Fallout
Numbness overtook your senses, a catatonic like state all you currently knew. Looking up at the sky, you could almost forget, almost pretend like the world had not been altered in any way by the foul deeds you and Halbrand had committed. For the sky was unchanged, the rich pale blue a serene background for the white clouds that danced underneath it. Blissfully ignorant of the devastation that had taken place below. You could not form any original thoughts. Only the memories of last night replayed behind your eyes, flashing at you with every blink. If you closed your eyes for too long you would be truly lost to their madness. You wanted to leave your body behind. You didn't deserve it any longer.
You felt a hand run over your arm, followed by the most beautiful face entering your sight. Halbrand hovered above you, eclipsing the sun such that a halo glowed around his head. He moved his hand to your face, gently stroking your cheek. Sending down a warm smile that didn't match his forlorn eyes, you watched his lips form your name but you didn't hear it spoken. You stared blankly up at him, all feeling long gone. Even if you could speak, you wouldn't know what to say. Your actions had done all the talking, no need to reiterate a single thing.
Halbrand uttered your name once more, and you let the sound of it enter your ears, his tone brimming with concern for you. Though still you did not respond, did not move, focusing all of your energy on not blinking, on keeping your eyes open. Your breathing was slow and long, and you could have happily fallen back asleep, finding your escape from reality. However you knew what awaited you, what nightmares would now haunt you until your dying day. The final expression frozen on the barmaid's severed head, contorted by fear and shock, her eyes piercing your soul like the axe you had struck her down with.
"Come back to me... come on... please, my love..." Halbrand implored you, fresh tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." he cried, leaning down to place a loving kiss on your forehead. You gave him nothing, for there was nothing in you left to give. You were not angry with him of course, you couldn't be. This was just the way things were. This was your life, a never-ending war between the light and the dark. You didn't blame Halbrand, you only blamed your father. But yet, Sauron was responsible for your father's cruel ideologies and his malicious intentions. And here was the dark lord before you now, struggling to keep to the altruistic path he was adamant of staying on. Sauron is no more, you told yourself, the numbness starting to lift. With Halbrand there is hope. The words of your love echoed through your mind, and suddenly you burst into tears. Hope seemed far away, even as your love gazed down at you, no trace of the evil within him to be seen. What hope could there be for either of you now?
Halbrand pulled you up to him, and you clung to him in your fear, wailing in agony over his shoulder. He held you tightly, a hand at the back of your head, keeping you close to him. Nothing was said, and you cried until your voice went hoarse, your sobs making breathing difficult. Within Halbrand's embrace was the only solace imaginable, and you felt you didn't deserve even that, yet you did not loosen your grip of him.
"Kill me..." you eventually said, once your sobs started to subside. "You must kill me, Halbrand." You were giving up. He pulled back, taking your face in his hands, staring intently into your eyes, the look he wore the most serious of any you had seen on him. "Then the darkness would truly win. For it does not care who it takes, only that it takes. And I would die without you by my side... I would not bear it." His voice broke slightly as he spoke, undoubtedly the thought of a world without you threatened to ruin him.
"Maybe it would be better that way... for Middle-earth if we... if we no longer existed." You could not believe the words you were saying, it was as if someone was speaking for you, through you. Your life and your thoughts of death were two very separate things, yet somehow they coexisted in this moment. "No." Halbrand was defiant, determined. "We have to keep believing that the good we will do will outweigh the evil. It has to. It must. Only you and I can restore this world, keep it in the light. There are still other forces of darkness we must yet defeat. We must live, my love, we must live."
You heard the words he spoke, but you refused to let them sink in, for your grief, your hatred for yourself was too great. Death seemed like the answer to all your problems, even if it meant being parted from Halbrand forever. At least you would see your mother again. However, you decided to quell these damaging thoughts, for now, choosing to live not for yourself, but for your king. For while you were seemingly willing to fade away from him, you knew how much that would destroy him. He would certainly remain in the darkness then, where light would never touch him, itself afraid of being extinguished.
Halbrand rested his forehead against your own, his thumbs wiping away the tears that now fell silently from your eyes. He then bestowed upon you a kiss, and it was pure, filled with love, a gesture that reinforced his words, almost as if he was keeping you alive with his lips. You returned his touch, letting him know your love for him had not wavered, and that you would be okay. Although you were deceiving him slightly, for you did not know if you would ever be okay. But you needed him to believe it.
He rose to his feet, helping you up as he did so, wincing in pain from his wounds. He was going to need medicine soon. "Let us leave this place behind. Our arrival in Pelargir must come quick, lest anyone tries to stop us along the way. I'm sure word of what we've done here will reach her soon."
Galadriel.
"As nefarious as our crimes have been, Halbrand, I doubt the ruining of a small village will have her take notice."
"Unless she knows exactly where we are going." He was right, of course he was right. The she-elf knows Halbrand, knows Sauron. Knows where he would be headed.
"But surely Galadriel would think you would be headed back to the Southlands, to the mountain."
"Which is why we make for Pelargir instead. Not only to stave off a fight, but to prove to the elf somehow that we can be saved. I will assume my throne as king of the Southlands, and once my people are behind me, there will be nothing we cannot do."
