Equals
"My King, we would ask that you end Thor's banishment," Sif asked, clearly biting her tongue in disgust at having to kneel in front of him.
It didn't matter that he was the rightful king. It didn't matter that it was his own mother who placed this hideous burden on his shoulders. It didn't matter that this was the legal order of succession. None of it mattered to Sif and the Warriors because all they could see was the jealous brother of the mighty Thor stealing the throne, usurping Odin's place. Their hatred towards him didn't let them see that this was his right as a member of the Royal Family, that Loki too was a prince of Asgard. They would never acknowledge it; they had belittled him all his life.
He wondered what they would think if they knew that not only someone was "taking" the throne but that it was a Frost Giant the one sitting on Hlidskjálf.
"My first command cannot be to undo the Allfather's last. We're on the brink of war with Jotunheim. Our people need a sense of continuity, in order to feel safe in these difficult times. All of us must stand together, for the good of Asgard," Loki answered, making it sound as insincere as possible.
It wasn't a lie, actually. He truly couldn't undo Thor's banishment, only Odin could. But, he knew that his tone was unnerving the warriors three and part of him wanted to enrage them so that he would be able to fight them, so that he could show them that he was powerful now. But they didn't fall for it. Volstagg said something and then Loki dismissed them.
A heavy rage simmered inside of him. Of course Sif would request Thor to come back, it was always about Thor, wasn't it?
Except it wasn't. Loki was king now. He had power and resources at his disposal. He would show them. He would burn everything down to ashes. He would stand tall above them all.
He would win this war, and then he would finally prove he was as brave and blood-thirsty as Thor, he would prove he could be a conqueror, a warrior like Odin. People would know that he, Loki, God of Mischief, had been the one to defeat the Frost Giants once and for all. All he had to do was destroy Jotunheim. The war would be over before it could even start. And he would slay them all, without the mighty Thor, without Odin.
He stood up and walked away, as he walked he allowed his anger to consume his thoughts. He wanted to destroy, to kill, to see everything burn. He reached the secret path to Jotunheim, and just as he was about to go through a question invaded his mind: what would happen after?
What would happen after he succeeded? He would kill Laufey and then what? He would be Asgard's hero? He would be King indefinitely? It sounded… tiring. He didn't really want to be king.
He was tired already. He hadn't slept or eaten in three days. He hadn't even had enough time to properly process everything, to properly mourn. No. He was barely learning the truth, barely trying to make sense of things when the council came and named him king. Now people needed him, and asked him questions and wanted him to make decisions. And quite honestly Loki didn't feel capable of doing any of that.
The sole decision of getting up in the morning was difficult enough to make. How could he make decisions for a whole realm when he could barely keep the tears away enough to hold a conversation?
He didn't want this. Not when his mind was foggy and his chest felt heavy with grief. Not when he was king because there were no options; not when he was being rejected even if he was simply complying with his duties, with what was expected of him. They hadn't asked him if he wanted to be king regent. They didn't care, because Loki was just a title to them. No one on Asgard knew or cared about how low he was feeling.
Being king was tiring and Loki didn't know how long he would be able to withstand it.
He never wanted a throne. It wasn't his ambition, not really. The only reason why he wanted to be king was because Thor was going to be king and he wanted to prove himself as worthy and capable as him. He wanted to know that Odin saw him as Thor's equal. But now he knew that he would never be as worthy as Thor in Odin's eyes, because he wasn't an Odinson. He wasn't even a person. He was a monster, a beast.
What would be the purpose of even trying? The love and approval he so desperately wanted would never come. The dream of making the man he thought his father proud of him, it was out of his reach. So why? Why waste his little energy in a feat that would gain him nothing?
Better let Thor be king.
He was the rightful heir, he was the one Odin and Asgard wanted on the throne. If Thor came back, the people would be happy and Loki would be left alone. He would finally be able to give up.
It was for the best.
—------****------—
"We must go. We must find Thor," Hogun said, concern written on his face.
"You speak of treason!," Fandral warned. As much as he wanted to bring Thor back, going against the regent king was very risky.
"Forget treason, it's suicide!" Volstagg replied.
