for rumours and ratings
Ned was kind of cute.
Betty shook her head. This was not the time to start thinking about her cute nerdy -probably into some illegal shit- classmate.
They had moved on to the PR department, coincidentally right next to Legal. Probably because any disaster in one meant a disaster for the other, like twins who got grounded as a collective thing. Ugh, group punishment.
She hated when teachers did it, when they all had to stay back because someone (cough-Jason-cough) had been caught smoking weed in the guys’ bathroom. They should at least have let the girls go. Betty was planning on being a lawyer or reporter, and she was pretty sure Article 87(3) of the 1949 Geneva Convention III said that collective punishment for individual acts and cruel punishment was forbidden.
Anyways. PR department.
The ones who covered up innumerable scandals, and the source of all those extraordinarily gaudy and “trying to be cool with the younger generations” posters and advertisements. Source of some actual good stuff, really. The Avengers merch and their Twitter accounts, for one. Then the TikTok reels, and the Youtube account that posted a blooper reel every month of all the shit the employees got up to.
The ones who dealt with the press, the ones who dealt with the world at large. The scientists who worked at Stark Industries were reclusive geniuses who could make anything they imagined in less than an hour, but also forgot things like human social niceties and how to talk to other people. Kind of feral. Like Peter, after he pulled an all-nighter and came to school sleep deprived and ready to rip Flash’s head off.
They were Pepper Potts’ soldiers, with sharp cutting eyeliner and heels that clicked when they walked, ambitious ruthless men and women with zero time for anyone’s bullshit. Yes, she was a little in love with them. One day she would be working here alongside them, as a girlboss making empires from the rubble of rejection and underestimation. Powerful. Beautiful.
Pity, she was going to get kicked out of Stark Industries after this trip. Oh well. At least it was for a cause she believed in.
Phase 3: PR- Press Rumours.
Yes, the name needed work.
While the team distracted the employees, Ned hacked into the Stark servers, specifically the ‘Public Relations’ part of it.
Holy shit. They were in control of arguably the most powerful division of the biggest company in the world. Holy fucking shit.
He winked (which should not have looked as cute as it did) and she got the hint, slipping in her earphones and asking to go to the washroom.
Okay. She could do this. She was just in total control of Absolutely Everything Important in the world for a while. No biggie.
She sat in a closed cubicle just as the first call came in.
Okay, show time.
"Good morning! Thank you for calling Stark Industries. This is Maria Santiago speaking from PR. How may I help you today?"
“Hello Maria, this is Janice Underfelt from the Daily Correspondent. Uh-this is actually my first day on the job, so forgive me if this sounds too unprofessional, but uh, I think I had an interview scheduled with your department for right now? It was about the unpaid labour accusations, if that helps.”
Betty felt her glee grow with every word. This couldn’t be more perfect. A newbie? A potential scandal? The situation was just waiting to get taken advantage of.
“Oh of course! We at Stark Industries pride ourselves on being punctual. Let’s begin, if you’re comfortable?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to tell you that, but thank you. Okay. There has recently been strong public support to ban unpaid work experience that lasts more than four weeks, and Stark Industries has come under great scrutiny. What would you like to respond to that?”
“Stark Industries offers paid internships to anyone of age, and only those ineligible, such as minors part of our September Grant Foundation Internships are not paid, as we are stark, if you’ll excuse the pun, non-believers in child labour. These highly-skilled teenagers get the chance to work in the labs of renowned scientists for three weeks of their summer, and should they impress us greatly, receive scholarships to the most well-respected universities and colleges around the world. Of course, there are exceptions.”
“Exceptions? Would you care to elaborate?”
Betty’s phone dinged. It was some pictures from Sally. Oh. Oh wow. She could use this.
“Put this down as an anonymous source, but there’s this one kid who’s been roaming around for almost a year now. No one knows who is or where he works. Some say he’s a ghost, which would make sense. There are a lot of reasons someone would haunt a place like Stark Industries.”
Janice’s voice was carefully intrigued when she spoke next, like she was going to get the scoop of her life if she didn’t mess up and spook ‘Maria’ away.
“Oh? That seems unlikely. It is the world’s foremost producer of green energy and scientific miracles. “
Betty snorted. “Every great empire is built on blood and bones, Ms. Underfelt. Believe me, I work in the department that has to cover them up. Nobody knows who the kid is. Some say he’s Dr. Stark’s dead illegitimate child, based solely on their interactions. Some say he’s a helpful cryptid, and if you call his name three times with an offering of coffee, he’ll solve even the most perplexing issues with ease. A few think he’s the ghost of a child killed by a Stark Missile in the Merchant Of Death Era. Personally, I believe it.”
Here, she fake hesitated.
