where's Tony?" The female agent asks.

 "He's in the lab." Says the monster technician. "He feels bad for what he did, but he understands that he shouldn't be around Bucky until him and Steve get a chance to, uh, discuss it. He knows he deserves whatever's coming."

 The agents both nod. There is an awkward silence before agent Sam says "Let's eat!"

 He opens the boxes and takes some pizza, also handing some to the Asset. The female agent and monster technician take some too. They all eat. The Asset also eats, assuming "Let's eat!" To be an order.

 "Who wants some tea?" The monster technician says. He gets up and goes to the kitchen. 

 The Asset finishes his pizza. Agent Sam and the female agent are talking. The monster technician is in the kitchen. So he sits and waits for any orders.

 A high pitched whistling sound fills the room. The sound is familiar. Images of his Commander flash in his mind. He's heard that sound before, with Commander Rumlow. That sound brought horrible pain. He remembers the burns. He's suddenly on his feet, not thinking, just filled with sheer terror. That sound means nothing good. He doesn't know what he's doing, he just needs that sound to stop. He puts his metal fist through the coffee table. He needs to get far away from that sound. But he's grabbed by both agents before he can get to the doors.

 "Stop. Calm yourself! It's just the kettle." The female agent orders. 

 "Bruce! Take it off the stove!" Agent Sam yells. In a minute the sound dies down and then it's gone. But The Asset is still terrified. The sound means pain and the pain will be coming soon.

 "Let's get you to bed, soldier. It's been a long day." Says the female agent. Her and agent Sam both hold his hands and lead him to the bedroom. He lays on the bed like he's told. The heavy blanket is put over him. The female agent hands him the grey shirt, which he immediately brings to his face to smell. 

 "Sleep." She says, petting his hair. "Go to sleep. We'll see you in the morning."

 She signals agent Sam to leave the room with her. He looks unsure, but follows her out anyway. "Good night, Bucky." He says before closing the door behind them.

 The Asset is left alone in the dark. He's still too afraid and anxious. Why hasn't the pain come yet? Are they waiting for him to fall asleep so they can surprise him with it? He doesn't want to sleep. He wants to be awake so he can be ready for it. But he's been ordered to sleep, so he needs to obey. He tries to keep quiet while he cries, breathing in the familiar scent of the grey shirt.

☆

 The Asset is on his hands and knees. He tries to behave and stay quiet while Commander Rumlow takes his pleasure from The Asset's body. 

 He's fucking him hard, really slamming it in and The Asset is trying hard not to move with the force of The Commander's thrusts threatening to push him forward. He's been instructed to keep still and quiet.

 The Commander cums with a grunt, and The Asset can feel his warm seed spilling into his body. 

 "You did alright." Says The Commander as he pulls out. The Asset can feel the sticky cum leaking from his hole. "Here's a little treat, for a satisfactory performance." Says The Commander, sticking two fingers into The Asset's used, semen filled hole. He gets his fingers nice and coated in the stuff before bringing them to The Asset's face. "Open." He says.

 The Asset obediently opens his mouth, taking in Rumlow's sticky fingers and sucking them clean.

 "Good boy." Says The Commander, stroking The Asset's hair with his free hand.

 It's then that a hissing sound is heard, and The Asset can feel the blanket getting wet and warm under his knees. He's urinating, soaking the bed below him. He tries to stop but can't. He doesn't know how. He knows he's in trouble. 

 The hand that had been stroking The Asset's hair is now pulling it hard, yanking his head back roughly and sending a sharp pain through his neck.

 "You fucking cretin. I was about to put your diaper on. You couldn't just wait another minute?" The Commander growls in The Asset's ear.

 "I-" The Asset begins, before his head is yanked back even further and he cuts himself off with a yelp.

 "You what?" The Commander demands.

 "I'm sorry, sir." The Asset chokes out.

 The Commander stares at him for a good minute before shoving his head forward. He smacks The Asset's ass hard as he gets up, eliciting another yelp. The Asset needs to keep quiet. 

 "Clean it up. Use your mouth like the dirty little slut you are." The Commander orders, zipping his pants and buckling his belt.

 "Yes sir. I'm sorry sir." The Asset whimpers. He immediately gets to work licking and sucking up his piss off the bed as Commander Rumlow leaves the room. 

 The Commander is back quickly. "That's good enough. Lay on your back." He says.

 The Asset lays down. The Commander puts a diaper on him, and tells him to get up and come to the kitchen.

 The Asset follows The Commander to the kitchen, where there is a kettle on the stove. The Asset stands still awaiting orders as Commander Rumlow watches the kettle. It soon starts making noise, a high pitched whistle, which is when The Commander steps forward and picks it up by its handle. The whistling dies down.

 "I bet you thought that was real funny, huh? I bet you thought you'd get away with it." The Commander says, stepping towards The Asset. The Asset should keep eye contact with his superiors while they are talking, to show that he is listening and acknowledging. But his eyes keep anxiously drifting to the kettle. 

