Saturn

Nothing had felt normal for Bucky. 

There was never a period of time in his life where he felt the comfort of being home. Most people his age had found those homes in structures, buildings. Or, they had found those homes in people. He found that notion, of finding your home in a person, to be strange and unheard of. It seemed impossible to look into the eyes of a person and believe that consistency was fathomable. That could have easily been chalked up to the fact that Bucky spent most of his time staring at books or machines. 

He enjoyed his job, working at Stark Industries, creating innovative technology that would serve generations to come long after he had taken his last breath. At work, he was focused, uncompromised in his technique. He stood tall on his tower each morning, coffee in one hand and the world in the other. Maybe he was being a little dramatic, but after years of searching, and being at the promising age of 28, he felt like he was finally doing something meaningful. For so long, he didn't think he would ever be where was he now. His family initially couldn't afford tuition, so he joined the army instead. He served for about 3 years before he had suffered a traumatic brain injury during a fall, and was medically discharged. After that, and with the support of the military, he was able to start college. He got his Bachelors in Biotechnology, and found that he liked it so much, he went on to get his Master's. 

Bucky had never felt more serene than on his walks to the subway each morning. He'd stop and get his coffee from the same bodega, where he'd finish half of it before his walk to Stark Tower down the block. From Stark Tower, he would meet with his boss for a briefing of future projects before hailing a taxi to HQ. He would clock in, say hello to a few select people before manning his post until he clocked out around 5. 

It was normal. 

The mornings were perpendicular to his nights, but somehow almost running together the same. That was all thanks to Sam and his insomiatic routine. Sam worked 3rd shift at a veterans shelter, or night watch as he called it. Sam likened himself to a security guard, but Bucky knew that was he just downplaying it and actually enjoyed the work he was doing at the housing unit. Sam had told Bucky some stories about his role, and as a veteran, it was calming to have Sam around. Sam understood Bucky, to what little extent Bucky would offer. 

But, like clockwork, Bucky would greet Sam in the morning and he would greet Sam at night. Two ships passing. 

They had a third roommate, Shang. He had told the two to just call him Shaun, but Bucky and Sam refused to let it go. 

"Shang, the sink is clogged."

"Shang, we're out of milk."

"Shang, can you call the landlord and tell him the heat is out?" 

Shang minded, but instead rolled his eyes and nodded kindly. He didn't speak much, didn't talk about where he always ran off to during the day. Not that Bucky and Sam were curious individuals. They sort of just made their own assumptions and never brought it up, not even to one another. It was a lazy thing to do, but not their business anyway. 

In all actuality, Bucky had given the best years of his life to the feeling plagued as lethargy. He never necessarily gave up, but always found himself comfortable in any situation. There was never worry or anxiety. He always accepted what was thrown at him, which bugged people to some extent. It especially bugged one person in particular who he would never forget. She would remain nameless, for as long as he could help it. 

When Bucky had gotten to college, he tried dating, which didn't work out. He felt strange being intimate with people who were younger than him, considering he had started when he was 21 and the people he had classes with were 18. It wasn't an age gap that would make any normal person cringe, but Bucky would always feel odd. That was until he met her. She was kind, strong in her beliefs, and looked out for him. She'd make sure he ate three meals a day, woke him up for classes, even though he'd desperately try to skip, and would give him her outlines for the harder courses that he would struggle through. This went on for 6 months, and torturously slow he would say. 

One day, after talking with Steve of course, Bucky decided that he was infatuated with her. She was a little closer to his age than those around him, and didn't make him feel awkward when he asked dumb questions considering he had practically spent the majority of his young adult years in the middle of combat. She spoiled him and made him feel sheltered in a way that he could never find anywhere else no matter how hard he tried. 

Bucky wouldn't call it love, of course not. He would never say those words out loud. But, it was. To him anyway. He would spend a lot of time looking at her, and in a way, it hurt to look at her. It burned his skin whenever she touched him, whether that be in a joking manner or to hug him after a rough exam. Bucky decided that they were in it together, destined to get through college together, walk across the stage together, and then live the rest of life together. Enough time had gone by that he noticed he had invested so much of his free time studying her rather than the material he needed to pass. 

