A new start
A full month of training with Mary had passed when Mother Superion gave information about a new mission. That wasn't the most exciting part, the Halo Bearer would go along.
Camila and Shannon were... friends? They spent time together, but they weren't as close as Shannon and Beatrice were, there was a clear difference between the two friendships; but Camila didn't care about that. If she happened to go to the mission, they wouldn't go as friends, they would go as teammates, coworkers. They'd be Warrior Sisters and Warrior Nun. Nothing more.
"So, do you think Mother Superion will choose me?" Camila's tone was a bit nervous and unsure, she had been training harder than usual during her time with Mary, and she knew she was a good candidate for the mission, but when her eyes fell on Lilith, Beatrice or Mary, she would hear a tiny voice in the back of her head telling her that perhaps she's not good enough. Not yet.
She felt a hand on her shoulder, Beatrice smiled at her and nodded slightly, "I have a feeling she will, you're strong, smart and know how to act in team, that is what Mother Superion looks for when she decides who goes on missions," she explained, Mary nodding along the words to let Camila know that Beatrice was telling the truth, "That's not the only stuff she looks for, but yeah, it's sort of what matters the most to her," their words comforted Camila, allowing her to take a deep breath she didn't know she needed. Her mind wondered to her training with Mary, remembering everything she learned from her, and then it wondered a bit more, to Lilith.
It had been over a month since the last time Lilith spent time with them, and as much as Camila tried to get over it, deep down she knew it was all her fault. Beatrice and Mary kept telling her that she didn't know, that it wasn't just her fault, that everything would be okay, but she didn't know if she could believe their words. Lying is not something that Nuns are supposed to do, it's a sin after all, but Camila thought of the possibility that they didn't consider it a lie. She thought they were just trying to make her feel better. It took Shannon, the Halo Bearer herself, the warrior sent by God, for Camila to believe what they said.
"She likes you, she will eventually move on," for some odd reason, Shannon's words made Camila blush slightly, Lilith liked her, they were friends, Lilith knew that Camila meant no harm with her words. But was that enough to forgive her and move on?
As much as Camila tried to convince herself that everything would be okay, something in her made her think she was stupid for even thinking things would be okay. She doesn't know what it was that made her think that, but she had a feeling, she felt uneasy thinking about it. She didn't know what to do, so she did what Beatrice would do whenever she felt this way. Training.
Camila looked everywhere for Mary, but when she finally found her she couldn't even get a word out. Mary was speaking to Lilith, who had her back turned to Camila without knowing, so Camila saw Lilith but Lilith didn't see her. Camila didn't know what to do, she wanted to leave but at the same time she wanted to stay, to finally see Lilith and talk to her and apologize and beg for things to back to normal. But she didn't do anything.
She didn't do anything.
Mary noticed her, but she didn't say a word, she made sure her eyes landed on Camila's when Lilith was looking away, she made sure Lilith didn't see Camila. And Camila didn't know how to feel about it.
Camila waited for Mary, sitting against a wall nearby, in a spot Lilith wouldn't pay attention to; she waited for a few minutes until Mary found her. They left the place quietly, and Camila waited until they were in the training area to speak, "How is she?" Camila asked quickly, staring at Mary as she waited for an answer, Mary sighed and smiled at her friend's worry for the girl, "She's okay, she just needed a hug," Mary said, Camila smiled a bit and nodded a few times as she took a few breathes to calm her anxiety. "Can we train?"
When it became night Mother Superion called some Sisters to her office, Beatrice and Lilith included. Camila's hope died a bit and she turned to go to her room, but then she heard Mother Superion's voice calling for her. She went into the office and was met with smiles from Beatrice and Shannon, her eyes caught a small glimpse of Lilith, who was at the end of the room, leaning against the wall, smiling softly, proud of Camila.
And that meant the world to her.
"Everyone pay attention, this is all you need to know about the mission," Mother Superion's voice is loud enough to get everyone's attention, but not loud enough for the rest of the sisters on the other side of that door to hear.
Camila had never been in a situation like this, she didn't quite know what her job would be in the mission, so she paid attention to everything Mother Superion said, if she had any doubts about it, she would ask Beatrice. Her eyes scanned the room, focusing on the Sisters, she didn't recognize most of them, and if she did, she only knew their names. She was so focused on the people that she didn't pay enough attention to the rest of the information Mother Superion gave; and before she noticed, the meeting was over.