“I can’t tell you anything concrete, but dig into the recent celebrities who’ve gone against Stark Industries. See where they’ve ended up. And definitely look into the newly-patented Clone Development Program. Maybe take a little foray into bio-engineering accomplishments, the lizards and the watermelons, and if you can, police records for recent arrests. Maybe a little forgery and some art theft. Of course, all this is purely coincidental and totally hypothetical, and because I haven’t told you anything concrete and have chosen to remain anonymous, I shall in no way be connected to any of it, right?”
“R-right. Thank you so much for your time. It was a pleasure talking to you.”
“Goodbye, Ms. Underfelt, and congratulations on the job.”
Betty cut the call. God, what had she been thinking? Lizards and watermelons? A ghost cryptid? Thank god it was a newbie, there was no way anyone else would believe this absolute bullshit.
She took a deep breath. Released. Sent a text to the group chat that she was done.
Getting out of the washroom was much less stressful than entering. The entire interview had been two minutes top, barely long enough for anyone to get suspicious.
She rejoined them in the department and smiled. It was finally time for her to interrogate her idols. God have mercy on them.
They were meant to see all parts of SI, including the businessy parts, and right according to plan, they went to a conference room next.
Now, this was a slight exaggeration. They weren’t going to let strangers, teenagers at that, into the meetings of actual important people for the fun of it.
No, the tour groups were led into a small room attached where they could see everything through a one-way mirror but could hear nothing.
Wasn’t it a pity that one Nedwards Leeds was still “in” the Stark Industries servers, and that one AI desperately needed some entertainment?
“..as you can see, the department has to come to a census about the D2L release dates today as the demand..”
Ugh. Boring.
Thank god they were going to spice it up a little bit.
Charlie (affectionally called Charles) took a rainbow feather boa out of his bag and swiped Cindy’s eyeliner. Add in the green froggy bucket hat he already wore, and you got quite a striking picture.
The dramatic gay burst through the connecting door in all his sensational glory, sashaying up to the head of the room while Ned, bless him, blasted Toxic through the speakers.
He struck a pose while the music reached a crescendo and rainbow lights (..was FRIDAY helping them?) flashed, both abruptly cutting out as he slammed his hands on the table. Betty was quite impressed with the timing.
Charles took in the baffled men and women in front of him for a second and proclaimed, “Theydies and Gentlethem. Today, you will learn the most important, sacred knowledge of your life. Get ready to have your mind blown.”
Behind him, the presentation on stocks abruptly changed. It was now the most awfully formatted ‘Hottest Disney Villains’, complete with cheesy comic sans and WordArt.
She heard a hysterical giggle from someone next to her. What a fucking mood.
“At Number 5, we have the bulk, the bear, the muscles to die for. The one and only Gaston! Gaston’s hotness may have gone to his head and ruined his personality, but he’s still a pure paragon of beefy sexy manliness. Points have been deducted for him not drinking his Respect Women Juice.”
Holy Shit. One of the employees was actually writing notes. The man looked serious, nodding at everything Charles said.
“Next up, at Number 4, we have Dr. Facilier from the Princess and the Frog movie! That song with that one line? “Won’t you shake a poor sinner’s hand”? Literal shivers. Plus he’s a doctor, so like double hotness points for that. Also magic.”
The picture of Dr. Facielier did look very sexy.
“Next up, Maleficent. Even without the live-action remake, she’s so hot. Everyone’s a simp for her, and if you aren’t, you’re a liar.”
“Next, at Number 2, Scar. No, I’m not a furry. Yes, I would still fuck him if he was a human. That delicious voice, the power and deviousness, the DILF energy, he’s the evil brother overthrowing the King.”
Why was that man still taking down notes. What the fuck.
And finally, at Number 1, we have a tie. Any questions so far?”
The man raised his hand, “Yeah, hi. Why aren’t older women like Mother Gothel or the Evil Queen included in this list?”
“Thank you for that insightful question, dear audience. That is because their entire villainy revolved around looking younger or prettier. We give vain villains no recognition for their beauty, and encourage them to look for less stupid motives next time. Any other questions?”
The room was silent.
“Okay well, continuing, at Number 1, we have, drumroll please,” he paused as an actual drumroll played, “Queen Narissa and Jafar! If you don’t know who Queen Narissa is, she’s the queen from Ella Enchanted, and she looks like this,” he gestured behind him. She was indeed quite hot. “And Jafar! God the things I would let that man do to me. Tall, ambitious, stylish, has power and knows it, manipulative, sexy, the list goes on and on.”
One of the older men coughed uncomfortably. Aw, was the poor wittle white guy uncomfortable with gay people? Sucks to be him, then.
“And that concludes my presentation. For any questions, be sure to reach out to me at [email protected]. Thank you for your time, and goodbye!”
That was fun. They turned around to leave, shaken tour guide in tow, when she heard MJ curse.
“Peter’s missing.”
What the fuck Peter.