His grades had dropped. This secret he had been carrying around had caused him to lose focus of the dream he set for himself. He had decided that she was his dream instead. 

It was stupid, but he was twenty-something and in love for the first time. 

When he had gotten up the courage to bare his soul and tell her, which took months of pep talks in the mirror and having Steve role play as her, she told him that she was engaged. With any normal person, they would have felt broken. Maybe even betrayed. But for Bucky, those words weren't even in his vocabulary. He just nodded, stared blankly at his textbook, cleared his throat and started reviewing the next chapter from the syllabus. 

Until he felt a hand touch his wrist. 

"Thats it?" She whispered, almost as if she was disappointed by his reaction. 

Bucky shrugged again, confused. "Did you want me to flip a table and cause a scene?" He mumbled, looking around at the other students in the library. 

"I don't know." Her voice began to raise. "I expected you to yell at me or something." She sunk back in her seat, taking her hand with her. Bucky watched her pull away and cross her arms, but something stuck with him. 

"Wait," He paused. "You knew I liked you?"

She brazenly nodded, and while Bucky wanted to get up and leave, he didn't.

She rubbed at her temples mindlessly. "I was waiting for you to..."

"Waiting for me to look like an idiot while you could have mentioned you're engaged?" He finished for her. There wasn't a drop in his voice, no anger, just curiosity. 

And she could sense that. So, without another word, she closed her book and packed her bags. Bucky watched her silently with dry eyes and an even drier throat. 

Suddenly, she stopped moving and looked down at Bucky. "You're just going to let me leave?" She stuttered out in disbelief, and honestly, Bucky didn't know how to react. 

He didn't know this dramatic, unhinged person in front of him. The girl he knew was always levelheaded, even in the face of a project that would cost them 30% of their final grade. He couldn't help but look at her as if she had grown 6 heads. 

"I'm not going to tackle you, so yeah, you may leave if you want." He shrugged, and looked back down at his book. He heard some minor shuffling and then the door to the study room slam. His head popped up, along with everyone else's as he watched her shadow disappear down the steps. 

That was probably the last time he had spoken to her. They had a few weeks left in the semester, and he'd see her, but she had switched all of her seats in class. She had stopped going to the cafe by the library for coffee each morning. He'd sometimes see her sitting outside on the bench by the STEM lab. Of course, Bucky knew it was a two way street. Often times he'd think to himself, maybe if he had just talked to her, maybe they could have been fine again. But, sometimes he would see her with another boy. This boy was older, obviously. He didn't go to their school, that was clear to Bucky. The boy would all but drag her to the parking lot after their last class of the day and throw her into a beat up car before peeling off. 

That was the limit to their interactions. Bucky's grades had gotten better, but not what they should have been and he passed his finals with four B's and a C. The semester ended and summer flew by. Sure, he thought of her, at random times of the day, but, it was odd the way he found himself moving on. He had invested an ample amount of time practically planning their respective futures together. But, he shut it out and made himself comfortable with the fact that it was never going to happen. 

Next semester came around and it took Bucky a few weeks to notice that she was no longer around. She wasn't in any of his classes, and after asking around her usual circle, he quickly realized that she had fallen off of the face of the planet. He chopped it up to her grades probably dropping, or maybe she got married over the summer and plans changed. He didn't stake too much thought into it. Bucky graduated three years later with his degree and moved to New York with Steve. He started his Master's at Columbia, and began working dead after. 

Now, at 28, Bucky was one of the youngest lead mechanical engineers at Stark Industries while working on his PhD at Rutgers. Two days a week at Rutgers, where he'd take the train, and then the rest of his time was dedicated to Stark.  

After a usual day at work, he caught the train home where he called Steve, which was normal for him. Steve moved upstate to pursue art. He had a gallery where he showcased his own stuff, along with contracted individuals who would bring in pieces twice a month for a show. Bucky enjoyed making Steve a part of his day, even miles apart. He was still somehow on the phone with Steve when he had walked from the train station to his apartment. 

"The guy wants to double his market, so he's going to start contracting work through two more galleries even though he signed a labor contract with a no competition clause." Steve rants, panting heavily through the speaker. No doubt moving art around the gallery while talking. 

