Kara-not-oke
The maths of love triangle:
Bother half: goooooood morning harry and future loser
Better half: don’t talk too fast, Parker, you might regret it
Bitter half: oh right it’s today
Bother half: it is today!!!
Better half: today, i’ll wheep the floor with spidey’s sorry ass
Bitter half: kinky
Bitter half: but what will the winner get?
Bother half: that’s a great question
Better half: satisfaction is sufficient to me
Bother half: sounds like a coward answer to me
Better half: fine, what do you want if you somehow win?
Better half: which won’t happen anyway
Bother half: hum, idk?
Better half: you’re useless, parker
Bruh :
Harry: my partners are fighting and i am conflicted
Harry: like, it’s too early for so much noise and i need coffee rn
Harry: but on another hand, it is highly entertaining
Maya: you’re the worst osborn
Kate: and an idiot
Harry: rude?
Harry: also you two literally are the biggest bullies I know
Kate: so why are you surprised that we bully you?
Harry: that’s not fair i haven’t had my coffee yet
Harry: at this point i barely am able to distinguish who’s who’s
Maya changed their name to Kaya
Kate changed their name to Mate
Mate: sounds though buddy
Kaya: yeah it must be hard
Harry: just you wait for cafeinated harry to emerge
Kaya: I’m quaking in my boots
Devil’s advocates
The competent one: boys, we have a client
The best one: each time i hear these words, i feel an explosion of glitter in my stomach
The moody one: some days, i feel my faith waver
The moody one: then Karen will announce that we have a client and I believe that miracles do exist
The best one: so, who’s the person who’s going to pay the water bill this month?
The competent one: …
The competent one: danny rand
The best one: oh god
The moody one: oh hell
The best one: what did he do?
The competent one: I’ll explain everything when you get there but in short: burglaries
The best one: ???
The moody one: what the fuck ?
The competent one: i’ll tell you everything in person it’d be easier
The best one: yeah on my way!
The best one: he’s lucky I like food
The moody one: nothing stops you from becoming marcy’s trophe husband
The best one: matt you’re so right
The best one: do you think i can find someone to marry us before our meeting with danny?
The moody one: sorry, but I don’t dare ask favours from father lantom
The best one: understandable
The competent one: i mean, we could overcharge danny
The moody one: i mean, that wouldn’t be very professional, ethical or nice
The moody one: but he’s rich so who cares?
Best of both worlds :
Oz: guys, we need help
Cross roads demon: i’m at the office rn but i can leave
Cross roads demon: text me your position
Dette-poule: who do I have to kill?
(Bi)shop: are you guys ok?
Oz: ?
Oz: oh shit I didn’t mean it like that
Oz: nothing happened, we’re fine
Watsupdog: we appreciate your enthusiasm and your reactivity though
Cross roads demon: oh good
Cross roads demon: not gonna lie i was happy to have an excuse to leave but I’m glad you’re ok
Dette-poule: fuck don’t do that to me ever again
Oz: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to
Spear me: screenshotting harry’s apologies for archival purpose
Country legend: thank you maya
(Bi)shop: wtf osborn you don’t text a bunch of vigilantes that you need help if you don’t actually need help
(Bi)shop: dumbass
Bartonder: i made that mistake once
Bartonder: bucky and nat ran across the city and showed up to my apartment with half a billion weapons between the two of them
Bartonder: that was weirdly touching
Country legend: awwwww
Dette-poule: I’ve calmed down my inner dad
Dette-poule: so, what’s up?
Country legend: is it your inner dad if you are a dad?
Dette-poule: i have layers, like an onion
Cross roads demon: and you smell as bad
Dette-poule: get back to work, red
Cross roads demon: /
Oz: so
Oz: tonight mj and peter are going to have a karaoke duel
Dette-poule: the best kind of duel
Oz: but neither of them know what the winner will get in rewards
Oz: thus, we require assistance
(Bi)shop: the loser has to sing a very embarrassing song
Spear me: a favour for later
Dette-poule: the loser pays a the winner’s drinks
Watsupdog: na we already have Harry to pay drinks
Country legend: living our best trophe spouse life
The defenders is a stupid name :
Horny boy: guess what case I’m working on
The kid: Matt!
Horny boy: don’t matt! me you deserve to be shamed
Luke: what’s going on?
The kid: it was a mistake
The kid: an honest mistake I swear
Horny boy: it was fucking stupid
Jessica: you mind sharing with the class?
Jessica: please say no and shut up
Horny boy: danny is accused of burglary
Horny boy: actually, he is guilty of burglary
Luke: You did what?
The kid: it was an accident!
Jessica: you accidentally broke in ?
The kid: well no that part was on purpose
Luke: Matt, explain please
Horny boy: you know what? I won’t
Horny boy: danny, tell them what you did
The kid: oh fine
The kid: in short : i broke into an antiques shop because I thought one of the vases on display was a lost artefacts from K'un-Lun
The kid: a dangerous artefacts at that
Jessica: fuck danny why are you like that?
Luke: can’t you give the vase back and pay for the damage?
Horny boy: of course not, it’d be the sensible thing to do
Luke: leave him alone, matt
Horny boy: no
Horny boy: i had to be collected and professional during our meeting
Horny boy: now i get to pour the salt
The kid: matt, you should work on your anger issues
The kid: we could meditate together if you want to
Jessica: that’s the funniest shit I’ve witnessed in a while thank you danny
Jessica: I still think you’re a complete dumbass though
Luke: matt, you still with us?
