for family drama
Peter was straight up not having a good time. He'd literally just escaped a manhunt organized by the world's premier superspy organization, had revealed his secret identity to his classmates, and now he was going to fight Anthony Edward Stark.
God, he was so tired.
Turning his head down to peer at him, he sighed, "Hello Anthony."
"Don't you ‘Anthony’ me, young man. What are you doing here?"
Peter, still on the ceiling, gestured vaguely towards the glass door where the Acadec Team stood, hoping the man would get the hint. He wasn't usually one to get irritated, but he was just so tired of his anxiety and stress. Let Tony stress instead for once.
This conversation was not going to go well, he could already tell. His spidey-senses gave a discontent hum, agreeing with him. Mentally sending a prayer to Thor, the one true Avenger in his opinion, he tried to convey all the anxiety and oops-I-got-caught he could.
"Some field trip or something? Forget it Parker. Get out."
He dropped down from the ceiling and raised his hands.
He almost agreed. Pinky promise. He was one hundred percent going to agree. But his mouth didn't get the memo. Maybe his mouth had been kicked out from the company-wide email chain.
"Sure. I know you don't like people with actual backbones in this building. Only morally bankrupt capitalist pigs who agree with your every word. My bad. I'll just be getting out of your hair."
Oh. Oops.
Thor was doing amazing. He hadn't had so much fun—and non-deathly stress—for ages! Not since he and Loki stole the Allfather's chariot for a joyride in their youth.
Tony and his son were having a bit of a spat, like all healthy families did. He was honoured to be included in the family drama, truly, the Allfather would have never let an outsider know anything. Still, Peter Tonyson seemed stressed about this, so it was his sworn duty to help out in any way he could.
Right now, that meant hunting down the closest dumbasses he could use as cannon fodder to throw between the pair. Thor wasn’t dumb, no matter how many times he accidentally hit his head with Mjölnir, he was smart enough to just watch the drama from the sidelines.
Besides, it had been too long since someone prayed to him sincerely, and didn’t spout gibberish in their heads like the youth of today were prone to do. He didn’t know what a “Boomer” or a “Meme” was, but they sure were driving him crazier than Rattastosk.
Ah! Slumped across the couches were Sam, Son of Wil, and James Bucky. Perfect!
“My friends! It has been too long! Now, I’m sure you have missed me, but we must make haste! Your aid is required, the Man of Spiders is confronting the Man of Iron.”
Sam rolled his eyes before shuffling upright, “What on earth could those two be fighting about?”
“Oh, haven’t you heard? Peter Tonyson was ousted from the Tower, and on his entry today was beset by Shield agents. I helped him evade them for a while but it seems it was all for naught.”
This caught James’ attention. He leaned forward, abandoning what looked like a wad of gum under the table (was this a Midgardian custom he was yet to learn?), “He was being chased by Shield agents?”
"Indeed."
James looked at the ceiling, "FRIDAY, details, please."
"Peter disagreed with Boss on a new land acquisition. They had a fight, and Boss banned Peter from the Tower. Peter had a field trip here today, his class is quite lovely. However, they are currently trapped in Conference Room A watching Peter and Boss confront each other. Peter's identity has been compromised."
"Shit."
"Oh hell no, you want to help the twerp?"
James grunted and furrowed his brow. "I owe that twerp a favor. And he's also fighting with Stark. Might as well make sure the happy family doesn't break apart due to their combined stupidness."
"You do know they're both geniuses, right?"
"I think the term is genii. But that's not the kind of smarts I'm talking about."
"Nuh-uh, Popsicle. I'm pretty sure it's geniuses. Now move it, if we're helping Spider-Brat we need to reach them before the fight’s over."
The fight had escalated very quickly.
“I don’t care. Go on, ruin people’s lives, Merchant of Death.”
“Hey! It’s not my fault you’re too young and naive to understand how the world works, kid. There are some things that are far beyond your understanding.”
Sam and Bucky burst in through the door. Why were they here?
Tony hadn’t noticed them, and went on, “You keep pretending like you have some sway over this company. You know whose name is on the building? Stark. That’s right. Me. You’re not a Stark, kid, and you'll never be.”
Peter winced. That hurt.
This little bitch.
He bared his teeth and hissed, “A Stark? I wouldn’t want to be. You'll never be anything more than an egoistic, narcissistic little man who brings ruin everywhere he goes."
Tony hurled the StarkPad at him. Peter sidestepped out of the way.
Bucky jumped in to catch it.
Huh.
In his periphery, he heard an elevator ding and the sound of Pepper’s heels rushing towards them. He wasn’t done though. Striding up to Tony, he jabbed a finger at his chest.
“You think you know what’s best for everyone, Mr. Suit of Armour Around the World. You think you know everything. But you don’t know jack-shit!”
“Oh, like Spider-Man knows best? Tell that to the people on that ferry.”
“Oh yeah? Well at least I didn’t strip a teenager of their only protection for my own ego. What was it you said?”
“If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it? Yeah, turns out you’re nothing with it either.”
Peter saw red.
“ENOUGH! BOTH OF YOU!”
“SHUT UP ABOUT PETER!”
The squeak of sneakers. A flying fist. Tony's body hit the floor with a heavy thud.
What the fuck.
Ned, Nedwards Leeds, Nedwin, Nedilina, had run through the corridor of agents and socked Tony Stark straight across the jaw.
What the fuck?
A shocked silence fell.
He looked to Pepper, as people so often do, to hopefully explain what alternate dimension they had all fallen into.
Her eyes gentled and she reached out to hug him. He flinched away.
“Peter, darling. I just saw the merger. Tony had renegotiated the deal as soon as you pointed out the flaws. He’s just being a dick.”
“So he’s too much of a man-baby to confront his own feelings? Does he need you to manage those for him too?”
Shut up Peter, why are you being a bitch to Pepper, she’s literally a goddess. Oh no, he just insulted Pepper Freaking Potts. She was going to kill him.
She laughed, which was not the reaction he was expecting.
The Acadec team all left the safety of the glass room to brave the wild wild unknown, and trailed into the corridor. MJ spoke up, "It still doesn’t make it right. What if this happens again? What if Peter’s not around, and he makes another asinine deal?”
Silence fell once more as a new conundrum was presented, and Peter idly wondered why the Shield agents hadn’t left. Surely they had better things to do than listen to drama?
(They did not. This was the most interesting thing to happen all day.)
After a while, Sam spoke up.
“Hear me out. What if you draw a contract where any decision that affects the public directly has to be approved by either Peter or Pepper? You can still do your product releases and new inventions, but stuff that involves the public beyond ‘customer’ or ‘to be protected’ would need a second signature.
Petey here would essentially be your conscience. I mean we all know your royal majesty can sometimes forget how much you affect our humble little peasant lives.”
Peter brightened, “Oh, like I do for Mr. Loki and his world domination tendencies?" He furrowed his brow, "Wait, shit, I wasn't supposed to tell you guys he's alive."
“What the fuck, Peter?”