"And you told his ass that he was getting sued, right?" Bucky balances the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he unlocks the door to his apartment. 

Steve grunts in pain. "Yeah, and he said he had already lawyered up when I served him the papers." 

Bucky finds himself chuckling as he throws his keys in the bowl by the door and dropping his bag on the floor. "Of course he did." 

Sam walks out of the kitchen with a mug of tea in his hand and points at Bucky. "That Steve?" Bucky nods and wordlessly hands the phone off to Sam before going in the kitchen for search of something to eat. 

Before he can even open the fridge, he hears banging and loud techno-music coming from the apartment above them. Without a word or a shout, he grabs the broom and hits the ceiling a few times before he hears a muffled apology from the kid who lives there. 

When he opens the fridge, and sees the contents are bare, he bumps his hip into the counter before walking back into the living room where Sam is gabbing away on the phone still. 

"Going to get food." He mutters and Sam gives him a thumbs up before turning around to walk down the hall to his room. Bucky gets his keys in his hand and is about to open the door when he's startled by a knock. 

He pries the door open to see his neighbor, Peter standing there with nervous grin and his hands behind his back. Peter holds a hand up and waves softly. 

The kid lets out a small laugh. "Hi, Mr. Barnes."

"Bucky." The taller man corrects him.

"Right, Bucky." Peter laughs. "Sorry about the loud music earlier. Me and some friends were celebrating finals being over." Peter apologizes with a guilty look.

"It's fine, I understand." Bucky goes to move past him, still in a hurry but stops when the kid stays still. "Something else you need?"

"Oh!" Peter nods rapidly. "Someone was looking for you, but the building manager wouldn't let them in. I was on my way out and the lady looked really distraught, so I offered to help and told her I would let you know." Peter speeds through the whole bit and Bucky almost asks him to slow down. 

But, he nods anyway. "I was just on my way out, too." He gestures to the hallway. 

Bucky is confused on who would be looking for him, but decided it was probably a Mormon who had gotten his name from some petition he had blindly signed on the street one morning in a rush. 

"I'll walk with you." Peter waits for the older man to walk in front of him and follows him to the elevator like a lost puppy. 

The ride down is filled with small talk about how school is going for the both of them, and then Peter mentioning that he really, and he means really, wants to work at his father's company once he graduates. 

"He said if I put in the work and get the degree, he'll open up a spot for me. He does really cool shit, so I want in on it." Peter explains in the most crass way, but Bucky just nods and gives him a pat on the shoulder of encouragement. 

"That sounds great, kid." He smiles tightly and thanks whoever is up in the sky that it was a short ride. After a long day, he just wants to send this person away, get food, and go back home to crash. 

They walk through the lobby together and out the front door before Peter directs him to a petite woman with her back turned standing on the sidewalk. 

"I'm off." He waves kindly. "Luego." And Peter practically jogs down the street and out of Bucky's sight. 

Bucky walks up to the woman and shoves his hands in his pockets before peering around her and mumbling, "Yeah?"

When she turns around, he sees she has a baby in her hands. The baby is crying, with red cheeks and snot dripping down his nose from the cold. She looks relived to see Bucky, even though he has no idea who she is. She's dressed business casual, with a purse and a diaper bag on either arm. 

"Mr. Barnes?" She quips, hoisting the baby further up on her hips. 

"Bucky, please." He looks at the baby, who is starting to get fussy. The baby can't be older than two or three if he had to guess, but he hasn't been around a baby since his youngest sister was born. Though, he was about six or seven at the time. 

"Bucky," She nods happily. "Your building manager must have trained with the secret service." She tries to joke. "Wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise, asking me a million questions. Sorry we have to meet this way. I was expecting a much...warmer environment." She smiles, and Bucky is still very confused but rolls with it regardless. Honestly the only thing he is thinking about is a slice of pizza from Romero's with his name spelled out in pepperoni's on it. 

"Can I help you?" He asks, referring to the baby she's carting around like luggage. 

