Werelizard or someone should have been clearer about that scientist’s midlife crisis: That serial killer incident in Michigan or why the newest starkphone still works if it spends a month under water, marvel cinematic universe, numb3rs (tv) fanfic

dance_the_code

author

Characters

Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Billy Cooper

Tags

Crack Treated Seriously Food

Summary

William “Billy” Cooper is the best fugitive recovery agent the FBI ever had. They never sent him after someone he couldn’t recover. Just occasionally they needed to provide a little more information on exactly who or potentially what, was needing to be recovered. Agent Cooper does not have the appropriate handcuffs for these shenanigans.

Note

So Lady E and I have this absolutely crackish head canon about Agent Billy Cooper and his life as a fugitive recovery agent. That crack includes some choice moments of interesting crossovers, such as this Agent Cooper would totally be sent after Bruce and would have no idea that the Hulk is a thing.Lady E, it’s a rainy fall day, it’s cold, and I don’t have class. So, for the nostalgia of our undergrad days, I give you fic because I had time to write fic. Which is what we did on rainy cold fall days when we didn’t have class. Hope this improves your day.

That serial killer incident in Michigan or why the newest starkphone still works if it spends a month under water.

May 1, 2025 at 02:08 AM

Tony Stark was concerned.

Cooper was MIA.

Not just out of range, actually MIA.

And had been for an entire month.

JARVIS was unable to track Cooper’s cellphone.

It hadn’t pinged for an entire month. A month during which Tony had sent text messages, funny pictures, left voicemails.

Cooper had a dangerous job, Tony knew that, but still…there should be something, somewhere that would say if Cooper was seriously injured or…dead. Actually, if any of the things happened, Tony would get an alert, because he had a tiny little back door program he’d attached to Cooper’s personnel file at the FBI that would send him one if Cooper filed anything medical related or the bureau filed anything medical related for him.

Nothing.

Tony sighed and poked at the FBI’s internal files….again, because he had been doing this every couple days and it was always the same…nothing….nothing….nothing…nothing….

And then a requisition request for a new cellphone.

Tony sat up and read the request avidly.

Reason for requisition: cellphone went over the side of a boat during recovery of the third victim of the ice-fishing-killer, case number 32749573. Unrecoverable.

Tony accessed the case file. Cooper had been chasing a fugitive near the Canadian border, recovered the guy, made some friends with local LEOs, was invited out for ice fishing. Didn’t catch a fish. Not sure if this was really a thing that even could happen with a frozen lake, but did hook a body. Local LEO recovery dive team went down to have a look, found a series of bodies. Serial killer dumping ground. In the process of pulling up the victims, Cooper’s cellphone went over the side of the boat, never to be seen again. Cooper worked the case, solved it, caught the guy, went on his way. The requisition request was made when he made it back to a proper FBI office and then it took another week before it made its way through the bureaucracy and Cooper was given a stern lecture on government property and then a new phone.

Tony texted the new number.

‘How about a week in Malibu? No ice unless you want it in a glass and no fish.’

He set to work on a new Starkphone that could spend a month underwater and still function.

Cooper texted back.

‘Sounds good. Let me know when and I’ll be there.’