When I was a young boy
Best of both worlds:
Dette-poule changed their name to pool of dad
Pool of dad: alright
Pool of dad i’ve taken Ellie to school after the whole morning routine
Pool of dad: i’ve done the grocery
Pool of dad: i’ve cleaned up the apartment
Pool of dad: i’ve sharpened my knives collection
Pool of dad: i can’t take it anymore
Pool of dad: what happened last night????
(Bi)shop: we have questions
Watsupdog: I have questions as well
Watsupdog: like : does Xialing like girls?
Country legend: mj
Watsupdog: Peter
Pool of dad: @cross roads demon what happened?
Cross roads demon: i lost a bet against Wong and had to sing a duet with shangqi
Cross roads demon: which was excruciating at the time but retrospectively fun
Cross roads demon: then we got smashed
Cross roads demon: which was fun at the time but excruciating now
Bartonder: what did you sing?
Cross roads demon : … don’t stop believin’
Watsupdog: you just happen to know all the lyrics to don’t stop belivin’ ?
Cross roads demon: I blame my college roommate
Pool of dad: hold on a fucking second
Country legend: oh shit
Pool of dad: you sang don’t stop believing with shangqi???
Pool of dad: but you refused to sing it with me ???
Pool of dad: even when I begged you ?
Pool of dad : even when I offered to kill fisk for you ???
Bartonder: wade you really thought he’d be ok with murder?
Pool of dad: i mean, it was fisk? It wasn’t that impossible
Pool of dad: no offence @spear me
Spear me: none taken
Pool of dad: my point being: what can shangqi give you that I can’t???
Cross roads demon: peace and quiet
Watsupdog: he didn’t seem like a quiet dude last night
Cross roads demon: also i had lost a bet
Watsupdog: sounds more like it
Oz: can we focus on the important questions ?
Oz: does shangqi like guys?
Country legend: harry
Oz: peter
Oz: also rip to my daredevil google doc
Oz changed Cross roads demon’s name to Another redhead
Another redhead: wow
Another redhead : so that’s it? I’m just another redhead now?
Another redhead: that’s what you decided to focus on?
Oz: yes, yes it is
Another redhead: wow
Oz: actually I still can’t believe you’re called matt
Another redhead: what’s wrong with my name?
Oz: idk it’s so mundane man
Oz: like… matt
Another redhead: sorry I can’t be Damon Von Darkness
Country legend: djfjfjgjfjfj dd
Watsupdog: please mr von darkness sir, what’s your backstory?
Oz changed Another redhead’s name to Damon Von Darkness
Damon Von Darkness: i was born on a Friday the thirteenth during a dark and stormy night
Damon Von Darkness: sadly, my mother died that night. Her ghost has been haunting the family mansion since
Watsupdog: literally or figuratively?
Damon Von Darkness: yes
Damon Von Darkness: predictably, my father, Damian Von Darkness, reacted poorly to his wife’s tragic departure
Spear me: what was your mother’s name?
Damon Von Darkness : Dolores
Pool of dad: kdkdjdjdjdj red
Damon Von Darkness: i grew up surrounded by my absent father and my older siblings: Agatha and Caliban
Damon Von Darkness: but they, just like my father, blamed me for my mother’s death. I didn’t care much, i did kill her after all, sucked the life out of her like that baby with a dumb name in twilight.
Bartonder: metal
Damon Von Darkness: isn’t it?
Damon Von Darkness: i spent my formative years lurking in the shadows, taking care of a spider and tormenting other children
Spear me: you still do some of those things
Country legend: you can take the boy out of the creepy mansion but you can’t take the creepy mansion out of the boy
Damon Von Darkness: i was perfectly content but things changed the day of my fourth birthday
Bartonder: he killed his dad
(Bi)shop: the father killed himself
Damon Von Darkness: my father killed himself. I found his lifeless carcase in his office.
(Bi)shop: called it
Bartonder: shit I should have guessed it’d be a suicide
Damon Von Darkness: He had left a letter on his desk, just next to The half-full bottle of bleach he had drunk from. Obviously, I was too young to read it so I begged my siblings to read it out loud to me.
Damon Von Darkness: I’ll never forget those words. No amount of alcohol or dramatic monologue addressed to my dog or my agonising enemies can sooth the burning wound they left on my tortured, wretched soul
Damon Von Darkness: How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb
Without a soul,
Damon Von Darkness: my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
Pool of dad: wait a sec
Pool of dad: matt, no skfkdkgkdkfk
Damon Von Darkness: Wake me up, wake me up inside
I can't wake up, wake me up inside
Pool of dad: i can’t believe you, redthew
Damon Von Darkness: save me
Damon Von Darkness: call my name and save me from the dark
Country legend: omg dd you’re the worst
Damon Von Darkness: Wake me up
Bartonder: before you go go
(Bi)shop: when September ends
Country legend: when it’s all over
Oz: matt dkdjdkfkdj stop
Damon Von Darkness: you’re laughing?
Damon Von Darkness: my father printed the lyrics to an emo song, signed it and was like: yeah, that’ll do
Damon Von Darkness: and you’re laughing???
Damon Von Darkness: he didn’t even mention me! I killed his wife!
Spear me: matt are you alright?
Damon Von Darkness: sure, why would you ask?
Watsupdog: wait what happened after your dad’s death?
Damon Von Darkness: we were token in by our aunt: lilith von darkness
Damon Von Darkness: i kept on being d4rk until a pixie manic fairy dream girl reformed me
Spear me: she got fridged and you were so sad you became a vigilante to avenge her
Damon Von Darkness: how did you guess?
Oz: I don’t know what the fuck was that but i loved it
Wilson&Barnes associates:
Barnes: hey sam
Barnes: saaaam
Barnes: samueeeeeel
Barnes: samie boy
Wilson: what the hell barnes do you know what time it is here?
Barnes: i do, samuel
Barnes: it’s almost 5 am
Wilson: so you are being a nuisance on purpose? That makes sense actually
Barnes: wow, so rude
Barnes: gonna tell your mother you left me waiting outside instead of letting me in like a real gentleman would had
Barnes: she didn’t raise you like that, samuel
Wilson: ?
Wilson: stop buzzing I’m coming
Wilson: christ