She sighs, understanding that he's in a hurry. "I understand this is strange for you, trust me I do. I don't typically enjoy standing on stranger's doorsteps and throwing them a ginormous responsibility such as this." She explains, but Bucky is still lost. 

"I'm sorry?" He pushes her for elaboration. 

The wind is beginning to pick up, and all this standing around is starting to make him chilly. A random man accidentally knocks into her, throwing her a half-assed apology, which in turn makes the child even more annoyed, starting to cry a little. 

"Could we take this somewhere more comfortable?" She asks, and Bucky accepts simply. He leads them inside the building to the lobby where she immediately takes a seat on the nearest couch. She lets the baby down, who starts to wonder around and messes with anything in sight. She seems to have a good eye on him, so Bucky allows all of his attention to fall on her once again. 

"I didn't catch your name." Bucky looks down at her curiously with his hands shoved in his jacket pocket. 

"Right, of course." She shakes off whatever stupor she's placed herself in. "I'm Wanda Maximoff. I work for the 12th district of New York Social Services." She informs him, which confuses him even more. 

"What does social services want with me?" He wonders out loud, staring at her expectantly. 

"Down to business, I see." She chuckles and makes herself comfortable on the couch. "I regret to inform you that Laila Madden has passed away." She sighs and Bucky feels his stomach drop a few floors. 

He hadn't really heard that name is a long time, never really thought about it, couldn't seem to utter it in about seven years. His first thought was, how? Laila always lived a healthy life, maintained everything good about herself. She only drank water, coffee or juice, hated the smell of alcohol. She never smoked, ate her greens everyday. She was nice to everyone she met, even if they didn't deserve it. Never made any enemies in that respect. She was a gold star in human form, if there ever was one. 

"Since you've been deemed family on the court documents I've been able to get my hands on, I can tell you that she was diagnosed with stage III metastatic skin cancer after Elias was born. She died about two weeks ago, Bucky." The woman was still speaking, but what Bucky couldn't grasp was why he had been nominated as family by the court. He hadn't spoken to Laila in seven years almost, and thought they had grown too far apart. 

He couldn't make sense of it. 

"Wait, so social services just does cold calls on dead people's family members now?" He can't help but he blunt with it. His body is reacting like his having a panic attack, but his breathing feels fine. 

"No, sir. We simply don't have the time or the resources." She states solemnly with her head down briefly, almost like she's bowing out of apology to Bucky. 

He shakes his head a few times to get his mind straight. "So, what is it that you want with me?" He rubs at his forehead when he feels the sweat begin to collect at his hairline. 

She stands and offers him a sad smile before walking over to pick up the shaggy headed little boy who has a plant leaf in his mouth. He babbles softly and whines before grabbing onto Wanda's ponytail to play with instead. She stands a few feet away from Bucky, poking at Elias' protruding belly and pointing at the man stood in front of them. 

Bucky knows how he must look to the child. Like a strange man with unkempt hair and a tired face, shown by the years of trauma and life itself. 

"Elias, this is Bucky." She grabs Elias's tiny hand and waves at Bucky quickly.

Bucky sees the few teeth that show, probably weeks old. He sees Laila's eyes twinkling back at him in an excited manner. Elias' chubby cheeks stretch around a giddy little grin as he wails happily at the older man.

"Hi, Elias." Bucky breathes out, wiggling his fingers gently in the kid's direction. 

"Bucky, the court has deemed you Elias' legal temporary guardian." Wanda drops these words in the middle of the room, and suddenly, for the first time, New York seems to go quiet. 

Bucky hears a ringing in his ears, and thinks he might be having a heart attack as the next ten, twenty, thirty years of his life flashes around him in little motion pictures. Although, Elias isn't in any of them. He imagined himself working at Stark Industries, getting his doctorate, moving onto opening up his own plant before going on to win a Nobel Prize, in which he would thank his country, Stark himself, and Laila in the most subtle way possible, for getting him through what was the toughest adjustment period in his academic career. 

He doesn't respond for a few moments, but just stares at the child in front of him who keeps reaching out to him, probably to be held, but Bucky can't physically or emotionally acknowledge him right now. He just can't. 

"Can I decline?" He blurts out when it looks like Wanda is about to speak again. 

