Chapter 10
Bucky looks around as Wanda leads him into the motel room. It's small, with 2 beds, a chair at a small round table, and a box TV nailed down to a dresser.
Pietro comes in and pushes Bucky towards a door across the room, which Bucky can only assume is the bathroom.
"Go shower, I can't stand your stink anymore!" He says.
"Pietro, be nice." Says Wanda. "But he's right. You should shower." She adds, speaking to Bucky.
Bucky walks into the tiny bathroom. He tries to figure out what to do. He remembers Steve bathing him, and he remembers HYDRA bathing him. Steve would wash him nice and gentle in warm water with nice smelling soaps. HYDRA would spray him down with freezing water from a hose. He doesn't know which is the right way, and can't figure out how to do either way himself.
He walks back out of the bathroom.
"What's wrong?" Wanda asks.
Bucky can't form an answer verbally, he doesn't know why he can't figure out talking. He knows he used to be able to talk. So he just shrugs.
"Come on." Wanda says, pulling Bucky back into the bathroom. She turns on the water. "Do you need help?" She asks.
Bucky nods.
Wanda starts getting him undressed. Pietro walks in then. "Wanda!" He exclaims.
"He needs help." Wanda says.
"I'll help him then. You go buy supplies. He will need clothes to put on, anyway."
Wanda walks out and Pietro gets Bucky undressed. He gets Bucky's pants down and gives him a look that Bucky thinks is best described as "disgusted". He feels an emotion he doesn't think he's felt in decades. He wonders what it is before remembering. He's embarrassed.
"Wanda?" Pietro calls. She comes in and her eyes widen a little when she sees, but she isn't as blatantly disgusted as her brother.
"Don't worry, Bucky. We'll get you taken care of." She says. "You better be nice to him, Pietro. No teasing. He's been through enough."
"I wasn't teasing!" Pietro calls after Wanda as she leaves.
Pietro removes the overflowing diaper, making the disgusted face again and holding it as far away from himself as possible. "Get in the shower." He says before leaving the bathroom.
Bucky turns and steps into the shower. The water is warm as it hits him. He can't figure out how to wash, but he assumes Pietro will be back to help him.
Pietro doesn't come back for 10 minutes. "You haven't even washed yourself yet? What have you been doing?!"
Bucky shrugs. He really needs to figure out speech again. He wants to tell Pietro he needs help.
Pietro grabs a tiny plastic wrapped bar of soap off the sink. He unwraps it and handed it to Bucky. Bucky looks at it for a moment, and looks to Pietro for some kind of direction.
"Seriously, man?" Pietro says. He takes the soap back and rubs Bucky all over with it. He washes him everywhere except his ass and between his legs.
"You wash yourself there. Go on." Pietro says.
Bucky rubs the tiny soap on himself just as he watched Pietro do it. Then he lets the shower spray rinse it off.
Pietro turns off the water. He starts to pull Bucky out of the shower, but seems to change his mind. "You just stay in there until Wanda gets back. Better to have a mess in the shower we can just spray off than a mess to clean off the floor." He says. He does grab a towel off the rack and wraps it around Bucky's shoulders though, and another towel which he wraps around Bucky's waist. Bucky is grateful for that. He would have been cold.
Pietro leaves the room again. Bucky stands in the shower and waits as told.
Wanda is back in about 15 more minutes. Bucky hears her enter the room.
Pietro comes back into the bathroom, setting some clothes on the closed toilet lid and leaving again. Bucky steps out of the shower, assuming that was permission. He picks up the clothes. There's a pair of pajama pants with the New York Yankees logo all over them, a gray tee shirt that says "I ❤ NY", a pair of white socks, and a thin pull on diaper. He looks at the clothes and tries to remember how to use them. He remembers Steve dressing him, he remembers handlers putting him in his uniform. But he can't figure out how to do it himself.
He opens the bathroom door and walks out, still holding the clothes.
"Wanda turn around!" Pietro exclaims, staring at Bucky. "What are you doing? Get dressed! You can't walk out here naked in front of my sister!"
Bucky feels uncomfortable. In the back of his mind, for some reason he knows that being naked in front of people isn't right. But he can't really remember why. He looks at Pietro, and at the clothes. He hands Pietro the clothes.
Pietro grabs the clothes from him. "Lift your foot!" He says impatiently. He slips the diaper over Bucky's feet and pulls it up. He does the same with the pants and then pulls the shirt over Bucky's head, telling him to put his arms through the sleeves. He has Bucky sit on the bed and puts the socks on his feet.
"That diaper is too thin! Nothing like the one he was wearing. He's gonna go right through it." Pietro says to Wanda.
"Well that's all they had at the corner store. We'll just have to change him frequently." Wanda says. "You need to eat." She says to Bucky. She hands him a hot dog wrapped in foil. He scarfs it down fast. It barely eases his painful hunger. He needs more.
