The Blacksmith

The next days were the best your relationship had been so far. Your secret was out in the open, and you could both fully be together, not having to worry about sneaking around or being caught any longer. Though part of you missed the thrill that it had brought. Nevertheless you began to properly experience what life would be like, could be like, as the future Queen of the Southlands. Still, it was all very surreal. If someone had told you weeks ago that this would be your fate, you would have laughed in their face. Good things like this just didn't happen to you, your tragic life had taught you that much. You were so used to the pain, the anguish, the heartbreak, that this... some days felt like nothing more than a fantasy. And despite knowing just how much Halbrand adored you, and you were certain you would never part, you couldn't help but begin to expect that darkness was approaching.

And approaching fast it seemed, as the storm that was rising within you was growing stronger and you were finding it harder to keep at bay. It had been over a week since the fleet had departed from Númenor, and over a week since you committed murder. You still had not spoken of it to anyone, not even Halbrand. He would be the only person you would tell regardless, if only you could work up the courage to do so. You wanted to be honest with him about every part of you, and he deserved to know what you were going through. And if you didn't tell him, he would decipher it eventually, as your face would give you away, so better to come from you first.

You had had another nightmare the past evening, another turbulent flash to this wasteland where the dark versions of the two of you reside and rule. In fact it was the third one in as many nights. It was beginning to become more visceral, more intense. You swore you could smell the sulphur in the air, feel the heat on your skin, and taste the ash in your mouth. You truly could not make sense of it, it was all so strange. What did it mean? What could it mean? Was it a premonition, or just your mind warning you of where not to tread? It was the combination of this and the killing that finally compelled you to be frank with your love about what was brimming under the surface. About what was starting to scare you, afraid it would cause you to lose it all.

It was definitely a risk in telling him, but you didn't care. You knew where his heart lay. After breakfast this morning, the nightmare still so fresh in your mind, you let the conversation steer in the direction you needed it to go. "Halbrand, I need to speak with you about something."
His head turned in your direction as he dressed himself for the day ahead. "Yes, my love?"
You sighed, bracing yourself. "It's- it's about the day... it's about how I-"
Knocking on the cabin door halted your words. "May I enter?" It was the voice of Galadriel. Halbrand glanced back at you from the door, asking permission with his eyes. You decided yourself decent enough for company, and nodded silently. "Come, Galadriel." spoke your love. The she-elf entered your quarters, greeting you both good morning. "I hope I'm not interrupting." You and Halbrand exchanged knowing looks at her words, but gave nothing away. It seems the truth was not yet ready to appear.

Soon after, Halbrand departed to speak with Míriel and Elendil. His days at sea, if they weren't with you, were spent in meetings all day, with you left to your own devices. Generally speaking, Galadriel was never with you, always with them, so today was a different case. "Why did you remain with me?" you asked, moments after Halbrand had closed the cabin door behind him.
"Because I fear you might be becoming isolated. You don't leave this room, and when you do, it is only with Halbrand by your side." Galadriel spoke with genuine concern for you. It seems you were friends now after all. She was right though. You hadn't really left the cabin, or the bed that much in your time on the ship, unless with your love. Whilst you felt comfortable being above deck with him, arm in arm, hand in hand, being alone however, just you yourself wandering around was a different situation altogether. This was of course partly due to the shadow looming over your soul, but also for another reason. "Be wary." The last two words Queen Regent Míriel had spoken to you during your very stressful and uneasy first encounter with her. You had not soon forgotten them, nor would you. You couldn't bear the thought of making another mistake and risk getting transferred to another ship or worse, so you had decided it best to stay out of sight, where trouble was hard to find. Especially now that you knew what you were capable of. It was interesting though that Galadriel would notice this in you first before your king.

You sighed and told her half of your truth. "I can still hear the words of the Queen Regent in my ear as if she's just spoken them. ‘Keeping a watchful eye’. ‘Be wary’. She is a most formidable woman. One that I would rather stay out of sight from."
"As someone that has also been described as formidable, I can assure you that despite this, the Queen Regent would never wish for you to feel this way. It is only her station, her duty, that has lead this action against you. If you would come out of this bed, perhaps you would glimpse that." Galadriel spoke firmly, her wise words making her point hard to unsee.
"Has Halbrand spoken to you on this matter? Because he has shown no concern."
"You know he cares."
"Yes I do. But it just strikes me as odd that you are here right now having this discussion with me instead of him. He usually reads me so well. Unless he requested you do so in his stead?"
Galadriel pondered her response briefly before she gave it to you. "He didn't ask me, but I offered."
You scoffed at her in reply. "Unbelievable. Does he not think he can keep our matters between us?"
The she-elf spoke your name with caution, "I offered to speak with you because I too also care for you. It was my idea, and Halbrand wanted no part in it, but I insisted. I pray you, do not be ill with him."