She sighs heavily, almost like she was expecting this but hoping for the best. "You can, but we may have to revisit this in court for negligence. You have the means, and we have looked into you as a prime candidate for about a week now. Legally, we can't force a child on you, but it can be tried by the state as abandonment." She explains, almost like she's simultaneously trying not to upset him. 

Bucky wishes he could be swallowed up by the floor, taken away from this responsibility right now. He's somewhat upset at Laila in this moment, though he would never admit it. They hadn't talked in years, so why would she do this? It made no sense. 

But, he caves anyway by his nature. "How long is temporary?" 

"Could be a few days, maybe weeks. Longest standing would be three months, sir." She tries to give him some hope that this isn't forever, though it does nothing for the future that he sees slipping away in the grasp of a toddler. 

"And I just... keep him alive until you find a home for him?" He stutters, feeling trapped still. 

He sees the relief drain back into her face as she sways from side to side with the baby in her arms. "That's right." 

"Huh." Bucky rubs at the bridge of his nose, thinking about just the mere idea of being responsible for another life. 

"I have all of his important documents, hospital paperwork, a few changes of clothes, full sleeve of diapers, and the numbers for his pediatrician, dentist, etc." She lists off the top of her head before bending down to pick up his diaper bag and handing it off to Bucky. 

He grunts as he accepts it like it's a bomb. The weight of it has to be twice that of the kid. 

"Elias here has his 6 month check up in about a week. He needs a refill for his prescription around that same time so just mention it to his doctor. He's up to date on all his shots as well. Now, I understand you work full time and attend school as well, so call and let us know your schedule, and we can have our WIC department set you up with some daycare vouchers. It should be breeze." She exhales as she finishes, and looks down lovingly at Elias who is playing with the buttons on her blazer. 

"For a 28 year old man raising a child, yeah should be." He mumbles more so to himself, but Wanda hears him and peers up at him. 

"I've seen younger and far more worse off people than you do it, Bucky. And you won't be alone in this. I'm not just here to make a delivery." She scolds him, almost like she's assuming he thinks she won't be of any help. "I will do what I can to make this as painless as possible." Elias begins to babble incoherently again and grins. 

Her promises seem empty, but Bucky chalks that up to her being a complete stranger. 

"How old is he?" Bucky asks. 

"He will be two in a month." She sings in a soft voice when Elias lays his head on her shoulder, looking like he's about to pass out. 

Bucky nods along, still looking at the baby in wonder. "You mentioned a prescription?" 

Wanda rubs his back a little, continuing to sway as she speaks quieter. "He has a sleeping disorder, which tends to obstruct his airway. Typically, rocking him to sleep will calm down his breathing and help a little, but if he takes his prescription around 7:30 every night, before bed, he has no issues. When he gets older he'll need a CPAP, though." She rubs his cheek and rocks him a little more until he's peacefully asleep. 

The mention of his disorder worries Bucky, and just tacks on more responsibility. Though, his own sleep schedule was kind of a nightmare anyway, so this may not affect it too terribly much. Again, he just rolls with it, easing himself into a state of comfort. 

She looks like she's about to transfer the baby into Bucky's arms when she takes a step forward, causing Bucky to jump away. 

"You'll have to hold him sooner or later." She grunts out at his childishness. 

"Can't you just bring him up to the apartment or something?" He winces at how stupid he sounds but quickly gets over that feeling at the thought of having to carry the kid, thus inevitably dropping him and traumatizing him further. The kid just lost his mother, for fuck sake. 

"Fine." She sighs. "Grab my purse." She groans, turning towards the elevator. 

"Never mind, I'll take the baby." Bucky backtracks, but is stopped by Wanda smacking him lightly on the shoulder. 

"Get the bag." Wanda moans, clearly annoyed. She steps into the elevator, holding it open with one hand and gesturing for Bucky to get in. 

The whole way up, Bucky is trying not to breathe as to not wake Elias and flinches when the elevator dings, looking quickly over to the baby who is still sound asleep. Bucky leads them to his apartment, and unlocks the door with shaky hands. He points Wanda down the hall to his room, which is standard. 

