for Pepper Freaking Potts and Chad
“Good Morning Peter, Boss has been expecting you.”
Oh okay. Cindy was not going to lose her mind. Everything was fine. This was a totally normal thing for a super-intelligent AI to say. Not at all cliche and ominous and super-villainy. Everything was totally a-okay.
Not that Iron Man was a supervillain to anyone except the people trying to get insurance for superhero fights. She had seen so many people crying because their car had been thrown at a fifty-foot-tall Godzilla, or their apartment had been completely wrecked by the Scarlett Witch and Captain America. And now apparently, the people who are just trying to live without Tony Stark tearing down their neighbourhoods.
The tour guide, some guy named Chad (who honest-to-god looks at a baby and names it Chad?) was super surprised about the whole Skynet-talking-to-a-teen thing, though.
“Peter, huh? Must be someone special to Stark. Where did he pick you up from?”
What an asshole.
That sleazy tone, that disdain and implicit disgust, the lack of respect for someone with two degrees and three doctorates, this guy was just oozing Frat Boy Chad everywhere. Even MJ, with her contempt for the Marxist bourgeoisie, called him “Dr. Stark”, or at the very least, “Mr Stark.” And was this guy implying Peter was, ugh, sleeping with Mr. Stark?
Dis-gust-ing.
Evidently, Peter agreed, “I’m not some escort, bro. I’m literally a high-schooler.”
“Then did you hack the AI for a petty prank? You should know, that we here at Stark industries don’t take kindly to breaches in our security for silly little things like showing off to your friends.”
Even the guard looked at him sceptically.
Flash sneered at the man, utilizing every inch of Spoilt Rich Kid in his arsenal. He spoke very slowly as if talking to an idiot, “Hack? This is Stark Industries. Penis isn’t smart enough to hack the world’s smartest AI successfully. Are you seriously this stupid?”
Chad was slowly turning red. Fascinating.
Peter ignored the creep as they all piled into a gleaming elevator. He then looked at the ceiling like he was talking to God.
“Hi FRIDAY. I’m just here for a field trip. I promise I’ll be gone after today, there’s no need to inform Mr. Stark. I-I’m not going to wander, or step into any confidential labs, or talk to anyone I shouldn’t be talking to. Heck, I promise I won’t willingly step foot in any Stark Property after today. See? No need to tell him.”
“I’m sorry Peter, but I must inform someone of Alpha Clearance any time an entity on the No-Admittance list is in a five-meter radius of Stark Industries.”
“What about Ms. Romanoff? You could tell her?”
“The individual in question must be in the building or in the city itself.”
“Uh, what about Rhodey?” Peter was getting desperate.
“Colonel James Rhodes is currently at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware.”
“Pep- no, not Pepper, she’d tell Tony. FRIDAY, don’t make me do this. I’m begging you. Please. Don’t make me do something drastic. I won’t be able to hold back, I know I won’t.”
The AI -FRIDAY- was silent. Then, she spoke, “I calculate a 86% chance of this going wrong for you Peter, are you sure you want to do this?”
Her voice had lost all its warmth.
Peter didn’t notice though. He almost collapsed in relief, “Yes, yes thank you FRIDAY. I promise I’ll leave as soon as I can.”
“You’re welcome, Peter. However, I am not just doing this for you. I have a duty to the residents of this Tower, and should you threaten their safety, I will not hesitate to remove you from the premises forcefully.”
Peter just hummed an acknowledgement, like it wasn’t fucking crazy that Iron Man’s AI thought he was a big enough threat to be taken seriously. What the hell did Peter do in his free time?
Mr Harrington looked three seconds away from an aneurysm. Poor guy.
Here’s the thing. Cindy simped for Tony Stark -who didn’t?- and was also very deeply immersed in what experts called the fandom. She simped for the man in that distant, fandom sort of way where people wrote shitty Stony or Iron Winter fanfiction.
But everyone knew how vicious fandoms could be, and how brutally they could turn on each other. Hell hath no fury like a fangirl scorned, right? Well, she was going to make Tony Stark regret the day he was born. After all, she was the best of the best, wasn’t she?
She felt a grin spread across her face. It probably look unhinged, with the way the security guard and tour guide were edging away from her. Oh well, at least her Acadec Team was as feral and chaotic as her. Their faces also looked giddily evil. She adored them, honestly. Fucking gremlins.
God, planning this out had been so much fun. They had drawn chits to see who would drink something radioactive this time or fall into a vat of toxic waste. Peter couldn’t, obviously, not after the Osborn Disaster (people don’t just develop abs and lose their specs in a day, Peter). The employees here also genuinely knew and liked him, and they weren’t going to jeopardize that. They were here to ruin Mr. Stark’s reputation, not Peter’s. Charles was out, he had a health condition and they weren’t looking to kill him with the weirdest death ever.
