This family is a nightmare
Best of both world:
Country legend: can we change our names? Can we please change our names?
Oz: I like mine
(Bi)shop: literally no one cares do whatever you want
Country legend: woooh someone’s grumpy
(Bi)shop: stfu
Pool of dad: let’s have matching names
Country legend: you aren’t allowed to choose them, wade
Pool of dad: :(
Country legend: i said no
Pool of dad: peeeeeteeeeey
Country legend: nope
Pool of dad: you’re being mean, parker
Spear me: peter stop making wade sad
Watsupdog: yeah Peter you should be ashamed of yourself
Damon Von Darkness: that’s low peter
(Bi)shop: fuck you parker
Country legend: you won’t guilt trip me that easily
Country legend: i can stick to my guns, thank you very much
Country legend: i can stick to a lot of things actually
Spear me: why are you making a big deal of names?
Country legend: i am not?
Spear me: you kinda are
Country legend: but i’m not ?
Spear me: alright if you say so
Country legend: omg fine
Country legend:@pool of dad have fun i guess
Pool of dad: yesssss
Maya&Matt:
Matt: smooth
Maya: I have no idea what you’re talking about
Matt: no offence but i’m a lawyer
Matt: I recognise bullshit and petty psychological tricks when I smell it
Maya: you don’t sound creepy at all
Bruh:
Harry: not Maya using her cool girl status on peter lmao
Kate: well done, Lopez
Best of both worlds:
Pool of dad changed their name to Dad
Dad changed Country legend’s name to Nerdy child
Dad changed Oz’s name to Brat
Brat: wade?
Dad: sorry kiddo but the thematics is family roles
Brat: wow
Brat: betrayed by a father figure once again
Dad changed (Bi)shop’s name to Angsty child
Angsty child: excuse you?
Angsty child: everyone in this hellish gc is angsty
Brat: we know kate, you are, in fact, like other girls
Angsty child: you really are a brat
Dad: that’s a fair point kate
Dad changed Angsty child’s name to Angry child
Angry child: …
Angry child: fair enough
Dad changed Bartonder’s name to Disaster uncle
Angry child: lmao where’s the lie?
Nerdy child: wade woke up and choose violence
Dad changed Damon Von Darkness’ name to depressed uncle
Dad changed Spear me’s name to Cool child
Dad changed Watsupdog’s name to Smart child
Smart child: this isn’t bad actually
Nerdy child: wade is playing favourite
Dad: you were mean you deserve it
Brat: but what did i do?
Depressed uncle: being a brat
Brat: matt?!
Brat: what about the redhead solidarity?
Depressed uncle: I don’t see colours
Nerdy child: dd I swear
Disaster uncle: that was a good one
Depressed uncle: thanks
Brat: I hate all of you
Barnes&Wilson associates
Wilson: i’m at the store. You want anything?
Barnes: na i’m good
Barnes: wait actually no
Barnes: could you bring me one of those brushes people use for horses?
Wilson: ???
Barnes: it’s for bertie
Wilson: yeah I know but where am I supposed to find that?
Barnes: no idea you’re the one who proposed to buy me stuff
Barnes: actually bertie’s tiny so maybe a catbrush?
Sam&Nat
Sam: Natasha
Sam: Natasha please
Sam: bucky brought a goat with him
Sam: like, I don’t mind him that much
Sam: but a goat? I didn’t agree to that
Nat: why does everyone assume I have any control over james’s actions whatsoever?
Sam: because you do
Sam: he listens to you for some reason
Nat: rude, samuel
Sam: Natasha what do i do with a tiny goat?
Nat: let it be
Sam: it’s chewing on my curtains
Nat: pshit it with water
Sam: you don’t want bucky to get rid of it do you?
Nat: he’s just so happy
Nat: i’m not a monster
Best of both worlds:
Dad: just so you know, Ellie wants to vibes check you guys
Smart child: how does Ellie know what a vibe check is?
Dad: i dunno kids are weird and powerful
Dad: anyway send pics of you, kids
Brat: i got you
Brat sent a picture
Cool child: your description, harry
Brat: oh right sorry
Brat: it is the picture i took of peter after he embarrassed himself in front of shangqi, wong and xialing. He has his face smashed on the table
Brat sent a picture with the caption: selfie of me in my office. There’s a gigantic tower of paperwork on my desk and I look like an exhausted mad scientist with bloodshot eyes and my hair going in every direction
Brat sent a picture with the caption: MJ sitting on a bench with sunlight making her looks like an ethereal being
Nerdy child: how come mj doesn’t get to have an embarrassing picture of them shared with the world?
Brat: there’s no such thing as an embarrassing picture of MJ
Nerdy child: very good point have a nice day
Angry child: lmao Harry how did you manage to accumulate so much paperwork?
Brat: 🌸procrastination🌸
Angry child: valid
Angry child: anyway
Angry child sent a picture with the caption: selfy of me in my suit
Nerdy child: oh no you don’t get to benefit from the MJ joker
Nerdy child: the MJoker
The nerdy child sent a picture with the caption: our heroine after she spilled coffee on her suit. She’s making the same face as a startled displeased cat
Disaster uncle: oooh I like this one thank you Peter
Nerdy child: anytime
Disaster uncle: wade do you really need me to send you an embarrassing pic of me?
Dad: no I have plenty of those you’re good
Depressed uncle sent a picture with the caption: wake me up inside
Images description: Matt laying on the floor, radiating angst because of course he is
Smart child: it is funny but also, Matt are you alright?
Depressed uncle: yeah don’t worry
Smart child: but i do?
Disaster uncle: who took it?
Depressed uncle: Claire
Depressed uncle: she said that sometimes when her patients or coworkers are getting on her nerves, she looks at it to remind herself things could be worse
Cool child: I have to meet her
Cool child: sorry people but i didn’t find any embarrassing picture of myself so here’s a picture of me pretending to be chill after discovering my father was a murderer during an event he had organised
Cool child sent a picture
Images description: Maya looking stern and collected and wearing a burgundy suit
Smart child: women
Angry child: women
Angry child: wait so maya can have a nice picture?
Nerdy child: if maya says she doesn’t have bad pics of herself I believe her
Smart child: yeah that just makes sense