 "You didn't want to sit in a wet diaper, so you let it all out on my bed. Is that it?" The Commander continues. He brings the kettle to The Asset's face, mere millimeters from his skin. The Asset can feel the heat coming off of it.

 "I have to sleep in that bed. I have to sleep in your piss." Commander Rumlow growls. "You wet my bed. Now I wet your diaper."

 He reaches forward, pulling out the waistband on The Asset's diaper. The Asset tries to prepare himself as the kettle comes closer, and then The Commander starts pouring the boiling water-

 "Bucky! Good morning." The Asset wakes with a scream, fresh out of his nightmare he's terrified and confused. He can almost feel the phantom pain of the burns on his genitals, ass and down his legs. He remembers that night so vividly. He almost wishes that memory was lost to the chair. He flails on the bed as someone grabs him, rolling off and hitting the floor before jumping up. The two agents and technician all surround him, grabbing him and trying to hold him still.

 "Calm yourself. Just a nightmare." Says the female agent. She rubs his back as he tries to calm himself, gasping and trying to stop the tears leaking from his eyes.

 "You're okay, Bucky. You're safe. I know bad dreams are scary." Says the monster technician, -Bruce, he remembers. 

 When he's calm he's ordered to lay down again and the panic returns as his diaper is changed. But they just tell him he's safe and to stay calm.

 Before the new diaper is put on him, technician Bruce tells him to roll over onto his stomach. He knows what comes now. He knows what they want. He sobs as he rolls over, getting on his knees and sticking his ass in the air, offering his hole for the agents like the whore he knows he is. He waits for them to take their pleasure.

 He hears the female agent gasp and agent Sam says "No, no Bucky. Lay flat on your stomach. We don't want that."

 "I just wanted to check out your welts!" Technician Bruce exclaims. "Make sure they look okay. None of us want to rape you! Do you understand, Bucky?" 

 He lays down and technician Bruce looks at the backs of his thighs. He's still sobbing hard and the female agent is running her fingers through his hair, telling him to take deep breaths.

 He's told to roll over again and he's put in a diaper.

 "Let's have breakfast?" Technician Bruce says awkwardly. 

☆

 Natasha watches Bucky eat. He's obviously anxious, looking around at everyone nervously. She can't help but feel sad for him, the man she once knew as the Winter Soldier was strong, fearless, now he's just a scared, damaged shell of his former self. She wishes she knew how to help him.

 "Anyone want some t-" Bruce starts, but her and Sam both cut him off. "NO!" 

 Bucky flinches when they yell. 

 "Get rid of that kettle. He doesn't like it." Nat says, gesturing to Bucky.

 "I think the whistling scares him." Says Sam.

 Bruce nods and picks up the kettle. Bucky tenses up, his eyes fixated on it, but Bruce puts it away in one of the cabinets and he seems to relax a bit.

 After breakfast they just sit around on the couch. Bruce is reading a book, Sam is looking at his phone, and Bucky is just sitting there, twisting the bottom of his shirt with his hands, staring off at nothing. Natasha wants to try to connect with him, but she doesn't know what to say. 

 "How are you doing today, soldier?" She asks.

 Bucky looks at her briefly, but she didn't expect an answer. She wonders why he can't talk. She knows he has brain damage and ptsd. Aphasia maybe? Has Steve had him evaluated by a doctor yet?

 He suddenly stands up and just looks at all of them nervously. She watches, wondering what he's about to do. But he just slowly walks over to the corner, and stands there, facing the wall, looking over his shoulder at them anxiously before turning to face the wall again.

 "Don't look at him, he wants his privacy." Sam says without looking up from his phone.

 Nat looks away, but her curiosity is now piqued. 

 Until she smells it. Oh. 

 "Don't react. Nothing negative. We don't want to upset him." Sam whispers.

 Natasha doesn't react. She already knows that, she's not some amateur, she's a trained spy and she can hide her reactions. But she does feel pretty awkward, just sitting there while everyone pretends not to notice the Winter Soldier shitting his pants in the corner.

 He turns around when he's finished, and slowly walks back towards everyone, staring at the floor and avoiding their eyes. Nat can see he's crying though. 

 "Hey, Bucky." Bruce says calmly, setting his book down. "You're not in trouble, it's a normal and natural thing. Let's get you changed." He leads Bucky to the bedroom, and Sam and Nat can hear him sobbing as he's changed.

 Natasha can't help but be heartbroken for Bucky. She can't imagine what he's had to go through to lead him to this point. She wants to help him, she wants him to be happy. But she doesn't really know what to do or say. She wishes Steve was here so he'd be more comfortable. Steve had said he was doing well, but apparently he must only be doing well when Steve's here.

 When Bruce and Bucky come back out she calls Bucky over to her. "Sit with me. If you want to, it's not an order." She says.

 Bucky sits down next to her. 

 "Are you doing okay? I know you miss Steve. He will be back soon." She says.

 The silence is uncomfortable. She knows he can't speak and won't answer but she wishes he would. Instead he just sits there staring blankly and looking tense and uncomfortable. 