Just a bed, dresser, closet, and television. No posters, or art. To Wanda, it looks like that of a pure psychopath, but she keeps her opinions to herself. She lays Elias down on the bed and uses two pillows to block him in so he doesn't fall off. She turns towards Bucky and wordlessly grabs her bag before pushing him out of the room and cracking the door behind her. 

"So, Elias typically naps for about an hour. Anymore than that, I would force him awake otherwise he won't sleep well at night." She whispers as she walks to the door. 

"What about food?" Bucky asks, shock hitting him that in a few moments he's going to be left alone with a child. 

"There's enough formula in his bag for about a week, maybe less, so I would grab some sooner rather than later." She nods, ready to turn and leave again but Bucky stops her. 

"What if he like... dies in his sleep and I don't know it?" Bucky worries and Wanda shoots him an incredulous look. 

"If you happen to notice that his breathing is stuttered or shaky, and can't wake him, take him to the emergency room but if he gets his prescription, I doubt that'll happen." She explains, looking more and more tired by the second. "Now, I can stand here and answer questions all day, or you can go back to your routine. Just try your hardest to make it appear normal for Elias. That is the best possible thing you can do for him." Wanda gives him a pat on the shoulder in a motherly way. 

"What if I fuck him up?" Bucky whispers, speaking aloud one of his biggest fears that he wasn't aware he had until ten minutes ago. 

"I spent an entire week researching you, Bucky. I picked you because I believe you are Elias' one shot at a good life." She explains kindly with squinted eyes. 

And with that, one last questions appears to Bucky. "What happened to his father?" 

And everything drops silently, as if they had both stopped breathing. Bucky wondered if his father was the guy he would see Laila with at school, and how it had all turned out. If they had ever gotten married, and if the kid in the next room was his. 

"He's in jail, unfortunately." Wanda rubs her eyes, regrettably. 

"For what?" Bucky dares to ask, but Wanda shakes her head at him. 

"Just focus on Elias. He is all that matters right now." She begs him, and Bucky nods at her, believing that she is right. Bucky wonders if she had a habit of always being right. "The instructions for his prescription are on the bottle so you shouldn't have any trouble. I'll check back in with you both soon." She smiles tightly, and looks past Bucky at the door where Elias is sound asleep. 

With that, she leaves quietly, unlike how she arrived, Loud, demanding, handing him so much in so little time. 

Bucky leans against the wall by the front door, not even plagued by hunger anymore. He stares at the crack at the door, listening quietly to the soft snores coming from Elias as he relaxes, probably for the first time all day. Then, Bucky thinks about how utterly unprepared he is. He needs a crib, toys, more clothes. He remembers how Wanda had told him Elias only had a few changes of clothes. He starts to scramble inside his own head and he makes a list of things he would need to get tomorrow, maybe even today. 

A loud slam startles him as Sam comes speed walking down the hall. 

"Man, that Steve can fucking chatter." Sam throws Bucky's phone at him, expecting him to catch it but instead Bucky lets it smack his chest and fall to the floor out of shock. 

"Fuck." He gasps, picking it up and holding a finger to his lips to make Sam shut up. He listens out for any signs that Elias is awake, and hears none. So, he stands to his feet and lets his heart calm to a slow. 

"What's wrong with you?" Sam snorts, grabbing his keys off the hook, about to leave before Bucky stops him. 

"I have a baby." Bucky blurts out and watches Sam's face fall.

"You stole a baby?" He guesses, furrowing his brows softly. 

"No, social services gave me a baby." Bucky explains as best he can but he can tell that Sam is still confused.

"They're giving out babies now? Christmas was two weeks ago and that's an awful gift." Sam jokes but pauses when he hears Elias whimper in the next room. He backs up slowly towards Bucky's door and pushes it open to see the kid stirring, and then going right back to sleep. 

Sam turns back to Bucky slowly, in shock. "You have a baby?"

"I have a baby." Bucky mumbles again, running a sweaty hand through his hair before sliding down the wall to the floor. 

Bucky brings his knees to his chest, focusing his eyes on Elias, who is still on the bed and hasn't moved an inch.

"Holy shit, I have a baby."