Abe had drawn the chit with the hastily scrawled neon green skull on it. He had seemed oddly cheered by the prospect. Weirdo.
The bell chimed for the third floor. Weird, the guy had been talking through her internal monologue, and she was pretty sure he had said they were headed to the Legal department on the fifth floor first.
And then, in walked the most badass, gorgeous woman on the planet. Ohmygosh, it was HER. Cindy was going to combust on the spot.
Pepper Potts’ heels clicked in the most empowering and badass-sounding way as she walked into the elevator, not looking up from the file she was reading. Had she even noticed them?
Apparently not, because she glanced up from the papers and looked visibly startled to see a group of teenagers staring into her soul. She recovered remarkably quick though. With a probably practised perfect smile, she greeted them, not minding the surly replies she got back at all.
And then she noticed Peter.
God, her smile was so much more pretty when it was real and relieved and sort of sheepish-looking. Cindy internally swooned. That right there, theydies and gentlethem, was a breathtaking specimen of a woman. Powerful, assertive, in charge of major wealth and power, yet still pretty and genuine and down-to-earth. She was in love.
Ms Potts swooped down to give her classmate a hug, whom she was totally jealous of, and pulled back to stare at him in the eyes. They had some sort of silent conversation through eyebrows and eyes which she even more jealous of, because having a secret language with Pepper Freaking Potts was like, life goals, and she asked him,
“Do you know what happened in the week I was gone to Hong Kong? FRIDAY refuses to tell me and Tony’s locked himself in the lab for a while now. He’s also drinking again, which is a bad sign. I was hoping you could talk to him and help him sort out whatever’s been bothering him.”
Peter chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. Sheesh, was he going to have to tell Pepper Freaking Potts he was banned from Stark Industries?
Apparently yeah.
“Uhm. Ms. Potts -” “call me Pepper, Peter” “-Pepper, I’m actually not supposed to be here? It’s kind of my fault Mr. Stark’s in his lab, we had this huge fight and he banned me from all Stark-owned buildings? So uhm, yeah. I had to convince FRIDAY not to tell him I’m here on a field trip or immediately eject me from the building.”
Oh shit, he was avoiding eye contact with her. She also looked like she wanted to shake him and demand answers but was holding back because they had an enraptured audience. Pepper Freaking Potts took a deep breath and also turned to the ceiling as if to talk to God.
“Hm. I see. FRIDAY, does it count if I am now aware of Peter’s presence in the Tower?”
“Yes, Boss Lady, as you have Alpha Clearance.”
“Thanks, darling. Peter, we’ll figure this out okay? For today, just try to relax. I won’t tell Tony. Go have fun on your trip, act your age for once. “
“Thanks Ms. Po- Pepper.”
The elevator reached the fifth floor. Ms. Potts walked out to some office, presumably, and a very shaken and pale Chad led them out, Oh right, he’d been there the whole time. Sue her, she didn’t make a point of remembering assholes.
Anyways, yada yada yada, something something, the backbone of every company, something something important, Chad droned on and on like he was trying to bore them all to death. Even he looked bored. There were much better ways to introduce the legal department, even Cindy could make a better speech off the top of her head. Legal was where all the fun stuff happened, where they valiantly fought against General Ross and the neighbour next door alike. Where no issue was left unturned, where people battled not for glory, but for land and money and power. Where lips were sealed with NDAs and money passed hands so often you couldn’t tell who it belonged to.
See? She should become a professional tour writer.
“Hey kid, you look familiar.”
The heads of everyone in their group snapped to the new voice. It was some dude, peering suspiciously at Peter, who just looked confused. Poor guy.
“Me, sir? I-I’m Peter, Peter Parker.”
The man snapped his fingers. “Peter Passport Parker! Yeah! I remember you!”
Peter Passport Parker? What the fuck?
Apparently, Peter had conveyed the same feeling pretty well, because the guy just started rambling, “Y’know, I thought it was super weird at the time. Still do, but back then I was new and didn’t realize all the weird shit that came with this job. Still, when Tony Stark himself shows up at your desk and asks you to find a passport and visa for some kid within an hour, you fucking do it right? He didn’t care if they were forgeries or fakes or whatever as long as they did the job, which was super fucking weird. And illegal. Anyways, that’s not a face you forget. Hello Peter, glad to make your acquaintance.”
Peter looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
Which, mood, but not the point right now.
Illegal passports? Forgeries?
What the fuck Peter?