 "You don't have to be so scared, you know. None of us here will hurt you. At least, not us three. I think Tony feels bad for what he did. But none of us will hurt you." Says Natasha. "I don't think you remember. But you trained me in the red room. You were the only one who was nice to me and the other girls. The other trainers were brutal, cold and unfeeling. They didn't care that we were just little girls, just children. They only cared about our skills and what we could offer. But you cared."

 The Soldier is looking her in the eyes now, seeming to be paying attention. 

 "I remember when one of the trainers got out his whip. He raised it to whip one of the girls for stumbling. but you snatched it from his hand, whipped him with it instead. In the face. He lost an eye, you know." She continues. "After that some men came out and dragged you away somewhere. I had hoped they wouldn't punish you too harshly. But I know they did." She sighs. "The point is, you cared about us. You protected us, even to your own detriment. You have nothing to fear from me. It's my turn to care about you. I owe it to you. And I don't blame you for shooting me in D.C., or in Odessa. I know it wasn't you."

 Bucky seems to be listening intently now, actually focusing on what she's saying. He opens his mouth as if to speak, but closes it again. He tries again, but all he can say is "N". He stutters just repeating the "N".

 "Natalia." She says for him.

 Bucky nods. 

 Natasha smiles. So he does remember. "I'll protect you. You're safe." She says, and she means it. 

 She spends the rest of the day talking to him, soothing him when he's scared, taking care of him. She tells herself that even when Steve is back, she needs to start coming and spending time with him. She feels like he needs her. And maybe she needs him too.

☆

 It's nearly 4 AM by the time Steve stumbles out of the elevator, exhausted and sore from the mission. He startles a little seeing Nat sitting on his couch, just staring.

 "Hey." She says.

 "Hey." He replies. He already knew she was here taking care of Bucky with Sam and Bruce. JARVIS had told him when he walked into the Tower. He guesses Tony got tired of playing "babysitter." JARVIS had told him Tony wanted to talk to him when he has the chance, but Steve doesn't know what about.

 "Bucky is sleeping." Nat says. "Sam and Bruce went to their floors to go to bed, too. I told them I'd stay in case Bucky needed something."

 "Thanks." Steve says. "I hope he hadn't been too much of a handful."

 "No. He's been very well behaved, all things considered. But he just seems off. When you've talked about him you've said how well he was doing, how he had been crying less and not scared all the time, and even started speaking a little. But he's been more like how you said he was when he first got here. I think he's kind of, regressed. Like gone backwards. I'm a little worried for him, Steve." Nat says.

 "I'm sure he just misses me is all. Maybe he's not as comfortable around everyone else. I have been taking care of him all this time and he's not used to me not being there." Says Steve.

 Natasha nods, although she seems skeptical. "If it's fine with the both of you, I'd like to spend more time with him. We've kind of connected over the past couple days. I want to help him, too. And I want to help you beat Tony's ass."

 "For what?" Steve asks, immediately worried about her last sentence. "What did Tony do?"

 Natasha is quiet for a minute. "I figured you already knew." She says. "But I don't want to get you all riled up now. Go shower and take care of Bucky. You're right, he misses you. We can talk tomorrow." 

 Steve hesitates. If Tony did something to Bucky worth fighting about he wants to know. Tony wouldn't hurt Bucky, right? But Natasha is right. Bucky needs him, and besides that he's too beat up and tired right now and he wants nothing more than a shower and to cuddle his Bucky in bed.

 He says his goodnights to Natasha and she leaves to go to her floor. He takes a shower, and goes to his room. Bucky is in bed asleep, under his weighted blanket, and for some reason clutching one of Steve's shirts to his face. He lays down next to Bucky, pulling him close. Bucky must wake up when he feels the bed move and Steve's arm around him, because he tenses up.

 "It's just me, Buck. I told you I'd come back to you. I missed you so much." Steve says, kissing Bucky's cheek.

 Bucky turns his head to look at him, and Steve is worried to see him start crying. "Bucky, what's wrong?" He asks, raising a hand to wipe Bucky's tears.

 He drops his hand though when Bucky flinches and starts sobbing.

 "Bucky, it's me, Steve! I told you I'd come back, remember? I love you. Always. Till the end of the line, remember?"

 Bucky doesn't stop crying, now trembling next to Steve and staring at him with blue eyes full of fear.

 Steve gets up out of bed and leaves the room. He stands outside the door for a few minutes, listening to Bucky cry. He can't believe it. Bucky doesn't remember him. Nat was right. He has gone backwards. He's afraid of Steve. All the progress they've made, just gone. And he can't help but feel like it's all his fault. He left Bucky alone when he was vulnerable and needed him. He should have fought harder against going on the mission. He should have demanded Fury pick someone esle. He should have reached harder for Bucky's hand on the train. He should have jumped after him. Bucky is suffering, he has been for decades, and it's all his fault.

 Steve goes out to the living room and collapses on the couch, his own sobs now accompanying the ones he can still hear from the bedroom.

These are kind of like the color I was imagining that Bucky liked at the nail salon. I've never gone to get my nails done so I hope I described good how they do it!

The middle finger with Steve's shield on it is how I'm imagining Bucky's fingernails