She made sure to leave the room behind Beatrice, quickly getting her attention once they were a few feet away from the office, "What am I supposed to do?" she asked, Beatrice smiled and kept walking, "Our tasks are assigned before the mission, don't worry, Mother Superion will give you something she knows you'll be good at, and I will be right next to you, you have nothing to worry about," Camila bit her tongue before she asked what she had been wanting to ask since she heard Lilith's name being called.
"Will Lilith be there too? Right next to me?" she asked, and the question made Beatrice stop walking and turn around to see her, and Camila didn't know what to call the look on Beatrice's face. Pity? Sadness? She didn't know what it was, perhaps it was a combination of many emotions; Beatrice opened her mouth to speak but the words died in her mouth before she could even get a chance to say them. Camila had tears in her eyes.
Beatrice didn't know what to do, and before she could think of something, Camila left. The right thing to do was to follow her, to reassure her, but that's not something Beatrice knew how to do, so she simply let Camila go, hoping she would feel better by the next day. For the mission.
Before Camila reached her room she found Lilith about to knock on her door, suddenly the anxiety she had been feeling all day disappeared, getting replaced with happiness, "Hey, Lilith," Camila said as she approached her, opening the door to her room and stepping in. She waited for Lilith to step in, but she simply stared in front of the door, lingering there, not moving, "I just, um, wanted to congratulate you for the mission, Mary said you've been training really hard lately, so, that's all," Lilith felt as if she had said more than what was needed, but the smile on Camila's face showed her it was just enough, "Thank you, Lilith."
They lingered for a bit, both unsure of what to do or say, but with zero intentions of leaving or closing the door. Camila knew she had missed Lilith, but she wondered if Lilith had missed her too, she wondered if she meant to Lilith what Lilith meant to her.
After an awkward silence that lasted a few moments, Lilith turned around to leave the hall, but Camila didn't want her to go. It was the first time they spoke in a month, she didn't want it to be over yet. She wanted to keep talking, she wanted to keep watching her. She wanted her friend back.
But she didn't reach for her. She let her go.
Once the door was closed and Camila was in bed she wonders if Lilith wanted her to stop her, if Lilith wanted to keep talking, or just keep staring at each other. She wondered if Lilith wanted her back. But she will never know.
The next day, as night approached, everyone chosen for the mission was getting ready; fixing their clothes, their hair, grabbing their weapons and everything else that they needed. Mary helped Camila get ready, fixing her habit and handing her the knives every Sister had; Mary knew how nervous Camila was, she remembered how nervous she was in her first official mission with the Warrior Nun, she knew Camila was no different.
Mary wasn't the type to comfort with words, but she knew she had to ease Camila's nervousness somehow, "Hey, look at me," Mary got Camila's attention after a few seconds, she leaned over slightly, just a bit to be at Camila's eye level, "You're going to do great, okay? It'll be okay, it's a simple mission," she said, and her voice soothed Camila slowly, "we'll be back soon, and you will be amazing, and you'll keep having missions with us, okay? Today is a new start, Cam, and you'll do amazing," Mary's voice is convincing, and it's everything Camila needed. She smiled and Mary smiled in return, she patted her shoulder and finished fixing Camila's habit.
Camila walked over to Beatrice and smiled, waiting for her to finish getting ready. Once everyone had what they needed they started to clear the room, going outside to the black vans they were going to leave in, Camila and Beatrice were of the few that stayed behind a little longer, the other two were Mary and Shannon. Camila couldn't stop smiling at Shannon's outfit, especially at the Halo on her back, which looked amazing. As they left the place, Camila noticed Mary and Shannon staying behind a little longer, just a minute more.
"They always do that, they mostly say how much they love each other, loving the Warrior Nun isn't easy," Beatrice explained once they were in the van after Camila asked what were they doing, and that answer left Camila thinking. How bad is it to love the Warrior Nun?
And then her eyes fell on Lilith, and she remembered what Lilith thought was her purpose, to be a Warrior Nun. If Lilith had been the Warrior Nun, would someone be afraid to love her? Or would they be brave, like Mary, and love without fear? And if she loved Lilith as the Halo Bearer, would she be brave? Would her love be enough?
Camila's mind was filled with fears and anxiety and half made thoughts that didn't let her think of the mission. But then she felt one Beatrice's hand on her shoulder, and then she noticed Mary and Shannon smiling at her, even Lilith smiled at her. And she knew she had nothing to worry about. Her friends were with her.
She'd be okay.