You sighed reluctantly, letting go of your rising temper. "I won't be. As long as you tell him to speak with me this evening about it. When did he first mention it to you?"
"Two sunrises ago."
You acknowledged her without words, and felt tears forming in your eyes. Seeing this, Galadriel moved closer to you, resting a soft hand on your face. "Do not fret nor fear. You are among friends." After a moment of letting your sadness and frustration wash over you, you found the words to explain it.
"I just didn't expect to go from watching out for my father to watching out for my queen." you uttered, voice trembling. She pulled you into an embrace then, and it was unlike one you had ever received before. The elven touch was of a different kind, somehow more soothing, more gentle than the touch of a mortal. "Your father is not here. You are safe." she spoke, then broke away from you, but letting her hand fall into your own. You squeezed it tight. "I think some fresh air might do you some good, yes?" offered Galadriel. You nodded, a smile pushing past the sorrow that was starting to overwhelm.

Whilst you were disappointed in Halbrand for not confronting you directly with his concerns, you realised you couldn't fully be displeased with him. For you still had not shared your secret, and you had been so close only minutes before. You agreed to step outside with Galadriel, and she was right, the sea breeze was a cool balm that eased the ache within you. The scent of salt water filled your nose, and you breathed it in peaceful and deep. The sea is always right after all.

After an hour or so had passed, Galadriel was summoned away to join your love in the meeting. Despite the overwhelming urge to retreat back to where you thought it was safest, you actually braved the deck of the ship solo. At one point, you even caught the eye of the Queen Regent herself as she exited her cabin in the distance. To your surprise, she smiled at you. Maybe it had all been in your head then? The paranoia of other things infiltrating rational thoughts and situations? Given all you'd experienced, this was not surprising. You smiled back at her, but chose to remain wary. It was what your queen had commanded.

Shortly following this, you wandered around to the stern of the ship, and found an area tucked away in a corner, slightly secluded, not far from the entrance to the cargo hold where you had first stowed away. You laid down on the cool wood, staring up into the heavens for hours, watching the colour of the sky alter itself as the sun and the moon prepared to switch places. The pink, orange, and red hues gave way to the blackness of the night, illuminated by the stars of course, and what spectacular stars they were. You could see the light of Eärendil near the horizon just before the moon began to rise.

"There you are!" came Halbrand's voice from across the deck. You smiled at the sound of it, but did not move from your place. Instead you listened as his footsteps quickly found you, and he called out your name.
"Hi." you replied dreamily, all ill feeling forgotten from earlier, and you gazed up at the face of your love now framed by the stars. He shot you a small smile, then took his place at your side, laying on the wood with you, interlocking your fingers as he did so. You felt his eyes upon you, but you remained fixed on what was above. "You're outside? Alone? Are you well, my love?" Halbrand seemed a bit shocked to see you like this, but not at all displeased.

"I am very well. Thank you." You pulled his hand to your lips and kissed it gently. You sighed having missed the taste of him all day.
"I hope you are not unhappy with me. I told that elf-"
"The last thing I am with you is unhappy. She only spoke with me because she cared. I just wish you would have talked to me first."
"But I could see, nay, feel the anguish from within you, to my very core. I was unsure how to proceed. Forgive me. I am still only recently in the queen's good graces myself."
"Oh?" You propped yourself up on one elbow, finally facing him.
"You remember I told you our arrival in Númenor didn't exactly start us on the best of footing."
"I do. I also remember hearing a rumour that the reason you got locked up was due to a street brawl."
"They started it."
"Ah hah! So it is true!" you exclaimed with enthusiasm. "They were part of the smithing guild, were they not?"
Your love shut his eyes and sighed, not liking where the conversation was headed. He just nodded at you.
"Then how exactly did you earn your guild crest, low man?" you teased him playfully.