He watches Wanda and Pietro both holding their own foil wrapped hot dogs. He knows he shouldn't beg. Not only is it misbehavior but also in the back of his mind it feels like something he should be embarrassed about. But he's just so hungry.
He tries to make his best pleading face, looking to Wanda and pointing to her hot dog.
Wanda hands him her hot dog without hesitation, and then grabs Pietro's and hands it to him also.
"I wanted that!" Pietro says, annoyed.
"He needs it! Just look, Pietro he's starving!" Wanda says.
Bucky eats both hotdogs while Pietro stares angrily. Then he chugs down the bottle of soda Wanda gives him. Wanda picks up a grocery bag from the small table and hands that to Bucky, too. Its full of small bags of chips and snacks and candy bars and bottles of water. Bucky tears through it all, eating all the snacks and drinking all the water. Finally he feels better.
"Wanda! He ate all the food!" Pietro whines.
"He hasn't eaten in days, Pietro have some compassion! You just ate at lunch!" Wanda scolds. "You're okay, Bucky. Pietro is just selfish."
Pietro rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath.
Wanda turns on the TV to some black and white TV show, and sits with Bucky on the bed. She brushes his hair and hums to him. Pietro sits on the other bed with his arms crossed and still looking annoyed.
After a while, something makes a ringing noise. Pietro pulls something rectangular out of his pocket. Bucky recognizes it as a phone like he's seen Steve and Tony and Bruce use.
Pietro answers it. "No, we haven't found him yet." He says after a moment. "We got a room for the night so we can keep looking tomorrow." Another pause as Bucky assumes the person on the phone is talking. "Yes sir. Okay. Yes, we'll let you know as soon as we have him." Pietro hangs up.
"That was Rumlow." Pietro says. Bucky feels a stab of fear at the name of his commander. He whimpers. Wanda hugs him and pets his hair. "He was asking about Bucky." Pietro says. "I told him we haven't found him."
"Good." Says Wanda. She turns to Bucky. "Tomorrow we will take you back to Steve. But tonight we just need to lay low. You don't need to worry. We won't let Rumlow get you." She tells him.
"Steve." Bucky says. He's glad he can at least say that. He really wants Steve right now.
"We'll get you to Steve." Wanda tells him. "We'll go early in the morning, before the sun is up. We have to be sure nobody sees."
"Steve." Bucky says again, because it's at least something he can say. And he misses Steve so much, he doesn't want to forget him again.
"Yes. In the morning. I promise." Says Wanda.
That's when Bucky all of a sudden feels really warm, and really wet. He knows he's pissing even though he didn't have any sort of feeling or warning beforehand. He tries to remember how to stop and wait, he knows he used to be able to hold it in, and he can't remember why he can't anymore. He feels his face flush and he gets that foreign yet vaguely familiar feeling again, embarrassment. He knows the diapers Steve gave him would only feel wet for a second, then just warm because they soaked up everything quickly, and usually he wouldn't be uncomfortable in those until he'd gone 2 or 3 times. But this diaper is clearly inferior and much lower quality, because it just feels wet, and it gets soaked fast because it's barely absorbing anything, and then piss is just running straight out of it from both sides into his pants.
He's still trying to remember how to cut off the stream, but then it's too late because he's already finished, and the cheap diaper is extremely uncomfortable now, completely soaked and getting cold fast, and his pants are also soaked, and there's a big wet spot surrounding him on the blanket when he dares to look.
Now along with the embarrassed feeling, he feels intense fear. That one isn't unfamiliar at all. He barely remembers ever feeling embarrassed, but he can think of countless times he's felt fear. HYDRA loved making him feel fear.
He knows Wanda and Pietro don't mean him harm, they want to help. But trying to rationalize doesn't make the fear go away. He knows now that he's not the Asset anymore, and there's no more punishment, and no reason to be afraid. But he just can't shake the fear and dread, and the feeling that he is going to be punished. He doesn't know why, and he hates it.
He can feel tears coming and he knows he needs to hold them back. There's no reason for the fear and there's no reason to cry. It just makes the embarrassed feeling worse now, which in turn makes it harder not to cry. He hates everything about this.
He can feel his lower lip trembling as he tries to keep his eyes dry, so he bites it to keep it still. This is all too much. Maybe he can just try to stay inconspicuous. Maybe he can keep the piss a secret, at least until he knows he won't cry.
Bucky grabs one of the pillows from the head of the bed and puts it on his lap. It covers his pants and most of the wet spot under him, but not all of it.
Wanda will have to get up eventually, so Bucky waits. And when she does get up off the bed, he grabs the blanket and wraps it around himself and lays down. Now nobody will see.
"You're tired?" Wanda asks.
Bucky nods even though it's a lie. He doesn't even think he'll be able to sleep, he misses Steve too much.
"I guess we should sleep anyway. We're getting up early." Wanda says. "You don't need anything before you go to sleep?"
"Check his diaper," Pietro says. "He ate all the food and drank all the drinks. What goes in has to come out."