"But what if the truth is already known to them?" you wondered aloud, concerned. "And the path we must take will lead us close to Orodruin... if Galadriel catches us before we ride south to Pelargir-"
"She won't, not yet. Galadriel will catch us when I let her. Have faith, my love." Giving your forehead a quick kiss, he took your hand in his and you began to search the charred hamlet for any food or supplies, and for your horses, expecting them to have either died or run away. There was not much left of course, you had both made sure of that, though you managed to find a small sack of potatoes, and some bread that rested on a metal plate behind the ruins of the tavern. Soon you came upon one of your steeds, it was Halbrand's, as you recognised the bag attached to the saddle. It wasn't tied down to anything, just wandering around the outskirts of the village aimlessly, as if waiting for its rider. Halbrand gave it a loving pat before mounting it. "Wait here." he asked, and you nodded, watching him gallop away to find your horse. Only a handful of minutes passed before he returned to you, shaking his head. "I found no trace of him." You prayed he had escaped the fire, and imagined him running through the plains and over hills, back to Eregion, a small comfort amidst this harrowing day.
"We're going to have to make do with one horse. Come." he said, offering a hand to help you. As you took your place behind him, you couldn't help but think back to your ride into the elven city only days ago, and how you had been scared yet comforted by the thought of losing your love yet having him so close. Now you wrapped your arms around him, resting your head against his back as the horse took off, speeding away finally from the wreckage you both had caused, that same feeling returning, only now, it was tinged with a greater aching of your heart.
You rode back past the rock formation that should've been where you slept, stopping briefly to grab what you had left behind in your hurry to catch Halbrand. Continuing southward, you urged your love to pass through some woods up ahead, there you would surely find the athelas you needed to heal him fully. The horse slowed to a walk to help you better see what lay on the ground around you. After almost an hour of searching through bark and brush, your eyes located the prize you sought. "Finally." Halbrand brought your animal to a stop, and the two of you dismounted, with you hastily making for the white blossoms and their rich green leaves surrounding. Kneeling down, your dress sadly discovering some mud, you pulled out your dagger. Slicing off a decent amount from the ground, you stuffed it inside your bag, for more would likely be required during the remainder of the journey.
The sound of Halbrand's steps approached you and he sat down beside you, unfazed by the damp ground. "How's the pain?" you asked him.
"Better, but not gone." he said, placing a lingering kiss on your shoulder.
"Remove your clothes." you asked, crushing a portion of the herb within your fists.
Halbrand couldn't help but smirk at your request. "Yes, my lady." In pulling off the fabric, a pained gasp escaped him, and the wound just underneath his left shoulder caught your focus. The cauterisation had worked, but the injury was weeping, and had reddened around its borders. "Turn for me?" He did as you asked, and your inspection of the entry wound proved the urgency of his treatment. It was looking worse than the front.
"I'm sorry, Halbrand, but this is going to sting." you warned him, before gently applying it first to his back, greatly disliking the sound of his wincing. Once it was rubbed in, you turned him to face you, placing the second fistful of crushed athelas on the exit wound, its sweet healing scent now filling the air. Halbrand bit his lip in an attempt to muffle his groaning, his eyes scrunched, revealing the little crows feet that jutted out from either side of them. The more you massaged the herb in, the more his face started to soften, and he soon relaxed completely. Yet there was pain still in his eyes that his mind refused to hide, and he gazed at you with worry. Lifting a hand up to your face, he brushed some stray strands of hair behind your ear.
"You're not okay... are you?" Finishing his question with your name, he had spoken slowly, as if he did not want to reach the answer, knowing it would be one he wished not to hear. Before a sentence could form in your mind, your tears betrayed you as they silently fell, and Halbrand caught one with his thumb, wiping it away. "Oh, my love... come here..." You let his warm embrace envelop you, wrapping your arms around his bare torso, nestling into his chest. The tears continued for a while, speaking on your behalf, for you still did not know what to say. Halbrand held you in silence, running his hands gently up and down your back, resting his head atop your own. It wasn't long before the day's light started to fade, the woods growing darker with each passing minute. "We should keep going... time is of the essence." you spoke at last with a sniffle.
"Not until you're alright." spoke your love as if by decree.
"Then we will be waiting until the end of all things." you replied, not seeing a finality to your torment. "I am sorry. This is all just... too much. I feel so lost."
"I've got you." he reminded you ardently.
"That's not enough. Not when... not when we can slip so easily. How do we know it won't happen again?" you questioned him, pulling back to meet his eyes.
Halbrand sighed. "We don't."
"Then is that not enough cause to spare this world of our darkness?"
"I will not let you die!" he screamed at you abruptly, his hands now clasped on your arms. "I am resigned that I am fated to eventually exist in a world without you... many years from now when hopefully it is old age that claims you. I refuse to exist in that world before that day!"
You felt the colour drain from your face in your shock. This was something you had not considered, perhaps not even realised until this moment. Halbrand, Sauron, was not of the same mortal spirit as you. You, a Númenórean woman, would live at least two or three more centuries. But Halbrand... his immortal spirit would never dim and remain beyond the borders of time itself.
"You still love me... wish to stay with me... even though you will eventually lose me?" your voice trembled as you spoke. "And... and have to endure this existence without me?"
He smiled at you slightly, his anger abating. "I wouldn't dream of being anywhere else, and nor would I change a thing. My love for you is proof that all this suffering was worth it. You are the meaning of my life. What it was leading to and all it shall know after you're gone. Our love shall remain, and you with it. In here." He spoke, taking your hand and holding it gently over his heart. You felt it beating. "Such music as this will never end."
"Oh Halbrand..." Your tears of anguish morphed into tears of joy with his words, and suddenly everything felt like it was going to be okay. You claimed his lips in a loving kiss, your love for him an undying flame burning in your heart. It was all you needed. He was all you needed.