"Right. That's enough out of you." As Halbrand uttered these words, he immediately planted himself on top of you, pinning you down, your arms above your head. His eyes found your neck. "Mmmm... the mark of the king." he spoke, observing the deep red and purple bruising that was only now starting to fade. "Do people stare when you walk past? Do they see the proof that you are mine? My queen." His voice was seductive and his breath becoming heated as he crashed his lips into yours, his tongue swiftly caressing you. He pulled away after a moment, moving closer to your ear. "How about we balance the scales...?" This whisper, the air from his lungs, the way they brushed your flesh this close was setting you alight. He sucked on your earlobe briefly, before biting down on where your neck was unbruised, and the pain, the pleasure from nights earlier had returned.

It burned so deliciously, and the sounds you made, your response to him, you didn't know if you were wincing or sighing. The two opposing feelings were twisting themselves up inside you, like representatives of the light and darkness within, fighting to take control. You didn't know which sensation you enjoyed more, his soft wet tongue lapping up your flesh, or his devilish teeth your skin was at the whim of. Halbrand moaned into you, clearly satisfying himself, his free hand wandering along your body, exploring every inch of you he could reach. Suddenly his gasps increased, his motions on your neck more rapid. It was driving you wild. "Kiss me, Halbrand." you panted, asking because your hands were not yours currently.

His obliging was immediate, but as his tongue slipped past your lips this time, something was different. A rustic, metallic taste hit you, and you knew it to be only one thing: blood. Your blood. He had pierced your skin. Your body fought with itself then. To give in to the darkness or come back to the light? The former was too strong to overcome, given your already aroused state, and you kissed him desperately, the danger driving you, begging you for more. But all changed after a few moments. "You taste... divine..." uttered your love in between touches. It was Halbrand that spoke but you heard someone else underneath his words. Something dark layered within his voice that was new to you. It had twisted itself around the sound of him, and suddenly fear took hold. You forced him off of you then, backing quickly away further into the corner you had called home all day.

"What's wrong?" Halbrand's voice was whole again, singular, as you had known it to be. The moonlight now high above illuminated him, revealing his bloodstained mouth. He saw your eyes lock on it, but he let it linger a few more moments, before casually wiping it away with his hand. He seemed unfazed by it, only concerned with your reaction. "I'm-I'm-," you were stammering, struggling to speak. Afraid of what he would say back. "I'm not sure I like that."
Halbrand let out a small chuckle. "Hmm funny, the second your blood hit your tongue... your actions speak otherwise, my love." He called you his love but there was no trace of it in his tone. The fear was really sinking in now.
"Don't." Was all you could manage. Halbrand chuckled again.

"Who are you?" you asked him, terrified of the answer.
"You know who I am." he responded, void of emotion.
"No I don't. You refuse to tell me anything about who you are. About how you ended up on that raft with Galadriel! About your royal heritage! Hell, even about how you learned smithing!" Your voice rose in your fury, finally letting out your frustrations, not realising the mystery of Halbrand had been bothering you this much. "About how when you lay with me... that is the only time I'm with the true you."

"Well, since we are on the subject of secrets," he began, crawling towards you, "I'm not the only one with something to share." He stopped, his face no more than an inch from your own. You had nowhere to go. "You show me yours, and I'll show you mine." You felt the colour drain from your face as you remembered that only this morning, when things had seemed so perfect, you were on the verge of finally telling him what you did and what was inside of you. However now, you were too petrified to speak, and did not want to give him anymore satisfaction. Halbrand laughed, almost maliciously at you. He then rose to his feet, backing away, not letting you from his sight. "That's what I thought."

Frozen still, you remained there as if you had merged with the wood of the ship itself. After a moment, Halbrand's face softened slightly, and turned shameful. His mouth slightly agape, he backed away from you further until he left you behind, alone. Tears did not waste any time in streaming down your cheeks, and the only sounds in the air were of the waves and your teardrops hitting the deck. Eventually you rose to your feet, shaking and cold. You knew it best to take shelter than to wait the remainder of the night topside for the sun to come up. However instead of returning to the place you knew to be the safest, for it was no longer so, you found yourself at Galadriel's door.

Rapping on the wood gently, you didn't have to wait long to gain entrance. You collapsed into her arms and broke down into sobs the moment you passed her threshold. She closed the door behind you, and led you over to her bed, where she proceeded to hold you for what felt like an age.