Bucky's eyes widen and he quickly shakes his head no at the suggestion.
"You don't need to change?" Wanda asks, looking skeptical.
Bucky shakes his head again. He doesn't know why he's still so embarrassed and afraid.
"Why are you crying?" Wanda asks, concerned now.
Bucky didn't even realize he was crying. He'd been trying so hard not to.
Now he's pretty sure he's found out, and that just makes him feel worse, more embarrassed and more afraid.
"Shhhh... it's okay. You need to keep quiet though." Wanda says, to Bucky who's now openly sobbing.
"You'll draw attention to our room, if we get noise complaints we might get put out." Pietro says.
Bucky tries to calm down and he hates all these new emotions that he can't seem to control. He just wants Steve. Steve can make it all better.
"Steve. Steve. Steve!" Bucky sobs, jumping up snd pushing the brother and sister away as the blanket, his cover, drops to the floor. His fear is turning to anger and he doesn't understand why.
"Okay. Okay. In the morning. You'll see Steve in the morning. Just a few hours. It's okay." Wanda says trying to calm Bucky down.
"I told you those diapers were useless." Pietro says. "Hardly any point in even having him wear it."
Knowing that Pietro noticed just makes Bucky more embarrassed, more scared, and more angry. He knows Pietro can't and won't punish him but he can't get rid of the fear that he will.
Before he can think he's lunging at Pietro, but he's stopped in his tracks as calm washes over him. He sees Steve. Memories of Steve playing in his head.
"Calm down." Wanda says firmly. She has her hands on his head. She's controlling his mind. Bucky starts feeling panic now. She's controlling his mind, just like HYDRA.
The panic disappears almost as quickly as it came. "I'm not controlling your mind, Bucky." Wanda says. Apparently she can see what he's thinking when she does this. "I'm just calming you down. There's nothing to be afraid of. We won't hurt you. We will get you to Steve. It's okay."
"Steve?" Bucky says quietly.
"Yes. You'll see Steve soon." Wanda soothes. "Pietro, change him now while he's calm."
Pietro gets Bucky' wet pants off, and rips the sides of the soaked pull up, taking it off of Bucky. Then he wipes him with a towel and puts another pull up on him.
"Put on 2, and lay all the towels on his bed." Wanda says.
Pietro puts another pull up diaper on Bucky so now he's wearing 2, and lays the towels on the bed like Wanda suggested.
"Now wash his pants in the sink, and run with them until they're dry. I'll put him to bed." Says Wanda. "Lay down, Bucky."
Bucky lays on the bed, on top of the towels. Wanda reaches for the other bed with one hand, while keeping the other on Bucky's head. She grabs the blanket from the other bed, and covers Bucky with it.
"It's time to sleep, Bucky. Soon you'll be back with Steve, I know he misses you too. You've been so good, he'd be very proud of you. Now sleep." Wanda says, as Bucky's mind goes blank and he instantly falls asleep.
☆
Bucky wakes up to voices. He opens his eyes but he can't see, it's too dark. He starts to panic, starts to scramble off the bed, before he sees a pink glow and he's suddenly calm.
"It's just us, Bucky, remember? It's Wanda and Pietro." Wanda says.
Bucky does remember. He just woke up confused. He nods.
"You can get up now. We're taking you to Steve." She says.
"Steve!" Bucky says. He gets up, realizing he's soaked again. As soon as he stands up pee runs down his legs from the diapers. The towels are soaked too, and the bed under them. He starts to get scared before Wanda makes him calm.
Pietro changes him again, putting another pull up diaper on him and the pants he was wearing yesterday. He helps Bucky put on his shoes then. The sun isn't up yet, it must be really early. Wanda leaves money on the bed, for housekeeping for the wet bed, she says.
They walk to the door, and open it. That's when Pietro grabs both Bucky and Wanda's hands, and suddenly they're moving so fast that everything is just a blur.
Bucky starts to panic, now he definitely has a reason to be afraid because what the fuck is going on? But then suddenly they're in front of the Tower.
Wanda takes a minute to calm Bucky down again with her pink glow. "Here's your stop, Bucky. Steve will be so glad to see you." She says, hugging him.
Pietro pats Bucky on the shoulder. "Maybe we'll see you again sometime, big guy."
They wait and watch to make sure Bucky walks in the doors. Then Pietro grabs Wanda's hand, and they suddenly disappear.
Bucky stands in the lobby of Avengers tower, looking through the glass doors at where the Maximoff twins were just standing. He's still confused about where they went.
Then the elevator doors open, and Steve comes running out. "Bucky!"
"Steve!" Bucky whines, running to Steve. He holds on tight as Steve hugs him, and he doesn't understand why he's crying when he's not sad or afraid, he's happy.
"God, Bucky! Where were you?" Steve asks. He sounds like he's crying too.
"Steve." Bucky says. He's so glad to be back with Steve.