Horny boy: yes
Luke: are you done with the salt ?
Horny boy: no
Jessica: is he ever?
Luke: good point
Luke: so, why can’t the vase be returned ?
The kid: …
The kid: i broke it
Jessica: no way
Horny boy: yes way
Jessica: I’m conflicted
Jessica: like, rand, you’re such an idiot it’s unbelievable and usually makes me want to punch you
Jessica: but it’s annoying horny boy and that’s always entertaining
The kid: you’re welcome?
Horny boy: I’m so tired
Luke: Claire is saying that it is your fault for not sleeping like a normal person
Jessica: is she reading over your shoulder?
Luke: oh no
Luke: i sent her screenshots
The kid: luke ?! Why would you?
Luke: because she’s working a lot and deserves to laugh at you guys
Jessica: fair
Horny boy: fair
The kid: fair
The best of both worlds :
Oz: folks you’ll never guess what just happened
Oz: we’re at the karaoke and mj and peter were channeling their inner theater kid
(Bi)shop: bruh
Oz: and I was at our table, enjoying the performance
Oz: and suddenly weird orange rings popped out of nowhere
Oz: kinda like dr strange’s portals you know?
Oz: and those 3 people walked through and one of them landded on our table and didn’t even fall on the floor
(Bi)shop: pity
Oz: he just made some gymnast move and ended up on his feet
Bartonder: dd is that you?
Oz: then he apologised, waved at me and ran to join his buddies who were laughing at him
Oz: meanwhile mj’s and peter’s performance has ended
Oz: wait
(Bi)shop: what ?
Oz: the oldest of the trio is talking to Peter?
Oz: @watsupdog do we know this guy?
Dette-poule: i think i have an idea of who it might be
Dette-poule: send pics if you can
Oz: uh
Oz: I won’t catch his face from where i am
Oz: Peter and MJ are back
Country legend: i want to die
Watsupdog: it’s ok babe
Spear me: what happened?
Oz: who were those guys?
Oz: sorry guys, Peter is too occupied being dramatic to type
Oz sent a picture
Image description: Peter with his cheek smashed on the table. A hand, probably MJ’s is patting his hair.
Spear me: that’s what happens when you channel your inner theater kid i guess
Dette-poule: petey boy you ok?
Country legend: i embarrassed myself
(Bi)shop: that’s surprising how?
Oz: she has a point
Country legend: harold can’t you be a supportive boyfriend for once?
Oz: that’d be easier if i knew what happened
Country legend: urgh, fine
Country legend: harry you saw those guys I talked to?
Oz: one of them literally fell on our table and somehow didn’t break it so yes, i saw them
Country legend: that was Shangqi, his sister Xialing and Wong
Oz: dude introduce me to Wong!
Country legend: I CAN’T
Oz: update: Peter banged his head on the table again
Watsupdog: fuck it I’m telling the story
(Bi)shop: thank god
Watsupdog: so, we were going back to our table when Peter saw these people and shouted out : shangqi!!! Wong!!!
Bartonder: ah yes, the lord of the rings
Country legend: shut up, clinton
Watsupdog: they looked at us, confused, and that was only then that Peter remembered that none of them knew him outside the suit
Spear me: oh Peter no
Watsupdog: actually, @country legend did you ever team up with shangqi?
Country legend: no/
Country legend: i just think he’s neat
Watsupdog: anyway
Watsupdog: in short, Peter pretended to be a fan
Watsupdog: which he is, but still, that was painful to watch
(Bi)shop: akfkfjdkdhdjdkdkdj
Country legend: i hate it there
Dette-poule: oh no baby boy it’s ok
Watsupdog: c’mon tiger, it wasn’t that bad
Watsupdog: they were super nice about it
Spear me: harry’s being suspiciously quiet
Watsupdog: he’s laughing too hard to write
Country legend: what the fuck ????
Watsupdog: uh?
Country legend:@cross roads demon what are you doing here?
Oz: what? Where????
Dette-poule: there’s so much going on i love it
Country legend: @cross roads demon answer you coward
Cross roads demon: why so pressed?
Oz: dd where are you?
Cross roads demon: at the same place as you apparently
Country legend: what the fuck?
Spear me: don’t mind peter, he embarrassed himself in front of shangqi and still hasn’t recovered from it
Cross roads demon: oh
Cross roads demon: hold on, @country legend you are the fan shangqi was telling me about?
Oz: wait a fucking sec
Oz: am i to understand that the ginger blind guy who joined shangqi’s table is fucking daredevil?
Watsupdog: can’t believe I didn’t recognise the jawline
Watsupdog: I’m disappointed in myself
Country legend: dd wtf are you doing here? With wong? and shangqi? and xialing?
Cross roads demon: shangqi invited me
Country legend: he what ????
Cross roads demon: he texted me to tell me he’d be in town and invited me to join
Oz: I have so many questions, like a fuckton but i also have a picture of peter’s face rn and for that, I’m grateful
Country legend: since when do you know shangqi?
Cross roads demon: since that time we fought demons in the sewer of nyc
Cross roads demon: Natasha was there too but she had other plans for tonight so she’s missing out on the reunion
Country legend: i can’t deal with this
Cross roads demon: and now I’m leaving because I have been texting for the last 10 mins and that’s frankly rude
Oz: there’s so much to unpack holy shit
Country legend: i need a drink