"Perhaps it is both," a familiar voice said, coming out of the shadows. It was Loki, no longer wearing his armor or Gungnir. He walked to the middle of the room. The four warriors stood in disbelief and waited for the inevitable outcome. The current King of Asgard had heard them plotting treason. They were doomed.
"Do not look so afraid, my friends. I do not come as king, but as Loki. And if you would hear my bargain then I'd be happy to forget I heard you plotting treason against the regent king," Loki said, smiling.
"A bargain? What do you speak of?" Sif replied.
"You wish Thor back, correct?" Loki said and the warriors nodded, "well, I do not wish to be king. It is in my best interest that Thor comes back. But I truly cannot undo the curse the Allfather put on him. He must break it himself. He must be worthy again."
"You expect us to believe you do not wish to be king?" Sif interjected.
"You don't have to believe it if you don't wish to, Lady Sif, but it is the truth. I belong in that throne as much as a goat belongs in a banquet. Thor must come back, it is for the best," Loki replied.
"What do you propose?" Fandral asked.
"I have a plan, but you might not like it," Loki replied and smirked.
As he explained his plan he couldn't help but notice the way the warriors' faces changed from anger to worry, how they switched from disgust to hope at the mention of Thor. He felt a pang of hurt at the fact that nobody would ever care that much about him, nobody would risk their lives for him. Nobody would ever think of him as a friend. But that was just the way things were, he supposed.
The next day he sat on the throne and saw Thor gain back his godhood. His plan had worked perfectly. Thor stood tall and proud again, his armor shining with the desert sun. He really was Asgard's golden child.
"Brother, whatever I have done to wrong you, whatever I have done to lead you to do this, I am truly sorry," Thor had said. He was such an oaf. His words sounded so honest, and the norns above knew Loki had always wanted to hear an apology from Thor. But, he didn't need that now. He didn't need the sentiment. It would not help keep him sane.
He sighed.
Next thing he knew Thor was barging in, raising his hammer and yelling at Loki. Of course. Of course the three brutes forgot to mention to Thor that this was all a ruse. Now he had to deal with Thor. As if he had the energy for it.
"Why don't you tell Asgard how you sent the destroyer to kill our friends, to kill me??" Thor asked, enraged.
"Well, I must have been enforcing father's last command," Loki replied. He knew he shouldn't make it worse. But he couldn't help it.
"You're a skilled liar brother, always have been," Thor said, piercing Loki with his eyes, then added "all of this, for a throne? Is your greed really that big?!"
Of course it wasn't. But Thor would not believe that would he? Loki braced himself to answer something venomous when four figures walked into the room.
"Thor, wait!" shouted Sif, behind her came the warriors three. They all looked agitated, as if they had run the way there.
"Thor, what happened on Midgard, it wasn't real. It was planned. Loki planned it and we helped, we did it so you could come back," Fandral stated.
"What? You endangered those people just to get me back? Are you insane? What if any of them had died?" Thor replied.
"If they came too close Loki would've stopped the destroyer. They were never in real danger. We even left an amount of gold for repairs. We just needed you back. Asgard needs you, Thor," Hogun intervened.
Thor looked shocked for a moment. His friend's loyalty he could believe, but Loki, he had always wanted to be king. Why would he give that up? He turned to look at Loki who was now standing in front of the throne, holding Gugnir.
"Really? You planned this?," Thor said and beamed, "thank you so much, brother. Thank you for helping me!"
Thor felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He had thought Loki hated him, it had stung so deep to have his only brother betray him and try to kill him. But, it wasn't real. His brother wanted him back, his brother went through great lengths just to make him worthy again. It warmed his heart. He thought Loki would be happy to see the plan succeed. But Loki just stood in the same position with a serious face. His eyes were dull and his expression was grim.
"I never wanted a throne. I only ever wanted to be your equal," Loki replied sternly, "but it doesn't matter anymore."
Then, he handed Gungnir to Thor, without lifting his gaze from the ground. When he walked away, Thor could've sworn he heard Loki hold down a sob. That reaction was so unlike him, that Thor had to wonder if something had transpired in his absence. His brother wouldn't usually allow such a display of emotions. Everyone knew that.
Sif and the warriors just stood in disbelief.
Nobody saw Loki for three days.